Tweet
Ugh. 3 days into my 5 day week and I'm already ready to drop kick customers. But that would be bad. Or so I must keep reminding myself.
Quick bit of background: I work in a textbook store that serves a couple universities, but one predominantly. It is our seasonal rush period, meaning that the next month or so is going to show an exponential increase in suckage. in fact, it has already begun! Here follow some of the more memorable tales from today:
Ahh, the classics
If I hear one of the following refrains after a textbook scans as invalid (We had a glitch in our ICS, boy was THAT fun...) I'm going to attempt to force feed said book to the cackling hyena across my counter.
"Gee, guess it's free, hahahaha." Um, no.
"Does that mean I get to pick my own price? Teehee!"
"Do I get a discount?" ...why, yes, because I wasted the precious 12 seconds of your life it took for me to type in the 18 digit XREF because my scanner wasn't reading to the computer correctly. ZOMGs!!!!! Let me compensate you right away!!
Feel better?
For the last time, you still have to PAY!
So, my company instituted a new program this semester, called Financial Aid Deferrement plans. Basically, you grab your books, fill out a form, then bring it to the registers. Then, a select few cashiers (Of which I was the ONLY one AT the registers today!) will then ring up your purchase. Rather than paying us immediately, you write a check for the amount and provide back up credit card info (Which is NOT your bank card!). We will then DEFER the payment for a month, meaning we won't deposit the check until 1 month after fall classes have started. The premise behind this is it gives students time for financial aid to post to their accounts, and for it to get in order. Rather than wait weeks for aid, and THEN buy books, students will have their books when they need them. It really is a great program. Until you see the SC translation of it. After consulting various dictionaries, thesaureses (thesauri?), and babelfish, I think I've come up with a rough translation, which is
FREE BOOKS!
Ye gods, people! don't just tell me you have financial aid, then saunter out with $500 worth of textbooks!! You WILL get tackled by our store security guard! And don't look like I just kicked your puppy when I inform you that yes, you WILL have to pay for the books by the end of September! And by all that is holy in your life, don't scream false advertisement at us after we explain the plan. It says DEFERMENT. It means you will have to pay for the books, just not right now. Please please please don't fuck up a good thing for the students who are truly grateful for it!!
Why would this be ok after I just said it wasn't?
Law school started this week, a week earlier than the other undergrad/grad schools in the area. So, there have been an abundance of law students coming in to exchange books or return them because being the brilliant, career minded folk they are, they bought the WRONG books, thinking it'd be ok, or something. I don't pretend to understand. Again, I"m one of the employees who has authorization to process returns. I had these two wonderful examples of future legal expertise come in today.
Incident the First!
SC: Yes, I'd like to return these books, please.
Me: All right, do you have your receipt?
SC: No, I'm afraid I don't.
Me: Well, I can't do anything without a receipt, I'm sorry
SC: No return?
Me: Not without a receipt, I'm sorry.
SC: No exchange?
Me: I can't do ANYTHING without a receipt, sir.
SC: No Store Credit?
Me:
SC: Well, what CAN you do?
Me: Sir, if you can find your receipt, I'd be happy to process your return.
SC: Where, exactly is that policy written!!
Me: <Looking at the myriad signage we have posted around the store, but instead replies> Our refund policy is quite clearly printed at the bottom of your receipt, sir.
SC: <Huffs and leaves>
Incident the second!
Female SC this time.
SC: Yes, I need to return these two law books, please.
Me: All right, ma'am, no problem. May I see your receipt please.
SC: <Vacant stare> Do I really need that?
Me: ...um, yes, you do.
SC: Even if I bought the books here?
Me: <Well how the hell would I know that without your receipt!?!?!> Yes, ma'am, I can't do anything without a receipt.
SC: <Walks away, muttering under her breath about how ridiculous it all is.
And THESE are future lawyers? This fact frightens me.
To the bum in our parking lot...
Let me see if I have this right. You, in the last 8 days I've been back at work, have been in our parking lot harassing customers for money at least 6 times. Each time, with a different story mind you, first needing money for bus fare, for gas, for pizza, for wings, and for a pay phone. Each time, you've been told to leave, and you refused. Thus, police were called. You were then warned by the police not to loiter or solicit in our parking lot.
Today, you were back. Once again, begging for change. You did NOT receive a warning, as we're quite tired of seeing you and simply called the police right away. The police come, see your info in the system and promptly arrest you for criminal trespassing because of the multiple calls about you before.
And, despite all this, you STILL sit in the back of the cruiser and DENY ever being in our parking lot, and that we're all out to get you.
I hope you enjoy your time in the tank. May you make many, many new friends. I nice, skinny little thing like you is sure to have a lot of prospects.
I hate promotions...
We've got a game of sorts running. We mailed postcards out to students in the directory, and it's a little scratch off game. You grab your books, bring them to the register, and then scratch of ONE of the little book icons, to win a certain dollar amount off your textbook total. Usually $10, but the highest prize is free textbooks for the semester. Now, these happy little cards have specific instructions on them, and in the not so fine print are two sentences that must be noted.
1. void if scratched before reaching the register
2. Select ONE book and scratch at the register when purchasing books.
Fairly self-explanatory, yes? Gods, don't I wish.
SC: Oh yes, and I have one of these <Whips out postcard with all 3 items scratched off.>
Me: <Internal cringe, because I know the next few minutes are going to suck> I'm sorry, sir, I can't accept that because all of the books have been scratched, and it was scratched before you reached the registers.
SC: But they all say $10 off textbooks. They match. I get $10 off textbooks.
Me: No, sir, I'm sorry. I can't accept it. <Points to the two key sentences>
SC: Well, can't you do anything for me?
Me: I'm sorry, sir.
SC: But it's only $10! Who's going to know.
Me: I can't take your coupon, sir. Every coupon is sent back to our corporate office, and they specified which we could accept and which we couldn't.
SC: <Leans over the counter and gets in my face> But I'm a regular! Doesn't that mean anything to you!?
Me: <Getting a little steamed because he is disrespecting my bubble! And in the 3+ yrs I've worked here, I've never seen him, if he's a "regular" I would have!>
I'm sorry, sir, but it's policy. I can't change it.
SC: <Snarls> fine! Just ring up my damn books!
Me: <Confused at this point, because he had books and other merchandies> Did you just want the books then, sir?
SC: No! I wanted Every. Thing. I. Put. On. The. Counter. <And he emphasized each word, just like that.>
Me: <Finishes the transaction as quickly as I can>
SC: <Grumbles some more, than snatches the bags from me and states> maybe NEXT time, I'll just go to OTHER BOOKSTORE instead!
Me: Sir! I cannot change corporate policy, but if you'd like to lodge a complaint with them about their coupons, their number is 1-800-YOU-SUCK! (Not their real number, of course.)
I decided it was lunchtime after dealing with him...
That's not even all of them, just some of the ones before lunch, but my hands are getting tired, and my teakettle is whistling at me. Mayhaps a part 2 later. Expect more. It's only going to get worse from here on.
Quick bit of background: I work in a textbook store that serves a couple universities, but one predominantly. It is our seasonal rush period, meaning that the next month or so is going to show an exponential increase in suckage. in fact, it has already begun! Here follow some of the more memorable tales from today:
Ahh, the classics
If I hear one of the following refrains after a textbook scans as invalid (We had a glitch in our ICS, boy was THAT fun...) I'm going to attempt to force feed said book to the cackling hyena across my counter.
"Gee, guess it's free, hahahaha." Um, no.
"Does that mean I get to pick my own price? Teehee!"
"Do I get a discount?" ...why, yes, because I wasted the precious 12 seconds of your life it took for me to type in the 18 digit XREF because my scanner wasn't reading to the computer correctly. ZOMGs!!!!! Let me compensate you right away!!
Feel better?For the last time, you still have to PAY!
So, my company instituted a new program this semester, called Financial Aid Deferrement plans. Basically, you grab your books, fill out a form, then bring it to the registers. Then, a select few cashiers (Of which I was the ONLY one AT the registers today!) will then ring up your purchase. Rather than paying us immediately, you write a check for the amount and provide back up credit card info (Which is NOT your bank card!). We will then DEFER the payment for a month, meaning we won't deposit the check until 1 month after fall classes have started. The premise behind this is it gives students time for financial aid to post to their accounts, and for it to get in order. Rather than wait weeks for aid, and THEN buy books, students will have their books when they need them. It really is a great program. Until you see the SC translation of it. After consulting various dictionaries, thesaureses (thesauri?), and babelfish, I think I've come up with a rough translation, which is
FREE BOOKS!
Ye gods, people! don't just tell me you have financial aid, then saunter out with $500 worth of textbooks!! You WILL get tackled by our store security guard! And don't look like I just kicked your puppy when I inform you that yes, you WILL have to pay for the books by the end of September! And by all that is holy in your life, don't scream false advertisement at us after we explain the plan. It says DEFERMENT. It means you will have to pay for the books, just not right now. Please please please don't fuck up a good thing for the students who are truly grateful for it!!
Why would this be ok after I just said it wasn't?
Law school started this week, a week earlier than the other undergrad/grad schools in the area. So, there have been an abundance of law students coming in to exchange books or return them because being the brilliant, career minded folk they are, they bought the WRONG books, thinking it'd be ok, or something. I don't pretend to understand. Again, I"m one of the employees who has authorization to process returns. I had these two wonderful examples of future legal expertise come in today.
Incident the First!
SC: Yes, I'd like to return these books, please.
Me: All right, do you have your receipt?
SC: No, I'm afraid I don't.
Me: Well, I can't do anything without a receipt, I'm sorry
SC: No return?
Me: Not without a receipt, I'm sorry.
SC: No exchange?
Me: I can't do ANYTHING without a receipt, sir.
SC: No Store Credit?
Me:
SC: Well, what CAN you do?
Me: Sir, if you can find your receipt, I'd be happy to process your return.
SC: Where, exactly is that policy written!!
Me: <Looking at the myriad signage we have posted around the store, but instead replies> Our refund policy is quite clearly printed at the bottom of your receipt, sir.
SC: <Huffs and leaves>
Incident the second!
Female SC this time.
SC: Yes, I need to return these two law books, please.
Me: All right, ma'am, no problem. May I see your receipt please.
SC: <Vacant stare> Do I really need that?
Me: ...um, yes, you do.
SC: Even if I bought the books here?
Me: <Well how the hell would I know that without your receipt!?!?!> Yes, ma'am, I can't do anything without a receipt.
SC: <Walks away, muttering under her breath about how ridiculous it all is.
And THESE are future lawyers? This fact frightens me.
To the bum in our parking lot...
Let me see if I have this right. You, in the last 8 days I've been back at work, have been in our parking lot harassing customers for money at least 6 times. Each time, with a different story mind you, first needing money for bus fare, for gas, for pizza, for wings, and for a pay phone. Each time, you've been told to leave, and you refused. Thus, police were called. You were then warned by the police not to loiter or solicit in our parking lot.
Today, you were back. Once again, begging for change. You did NOT receive a warning, as we're quite tired of seeing you and simply called the police right away. The police come, see your info in the system and promptly arrest you for criminal trespassing because of the multiple calls about you before.
And, despite all this, you STILL sit in the back of the cruiser and DENY ever being in our parking lot, and that we're all out to get you.
I hope you enjoy your time in the tank. May you make many, many new friends. I nice, skinny little thing like you is sure to have a lot of prospects.
I hate promotions...
We've got a game of sorts running. We mailed postcards out to students in the directory, and it's a little scratch off game. You grab your books, bring them to the register, and then scratch of ONE of the little book icons, to win a certain dollar amount off your textbook total. Usually $10, but the highest prize is free textbooks for the semester. Now, these happy little cards have specific instructions on them, and in the not so fine print are two sentences that must be noted.
1. void if scratched before reaching the register
2. Select ONE book and scratch at the register when purchasing books.
Fairly self-explanatory, yes? Gods, don't I wish.
SC: Oh yes, and I have one of these <Whips out postcard with all 3 items scratched off.>
Me: <Internal cringe, because I know the next few minutes are going to suck> I'm sorry, sir, I can't accept that because all of the books have been scratched, and it was scratched before you reached the registers.
SC: But they all say $10 off textbooks. They match. I get $10 off textbooks.
Me: No, sir, I'm sorry. I can't accept it. <Points to the two key sentences>
SC: Well, can't you do anything for me?
Me: I'm sorry, sir.
SC: But it's only $10! Who's going to know.
Me: I can't take your coupon, sir. Every coupon is sent back to our corporate office, and they specified which we could accept and which we couldn't.
SC: <Leans over the counter and gets in my face> But I'm a regular! Doesn't that mean anything to you!?
Me: <Getting a little steamed because he is disrespecting my bubble! And in the 3+ yrs I've worked here, I've never seen him, if he's a "regular" I would have!>
I'm sorry, sir, but it's policy. I can't change it.
SC: <Snarls> fine! Just ring up my damn books!
Me: <Confused at this point, because he had books and other merchandies> Did you just want the books then, sir?
SC: No! I wanted Every. Thing. I. Put. On. The. Counter. <And he emphasized each word, just like that.>
Me: <Finishes the transaction as quickly as I can>
SC: <Grumbles some more, than snatches the bags from me and states> maybe NEXT time, I'll just go to OTHER BOOKSTORE instead!
Me: Sir! I cannot change corporate policy, but if you'd like to lodge a complaint with them about their coupons, their number is 1-800-YOU-SUCK! (Not their real number, of course.)
I decided it was lunchtime after dealing with him...
That's not even all of them, just some of the ones before lunch, but my hands are getting tired, and my teakettle is whistling at me. Mayhaps a part 2 later. Expect more. It's only going to get worse from here on.
or whatever they think should have happened.
Comment