Asian Tossed Salad

[NightWatch]

As long as you don't ask my sister-in-law, so can I.

*Gasp!* Your sister-in-law is a whore and you're absolutely gorgeous in pink!

[bunnyboy]

As long as you don't ask my sister-in-law, so can I.

so can I...but it wont be effectiv without electrolysis.

damn my friends who can get away with it.

[Imogene]

*Gasp!* Your sister-in-law is a whore and you're absolutely gorgeous in pink!

*blinks and giggles* My sister-in-law is only bossy, but thanks anyway.
*carefully points toward her pics on her myspace page*

[Muses_nightmare]

Asian Tossed

Me: “Good evening, <company>.”
SC: “HERRO?! huhuhuhuh”
( Yes, that's right, he's doing the worst most racially offensive Japanese accent he can muster. )
Me: “……”
SC: “huhuh, HERRO?! HOW R YEW?!”
Me: “…..”
SC: “HOW R YEW?!”
Me: “….”
SC: “OOOO, U LAHK A SOY SAUCE?!”
Me: “…..”
SC: “WASABI!? SOY SAUCE!? U LAHK WASABI? IN U BUTT?!”
Me: “…..”
SC: “LICK WASABI OUT OF U BUTT?!”
Me: “……”
SC: “……hello?”
Me: “…..”
SC: “Hello?”
Me: “….”
SC: “Aww c'mon man, don’t hang up! Hello?!”
Me: “….”
SC: “Hello!?!?”
Me: “….”
SC: "...hello? *@&$! <click>"

And this is why I am the master and you are still the padawan.

Good lord, I could swear that the same person called me when I worked graveyards at the gas station, I sometimes got 2 or 3 prank calls a week, not all from the same people, you know, I had a variety of prank/obscene calls to enjoy. Lucky for me, I could get away with telling them exactly where to go.

[Pagan]

Sounds like the young girls here as well. Of course, around here lately it's been the leg warmers with heels.

Oh, yeah, saw that as well. I cannot believe I thought that looked good. Of course, I was young and had no taste....

and probably by the end of next week, they'll all have pnuemonia of the butthole as my late grandma would say.

I like that! I will be stealing it and using it in the future, just to let you know!

[Mr Hero]

Asian Tossed

Me: “Good evening, <company>.”
SC: “HERRO?! huhuhuhuh”
( Yes, that's right, he's doing the worst most racially offensive Japanese accent he can muster. )
Me: “……”
SC: “huhuh, HERRO?! HOW R YEW?!”
Me: “…..”
SC: “HOW R YEW?!”
Me: “….”
SC: “OOOO, U LAHK A SOY SAUCE?!”
Me: “…..”
SC: “WASABI!? SOY SAUCE!? U LAHK WASABI? IN U BUTT?!”
Me: “…..”
SC: “LICK WASABI OUT OF U BUTT?!”
Me: “……”
SC: “……hello?”
Me: “…..”
SC: “Hello?”
Me: “….”
SC: “Aww c'mon man, don’t hang up! Hello?!”
Me: “….”
SC: “Hello!?!?”
Me: “….”
SC: "...hello? *@&$! <click>"

And this is why I am the master and you are still the padawan.

Am I the only one who read this with Eric Cartman's voice?

Surrendering Dignity

Ok, seriously, guys. If you are about to drop $100 on or already shelled out $100 on this:



And now have gold foil on your ass cheek, it’s probably time to sit down and re-evaluate your life. Yes, these are men’s jeans. No, these aren’t the only example. There’s a whole line of “Silly things printed on my butt cheek” for men in the new 2009 catalog. Including my personal favourite: A hot pink skull. Nothing says manly like having blazing hot pink on your butt cheek. The majority are one cheek. Though there are two examples where both cheeks are artistically impaired. However, dual cheeks will cost you an additional $50. Because you’re paying for double butt cool.

I’m already terrified because they’ve already gotten a whiff of these new pants. Soon they’ll be slathering at the bit for these and I will die a little bit inside every time someone orders them. And they will order them.

"Well, I'm out guys. If this is what's cool now, I think I'm done. I no longer have any connection to this world.

[Evil Queen]

Save Vs Shame

So Burnaby finally claimed me as a victim today. Since Burnaby still has not had plow, salt, shovel or even garbage pick up for 2 weeks. Now the snow is still there but its covered entirely in black ice. It was this black ice that proved my….er….well, down fall. I’d managed to stay on my feet for 2 weeks of this and it finally got me. I failed my saving throw. Lost one leg. Tried to catch myself on the other but, well, it was on black ice too. Tried to catch myself on the snow bank…..annnnd no such luck because it has a 1 inch crust of ice on it so my hand just slid off. Thus I landed on my derrier. While I only took 1D4 points of damage, my pride sustained at least 2D6.

But luckily this damage was halved because no one was around to witness my shame.

No, you have to make a multiplier since you had to share with us and I exist just to laugh at you.

[tamezin]

Therapy

Me: “Hmm, actually it looks our closest location to you closed today.”
SC: “Yes, I know, that’s why I called you.”

Have you ever just muted your mic and hissed at the screen? It’s actually very therapeutic.

No but I have put my phone on mute and pounded on my desk so hard my monitor bounced

[Gravekeeper]

Good lord, I could swear that the same person called me when I worked graveyards at the gas station, I sometimes got 2 or 3 prank calls a week, not all from the same people, you know, I had a variety of prank/obscene calls to enjoy. Lucky for me, I could get away with telling them exactly where to go.

It was one idiot with another 1-2 idiots in the background giggling at the primary idiot's comic genius. So I'm sure it was some sort of marathon of stupidity. I didn't hear from them again personally, though.

I don't really get prank calls that often despite the fact there are hundreds of phone numbers that lead to me. On New Years or other excuses to drink till 4am I tend to get one or two of course. But other than that.

Once, way way back an my old company we were being prank called heavily one night by a bunch of kids. They couldn't have been more than 7 or 8. So you can imagine quality of script involved: "Huhuhuh, FART! <click>". It went on for about an hour till one of my coworkers got sick of it and use caller ID to phone them back. At which point she reamed them out about the trouble they were causing for others and informed them in no uncertain terms that their parents *would* hear about this and every prank call they had made was recorded so they could all be played back for their parents.

Never heard from them again and no, we never called to tell their parents either. So they must have spent the next month in abject fear that they would come home from school and their parents would be waiting.

[Animae]

I flat out asked my 12 year old prank caller if he had anything better to do, like maybe his HOMEWORK so he would be such a flaming moron and could come up with a better joke.

[Jester]

GK, another fine post. My monitor was spared a beer jet-spray shower only because I have not yet cracked the first brew of the day.

Yes, I laughed THAT damn hard!


Bastard.

Number. Number. A is not a number...

Well now wait a minute. Please explain to me, O Wise and Sarcastic One, why then do those nitwits from every company I call to order or pay for something insist on giving me a confirmation NUMBER that unquestionably has LETTERS in it? Hmmmm?

So basically your entire argument is: I screwed up. I know I screwed up. I knew what would happen if I screwed up. Yet I still chose to screw up. But you should ignore all that, pay for the towing and give me the cars back because even though I knew what would happen and knew I wasn’t suppose to do that it shouldn’t count because I wasn’t stupid long enough?

There are so many times I want to hear what you actually say to these geniuses. This was most definitely one of them!

Nothing says manly like having blazing hot pink on your butt cheek.

Depends what kind of man you are and what you are trying to say about yourself.

So why do I get the feeling these will go over big in Nunavut?

I was thinking they would go over far bigger down here in Key West, where things like that are simply faaaaaabulous!

Hmm, over here we have females wearing jogging trousers with 'juicy' across both cheeks. They are only worn however by the prepubescent and those who's arse measument is best dealt with in miles.

Juicy they are not.

Interesting. While I have seen many women wearing "Juicy" brand stuff that were certainly NOT juicy, I have also seen quite a few hotties attired in said garb.

that way you're sure to get all the hot chicks... right?
(assuming you're getting them by making them laugh so hard they can't breath and then are picking up the unconscious body...ahem...)

That's how I get all my hot chicks.



The making them laugh part, not the unconscious body part.

[wagegoth]

the assless chaps idea sounds good... provided there's not ass tattoo of pink skulls.

The only assless chaps I've seen worn around here were in the Castro, so I don't think they were trollling for chicks.

[Pagan]

Speaking of assless chaps....

I just realized, that's redundant. ALL chaps are assless!

Just sayin'....

[Muses_nightmare]

It was one idiot with another 1-2 idiots in the background giggling at the primary idiot's comic genius. So I'm sure it was some sort of marathon of stupidity. I didn't hear from them again personally, though.

Isn't that how most prank calls go? :P

Yeah, I had some one call three different nights, asking if we had toilet paper, the first call since it was a gas station kind of close to apartments and such I started off thinking that okay, somone just ran out and needs some until morning. Nope, Jerk-off and his buddies started going on about how they all ate bad tacos and needed to come use the washroom and then it devolved into them saying "poo-poo" at which point I hang up. The next time they called I hung up immediatly, and the third time I told them to fuck off, they never did call again. (for the record the gas station didn't have caller ID)

[Balgram]

Surrendering Dignity

Ok, seriously, guys. If you are about to drop $100 on or already shelled out $100 on this:



And now have gold foil on your ass cheek, it’s probably time to sit down and re-evaluate your life. Yes, these are men’s jeans. No, these aren’t the only example....

Oh. Um. My friend has a pair of jeans with embroidery (in gold and faintly in other colors) on one side. I thought it looked really good. It wasn't a big honking coat of arms, it was a simple kanji. I actually like the one-butt embroidery style, although gold foil covering the entire butt cheek on one side is not ideal.

I also take great joy in reading "one butt embroidering style" out loud. Thus my taste dies.

Save Vs Shame

So Burnaby finally claimed me as a victim today. Since Burnaby still has not had plow, salt, shovel or even garbage pick up for 2 weeks. Now the snow is still there but its covered entirely in black ice. It was this black ice that proved my….er….well, down fall. I’d managed to stay on my feet for 2 weeks of this and it finally got me. I failed my saving throw. Lost one leg. Tried to catch myself on the other but, well, it was on black ice too. Tried to catch myself on the snow bank…..annnnd no such luck because it has a 1 inch crust of ice on it so my hand just slid off. Thus I landed on my derrier. While I only took 1D4 points of damage, my pride sustained at least 2D6.

This exact same thing happened to me not ten minutes ago. I even cut up my hand pretty bad on some frozen snow after I fell.

But luckily this damage was halved because no one was around to witness my shame.

I was not so lucky. Alas, I was on a main road full of cars and foot traffic. That's an additional 1D6 pride damage per witness, maximum 20D6.