I....think I ended a marriage.

[slavetotheman]

( This is an automated system that basically just robo voices a text message. But someone in the office turned their cell off and forwarded it to the office line...me )

C: “Welcome to Telus Text to Landline services! Telus Client xxx-xxx-xxxx has sent you the following message!”

O...k?

C: “No! We're going to talk about this right now Call me tonight or we are OVER. It is DONE between us! Do you understand me?! We are through and don't bother coming home! <click> Thank you for using Telus Text to Landline services! Goodbye <click>”

Did….did I just end a marriage?

Do you know who in your office it was? Poor bugger's gonna have some explaining to do... At least this managed to break the monotony of the workday, eh?

[Gravekeeper]

Do you know who in your office it was? Poor bugger's gonna have some explaining to do... At least this managed to break the monotony of the workday, eh?

It's a client's line. Not in my actual company. We're a devious front operation. But no, the message didn't say who it was for so I couldn't warn him even if I wanted too. ><

[Soulstealer]

I need that back, it holds my pants up. =/

No you don't, I'll be taking the pants as well. Well everything but your boxers.

[Gravekeeper]

No you don't, I'll be taking the pants as well. Well everything but your boxers.

I wear briefs. >.>

[Soulstealer]

I wear briefs. >.>

I'm afraid I'll have to take those. My work order specifically says to only let you keep a pair of boxers on. You know how it is with regulations and all.

[OfficeSlug]

SC: “Niner Niner 6 Drive. Solak 5”

…..Solak? What’s Solak? Where’s Solak?

SC: “Postal code is-"

Wait wait, I don’t need a postal code yet. I think I need a Stargate address first.

I completely snorted about a half gallon of purple grape juice out of my nose at this! Jack would be mighty proud of your sarcasm and use of your BRAIN!


Some people are so out there, that, yes, I too want to ask them for their planet, much less their home address!!


/claps

[El Pollo Guerrera]

Snowglobes.

Man, if I EVER win the lottery, I am so going to turn this into a reality.

GK, you know that 'lucky ticket' that you keep on hand for only the bestest of lottery customers? I'll PM you the address to send it to.

I have located a toque in my closet that I did not know I possessed. Either I once purchased it long ago and forgot, or I have been visited by the Hat Fairy who has blessed me. Regardless, equipping it has granted me +15 Frost Resistance and +5 Canadianess.

Does it have either an elk, a bear or a Maple Leaf on it? Those give you +10 Canadianess.

+15 if it's a now-defunct Canadian hockey team.

[Becks]

I need that back, it holds my pants up. =/

Pants? Why do you want to wear pants?

[Broomjockey]

Pants? Why do you want to wear pants?

Because Vancouver is cold right now, despite being on the Pacific Ocean, and shrinkage ain't all it's cracked up to be.

[Jester]

Me: “Alright, and your first name please?”
SC: “Chastity….er…wait…….Karen. Hmm, ok, no Chastity.”

That sounds suspiciously like so many of my dates…..

Snowglobes.

Yet more proof that you, sir, are a genius!

...the single most inconsiderate, rude, obnoxious type of muskrat mongering fuckface that graces the rails of our city’s questionably fine transit system.

I had no idea my ex-girlfriend had moved to Canada. I really though the legal system was forcing her to stay here, not only in this country, but in this particular county. If for some reason she has migrated north to your fair city, please, allow me to apologize to you and your fellow British Columbians for yet another disaster that Florida has unleashed upon others.

I was not the droids they were looking for

As I said above, you are a genius. And this is but more proof. Please, have your way with my 72 virgins, for you have earned it.

So I’m outside, it is dark and there is someone on the loose who requires a SWAT Team.

I already apologized once for my ex-girlfriend. I’m really sorry if y’all have to deal with her and whatever criminal activities she’s up to now, but I am NOT apologizing for her again, damn it!

Had a few too many at Snowglobes last night, did you?

Dude, I don’t even really care for titty bars all that much, even though (or perhaps because) I have worked in them, but now I have an irresistible urge to go to Snowglobes to see the fur-boot-wearing babes stripping it all off to the sound of wolves baying. Damn you, GK….damn you to Nunavut!

Regardless, equipping it has granted me +15 Frost Resistance and +5 Canadianess.

And +20 in Potential Rule 1 Violations! Dude, you had me cracking up at that…thank goodness I have enough beer in me already so that I don’t need to be drinking any more!

SC: “Oh right. Ok, it’s Poppa Echo Poppa Poppa Echo Robert”

“I’m a Pepper, he’s a Pepper, she’s a Pepper, we’re a Pepper, wouldn’t you like to be a Pepper too?”

SC: “Don’t interrupt me.”

Don’t act like a lunatic.

Now there is something that more of us really should say to these people!

The Olympic torch of my hatred has actually been passed on to a new runner.

Uncle Vick will be mightily saddened by the news.

Next time I am back in the great white north visiting family, I'll be buying your drinks!

Good luck with that. Many of us have offered him drinks, myself included, on frequent occasions, but the sad truth is that the GK Deity does not imbibe alcoholic beverages.

I generally used to wear this: http://beyondcart.com/mid/9855682130/img1/7501.jpg

[QUOTE=Gravekeeper;659197]I would not be caught dead in that./QUOTE]

I have seen a few people wearing those, and frankly, when they are female and cute, which they usually are, those make them all the cuter. One word: ROWR!

...he's actually eleven and amused by bikini pictures right now.

Sounds like me. Sounds scarily like me. Not just at eleven, though, but presently as well!

[BusBus]

For starters...your new avatar is unsettling.

SC: “I don’t need an ambulance or anything but the neighbour upstairs are being noisy”

Maybe he thought he dialed 911?

....disfiguring injuries you could have caused yourself just by opening your eyes, yawning and shoving the cat off you....

Seriously? How long have you had a cat? My one cat had me bleeding within the first minute that I met her (I still adopted her though....). And the scars.....oh the scars.

Snowglobes.

I have noticed a few individuals in recent weeks on the Skytrain that seem to be abiding by some sort of “kill it and put it on your head” approach.

I drove by a young woman at a busstop today who had what appeared to be a fresh carcass on her head. Had I stared any longer to try and figure out exactly what the hell it was, I may have inadvertently hit a raccoon....and the cycle is re-born.

I Don't Even Live In A Bad Neighbourhood, QQ

Didn't someone get murdered there last year?

Just saying....

Regardless, equipping it has granted me +15 Frost Resistance and +5 Canadianess.

Minus points if it has a maple leaf on it, though. That's just trying too hard.

Drain Bamage

Me: “Good evening, <company>”
SC: “Yeah, I’m a retired real estate consultant formerly with Visa and Amex and I own a film studio in Merrit and I’m having a problem with one of my tenants I don’t even know if he’s even there he was suppose to pay the rent for December and I don’t know if he skipped or whats going on and but I may be in foreclosure become of it.”

This is a common affliction...the inability to weed out the irrelevant details. I end up having to cut people off and ask three worded questions just to get to the end of the soliloquay.

I generally used to wear this: http://beyondcart.com/mid/9855682130/img1/7501.jpg

but I gifted it to a friend during a Con.

That's cute!

Ok I give up, you have me there. Where on Earth and Beyond do you come up with these lines? Dude, whatever you're smoking, could you send some my way?

Well, he is from B.C......

[AriRashkae]

The Quest for a Helm

I’m finding my minimalist hair length is rapidly becoming inadequate for defending my cranium from the cruel December winds. I may require some form of head covering in the near future. I am unversed in such things, as rarely do I cover my skull. What are the rules precisely? I have noticed a few individuals in recent weeks on the Skytrain that seem to be abiding by some sort of “kill it and put it on your head” approach. I fervently hope this is not the standard.

I owe my husband one of these.

[cinema guy]

. I may require some form of head covering in the near future. I am unversed in such things, as rarely do I cover my skull. .

I believe there is a catalogue containing a veritable cornucopia of such items, in a myriad of colours. I am led to understand that you can order such things at any hour of the day and night and they will ship said items by air, land, sea and dog sled. And I have been told that it is uneccesary to pay for said items until they are delivered.

They also stock pants.

[Gravekeeper]

As I said above, you are a genius. And this is but more proof. Please, have your way with my 72 virgins, for you have earned it.

Not to paraphrase Robin Williams or anything, but I mean 1 virgin is kinda..er...yeah. 72? Man. I don't know how anyone could look forward to that. ;p

I have an irresistible urge to go to Snowglobes to see the fur-boot-wearing babes stripping it all off to the sound of wolves baying. Damn you, GK….damn you to Nunavut!

Hahaha, sounds like a good advertisement pitch. To the sound of wolves baying.

Uncle Vick will be mightily saddened by the news.

I don't mind Vick, he's harmless and kind of entertaining. As is Hot Tips guy for the most part. They can get kind of tiresome if they're calling all night, but both of them seem to have crawled off to hibernate for the winter.

I have seen a few people wearing those, and frankly, when they are female and cute, which they usually are, those make them all the cuter. One word: ROWR!

Yes, it requires a minimum cuteness threshold I do not possess.

Maybe he thought he dialed 911?

If only it could be explained that easily. No, he knew he was calling his property management company. I listened to his "woe is me I can't sleep I pay you rent you do something" routine for a few minutes.

Seriously? How long have you had a cat? My one cat had me bleeding within the first minute that I met her (I still adopted her though....). And the scars.....oh the scars.

The SPCA had mine drugged when I first met her and didn't tell me ( To keep her from murdering other animals in the vicinity ). So she was cute to begin with. Then they wore off a day after I got her home.

They gave me the sign off her cage as a souvenir on my way out. It says "NO OTHER CATS". ><

Didn't someone get murdered there last year?

Just saying....

Yeah. Which is a hilarious reflection of Canadian city life. It's a big deal when one person gets murdered over the course of a year. The first homicide of a new year always triggers a news milestone event too.

What murders we do have are usually related to foreign gangs too. So you really have to try to get killed here. I mean god, what's the national average rate? 1.8 per 100,000? You really have to work at it to get your ass murdered here. =p

Well, he is from B.C......

Technically I'm from PEI. <cough>

[Broomjockey]

Technically I'm from PEI. <cough>

And we try not to hold that against ya. At least you're not from Saskatchewan.