The Plight Of Mr Fufukins

[Amina516]

Perfect...

LMAO!

[Jay 2K Winger]

"*sigh* William, what have I told you about pranking Canadian after-hours call-centers?"

[TelephoneAngel]

I will only ask this once.

Will you PLEASE keep YOUR customers away from MY phone line? They've been bothering me all day.

Thank you.

[BaristaTrav]

"*sigh* William, what have I told you about pranking Canadian after-hours call-centers?"

Holy sh*t... maybe you're on to something.. maybe Murderface is real.

[MoonCat]

Are you sure you wouldn’t like something that goes with the colours you see trailing behind your hands right now? Perhaps yellow or pink? Something in a nice florescent? Though I warn you I don’t have anything in the colour “I CAN SEE GOD”.

I read this just as a call came through on the Death Notice line. Note to self: Not good to laugh in someone's ear when their first words are "how do I place a death notice"?

It'd Hold Up In Court.....Right?

I wonder if there has even been a legal case where “Butchering Stairway to Heaven” has been used as a successful defense to an assault charge? Because there’s a street “musician” up around Granville that has piqued my interest in the matter.

I've had that urge myself. Why is it always songs like this?? Why can't tone-deaf people stick to "Happy Birthday to You" or the ABC song??

Me: "Alright, anything else?"
SC: "Uh, wait. You can talk to the woman. I'm not a girl so I don't know where the jackets are in the catalog."

Annnnnd that sums it up all quite nicely. Ye old rampant sexism in the nether regions of the continent. See there's one prevailing theme that tends to rear its ugly head in the majority of calls on this line. No, not drug abuse. Though that one ranks pretty high. No, I'm referring to the "YOU DO IT, WOMAN!" thing.

See 90% of the time, if a caller is female on this line, its because they're placing the order for a male. Who is typically in the background, barking shit at her like drunken French monarch. This is an almost universal truth amongst all the calls I've taken over the years. If the caller is female, they are performing the task for a loud, disinterested or angry male in the background. If the caller is male, its because they're single and/or their mom/sister isn't home.

And apparently he wasn't even capable of looking through the catalog until he found the right page.

I get guys like this on the phone, too. Or rather, I get their wife or girlfriend, trying to place an ad for the car while he yells "don't put that in!" and similar helpful comments.

I live for your posts. Give us more!!

[Gravekeeper]

So, what Tier level do you need to "be instructed on which objects I can insert into what orifice"?

Not sure, but its above my pay grade.

I know this is inappropriate but was the woman.....Trapped under her late lover until the emergency services personnel arrived?

...I don't know, they did not specify. >.>

At least it appears that your journeys on the sky chariot were uneventful, which surprises me because it's summer and the Celebration of Lights were going on.

I lucked out more than anything else. My shift that night was late enough so everyone was already downtown, but early enough that I got to the office just as the fireworks were ending. So I avoided the slathering mob entirely.

So just what did they say that was so bad that it had to be bleeped by "@%&)@%"? If its flanked by Shitty and Fucking its gotta be bad!

I actually don't know, the only clear parts with his accent were "Fucking" and "Mother" for the most part. He was particularly fond of both. As if he had just learned them the other day and was excited to finally get to use them in a conversation.

Maybe his name was Stefen? "S" and "F" sound pretty similar on digital phone lines.

No, it was Steven. You're still giving my callers the benefit of the doubt. That's cute. -.-

Will you PLEASE keep YOUR customers away from MY phone line? They've been bothering me all day.

If I had any actual control over them my company would be out of busy for lack of traffic by now. =p

I read this just as a call came through on the Death Notice line. Note to self: Not good to laugh in someone's ear when their first words are "how do I place a death notice"?

We actually have two accounts where the directions literally specify "Do not say "good" anything at any point during the call". Because if they're calling, it means something horrific has occurred. >.>

Though conversely, I have a few with the potential for massive tragedy that still start with a "Good evening" lead in.

[Versalia]

Would you give me your number so I can call you with a very eloquent, polite order? :wink:

[El Pollo Guerrera]

^ Don't do that! The sudden shift between what he's used to and 'polite, eloquent and rational' would throw him into shock! What are ya tryin' to do, hurt the guy?

[Gravekeeper]

^ Don't do that! The sudden shift between what he's used to and 'polite, eloquent and rational' would throw him into shock!

You know, the sad part is it seriously would on that line in particular. It'd take me a second to comprehend what was occurring, and then I'd be suspicious for the rest of the call. Waiting for the trap to be sprung.

Very rarely on it we get French callers ( There's a separate line for French, so they're hitting the wrong option ). Always throws me, because they're polite and articulate. But I don't take orders from them, I just loop them back to the French line. Which is a separate branch that suffers far less then ours.

[Magpie]

We actually have two accounts where the directions literally specify "Do not say "good" anything at any point during the call". Because if they're calling, it means something horrific has occurred.

My parents' church contracted an after-hours answering service so that the priests didn't have to answer the phones all night. The reason an answering service is necessary is that if someone is in immediate danger of dying the priests need to be informed immediately. So their options are answer every call, no matter the time of day, even if it's someone calling to ask what time midnight mass is, or get the answering service. The first time a parishioner left a message with them she was grilled on how they did. The response was that "you might want to change the script. The blunt 'is someone in immediate danger of dying' would be a bit much if there was an emergency."

Very rarely on it we get French callers ( There's a separate line for French, so they're hitting the wrong option ).

So which of you is generally the one who's bilingual enough to switch languages for the explanation?

[Ben_Who]

It'd Hold Up In Court.....Right?

I wonder if there has even been a legal case where “Butchering Stairway to Heaven” has been used as a successful defense to an assault charge? Because there’s a street “musician” up around Granville that has piqued my interest in the matter.

I guess I find this funny because I always found Stairway to Heaven pretty easy to play...butchering it would be like butchering Chopsticks. Granted, it's been a while since I've tried and I'd probably want some rehearsal before being allowed out in public with it, just to be safe, but those opening bars are essentially a warm-up exercise.

Then again, I play keyboards.

--Ben

[Gravekeeper]

So which of you is generally the one who's bilingual enough to switch languages for the explanation?

Sometimes one of us, sometimes neither of us and I just transfer them. >.> My French is pretty damn rusty.

We have one line that's for an association of funeral homes. It only rings when the bell hath tolled for someone. Granted, I have several accounts that only ring when someone has perished. I also have one that only rings when epic tragedy has struck. I don't like that. It can range from several thousand in property damage all the way up to something worthy of a candlelit memorial and a Wikipedia entry.

Anything involving the Skytrain is always bad. >.>

[Shalom]

There's a music store near my home with a big sign over the racks of guitars that says

NO
STAIRWAY!

And I don't think it's there to tell people not to climb on the racks, either...

[Megg]

Not sure, but its above my pay grade.

I think it is time for bed, I read this as "above my gay parade". Yeah, I know - ?

Haha, thanks for once again entertaining me with your suffering, GK.

[Chromatix]

Stairway to Heaven is one of those subtle songs. It's not difficult to play all the right notes, but you *really* have to know what you're doing to make it sound good.