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YAY! Guess who's stuck at home with Swine Flu!? 
Yeah, it blows. Anyway, I figured that, since the Aion servers have failed me this morning, I'm going to regale you with some of my stories once more. So gather 'round the campfire, and prepare to partake in the sorrow of my life as my soul dies a little bit more.
And a one...
SC: Do you have any rooms this weekend?
Me: No, unfortunately we're fully booked.
SC: Oh, what's going on there, I thought it was a recession?
Roll for humor. You have rolled a critical failure. The Reservations Agent is offended at your meager attempt, and has lashed out with a karmic fury to punish you for your act.
Your intelligence, constitution, and willpower suffers a permanent -2 damage. You will be found hours from now huddled in the bathroom, crying about what a terrible person you are. Thank you for calling and have a nice day.
And a two...
SC: Do you have any rooms this weekend?
Me: Unfortunately, we're fully booked.
SC: There's no way, you have NO rooms left!?
Oh fiddlesticks, yet another person passed the Lightning Round Challenge. You know, the same one I've had for years now? The one where I tell you we have no rooms, and you ask if we have any rooms, and magically more rooms are constructed just for you? Congratulations! You're a winner! Room Cardboard Box In The Alley will cost you $800, since I'm such a nice guy.
And a three!
SC: Do you have any rooms this weekend?
Me: Unfortunately, we're fully booked.
SC: What if I make a cash offer on top of the room rate?
Ok, seriously, fuck you.
And a four!?
SC: Do you have any rooms this weekend?
Me: Unfortunately, we're fully booked.
SC: God damn...I can't believe you people would turn away a customer in this economy!
Me: .....We have no rooms left to sell sir.
SC: Yeah, sure, whatever. *click*
...
........
.........................KILL IT WITH FIRE! I don't think you understand the irony of the situation...your douchebag response has actually made me HAPPY that we are turning you away. Don't you get that? Does that not compute? Here's the equation:
If Customer=Douchebag, and Hotel=Full, and Customer=NotHereAndHangingUp, then Khiras=HappyAsAllHellAndDoingALittleDanceWithNoPan tsOn.
Er...you should probably ignore that last part...
*sigh*
So I might as well explain the Swine Flu thing...see, I sit between two co-workers in a corner. I go in last week, and find out the CW on my right is out since her son has H1N1, and may have given it to her. The CW on my left is also out puking her guts out at home.
Neat.
It takes me 2 days to develop symptoms, despite OCD-Cleaning the entire office with sanitizer and all sorts of things, sleeping extra, drinking more fluids, etc. So now, I'm stuck home for a week. Yay.
Maybe you don't know what this place is...
SC: Yeah..uh, I heard you all have rooms for $30 a night in October?
Me: Er...where did you get this information? Our rates for the dates you want are starting at $289 and higher.
SC: I seen it in thert margazine.
Me: Which magazine?
SC: The margazine with the hotels, it says you all at $30.
Me: What is the name of the magazine? Your sure it lists the <hotel> ROOMS, instead of one of our restaurants?
SC: Restaurants?
Me: Yes sir.
SC: I'm pretty sure it said rooms, but I don't own the margazine.
Me: O...kay...unfortunately, the rates I have start at $289 and up; I can't do anything with the price you gave unless I can verify the ad.
SC: <grumble grumble>
Me: <Damn, I always forgot to buy the meat in Legend of Zelda for the Grumble Grumble guy...oh shit I'm not listening to him>
SC: Yeah?
Me: Er...I'm sorry?
SC: *Click*
Ok, so, let's define the problem. You want a room at a 4-star hotel for $30. The rooms actually cost $289 minimum. But the magical fairy "Margazine" (and yes, he really said it like that) told you it was cheaper! Unfortunately, you have no idea what the magical fairy "Margazine" was, and how I'm supposed to find it. Does that just about sum this problem up?
Solution: I'm going to forget to listen to you, as I did, near the end of the conversation. During this time, I will eminate waves of absolute apathy, that should repel you.
Result: Success! You hung up! Of course, you called back 8 more times that day and tried to con your way into a $30 room over and over, only realizing during the 9th call that you DID have the rooms, and it was advertising one of our dining services, not a room. Dumbass.
Overhearing Fun Stuff
So, I'm walking down the hall at the end of the day, and as I go past my friends at the Security Office, I hear the strangest thing:
SO (Sec. Officer): How the hell did he close his penis in the door?
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!
Me: Wait, what?
SO: Heh, oh, you'll love this one Khiras.
Turns out, Captain Fleshtube visited us. Captain Fleshtube was a man of approximately 40 who had come to the hotel alone. Security received an emergency call from the man, as he was in extreme pain. Why? He was in the bathroom and somehow slammed his penis in the door.
I'm going to repeat that, because it needs to be repeated. A lone man. In a hotel room bathroom. Somehow. Managed to slam. HIS PENIS. In the door.
You can't make this shit up.
The theories on his this occurred have kind of exploded all over the hotel, like a drawn out joke. The current lasting theory involves 7 endangered animals, an entire foreign sweatshop, Martha Stewart, the man's family, and a series of disemboweling hooks. And, of course, the offending door. I can't repeat the rest of the details here, since I'm pretty sure Rapscallion would kill me on sight if I typed it out here. Nevertheless..."The Aristocrats!"
I think that's about it for this round of events...I'll come up with some more later
I'd do it now, but my Aion servers are coming back up, and I'm a huge farking nerd who wants to play his characters, damnit.
Yeah, it blows. Anyway, I figured that, since the Aion servers have failed me this morning, I'm going to regale you with some of my stories once more. So gather 'round the campfire, and prepare to partake in the sorrow of my life as my soul dies a little bit more.And a one...
SC: Do you have any rooms this weekend?
Me: No, unfortunately we're fully booked.
SC: Oh, what's going on there, I thought it was a recession?
Roll for humor. You have rolled a critical failure. The Reservations Agent is offended at your meager attempt, and has lashed out with a karmic fury to punish you for your act.
Your intelligence, constitution, and willpower suffers a permanent -2 damage. You will be found hours from now huddled in the bathroom, crying about what a terrible person you are. Thank you for calling and have a nice day.
And a two...
SC: Do you have any rooms this weekend?
Me: Unfortunately, we're fully booked.
SC: There's no way, you have NO rooms left!?
Oh fiddlesticks, yet another person passed the Lightning Round Challenge. You know, the same one I've had for years now? The one where I tell you we have no rooms, and you ask if we have any rooms, and magically more rooms are constructed just for you? Congratulations! You're a winner! Room Cardboard Box In The Alley will cost you $800, since I'm such a nice guy.
And a three!
SC: Do you have any rooms this weekend?
Me: Unfortunately, we're fully booked.
SC: What if I make a cash offer on top of the room rate?
Ok, seriously, fuck you.
And a four!?
SC: Do you have any rooms this weekend?
Me: Unfortunately, we're fully booked.
SC: God damn...I can't believe you people would turn away a customer in this economy!
Me: .....We have no rooms left to sell sir.
SC: Yeah, sure, whatever. *click*
...
........
.........................KILL IT WITH FIRE! I don't think you understand the irony of the situation...your douchebag response has actually made me HAPPY that we are turning you away. Don't you get that? Does that not compute? Here's the equation:
If Customer=Douchebag, and Hotel=Full, and Customer=NotHereAndHangingUp, then Khiras=HappyAsAllHellAndDoingALittleDanceWithNoPan tsOn.
Er...you should probably ignore that last part...
*sigh*
So I might as well explain the Swine Flu thing...see, I sit between two co-workers in a corner. I go in last week, and find out the CW on my right is out since her son has H1N1, and may have given it to her. The CW on my left is also out puking her guts out at home.
Neat.
It takes me 2 days to develop symptoms, despite OCD-Cleaning the entire office with sanitizer and all sorts of things, sleeping extra, drinking more fluids, etc. So now, I'm stuck home for a week. Yay.
Maybe you don't know what this place is...
SC: Yeah..uh, I heard you all have rooms for $30 a night in October?
Me: Er...where did you get this information? Our rates for the dates you want are starting at $289 and higher.
SC: I seen it in thert margazine.
Me: Which magazine?
SC: The margazine with the hotels, it says you all at $30.
Me: What is the name of the magazine? Your sure it lists the <hotel> ROOMS, instead of one of our restaurants?
SC: Restaurants?
Me: Yes sir.
SC: I'm pretty sure it said rooms, but I don't own the margazine.
Me: O...kay...unfortunately, the rates I have start at $289 and up; I can't do anything with the price you gave unless I can verify the ad.
SC: <grumble grumble>
Me: <Damn, I always forgot to buy the meat in Legend of Zelda for the Grumble Grumble guy...oh shit I'm not listening to him>
SC: Yeah?
Me: Er...I'm sorry?
SC: *Click*
Ok, so, let's define the problem. You want a room at a 4-star hotel for $30. The rooms actually cost $289 minimum. But the magical fairy "Margazine" (and yes, he really said it like that) told you it was cheaper! Unfortunately, you have no idea what the magical fairy "Margazine" was, and how I'm supposed to find it. Does that just about sum this problem up?
Solution: I'm going to forget to listen to you, as I did, near the end of the conversation. During this time, I will eminate waves of absolute apathy, that should repel you.
Result: Success! You hung up! Of course, you called back 8 more times that day and tried to con your way into a $30 room over and over, only realizing during the 9th call that you DID have the rooms, and it was advertising one of our dining services, not a room. Dumbass.
Overhearing Fun Stuff
So, I'm walking down the hall at the end of the day, and as I go past my friends at the Security Office, I hear the strangest thing:
SO (Sec. Officer): How the hell did he close his penis in the door?
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!
Me: Wait, what?
SO: Heh, oh, you'll love this one Khiras.
Turns out, Captain Fleshtube visited us. Captain Fleshtube was a man of approximately 40 who had come to the hotel alone. Security received an emergency call from the man, as he was in extreme pain. Why? He was in the bathroom and somehow slammed his penis in the door.
I'm going to repeat that, because it needs to be repeated. A lone man. In a hotel room bathroom. Somehow. Managed to slam. HIS PENIS. In the door.
You can't make this shit up.
The theories on his this occurred have kind of exploded all over the hotel, like a drawn out joke. The current lasting theory involves 7 endangered animals, an entire foreign sweatshop, Martha Stewart, the man's family, and a series of disemboweling hooks. And, of course, the offending door. I can't repeat the rest of the details here, since I'm pretty sure Rapscallion would kill me on sight if I typed it out here. Nevertheless..."The Aristocrats!"
I think that's about it for this round of events...I'll come up with some more later
I'd do it now, but my Aion servers are coming back up, and I'm a huge farking nerd who wants to play his characters, damnit.
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