The times you said/did what you wanted to SCs

[Gabrielle Proctor]

though it is kinda fun to replace "now" with "meow"

I just lost it at that part of the movie. I was on the floor clutching my ribs because they hurt so much from laughing.

Back on topic: I always sneakily get back at SC's. If they are enabling their kid to be a complete brat, I tell them that we don't have a public restroom when the hell spawn suddenly has to go, forcing them to leave the store. Or, if they have a purchase that is higher on the tag than it is in our database, I charge them the price on the tag. I call it the "jerk tax".

The things that I do may seem evil, but "no public restroom" is now a store policy as well as charging the price on the tag even if it is higher than the price in our system.

So, it would be more accurate to say that if you are nice to me, I will bend the store rules for you and possibly give you a "discount" by keeping true to the database price. I might even throw in a free balsa glider for your kids if they behave. And if there aren't other kids in the store, I'll let them use our employee bathroom.

I say that because if we have a whole gaggle of chilluns running about, you know about half of them are going to have to go "real bad" eventually. If I let one kid go, I have to let them all go. Next thing you know, we're losing customers due to the stench caused by one kid who decided to miss the toilet while dropping a stinker(the reason our restroom was closed to the public to begin with).

[Eric the Grey]

Being on a corporate helpdesk, I have some freedom when it comes to my SCs.

My favorite was on a Friday night, while I was running the week-end database maintenance. This process kicks all uses (except admins) off the system and cleans up the databases (truncating something...). Anyway, this can take anywehere from 5 to 35 minutes (the longest I've seen it run).

This particular Friday, I get a call from one of our plants:

IG = Irritated Shipping Guy
Me = duh!

Me = Spiel.
IG: Hi, this is <first name> from <plant location>. When the Sam Hell is the system going to be back up? I have a truck waiting to leave the dock and I can't print the f**king bills.
Me: Well, <first name> What is your last name?
IG: What difference does it make? I need to get this truck out of here!
Me: WHAT... IS... YOUR... LAST... NAME?!?
IG: <last name> . . .
Me: Thank you.
IG: *very mildliy* Am I going to get in trouble?
Me: Not if you stop with the language RIGHT NOW!

I then go on to explain that even though we do this process every week, we cannot control how long it'll take, and it's just taking much longer than normal and that if the truck was in such a rush to get moving, they could always hand-write the bills so they could get him out of there. Either that, or wait patiently for the system to finish.

Luckily, for the most part, we don't have many problems with this. Everyone at the plants pretty much knows about this, although I get the occasional call wondering why they can't log into the system...


Eric the Grey

[cellconnect89]

A guy was pissing me off so much at the store, obviously wanting something for nothing. I was trying to politely imply to him that we are in BUSINESS to make MONEY. He wouldn't get it. Finally I snapped.

"Sir, you can't get anything for free. You must pay for service you use. We're not the welfare office."

I couldn't believe my brain-to-mouth filter failed me like that. I'm known to be the one to take the heat from a customer and not really react to it in a hostile way. Therefore, my coworkers were kinda stunned I said it.

Ever since that time, i've also told a customer "This isn't Heaven," when I was implying that he can't get everything he wants.

I also asked a customer if he would blame his cable company if his TV wouldn't turn on. (He would not, for the life of him, understand the concept of a MANUFACTURER'S warranty...that WE, as his cellular service provider, provide the SERVICE to his phone, while the MANUFACTURER is responsible for the warranty of the phone itself). I felt the need to correct his gravely ignorant rants about the cellular company

[bigpedaler]

A few years ago, I was talking to a 'lady' on the phone; she had a problem with a $99 bike she's gotten for $75 at our store (returned/repaired; can't charge full price for a bike visibly 'used'). I offered to fix the problem for her, as I am a mechanic and that's what I do, but she didn't want to have to make the trip in with the bike unless she was getting a new one for that price.

She:"$75 is a lot of money for a bike!"
Me: "Ma'am, the crank on my bike cost $75, that's not a lot for a whole bike."
She: "Well, I'm happy for you." Click.

Fifteen minutes later, I get paged to the manager's office. She has called back to speak to a manager, who 'chews me out' for saying that to a customer. All the time, the mgr. is trying not to laugh as he's telling me this.

So, when the issue came up again a few months ago, I modified my answer a bit:

"Ma'am, I'm not trying to be a wise guy here, but the brakes on my bike cost more than that -- it may be a big piece of your budget, but it's not a lot of money for this bike. After all, you do get what you pay for."

She bought the bike.

[otakuneko]

You know what? I actually think that was very nice of you. The lady obviously didn't have any confidence with herself until you gave her a little boost.

True. It's still surprising in hindsight, given the thick skin and emotional detachment I was pretty much forced to develop in that job and the time at which that call occurred. I truly felt that, in order to not go insane, I pretty much had to not care about the person on the phone.

All that mattered was my handle time (on DSL) and "quality score" (on FIOS, less so on DSL).

That was actually a slight gaffe. "Goddamnit" is pretty tame as swears go, but his asinine attitude was disruptive, so it fit.

That's tame?
The final straw that led to my firing was "Aw hell."

[Chromatix]

I've never bought an "expensive" bike, but I also stay away from the very cheap ones. I think my most recent one cost about $500 (after conversion) all told, and it works very well - I even put a trailer on it to move most of my stuff (in many instalments) several miles.

A $100 special probably wouldn't have a quarter of the gears I need, only one brake, and would fall apart within a thousand miles. By comparison anyway.

[CancelMyService]

I also asked a customer if he would blame his cable company if his TV wouldn't turn on.

They do, all the time. Cable is the #1 cause of TVs breaking you know. Because they "worked yesterday" which means they could never possibly break in the future. Unless they get hooked up to cable boxes.


Back on topic, my personal favorite snap at a SC was when I get an especially obnoxious entitlement whore who starts playing the "you are bad at your job because you won't cave in to me" routine. Telling me I'm not good at my job is a pet peeve of mine since I take pride in being one of the best (IMO ) in my call center. He started with the "you're not willing to help me with my problem" BS to which I shot back "the issue is that I'm not telling you what you want to hear and you're taking that to mean I don't want to help you". I could hear the hamster on the wheel in his brain screeching to a halt.

[Becks]

the first thing she says is "well how is a working girl like me supposed to afford that" and before I could stop myself I said "maybe you could charge the guy more"

Your response is something I would say.