The Subway Rants Chronicles (VERY Long and language warning)

[Digitalpotato]

Alright, The Tigress....I'm goign to add my own Subway Rants Ripoff I put on my deviantART.

I don't get some of the things oyu do, but you don't get some of the things I do either.


The top 35 weirdest things ordered at (this) Subway

We get some weird requests, and I asked some of my coworkers what kind of weird requests they experienced....believe me I was actually quite surprised.


35 - Pico De Gallo
34 - Peanut Butter and Jelly
33 - Burgers
(we do get requests for veggie burgers)
32 - Fettuchini
31 - Coffee
30 - Double Bread
29 - Okra
28 - Spaghetti
(Pizza place with Spaghetti about two feet thataway....)
27 - Oatmeal
(you want an OATMEAL SANDWICH?! this definitely wasn't a cookie...)
26 - to toast a dozen cookies
25 - Beer
24 - Broccoli
(To give them a little credit, it was a salad)
23 - Tabasco
22 - Ice cream
21 - Sea Salt
(Maybe if Martha Stewart were on the vein.)
20 - Pineapple
(I've been told they did this in Australia though)
19 - Elk and/or Venison
(Thank you "R" for the Venison request.)
18 - Tacos
17 - Green onions
16 - Grits
15 - Lemon Juice
14 - English Muffin
13 - Just a plate full of something like banana peppers
12 - Doughnuts
11 - Maple Syrup
(Even if it was a breakfast sub)
10 - For "The Women's Discount".
(Yes, someone asked "is that with or without the Women's Discount?")
9 - Blueberries
(it WAS a breakfast sub though
8 - Strawberries
(I'm sorry...you want STRAWBERRIES on a MEATBALL?!)
7 - Lemon Cake or Spice Cake
6 - Alfredo
5 - If he could use the empty Subway Gift Card like a credit card.
4 - Banana or Zucchini bread.
3 - For a salad to be toasted.
2 - For a salad to be stir-fried.
(Yes lemme just walk this upstairs to Panda Express and stir-fry it.)
1 - Subway Deliveries.


$5 footlong edition!


"The $5 footlong song"

I hate this song Especially since people kept singing it. DON'T SING THAT STUPID $5 FOOTLONG SONG! For that, we should be able to charge you double. It's annoying, it's unnecessary, and overall assholish considering how many people can't and should NOT sing.


Chicken Bacon ranches

This of course is the most expensive sub on the menu not counting the Feast. And since this was only $5, they would of course save themselves $2 and get this. They take forever to make, we would often run out completely and then everyone would pick the expensive subs like TEriyaki Chicken.


"I'll have a $5 footlong"

WHAT KIND DAMMIT?!If you just say you only want a $5 footlong on White, then I will just leave the bread blank, since we CLEARLY need to know what we want to put ON the sandwich. We're not Telepathic, you know!


People who don't know tax.

The reason your $5 footlong is more than $5 is because of sales tax. EVERYONE has to pay that, and it's the price without tax. Do you seriously think we're trying to scam you by taking on a whopping 34 cents onto your purchase? What're we gonna do with 34 cents per sub?! Buy a $5 footlong? We're making reduced profits considering how much veggies you're loading on your chicken bacon ranch in the first place.


"Does the $5 footlong work on 6 inches?"

...this seriously happened at least once or twice a week when every sub was a $5 footlong. :faint: READ THE BLOODY DEAL! It says "$5 footlong." You're in college, you should be able to read that! *headdesk*

"Does the $5 footlong work on wraps/flatbreads/Salads?"

See my above complaint.


"are you still doing the $5 footlong?"

90% of the people who asked this walked past a 6 foot banner with the $5 footlong logo on it, are standing in front of another banner advertising it as well as in front of a menu-board that has said logo, and for good measure, two of the three people in front are wearing yellow shirts with the $5 footlong logo of COURSE we're not doing it! (The girls didn't lke wearing it because it was designed by a male. The handprint was right on their right breast.)


"That's not $5!"

Helloooooo! You added Guac, Double Meat, double cheese, and you added a meal deal! We have to charge you for that, and you're lucky we aren't charging you another $5 for all the veggies you put on there.


WTF Why aren't you doing the $5 footlong anymore?!"

Dude, we continued it from Feburary all the way until August, and during that period all you gold-diggers who bought all our expensive subs and loaded them up with $10 worth of vegetables each. we actually LOST money despite the amount of traffic it attracted. We were supposed to stop it in May, but guess what? We got enough of those complaints they actually continued to put the $5 footlong deal until August.


People who think the $5 footlong stacks with coupons.

After one week when we got maybe 40 people trying to get a $5 footlong with a buy-one-get-one-free or buy-a-footlong-for-the-price-of-a-six-inch, we put up a sign saying it doesn't stack both for the customers and the cashier. (The computer doesn't allow us to stack those discounts, the $5 footlong was considered a discount) It's bad enough when you don't read, since they say "not valid with a $5 footlong"

[Broomjockey]

WTF indeed. Ketchup? On flipping Subway food?! I think I'm not alone on this when I say VOMIT.

We've already had one person say they actually like it, so can we stop with the "Oh em gee, your gross, gag me with a spoon plzkthx" stuff?

[Evil Queen]

WTF indeed. Ketchup? On flipping Subway food?! I think I'm not alone on this when I say VOMIT.

I like Ketchup on ham. It kills the taste of the ham.

I hate ham.

[TheTigress]

This one i don't quite get, is the issue that the sub doesn't look like the picture? One of my pet peeves about Subway is that any type of special sandwich doesn't have a standard way of making it apparently. This is why i like Blimpies, there's the standard way of making the sub (bread, sauce, veggies, etc), but you're free to customize it as you want, and i like to at least try it the suggested way and see ifn its any good.

When we get this they mean they want it to look flawless and Photoshopped like it is in the picture. Sort of like how you see in fast food commercials with their burgers looking absolutely amazing, but as we all know that's not what you get when you go there to order one.

But yeah I agree on that one. If there was a standard way I think it would be much easier working there. I know Quizno's has a standard way and even special sauce for their certain sandwiches. (I really love Quizno's subs) It's the fact Subway opens up a huge opportunity to make customers into EWs with their sandwiches.

(people will literally freak out if their cheese is on the "wrong" side of the meat)

[TheTigress]

Sorry, Tigress, you've made me crave it now. But I promise I won't be sucky.

ETA: And cookies. Fark, I love Subway cookies.

It's all good, and any customer who isn't sucky is always a good thing. You're right about the cookies, they are pretty good.

[ShinyGreenApple]

3. People who ask for ketchup. WTF.

WTF indeed. Ketchup? On flipping Subway food?! I think I'm not alone on this when I say VOMIT.

[TheTigress]

Hey, Tigress, I don't know what your location is doing, but we start that ANY footlong for $5 again starting February 9th going for ten weeks! The last time almost killed me; I'm not sure if it is going to be as busy as before or not. I am getting my cigarettes and antacids ready to go again.

Oh dear lord.....I think I heard something about that....I better try to find a new job before then because there's no way in hell I ever want to go through that again...and this time my best friend S is no longer with me to help me through it....

What does a sandwich maker make an hour anyways? Pay-wise, I mean.

Whatever your state's minimum wage is. I make more than minimum now though. *barely*

Ok. I am a culprit in the cell phone thing. The only thing is, I was in the middle of ordering my sammich when my mom called and I HAD to answer it. I did tell her to hang on a second.

I would not have the patience to work at a Subway. Too many variations and pickiness.

At least you didn't walk in talking on your phone. You got a call in the middle of an order so that's a bit different, and you were even awesome enough to tell your mom to hang on a second.

[RetailWorkhorse]

3. People who ask for ketchup.

I like ketchup on my ham sandwiches. If I order ketchup, I expect it either on my sandwich or in the little packet.

Also, I don't order ham sandwiches from Subway, I get the chicken teriyaki WITH THE DOUBLE MEAT. And yes, I pay for it! Makes for perfect picnic meals.

[Javarod]

»»14. People who expect things to look just like the pictures.

-We actually get this so called "request" very often. I guess much more people don't know jack shit about advertising and marketing as I had originally thought. Lady who just asked me to make your sandwich just like that picture behind me: You do realize that those images are more heavily manipulated/airbrushed/photoshopped than that supermodel on the cover of your Cosmopolitan magazine, right? Not only is the following true for those "perfect pictures", the food used in them may or may not even be real food! Oh, and would you like your sandwich 2D as well to make it UBER authentic?««

This one i don't quite get, is the issue that the sub doesn't look like the picture? One of my pet peeves about Subway is that any type of special sandwich doesn't have a standard way of making it apparently. This is why i like Blimpies, there's the standard way of making the sub (bread, sauce, veggies, etc), but you're free to customize it as you want, and i like to at least try it the suggested way and see ifn its any good.

[jedimaster91]

I'm gonna have to see if the local Subway is doing the $5 footlongs. I haven't had my ham on Italian Herbs and Cheese with lettuce, tomato, green peppers, and mayo for quite some time now. Sorry, Tigress, you've made me crave it now. But I promise I won't be sucky.

ETA: And cookies. Fark, I love Subway cookies.

[McGoddess09]

Ok. I am a culprit in the cell phone thing. The only thing is, I was in the middle of ordering my sammich when my mom called and I HAD to answer it. I did tell her to hang on a second.

I would not have the patience to work at a Subway. Too many variations and pickiness.

[Nashida]

While I have never worked in a Subway, I work the sammich station on campus in the cafeteria.

If I nix any and all of the stories involving cash/money, that list would fit me to a tee.

[Evil Queen]

What does a sandwich maker make an hour anyways? Pay-wise, I mean.

[SubwayGirl]

I win, I win, I win too!

Man oh man, today was a totally sucky Sunday at Subway and I just laughed myself to death after reading all that. It sure let go of some of my tension.

I was nodding my head in agreement through the whole thing. I know some of it is extra picky and goes with the job, but when you keep adding more and more of the same kind of stuff it is hard not to be cynical.

Hey, Tigress, I don't know what your location is doing, but we start that ANY footlong for $5 again starting February 9th going for ten weeks! The last time almost killed me; I'm not sure if it is going to be as busy as before or not. I am getting my cigarettes and antacids ready to go again.

[TheTigress]

Done!

Wadda I win?

I was gonna call you out on a few of these but started flashing back to my own sammich making days and realized that even the most piddly shit becomes obnoxious with enough repetition.

You win one free internet!

I understand what you're saying. It wouldn't be an issue if certain things only happened once in a while, but a lot of these happen ALL the time.