Wherein I derive amusement from sorrow

[Hyndis]

I should've put my drink down before reading the OP!

[jerkface11]

Try Harder.

SC: “Yeah, can I get a cab?”
Me: “I’m sorry, you’re calling the wrong number.”
SC: “It’s not the wrong number.”
Me: “…yes it is.”

You’re going to have to come with a more compelling argument then “Na-uh!” if you’re trying to convince me to make a sudden, drastic change of career to cater to your sorry ass.

You seem to have one of these every week. Maybe you should start telling them that you are dispatching a cab and it should arrive shortly.

[KhirasHY]

I swear, I gotta stop reading these threads on slow nights...I had to walk away 3 times during the post because I couldn't take a breath correctly

TALLYHO! more or less ruined my keyboard. Again.

[Samaliel]

Thanks.

SC “So what time should I call to speak with a real person, not an operator?”

Ah, thanks. I’d almost made it 24 hours without being demeaned as a human being. Can’t have that now can we.

I'm so sorry, but this one almost made me burst with laughter. I was biting my lip so hard trying not to. I feel very sorry for you, Gravekeeper. After the "Whatever" line from last week, it must be hard to cope, but it's somewhat funny. I feel bad laughing at your misfortune...

Wha?

SC: “The fridge is like off or something. I think its broken. I’m a woman, so I don’t know about these things.”

That’s…er…hmm. Wow. There’s so many things wrong with that statement but it’s kind of hard to figure out a way to point them out. Are you actually allowed to be sexist towards your own gender? Don’t they revoke your membership card or something if you do that? At the very least you must lose TV privileges for a while.

You know, I'm a man, and don't know much about fridges either. I have a basic grasp of how it works, I think I could tell if it's broken, but have no idea about how to fix a defective one.

[crazylegs]

I think I could tell if it's broken, but have no idea about how to fix a defective one.

Percussive maintenance is a must.

[Chromatix]

The usual troubleshooting steps for "white goods" are:

- Is it plugged in?

- Is there power getting to the socket it's plugged into?

- Are the controls set correctly?

- Is there a fuse or circuit-breaker that might have blown? (This usually requires moving the machine, but on UK systems there is a fuse in the plug as well.)

- If it still doesn't work, call a professional. Compressors, heaters and heavy-duty motors (which is essentially the works of all "white goods") are not for user servicing.

[Becks]

You know, I have a list that I’m saving for after I retire. It’s a list of people whom I intend to meticulously hunt down, one by one, by whatever means possible, and stab in the left ass cheek with one of those little yellow pokey things you stick in the end of corn on the cob so you can hold it, then twist it and yell “TUT TUT TALLYHO”. Then I will stab them in the right ass cheek and run off into the night squealing "FUCK YA! DOUBLE WORD SCORE!".

When the time comes, may I tag along? :batting eyelashes: I'll hold all the corn stabbers for you.

[clod75]

Skytrain LOL What's the worst station in your opinion? It's a toss up of the one of the Surrey ones and Broadway for me

[Soria]

Good god that was funny.

[Gravekeeper]

Skytrain LOL What's the worst station in your opinion? It's a toss up of the one of the Surrey ones and Broadway for me

Some of the Surrey ones are pretty frightening, but to be honest I'd say Broadway is the worst. Broadway is the central hub of all that is wrong with Vancouver, if there's any group of assholes, idiots or crazies on the Skytrain they're probably getting off at Broadway or if there's none on your Skytrain then they'll be getting on at Broadway to head downtown. To do whatever it is they do down there. Which seems to be either screaming at imaginary animals, blocking the entirety of the sidewalk on Granville completely oblivious to the hundreds of people trying to squeeze by or panhandling for change while listening to their iPod ( I swear one night I will kick one of those kids in the ass. Lazy little bastards. ).

Seriously, GK, if you could just speak these out loud you could leave call-repping forever and make millions as a stand-up comedian. You have a GIFT, man.

I'm not good with large groups. >< I'm actually kinda quiet in person till I get to know people a bit.

You seem to have one of these every week. Maybe you should start telling them that you are dispatching a cab and it should arrive shortly.

I have two accounts that are one number off from cabs and that number is right next to the right number on the phone pad. So I get drunken yahoos mis-dialing it all night on the weekends.

When the time comes, may I tag along? :batting eyelashes: I'll hold all the corn stabbers for you.

Of course, what would a quest be without additional party members? ;p

[clod75]

Last week I had to go to the bank (THREE freaking banks on one intersection! Whose stupid idea is THAT? ok I'm obviously being facetious, but banks... broadway... beggars... sheesh) and I saw my old neighbours teenaged son selling pot at the bus stop OMG

[Gravekeeper]

Last week I had to go to the bank (THREE freaking banks on one intersection! Whose stupid idea is THAT? ok I'm obviously being facetious, but banks... broadway... beggars... sheesh) and I saw my old neighbours teenaged son selling pot at the bus stop OMG

I try not to get off at Broadway. Ever. For any reason. ;p

All the guys that try to sell me pot downtown are hilariously polite about it.

[LewisLegion]

SC: “Alright, Let’s do it!”

…I think you’re misunderstanding the purpose of booking a hotel room here. I don’t actually come with the room nor can I provide you with any additional...er....services. You’re going to have to find some other way to ward of loneliness this evening. However, you are in Las Vegas so I don’t imagine you’ll have much trouble. Although there would be an additional charge ontop of the room rate. Just FYI.

Awww...now I haz a sad.

*pouts and slumps silently away*

[sms001]

Wow. I wonder if folks in Nanuvut have Myspace profiles. I must see if I can search by location. I wonder if they'll have pink camo backgrounds and pimp juice comment boxes.

So far I'm laughing. In twenty minutes I'll be cursing you for putting this idea in my head!

Best one so far:

snoochiboochi
Male
18 years old
Iqaluit, Nunavut
Canada

Watch out ladies! hez a playaa.

[El Pollo Guerrera]

867...?

Me: “Ok, and what’s the product ID number please?”
SC: “Like, you mean, like, the ID number?”

Like, oh my gawd, totally, yes.

Give it, you craven harpy hatchling. Then return to the nest of glitter eyeshadow, Bratz Dolls and Hannah Montana DVD cases from whence you came and resume screeching weak minded idioms at passing boys in the hopes of finding a mate that’s like, totally cool that you can totally gush about on your MySpace to your friends and like OMIGAWD he is soooooo hawt.

This reminds me of an encounter I had with this strange language...

I was renting a game from a video game rental business, and in the line before me were two young males, 10 or 12 years old. They step up to the counter and ask a question that was around a third "like":

"Do you... like... have... like... that game... like... where you like drive around the like city and... like... shoot... like... stuff and like... drive and stuff?"

To be fair, the woman behind the counter was very pretty and wearing a very tight t-shirt, but still you have to try and keep a little composure under a situation like that.