Ladies of Dubious Breeding

[raw456]

Anyone who co-habitates with an animal be it feline or canine will know that no outfit is complete without a healthy dose of said animals hair on it.

Our Boxer thinks he is a cat and tries to scent mark my husband and I. We both end up with doggy drool on our pants it's too cute

GK - It sounds like you really need to find another job, but then again, if you did, we would miss out on your weekly saga's which I am finding myself slightly addicted to.

[Heksubah]

No mention of the tech support sapping Outlook fiend this week. I wonder if his boss has finally realized what that man is costing him each weekend.

[Jester]

Why me? Jesus...

Perhaps you are the one chosen by the Almighty.

Perhaps these trials are meant to test your faith.

Or perhaps He is an Angry God, raining His Fiery Vengeance down uponeth you.

Then again, what do I know about theology? I majored in freakin' broadcasting!

There’s no way that I, or even pants, can compete at this point.

I dare say some of the Fangirls would beg to differ. Oh, they would beg.

Whatever I want to call her? Why do you seek my opinion on this matter? Surely you must already have a name, title or perhaps term you refer to her by? Even if it is not the most favourable of monikers.

Amusingly, my friend Pilot and myself refer to our mutual friend's wife as "She Whose Name We Dare Not Speak." No, we are not overly fond of her.....

So, er, on my way here I encountered what appeared to be a group of pirates. They were hoisting what appeared to be a Stanley Cup. One of them was even carrying a stereo playing the Pirates of the Caribbean theme.

Other than the Stanley Cup, such a sight not only would not raise many eyebrows in this town, it wouldn't even be that rare an event. Just last night I saw a pirate walk through the Waterfront Bar while I was setting up the magic bar. No, seriously!

its fucking FAT DAVE AGAIN. What the hell!? This is the 3rd god damn time I've encountered this utter loser.

Someone has a stalker, it seems. A Fanboy gone mad? Or perhaps a compatriot of your incoherent phone stalker Fangirl? The plot, as Fat Dave's belly, thickens.....

I think I only got half way through the amount of misery this week so far. But I don't think I can continue without degrading into particularly bitter vitriol.

But we like your particularly bitter vitriol. That is why we come to read your posts so religiously, GK! Please, bring us the other half!

I rang my boss to semi-coherently, between laughing fits, explain I was in no fit state to come in to work that day.

Many years ago in Key West, the Coast Guard gathered a large cache of confiscated bales of marijuana off the coast to burn it, as they often do. After they lit it, though, the winds shifted unexepectedly, and the smoke started to head towards the island. Realizing the problem, the Coast Guard attempted to douse the flames, in the process disturbing the large pile of bales and allowing many of them to drift off. When calling in the problem, the Coast Guard radioman unwittingly used a public channel, rather than a private Coast Guard channel. So naturally many of the local boat captains, hearing of the problem, rushed to the "aid" of the Coast Guard, and many of them were fishing bales of the confiscated dope out of the water, for use or sale--though those who were caught claimed that they were, indeed, merely trying to "help" the Coast Guard collect the wayward pot. Of course, they were also alerting their friends with boats about the situation, and used a code phrase to refer to the dope bales--they called them "square groupers." (For those who don't know, a grouper is a kind of fish...and there is no square variety.) But in addition to the scores of civilian boats fishing the "square groupers" out of the water, the Coast Guard still had to deal with the billowing smoke from the original pot fire. Which by this point was going throughout Key West, making they day...quite interesting. The police chief, for example, drove his car right through the front wall of a local bar. It was by many locals referred to as the day no turn was left un-stoned.

While I have heard this story many times from many sources--and am sure of its truth due to the sources and the fact that no matter where I hear or read about it, it is basically the same story--I have yet to hear how much extra sales the convenience stores/grocery markets got from their munchie aisles that day.......

I suspect this will the closest that we will ever see to a Stanley Cup being paraded around our town....

I don't know about ever. In 1994, the Canucks DID get to the Finals, losing to the New York Rangers. And after all, the Vancouver Millionaires DID win it all. Sure, it was back in 1915, but it did happen!

[XCashier]

It wasn't till afterwards we learned that the house was unoccupied, and was just four floors of plants. So that billowing white smoke we were standing around in for a few hours before the police and firebrigade decided we were safe to go home...

It was by many locals referred to as the day no turn was left un-stoned.

Oh dear, Scruff and Jester as the next Cheech and Chong!

Hmm, that gives me an idea, GK. Try wafting some ganja smoke throughout Nunavut; it might actually raise the locals' IQs!

[sms001]

If I paid $150 for a pair of jeans they better unzip themselves when I go to the washroom and have their own ear mounted cooling fan to prevent summer swamp ass.

Or play MP3s.

[Tora]

You, GK, have got to be the patron saint of Lowly Employees.

[BusBus]

I don't know about ever. In 1994, the Canucks DID get to the Finals, losing to the New York Rangers. And after all, the Vancouver Millionaires DID win it all. Sure, it was back in 1915, but it did happen!

Yeah, I remember that. And we lost. At home. So we didn't get to see the Cup (at least, not in the possession of our team). At least the police learned to have extra officers out and about during any big sporting event.....

[Jester]

Oh dear, Scruff and Jester as the next Cheech and Chong!

Um, no. Not only don't I smoke up much (lately not at all), I wasn't actually in Key West for that particular event. From what I have pieced together from what I have heard, that whole thing happened sometime in the Sixties, Seventies, or early Eighties, though don't quote me on that.

[ArcticChicken]

When I arrived at the bus stop, there was a guy sitting there with his Lady.

<snip>

Than when I boarded my Sky Chariot….a similarly…rough woman boarded a few stops down.
[/I]

Sounds to me like you rolled 01-10 on the Harlot Random Encounter Table, or perhaps a 26-35.

[Pagan]

Protect you and your family? What, from Kenny G? Umm….I’m not to sure, to be honest.

Actually, he's a great cure for insomnia. Not because it's soothing, but because it's so damn boring.

[Jay 2K Winger]

Re: Cats

As has been noted, you do not have a cat. A cat has you.

Secondly, all cats are evil. This is inherent in their genes. In some cases, this manifests as simple mischievousness; a tendency to tear around the house at all hours of your chosen sleep period; a propensity to play Let's Jump On Hairless Ape's Back; other sorts of things.

In other cases, you discover first-hand why in the time of witch-hunts cats were considered minions of the Devil.

In all cases, you will undoubtedly find some point where you wake up and find the cat STARING AT YOU. And you know, deep down in your soul (where applicable), that were it not for the necessity of having someone to operate the can opener, the Feline Overlords would have completed their takeover of the world long ago.

[Soulstealer]

In all cases, you will undoubtedly find some point where you wake up and find the cat STARING AT YOU. And you know, deep down in your soul (where applicable), that were it not for the necessity of having someone to operate the can opener, the Feline Overlords would have completed their takeover of the world long ago.

That is one of the reasons why my kitty gets kicked to the couch at night.

Although they do provide hilarity when they sneeze in midbath.

[Sparky]

....Cats....

I made the mistake of touching the cat right before I left for work. So now I look like someone hid an IED in a Tribble and I dived on top of it to save my platoon.

I am SO stealing this.

[EricKei]

However, you attempted to use Thunderbolt on the Squirtle of my patriotism, when in fact, my patriotism is a Pikachu and thus it was not very effective.

It saddens me that it took all of 0.00005 seconds for me to not only catch the reference (gotta catch 'em all all o' those references!), but to visualize it.

I made the mistake of touching the cat right before I left for work. So now I look like someone hid an IED in a Tribble and I dived on top of it to save my platoon.

Am I the only one who...completely unintentionally, and to my own mental detriment...substituted a completely different vowel in there in place of the E, upon first skimming that phrase? >_<

The ball is in your court now. The fox is in your rabbit warren. The men’s size 7-10 socks have been placed in your 50% off discount bin. The trace amounts of ebola have been discovered in your broccoli. The rabid weasel is desperately trying to seek refuge in the open fly of your jeans.

Everything rests on you, now young padawan. Don't disappoint me.

THIS is why I love reading your posts from Hell.

Argh, ok, enough for now. God, I think I only got half way through the amount of misery this week so far. But I don't think I can continue without degrading into particularly bitter vitriol.

Please do

[sms001]

Am I the only one who...completely unintentionally, and to my own mental detriment...substituted a completely different vowel in there in place of the E, upon first skimming that phrase? >_<

oh. OH! Wow. Not only did I throw a 'U' in there while reading, but upon rereading in several replies since. And didn't catch it until you pointed it out. It makes sense and is actually funnier our way.