The Subway Rants Chronicles (VERY Long and language warning)

[sms001]

Done!

Wadda I win?

I was gonna call you out on a few of these but started flashing back to my own sammich making days and realized that even the most piddly shit becomes obnoxious with enough repetition. Even things a customer can't be expected to know eventually seeps into the "DAMN that's annoying!!!" category.

Sigh. Now I want a North Village Sub Shop veggie.

[TheTigress]

The second half:

Volume 5

1.Women SCs:

-I'm sorry to single out the genders (and I am a woman) but the exact same problems with the exact same gender happens far too often for it to just be a coincidence. Why is it that women in general (especially within the age range of 35-50) have to be the most difficult SCs in the universe? I'll tell you why. It's because a large portion of women expect special privelages over everyone else. They don't just want it, they expect it. They expect you to treat *them* like the center of the universe as soon as they walk through that door. They are the ones who have to have their sauces put on a special way and talk to you like you are stupid while doing it. It's not just a matter of getting what food item they want (no matter how perfectly it was done), they also expect you to file their nails and worship the ground they walk on in the process. It's a competition for them. Unlike most men, who don't give two shits about what side their sauces are on or what the bread looks like as long as their sandwich tastes good, these women have self entitled God complexes the second they order their sandwich.

2. People who say they want "double meat" but don't want to pay for it:

-It's amazing how many people are out there who think the rules don't apply to *them* for some reason. Especially when our menu board says how much extra the double meat is. I love it when I ring them up and they suddenly get this shocked expression of horror as if they didn't expect it coming. I get sadistic pleasure out of it because they had it coming. Even more bonus points if they angrily snatch the receipt, sneer over it, and then angrily grumble away because there was nothing wrong in the receipt.

3. Subway Card idiots 2.0:

-You would think something so simple as a Subway card wouldn't cause so many fucking problems, but it does. Ranging from the "I'm going to forget to hand them my Subway card with my payment and then make a scene when their computers cannot add the points after the transaction" to "I'm going to hand them my Suwbay card and just stand there like an idiot and not tell them that I already have some money on the card instead of paying with the point system."

4. Being "stuck in Limbo":

-This isn't so much as a customer induced problem as it is a job induced problem. (or is it?) Let me explain what being "stuck in limbo" means:

It's the process in which someone walks in, I go help them because I happend to be closer to the "sandwich making" part of the store while my co-worker gets to stay in the back room doing whatever they are doing. But while I'm nearly finished ringing the person I just helped up, another one walks in in the worst possible moment ever. If they had walked in either 10 seconds earlier or 10 seconds later, there would have been a 90% chance that the co worker would have to help them instead. (unwritten code of ethics rule) It means that since I have just finished ringing the last person up, I basically have to help another person again while my co-worker gets to stay in the back room again. Repeat this process one or two more times (or more) and you basically have the idea of "being in limbo". If this just sounds like I'm being a whiney douche? Too bad, because I hate it.

5. Perfect but "still wrong":

-This is when a customer tells you exactly what they want, and you do it, but you still "did it wrong" because they FAILED to specify something else. Another true story. Some soccer mom bitch (see a trend coming on, most of my shitty customers are women) told me they wanted extra dijon mustard on her sandwich. What do you think I do? I put extra dijon mustard on it. Her reply ends up being "that's *more* than enough!" in a really shitty tone of voice. She then proceeds to tell me which veggies she wants but that she doesn't want pickles, cucumbers, or jalepenos. I put all the veggies that she wanted excluding the ones she stated to me she didn't want. But guess what, when I get to the banana peppers, she flies off the handle stating "I didn't want those!". Buy this time I'm really pissed off so I decided to make her look like a fool in front of all the other customers. After her little remark about the banana peppers, I promptly listed off what she had *just* told me she wanted and didn't want for veggies, kept the banana peppers on there, and wrapped the sandwich. Shocked that this "less than human sandwich drone" (in her eyes) didn't take her shit, as she was being rung up by someone else she stated that "I really hate her!" (regarding me) and that "I'm never coming here again!". (Oh boo fucking hoo! That just breaks my heart!) Enjoy your life in Hell, lady.

6. Shredded cheese = poison!

-This is something I just don't understand. We have 4 types of cheese, and one of these types is "montorey cheddar." (basically white american and cheddar mixed together), but it's shredded/grated unlike the other 3 types we have. about 95% of the people who want monterycheddar, after letting them know that it's "the shredded cheese" get a look of horror and then change their cheese choice to something else. What on earth is the fucking problem with shredded cheese? If anything that type is much better on sandwiches because you pound for pound get more cheese on it, plus it's more evenly distributed. But OH NOES IT'S POISON! must be running through their brains.

7. When people say their sandwich is "done" when it's really not.

-This is so aggrivating. These people will list everything they want, and then say "that's it", so what do you think I do next? I *gasp* start closing the sandwich! But then out of nowhere they will bleat out "I still want salt, pepper, oil, and vinegar! <--Then why the hell did you just tell me the sandwich was done?

8. Sales tax n00bs.

-Guess what! You might not have heard this in your 37 years of living in this state, but Washington has sales tax! not only does it have sales tax, but very high sales tax! "But it says it's only $2.99 on this poster!" That's because the posters and menu boards don't unclude the sales tax, you dumbass. If Subway made every poster show the sales tax in each state, that would cost them a lot of fucking money. And Subway having to spend more money than the bare minimum on anything would be like forcing a 550 pound enraged tiger into a tutu. It just doesn't happen.

Volume 6.

1. -"Natural disaster, Let's all go to Subway!"

Ok, does anyone here besides me see something completely wrong with this? "Black ice on the road, let's risk our lives for some sandwiches!" "Mt. Rainier erupting? No problem! They can just toast our sandwiches on the hot lava that's flowing through the store!" I shit you not, everytime the weather is especially bad, be it wind storms, monsoon type rain, icy roads, Subway manages to get WAY busier than usual! OMGWTFBBQ!

2. -Is that everything for you? "Yes it is...I want 3 cookies!"

This happens....ALL the time. It's like people don't have any listening skills anymore whatsoever. I ask them a question such as "will that sandwich be everything for you?" and they say "yes it will...I'd also like a drink with that. etc" Ok, this isn't exactly something to get bent out of shape over, and not nearly as bad as many other stupid things customers can do at Subway, but why the bloody hell would you reply with a "Yes" if that's most definitely NOT everything that you will be having. It totally defeats the purpose of me asking that question in the first place.

3. -People who don't understand coupons.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you have any reading skills whatsoever (and selective reading doesn't count), you would come to find that coupons are not really as hard to figure out as ancient scrolls that need to be translated. I swear people purposely don't read everything on coupons just so they can try to find some loophole to be exploited. "But it says I get a FREE 6 INCH!" Yes, but read the one line below that also says "with the purchase of a footlong." FAIL. Oh, and don't even think about taking your anger out on me just because the only reading skills you have are the selective reading type.

4. -Sundays.

This is one of those things that comes with my job and I should technically just shut up and deal with, but I'm going to bitch about it anyway. About 2 months ago, Subway started doing this really crappy promotion of "buy two footlongs, get a 3rd footlong free." It's one of those things that even Subway owners don't like because they lose money everytime someone exploits this promotion. The people who thought of it are the ones sitting in tall castle-like buildings wearing their $1,000 suits and probably never stepped foot into a Subway their whole lives. Their motto is, "Since I don't have to deal with it, it's A-ok by us! Let the little sandwich drones take on the extra work, and oh, let's not compensate them at all for all the extra sandwiches they will be making that day! Sounds good to me!"
[/b]This rant no longer applies. Little did I know that the "Sunday" special would be rainbows and butterflies compaired to the "5 dollar footlong" promotion. We were having nervous breakdowns in the back room every other day when that started up.[/b]


5. -"That's not what I wanted! Even though I stood there and didn't say a single word while you were making the sandwich."

"What the fuck" is the only sentance that comes to mind for the start of this rant. This doesn't happen "often" but happens enough for it to be noticeable. We get idiots who order a sandwich, and stand there the entire time not saying a single thing while watching the entire thing be made, but then to later come back and say "this wasn't made right, I want a new one!" People like that don't even deserve the original sandwich I made if they are going to act that stupid about it. Motto of this rant: If I do something wrong to your sandwich while I am still in the process of making it, don't just sit there like a dumbshit and not say anything. Use that hole of yours called a mouth and tell me so I can fix it on the spot.

6. -TOURNAMENTS!!!!

-Another thing that comes with the territory but it sucks badly. What is this thing you ask? School sports tournaments! This may or may not include the following: Basketball games, wrestling matches, volleyball games, and more. What does this mean for little old me? It means the entire store is up to its ass in soccer moms and their tournament playing kids. I'm talking about a never-ending sea of people flooding in at a constant rate. Why? Because on tournaments, EVERYONE wants to go to Subway at the exact same time. For the love of God, I cannot reiterate this enough...it's every single parent and kid in the entire town and they all come to...you guess it...Subway.

7. -People who actually get pissed when you go fast. Yes, this happens.

-Let me get something straight here so as not to confuse anyone. I work with the "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am" method. That means I get them in and I get them out as fast as possible and we go on with our merry little lives. (unless there is no customer behind the one I'm working on and are very friendly, then a convo will ensue.) Otherwise, if it's busy, it's gonna be wham, bam, thank you ma'am. Why? Because I most likely have a fucketload of things in the back room that I have not finished. Sometimes I get people that actually get pissed off when I go extremely fast, even though I'm making no mistakes. "This isn't a race, slow down!" That re-affirms my theory that people are never satisfied.

8. -Wanting different sauces at the end.

There is a reason why we ask you what sauces you'd like while we are standing directly in front of them. I promise that it's not really a blind spot where we have a chance to spit in your food. It's so we don't have to move all the way back there to grab a sauce bottle because you didn't tell us that you wanted a certain sauce on it until we were on the other side of the counter and about ready to wrap your sandwich up. But I guess having people telling us what sauce they want while we are in front of the sauce bottles is too hard of a concept for many people. *facepalm*

9. -Liars who are too stupid to know they are on video.

Guess what! This may come as a shock to you, but there are many people out there who STILL don't realize they are on video tape! This has happened more than once. A customer will come in, something won't go right, and a big scene ensues. (usually the scene results in the customer not getting their way or not reading the menu boards right so they throw a tantrum) Then, they have the balls to call back and complain to the manager, and on top of that, completely FABRICATE the shit out of their story to make the employee(s) look like the ones at fault. Ranging from accusations of an employee (who happened to be the most level headed of the store) getting angry and started throwing and kicking things, to my former co worker spitting starbucks on their food (which totally didn't happen at all. I was there and I was the one who gave her the starbucks), and to claims of the customer after them siding with the scene causing customers. (which in fact was the complete opposite. The customers after them ended up siding with my co workers. All we had to do was watch the tape to see that the complaining customers were lieing right out of their asses. To make a long story short, no co worker was disciplined that day.

10. -people who pay with $100 dollar bills

The reason why this sucks is that it obviously makes our till depleted of every other currency that we have. The $20's and $5's being the biggest victims of the $100 dollar bill onslaught. With too many of those $100's, we run out of the rest of our money that we use to make change with. For the love of God, don't pay for a $3 dollar item with a $100 dollar bill. :|

Volume 7.

>>WARNING: I have been watching a lot of House lately.<<

1. Mayo Monsters.

-I'm not going to lie. I like mayonaisse. But not to the point where it splashes my shirt when I close the fucking sandwich. I find it rediculous when people are basically paying $5-7 dollars for mayo on bread. When you have so much mayo that it actually creates a portal to another dimension on your sandwich, we have a problem.

2. "I want Peppers!"

-How nice of you to announce to the whole world how much you want peppers. But amidst your primal scream of your desire for said peppers, you have FAILED to specify which of the three types we have that you want.

3. The "Subway Smell."

-There's nothing more joyous in my life than coming home smelling like a giant yeast infection. It baffles me....absolutely baffles me, how some people walk into Subway and say how "nice" it smells inside! But then again these are the same people who like Subway food in the first place! Oh snap!

4. People who don't stand in front of their own sandwich.

-This is mainly for groups who are together who order sandwiches. It's one of those highly irritating things that drives me insane. It's when the group I am doing each want their own sandwich, and they keep switching places, thus making it to where I forget which sandwich is whos'. If I see them actually do it, I will make a show of switching said sandwich to where the person just moved to. Most of the times they get the hint after that, but not always. I've actually had to tell some people to stay with their sandwich.

5. Payment monkeys.

-This is when a customer is in such a hurry to give me their payment that they don't even give me room to breathe and get the transaction all situated on the computer. To make a long story short, this behaviour is fucking annoying. I haven't even taken my gloves all the way off yet and there you are dangling cash or a credit card right in front of my fucking face like a monkey.

6. People who can't see what is directly in front of them.

-Sometimes I think a vision test should be required for all customers before they are even allowed to step foot into my Subway. we have signs on the front of our bains, basically DIRECTLY in front of peoples' faces, and they still ask me "Which ones are your 5 dollah footlongs?!" or "which breads do you have?!"

7. People who come in before 10 am.

(DISCLAIMER: I know this is my job, but I'm going to bitch anyway)
-Now that I mainly open, I have to deal with this phenomenon. Our store opens at 8 am, which I personally think is too fucking early in the first place. From the hours of 8 to 10 am, I am busy working on prep/bread/cookies/opening stuff, or all of the above. Not only that, I'm by myself until 10 or 11. So basically I automatically hate anyone who comes in before 10 am. I especially hate you if you want 4 or more sandwiches.

8. People who categorize their orders.

-I hate it when people do this...so...much....EXAMPLE: When someone comes in and they say they want 2 sandwiches. Ok, cool, so I do up the two sandwiches and then head over to the register to ring the transaction up...right? *record player needle being pulled away sound effect* WRONG! Now they *also* want 2 want pizzas. Instead of telling me at the beginning that they were going to get 2 sandwiches and 2 pizzas, they seperate the fucking order. Shawna, bring me my shot gun.

9. Cookie Monsters.

-This sucks the most for openers (aka: me) It's when a cookie junkie comes in our store in need of a massive cookie fix and they end up depleting essentially our ENTIRE supply of cookies. You would think that they have never seen a cookie in their life before. By then it's so late that night crew cannot make more cookies. What does that mean for your favorite Tigress? It means that there are no cookies in the store when I open! Ding Ding Ding!

10. The "Regular" people.

-These are probably some of the most dense of the idiot customer categories. They should feel special because with all the idiots we get, that's not very easy to accomplish. It's when I ask them either "what kind of bread" or "what kind of cheese" would they like, and they reply with "the regular bread" or "the regular cheese." As apposed to the IRREGULAR bread/cheese? I never knew that there was such a thing as irregular bread and cheese!

11. People who grab chips and start eating them before they are paid for.

-For some reason this bugs me...a lot. I just consider it extremely pretentious and rude to just up and grab something and help yourself to it before it's even paid for. It's also a tactic some scammers use to try to get away with free food. *hoping we would forget to ring up the chips with the sandwich*

[TheTigress]

These are about 2 and a half years in the making. This is the completely unsensored and unedited version. I'm not going to lie, I'm probably going to sound like a jaded bitch on a few of these.

Parts of these were posted in a thread long ago but I've gotten requests for the updated version.

(Note: Some of my rants no longer apply due to menu board changes and the fact that our Subway is getting rid of the Subway Cards)

(Double Note: I realize that some of these things are just part of my job but I felt like ranting anyway!)

If you make it to the end of this then you are by all means a hero.

Volume 1.

Here is a collection of things that customers do that really CHAPS MY ASS.

1. Customers on Cell phones.

-Pretty self explainatory. And so annoying that it's the first thing on my list of bitching. When you walk into a place where you are expected to be alert so I can take your order properly, one of the rudest, if not THE rudest thing you can do is to continue talking on your fucking cell phone during the process. If you are on your little Nokia talking to someone about a sandwich order, that's fine for the most part. But if you are one of those people that will continue talking on their cell phone to someone that has nothing to do with getting their sandwich order, or they call up and you don't tell them to call back later, please leave and get some manners immediately. It's very inconsiderate.

2. "I want a number (insert number here)"

-Why does this rank extremely high on my annoying list you ask? Because this is Subway, not McDonald's. In Subway, we don't punch in your order based on numbers on the computer right as you come up to us like they do in other fast food places. Which is why there's no need to tell me your order based on which "number" it is! It's very fucking annoying! Mainly because we don't memorize our sandwiches by their "numbers", even though they do have numbers. It is WAY more convenient for me as well as all the other Subway employees out there to just tell us what it IS you want. Is it that much harder? It feels really stupid having to turn around after they say which "number" they want and look up at the pictures behind us to find out which sandwich that is. If you are one of the people who do this, please castrate yourself immediately.

3. Only saying what kind of bread you want.

-Example: "I want a foot long Italian Herbs and Cheese."
Yes, that's nice, but I still have no fucking clue what SANDWICH you want. It's really annoying for me to ask you again what it is you actually want after I get your bread of choice out. This one is one of the more minor things, but it still puts some chap lines on my ass all the same.

4. Not telling me initially that you wanted more than one sandwich.

-This is extremely aggrivating. For those of you who like ordering multiple sandwiches on one trip, take notes right now. When you say your first order and I make it all up for you and am on my way to the register to ring you up, it's very gray hair inducing when the next thing you say is "I want more sandwiches." ESPECIALLY when there is a line of people waiting. For the love of all things holy, people. Fucking TELL me right off the bat how many sandwiches you are getting! This isn't so much of a problem for people who come in together as I already know they are getting more than one thing, but this is for individuals who come in expecting a million sandwiches.

4A.Saying you only wanted one sandwich but then change your mind at the very end.

-Sub category of complaint number 4. It is equally annoying when I first ask you how many sandwiches you are getting and you say one, to then tell me at the very end as I'm wrapping your food up that now you want another one, or two, or three. Don't do that ever again. :| It toys with my emotions, terribly.

5. Suddenly wanting "extra" of an item we are just about out/are out of.

-Sometimes I wonder if this is more than just a coincidence of occurance. I honestly think some customers do this just to be asshats. When you can see me visibly squeezing that nearly empty mayonnaise bottle and having it sound like it's gasping for air, it's a real shitty "quick way to put me in a bad mood" thing to say "I want extra mayo on that." Apply that to any other item in the store and this complaint is hereby finished.

6. Not answering my "do you want mayo or mustard?" question and immediately telling me what veggies you want instead.

-There is a fucking reason why we ask you if you want mayo or mustard. This does not mean to just not answer the question if you do not want it. It makes me think you didn't hear me so I will ask it again. It's a very simple concept but apparently there are people out there who are lacking greatly in common sense. After me asking you "do you want mayo or mustard", a simple no would suffice if you don't want any, and THEN tell me what veggies you want. Not the "let's just not say anything if I don't want it" game. It's also very annoying that on top of one not answering me, they tell me "I wanted mayo and mustard on that" when I'm done with their veggies and sometimes I have to re open their damn sandwich(s) again because they FAILED to tell me when I initially asked them.

7. Asking for a shitload of sandwiches and then not tipping us.

-This pisses me as well as the rest of my co workers off a great deal. It's very inconsiderate that if you come in and want 6 or more sandwiches when we are being rushed, not to tip us at least something. This happens enough to where I put it in my bitch list.

8. Hunting for the "perfect change combination" people.

-The reason why these people suck is because it holds up the line for us as well as the other customers waiting to pay. The effects of this phenomenon is short lasting but annoying when it happens. This is what I mean: When you tell someone the price of their meal, and let's say the price is $12.28 or something along the lines, instead of giving me a $20, or a $10 and a $5, they fish through their wallets/purses for change because that are THAT dead set on getting rid of their change. But I have had idiots who don't think it out at all and give me random handfulls of change that makes no sense along with their paper money that in the end I end up giving them back MORE CHANGE than they started with initially. Talk about defeating the purpose of trying to get rid of change.

Volume 2.

1. People who change their minds on what sandwich they want after we have already made it.

-Yes, this happens more often than we would like, and it's VERY aggrivating when it does happen. Very few things piss us off more than being a wishy washy retard and changing your mind after we have already went through the trouble of making and also toasting your Chicken Bacon Ranch sandwich. Not only is it annoying, but it's also very wasteful. :|

2. People who say they want "everything" for veggies but then yell "NO (insert veggie
here)!" after I put it on their sandwich.

-You would think that this wouldnt, or shouldnt happen at all.......BUT IT DOES! People really ARE that stupid! They will tell me they want everything, but then when I get to a certain thing and put it on their sandwich, for once giving someone the benefit of the doubt in knowing what they are doing, and then WHAM! "NO OLIVES!" flies out at me from through the plexiglass. Apparently in their feeble minds, that still constitutes as "everything." If you do this, stop now.

3. The swarm of people showing up 5 minutes before closing.

-DISCLAIMER: I know this is just part of my job and people have every right to do this, but it still sucks!
-When it's 30 minutes or less before closing time, we don't want you here. At all. We are trying to clean, get things done on time so we can actually get out of there at a decent time and go home. We really don't like it when people try to beat the clock by stampeding into our place 5 minutes before we lock the doors. I also find it very rude in my opinion when people show up expecting everything to be fully supplied and not out of things when it's that close to closing time.

3A. People who act all suprised and pissed off when we tell them we're closed and we can
no longer serve you. (when it's 5 minutes past closing time)

-Sub category of complaint #3. Picture this. It's 10:05 pm; we have our "OPEN" sign turned off; we even have our hours posted on the outside of the store, and some random lady walks in fully expecting us to cater to her demand. We tell her "sorry, but we are closed now" and then she acts all suprised that we would actually be closed at a time past our closing time and starts getting bitchy. (Note, we cannot lock our doors from the inside so locking people out is not an option at our store, as much as we wish we could lock the doors from the inside) Those people need to fuck off, plz.

4. Screaming/Unruly kids and the idiots who are their parents.

-This one's almost as self-explanatory as the Cell Phones one in Volume 1. If you are a parent who brings their kids into our store and lets them run around slamming their hands on our displays/fucking with our drink cups/be unruly as hell/without scolding them or getting them to stop, then you need to castrate yourself immediately. Nothing pisses me off more than a bunch of New Age hippy parents who don't believe in properly disciplining their kids when they act like little shits in public.

5. Parents who let their kids with an attention span of a cream puff order their sandwich.

-That's nice that you want to make your kid feel more like a grown-up by letting him or her order their own sandwich, and I have no problems with it when they speak clearly and pay attention through the whole duration of the sandwich making process, but when your kid has to be reminded every 2 seconds to "let her know what you want!", it's very aggrivating. Even worse when they are on top of things for about 3 seconds before that short attention span kicks in and they stop paying attention, thus making my job a very slow and aggrivating ordreal. Add extra Tigress anger points when I cannot even understand what the kid is saying.

5A. Adults with the attention span of a cream puff who order sandwiches.

-Apply everything you just read in complaint number 5 and change the word "kids" to "adults" and you now have complaint 5A.

6. Big families.

-DISCLAIMER: I know this is just part of my job and people have every right to do this, but it still sucks!
-No explaination needed. Big families = t3h sux0rz.

7. People who don't tell us they have Subway cards until AFTER we have already rung their order up.

-You think people would be smart enough to have their cards ready to go by the time they hand us their money, but they're not. I will give people credit, though. Most of them are right on top of it and hand us their cards with their payment, but there are some out there who think it would be a bright idea to let us know they have a card after it's already rung up, and then get all snooty because our computer operating system wont allow us to put points on the card from their order after it's been payed for. Well, buddy, you snooze, you lose! You should have been more on top of handing us your card.

Volume 3.

1. People who say what veggies they want when I had just gotten the bread they asked for.

-This is really aggrivating because people assume we care enough about what veggies you want enough to store it in our memory banks a long time before we get to veggies (when we have countless other questions to ask you before we do veggies) I only make exception to this if they are trying to remember someone elses' order and repeating it out is the only way to remember in time. but if that's not the case, shut the fuck up on your veggies until I'm over there. It's basic common sense.

2. People who get suprised when their shit costs a lot after they practically buy the whole store.

-For the love of God, you just ordered 7 foot longs all with meals and some extra cookies. Of course it's going to cost a shitload. Don't assume I rung it up wrong and get all pissy eyeballing the reciept EXPECTING to find a fuckup somewhere made by me. Maybe that will teach you not to breed so much that you'd have to buy the whole store and give us a bunch of extra prep to do later on because you have basically depleted all of our supplies.

3. People who reply with "yes" after I ask if you want a 6 inch or a foot long.

-When I ask you if you want a 6 inch or a foot long, the correct answer isn't "yes". The correct answer is "6 inch" or "foot long". This happens more often than you would think. People are stupid, what can you say.

4. When I ask if two 6 inches are going to be made the same so I can make it into a footlong instead to save me and THEM time AND THEM money, and they say no but it ends up being the same anyway.

-This chaps my ass so much it's not even funny. Nothing bothers me more when I have to waste twice as much time on doing something when I could have condensed it into one project to save me and THEM time. If you order two 6 inch BMTs on the same kind of bread, you bet I'm going to ask you it would be better to make it into one foot long and do half and half on what veggies you want on it to save me time and to save YOU money. If you still insist on making it harder and more annoying for me because you're afraid that one peice of pickle will end up on the other half, I'm going to ring your ass up for two 6 inches instead of one foot long. (thus costing you around $2 more that way)

5. People who go stand way at the other end of the store right after they tell me what type of sandwich and bread they want so I have to keep asking them what else they want on their sandwich from way over there.

-It's really annoying when people do this. It's common sense to be there with me so it's easy to see what I'm doing to your sandwich and so I can easilly access you on what you want on it. But after telling me what type you want and to then stand way on the other side of the store has got to be not only one of the most stupid, but inconsiderate things to do next to talking on your cell phone while ordering.

6. People who put their change on the counter instead of handing it to me.

-Why do people insist on doing this? Seriously! If I'm in a hurry to get back to what I was doing in the back room, it's very anger inducing that you put 2 dollars worth of change right on the counter so it's extremely hard to pick up and ring you up. Our counters are stainless steel so it's like the change sticks itself right to the counter. Stop doing that.

7. People who can't fucking read menu posters right and end up thinking something costs less when it really doesnt. (partly the menu's fault but more the person)

-If you are stupid enough to think that a sandwich WITH the meal included costs only $2.07, then you do not deserve to breed. That $2.07 is the extra you have to pay on top of your sandwich if you want to make it a meal, dumbass. I had one guy get all pissy at me because he was too stupid to figure that out, even after we had another poster that had the meal deal sandwich listed at $2.99 (plus tax) Then accused me of not explaining it to him when he hadn't brought it up until after I told him what the price of his food was. (after which I did tell him, he was just too fucking stupid and somehow thought it was my fault that our menu posters aren't worded for 5 year olds.)

8. People who fuck up their own orders and then make us fix it because of their fuckups.

-Yes, I realize this is part of my job, but it still aggrivates us to no end when you tell us EXACTLY what you want on a sandwich and we *gasp* end up putting those said things on it for you and then have you tell us that you messed up and got it wrong and that you will need us to re-do it because you really didn't want mustard on it.

9.The fact that people always come in groups. Always.

-This phenomenon is about as mysterious as how the Egypitan pyramids were made. Why in the hell do people ALWAYS show up in groups (people that are not related in any way to the next) even when it's not a rush period? I will never understand this. I always imagine in my head that people are just that sheeplike to actually wait in their cars until one person comes in, and then the rest all come in.

9A. (subcategory of rant 9.) BMT day.

-If you work at Subway you know what day I'm talking about. Thursday's Italian BMT day. Fuck BMT day. Why is it that on THIS day is when the slew of the most stupid customers always come in? We get our fair share of stupidity thoughout the day but for some reason on this particular special day is when the highest percentage of stupidity happens. This no longer applies, the daily specials are gone now.

10. People who go up to the cash register thinking they order there when we have HANGING SIGNS posted in our store on where to order and where to pay.

-We get this almost at least once a day. We actually have signs in big bold large letters that say "order here" and "pay here" in their respective spots, yet people still have problems.


11. People who ask stupid obvious answered questions. (like "which one's your 'chicken one'?" or what's on the chicken/backon/ranch?) or ("for the cold cut combo can I have roast beef on it instead?" *hence youd rather just have the ROAST BEEF sandwich instead of a cold cut combo*

-I shit you not, people. We get stupid questions like this. Now for an example, the answer to the first stupid question I listed is that we have many "chicken ones." Including the chicken breast, chicken bacon ranch, Baja chicken, etc. The answer to the second one was your answer in the form of a question. The chicken backon ranch has chicken, bacon, and or ranch. :| If people wouldn't come in to our Subway high out of their minds or on any other type of stupid drug, these questions probably wouldn't happen so often. It's called common sense, I wish more people would use it.


12. People who get pissy when certain coupons don't work at our store.

-Breaking news, ladies and gentlemen. Not all coupons work at the same stores! And before you bitch at us, it's not our fault, but the owner's! It's not our fault that our owner has not decided to add that coupon button to our computers yet, and maybe if you read the back of some of those coupons that list the Subways they DO work in, you wouldn't have the need for a drama episode. (there are coupons that only work for certain subways and have the ones that they work in listed on the back of them).

13. People who expect to get a 3 foot or 6 foot party sub made for them on the spot.

-For one thing it's physically and scientifically impossible for that to happen. Why you ask? Because it takes at least 30 minutes for us to braid the bread we use for it. (we make the brad a certain way) And then an extra 2 hour minimum to get the bread risen and then baked + cooled off. So do not expect your party sub order to be done in front of your face in 10 minutes. If you think we are bullshitting about us needing a 24 hour notice, then we can hand you the phone to call the manager. She will tell you the same damn thing. Don't go standing in front of us saying "that's bullshit!" like some people have done before.

14. People who expect things to look just like the pictures.

-We actually get this so called "request" very often. I guess much more people don't know jack shit about advertising and marketing as I had originally thought. Lady who just asked me to make your sandwich just like that picture behind me: You do realize that those images are more heavily manipulated/airbrushed/photoshopped than that supermodel on the cover of your Cosmopolitan magazine, right? Not only is the following true for those "perfect pictures", the food used in them may or may not even be real food! Oh, and would you like your sandwich 2D as well to make it UBER authentic?

Volume 4.

1. People who don't tell you they wanted bacon with it until the sandwich is almost finished.

- I will tell you why. Because people get a sadistic pleasure in making our jobs as shitty as possible to make them feel better about themselves. (my theory at least). It makes absolutely no sense to NOT let us know when we start making the sandwich that you would like to have bacon added onto it as well. For one thing it makes you get your sandwich faster. One could say that it was a spontanious decision but it just happens far to often to be just that. You can tell in their voices that they knew all along that they wanted to have bacon on it. Oh, and to the lovely people who do that, you just made me press the "add bacon" button on the computer for you to make the price higher. No extra charge for people who tell me initially at the start.

1A. People who don't tell you they wanted their sandwich toasted until veggies have been asked for. (or later)

- Let me start off by saying that we usually leave it up to the customer to let us know in advance if they want their sandwich toasted or not. (unless it's a "hot meat" sandwich in which the meat either has to be heated up or the sandwich toasted entirely) It's really stupid of you to wait until the entire sandwich is finished and THEN say that they wanted it toasted. Why for the love of God did you not say anything beforehand? I believe my theory in Vol 4 rant #1 applies to this as well. Just the other day I witnessed my co-worker having to unwrap an already finished sandwich because the stupid lady waited until the sandwich was all finished before she hautily claimed that she wanted it toasted. Die plz.

2. People who come in wanting a shitload of sandwiches in the middle of a rush who don't call the order in instead.

- You know, "Mr. order for your entire family tree in one go", we would REALLY appreciate it if you called in that fat fuck of an order a minimum of 30 minutes in advance so we actually have time to get it done for you before we arrive instead of you being an inconsiderate jackass and holding up the line for the other people behind you who want considerably less sandwiches during this lunch/dinner rush. Extra shit points to the ones who bitch at us when we bring it up that it would have been much better to call it in to make the process easier and faster for both sides involved.

3. People who ask for ketchup. WTF.

- *NEWSFLASH!* This is SUBWAY, not McDonald's, not Burger King, not Jack-in-the Box, not "insert shitty burger fast food joint here." Do you honestly expect a Sub sandwich joint to carry KETCHUP?! Dear God, people are more stupid than I originally thought! What makes it even worse is the fact there's a friggen McDonald's right across the street from us!

4. People who leave messes in the lobby and don't clean it.

- I'm not talking about the occasional crumb left on the table here. I'm talking about people straight up not disposing their empty pop cups, sandwich bags into the trash can that is so conveniently placed next to the door on the way out. It's because this generation/society is made up of a bunch of cell phone touting, SUV driving assholes who believe they are entitled to do whatever they want and not pick up after themselves.

5. People who lose THEIR Subway cards and then throw a fit when we cannot make it magically appear in front of them or replenish lost points.

- We can only repeat ourselves so many times. Our computers are specifically designed to where we can't manually add points to any Subway cards no matter how long you bitch and moan for us to do so. You want to know why our computers can't do it? It's because the big bad Subway corporation in the tallest building in your tallest city knew that this special ability would be abused by their Subway minions (us) and we would have free point adding orgies to Subway cards all over the place. (thus losing them money because that's all they care about in the long run) So the moral of the story is to keep track of your own fucking cards as we are not paid to be babysitters of your forgotten or misplaced Subway cards.

6. The drunks/stoners/junkies.
- The town I live in is going down the drain pretty fast. We get our fair share of either drunk-off-their-ass people who like to cause a scene due to their chemical induced stupidity or the idiots who think it's cool to do drugs and then make the sandwich making process a living hell because of all the brain cells they have killed from being high/cracked out. An easy turkey sandwich becomes harder to accomplish than solving a Rubix cube. If I had it my way I'd kick them all out myself.

7. People who add more to an orginal order (at the end of course) and then end up not having enough money for the extra stuff after I went through the trouble of making it.

- This REALLy chaps my ass. It doesn't happen "all" the time but enough times for me to add it to Subway Rants Volume 4. It's like getting fucked over twice in one go. First you tell me you want more shit when I'm about to ring you up and then after I make it you start shifting through your money and end up not having enough for the extra I just went out of my way to go make for you. God damnit that pisses me off! Moral of the story: Don't order more than you can afford. (Common sense 101)

8. The "Well, the other Subway does/has it!" people.

-*NEWSFLASH* Not all Subways carry the same things! You mad that we don't have Swiss cheese or mushrooms on the menu? Get over it.

9. "I'll have an *Italian*"

- Let me explain this one for a second, and I assure you after you know the details of this problem you will agree in an instant that this deserves top spot on any Subway Rants list. The problem with this sentence is that we have *various* things in our store that equals "an Italian." First of all, we have a bread choice that is an Italian, and THEN, we have two different types of "Italian" sandwiches. The Italian BMT and then the Spicy Italian. I really really dislike it when people say they want an "Italian" because they could mean any of these several things I just listed. And then God help us if we choose the wrong one.

10. The people who bitch about us not putting enough meat on their sandwich when we in fact *did* put the Subway regulations required amount of meat on it.

- You know what? The last thing we need to hear when we are doing our jobs is some fucker telling us that we are doing our jobs incorrectly when we actually aren't. You pissed off because you think this sandwich is supposed to have more meat than it looks? (when you don't say you want to pay the $2 extra for double meat), then GTFO and go to the Quizno's down the street if you aren't satisfied before I bring out the Subway handbook and show you diagrams of the required meat amount that goes on the sandwich you just ordered. (that I correctly put on)