How To: Register As A Sex Offender

[depechemodefan]

I probably say something like, "I see you have a loose thread there. Want me to cut it off?"


The library I work in, known as hell, has cops working overtime there. I was telling the cop some of our horror stories and he tells the story of his usual patrol area of a park.

The park worker calls the cop, who rolls as fast as he can. A dude is jerking off in front of a kid (well, the dude was about 50 ft away, so it's not nose to nose type of thing), out in the open. The kids dad went to get a cop, so it's just mom and jr. The officer asks what happened. Mom and kid (they way the officer told it they seemed calm, though it could be they were angry, scared, aggitated and the cop does't tell me that) describes how the guy just drops his pants, and the kid said he squated down, so he thought the dude was going to take a dump. Then the dude starts "pulling at himself". Kid is 10, I think.

So cop goes to dude and asks him what he was doing (I guess at this point dude put it away). Dude said he was masterbating. Cop asked if he knew there was a kid over there. Dude said yes. Cop tells him it's a felony (or whatever, I forgot what the charge was). Dude said that God shines down a light into the kids eye so he can't see him. Cop tells dude that there are cameras recording that part of the park. Dude says there are no cameras, he checked for cameras.

So anyway, cop takes him away, I forgot what the charge is but that guy will no doubt have to register as a sex offender when he gets out. Unless he already is one, no surprise there.

[Rapscallion]

You know, I find nothing as amusing as seeing the police slam someone deserving face first in the pavement.

Edited for my preferences.

Rapscallion

[ralerin]

To whoever asked: No, cashier is not a minor.

Ah, I also want to add:

When regular customer heard of the incident, he decided to get funny. He said, "Oh, I really love you ralerin" and reached for his pants. I yelled at him, "You do that, you will be banned." He stopped it really fast. Earned himself a place on my shitlist for that. =/ Although, the first words out of his mouth were "How big was it?" Um, sorry, don't know and personally didn't want to know.

[Darkwish]

To whoever asked: No, cashier is not a minor.

Ah, I also want to add:

When regular customer heard of the incident, he decided to get funny. He said, "Oh, I really love you ralerin" and reached for his pants. I yelled at him, "You do that, you will be banned." He stopped it really fast. Earned himself a place on my shitlist for that. =/ Although, the first words out of his mouth were "How big was it?" Um, sorry, don't know and personally didn't want to know.

You should just tell them that any exposure of certain body parts will result in immediate removal of said body part.

[Jester]

It's a shame you aren't a pharmacist, then you could've said:

"Sir, if you need an appointment for treatment about your size, you'll have to get in the other line like everyone else."

Don't have to be a pharmacist to say that. Can just direct them TO the pharmacy with a similar line.

I've seen enough "members" that I don't think I'd be phased by another.*

* I mean I've seen pictures and a couple of accidental flashes.

I've seen tons of them. Not because I do a lot of guys (zero to date), and not because I hang out with perverts. Simply because I frequent clothing optional establishments, and even worked at one for a while.

I hope your store has security cameras in the lot so that it can be proven without a doubt that this was extremely premeditated.

Crimes like that, I doubt premeditation matters. Dude whipped out his willy and exposed it to someone that had no desire to see it. Sexual assault is sexual assault, and this qualifies, premeditated or not.

You know, I find nothing as amusing as seeing the police slam someone face first in the pavement.

For the second time today I have to comment on how truly awesome you are!

[Seshat]

From Tank Girl

"I'm going to need a microscope and some tweezers."


Seriously, though, I hope the cashier was a tough-minded person - the sort who's not fazed by nudity. I'm glad she's not a minor, that makes it more likely she's okay.


And I'm very, very glad the *&$^# has been taken away by the police.


Nudity in clothing-optional places, or in communal changing rooms, is fine. Appropriate nudity in a medical setting is fine. Nudity between consenting adults is fine. Accidental nudity (skirt gets caught in something, bathing suit elastic fails in surf) is fine.

Intentional, sexually charged nudity/partial nudity in a setting where people aren't prepared for it? NOT at ALL fine.

[Iris Kojiro]

What a pervert! I hope that guy gets a stiff prison sentence and does some real hard time.

[XCashier]

You should just tell them that any exposure of certain body parts will result in immediate removal of said body part.

Keep a box cutter at hand...

What a pervert! I hope that guy gets a stiff prison sentence and does some real hard time.

In a penile colony?

[tropicsgoddess]

Uuuuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhh!!! That's disgusting! That poor cashier could use a pallet of brain bleach.

[KMCA]

You know, I find nothing as amusing as seeing the police slam someone face first in the pavement.

Better when you do it yourself. You don't mess with people under my protection and just walk away

[smileyeagle1021]

What a pervert! I hope that guy gets a stiff prison sentence and does some real hard time.

well, he already had the stiff part

As a slight off topic, has anyone else noticed that it is never the people you'd have wanted to see naked even in the proper environment that tend to do that most? It's always the dirty old man, or some variation on that theme... it's never the 21 year old porn star (though, for the record, I would NOT complain, too loudly, if Dempsey Stearns whipped it out in the hotel lobby)

[RecoveringKinkoid]

You mean a happy ending?

Oh, no. No happy ending for him.

[NateTheChops]

(Ah, Nate, I wish you hadn't quit Aid of Rite. You should've been transferred to my store here, you're missing all the fun!)

Well if the boss hadn't been a complete douchenazzle I would have transferred. Alas, his refusal to recommend me for a transfer was just one of the many reasons that led to me shouting certain obscenities on the way out the door.

But I digress.

So sorry your coworker had to be exposed to that. How long was he there before the cops arrived?

[Sheldonrs]

I would have said "I see you're having a half off sale in your pants.".

[blas]

I am just going to thank the gods that be that the worst that ever happened to me was getting hit on or asked for my number or on a date.....