Wherein I Am Beset By Lusts

[EricKei]

I have no intention of doing this for the rest of my life, you know. >.>

Well that's why we all invested so much money in making sure that... uhm er, I mean, forget you saw that! Nothing To See Here!

And no, you do not sound even remotely feminine. You actually have a really good PhoneVoice®

[EvilEmpryss]

I have no intention of doing this for the rest of my life, you know. >.>

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Congratulations! You're there! Happy time!

[Eisa]

Now see, I don't think Gravekeeper should give up posting on CS at any time....I think he -would- make a lot of people pass out from lack of air if he ever recorded himself reading one of his posts and then posted that here. Can you just imagine the emotion that would come through a -voice- post?

We're spitting coffee all over keyboards and gasping for breath from laughter as it is.
Voice posts would be -deadly-. But oh, what a way to die!

This is exactly what I was going to suggest he do!



Edit: Also I like how you say "very." It sounds...Canadian. Or something.

[ExRetailDrone]

It wasn't sarcasm at all. We will quite patiently stand in a huge mob until given direction using the keyword "Please". It's basically our culturally imprinted trigger word. >.>

Wow, that's... incredible. My US-born brain just cannot comprehend such politeness on mass transit. And I haven't even taken mass transit all that often, being from a little podunk town where I avoided the one 'mass transit' (*chokecoughsnort*) line as much as possible because it seemed only the creepers rode that for hours. I'm seriously floored that people didn't turn into a whirling ball of mob fur at the word fire. Just awesome!

And thank you for the recording! Yay! You definitely do not sound female in any way, shape, or form. You have a very nice, sexy, professional-sounding voice... Well, other than the whisper, that was just amazing If it's the whisper that's coming across on the headset, I can see why they might confuse you for a sex-worker

I also agree with some of the others... I would love to hear you read one of your posts, or even just one part of one of your posts. I'm sure the way they sound in my head just doesn't do them justice.

[houdini]

Oooo! I know! I know!

He wanted. . . pants!!!!

Or multiple hats.

I second (third? fourth? fifth? I'll just join the back of the line...) the idea of Gravekeeper doing podcasts. If nothing else, it would make me happy for the short time before I passed out from lack of being able to breathe due to laughing.

[Andara Bledin]

You know what makes public transportation better? Fire!

O.o ... Maybe in a steam locomotive drawn train... >_>

None the less, you realized that ( Surprise! ) your wallet and your phone, with all of its diplomatic cables and contact numbers, is now shockingly in the possession your female companion and the only thing you know about her is that she’s Asian, a “dancer” and supposedly belongs to a “dance studio” in one of our buildings which you are now in front of.

And this is why you have a checklist of possessions that you check before you leave the presence of your "benefactress" and not after.

But, like you, Gk, I'm going to laugh my ass off about his predicament.

SC: “Someone pushed the button that wasn’t supposed to be pushed.”

Was it candy-like?

…..The History Eraser Button?

It was! How could they have possibly resisted?!?

I’m really beginning to question exactly what I’m doing with my Operator Voice™ that’s causing this and how I might put a stop to it.

I'd offer to review a sample of your Operator Voice™ for you to possibly give you pointers, but methinks that might be a tad bit creepy in and of itself, which is exactly what you're trying to avoid.

Awww, that’s sweet. Not only do think a completely random stranger that’s being paid to talk to you actually gives a shit, but you’re spending your anniversary ordering pants in the dead of night instead of with your wife. Warms me heart, it does.

I had come up with a reason why he was ordering pants in the middle of the night without neglecting his wife, but then I got squicked out halfway through, so ... yeah.... nevermind. >_<

All I want is for my voice to say “I’m professional and here to assist you” not “I want you inside me”.

o.O

Ok... Maybe you need help enough that it goes beyond the possible creep factor of someone offering it...

Well….alright then…..you know you’re not really helping Newfoundland’s stereotype, right?

No. But... well, it could be considered part of the region's charm.

SC: “But I phoned at 10 to midnight!”

I thought you phoned 15 minutes ago? 10 to midnight would have been 25 minutes ago. Granted you also think you were on hold for 10 minutes so I’m not sure your perception of time is overly reliable at this point.

I am greatly saddened by how I figure he can be right about the "15 minutes ago" at 12:15 and still mean it when he says "10 to midnight." Lord help me.

See... if he phoned up at 11:50 and was hung up on, and then waited fifteen minutes before calling again at 12:05, and then waited on hold for 10 minutes (which he would end up not counting as part of the 15 minutes go), he would end up speaking with you at 12:15, which he did.

>_<

Of course, we all know he called for the first time at 12:13, and concocted this whole charade purely in an attempt to get around a deadline he most certainly missed without any technological assistance.

This is what I get for doing math and logic puzzles for fun.

Me: “Alright, so you can’t launch applications on the back office computer?”
SC: “Yeah, cus it’s cold outside.”

…I….don’t think that has anything to do with it, honestly.

Last I checked, cold made computer things work better not fail to work at all.

Because the reality can't possibly be as. . . graphic. . . as what's playing in my head right now.

Well, now. That certainly pushes me rather farther down the creep-o-meter.

Thanks, EE!

... of course, it also means that either I'm slipping, or I'm trying not to frighten my prey... >_>

I don't know EE. Older posters have indicated he might be kind of sultry sounding...

I can say that he is easy on the ears. And the hint of Canadian accent on the vowels is quite endearing.

I had to plaster my hand over my mouth to keep from cackling like a maniac at work after reading this! I'm with EvilEmpryss, I want to hear a recording of you saying this! Because what I hear in my head cannot possibly be what you actually sound like

*blink*blink*

I was ok until this point. Up until then, I was using my standard, generic, person posting to a forum mental voice for the phrase in question... >_>

I couldn't possibly do that of course, and even if I did I wouldn't just throw it on the Internet forever or anything.

Ooh, totally adding that to my collection.

Errr.... I just said that out loud, didn't I?

My trains burst into flames all the time, usually the very one I'm riding.

I had a bus I was riding encounter flames.

Not fun to have your Greyhound pull over in the middle of the 5 freeway near absolutely nothing, somewhere in the desert between Los Angeles and San Jose, with smoke pouring into the back of the passenger compartment sometime around 3 am. >_<

And then, half an hour later, being told to get back on the smoking bus to continue the trip.

^-.-^

[jerkface11]

OMG. Please, PLEASE
ETA: I'm also going to start keeping track of bits like this:
We need good stuff like this to do skits in my psychology classes. Most people don't get to hear what paranoid schizophrenics sound like from a safe distance.

He's been known to call in to Coast to Coast AM. Always ranting about Prince Charles too.

[Jester]

Diplomatic Relations

This whole story, and your telling of it, is simply just fucking hilarious!

So the Skytrain burst into flames this morning.

Every square inch of the platform...was shoulder to shoulder people.

Luckily, Canadians are overtly polite and content to just stand around in a huge harmless mass like confused sheep until someone in a vaguely official looking uniform comes by to tell us what to do using the secret codeword "Please".

Amazing. If that same thing had happened in any American city (New York, Philly, Boston, DC, Miami, LA, San Fran, Chicago, Seattle, etc.), there would be tons of angry people shouting for answers.

Of course, in Seattle, they'd be jonesing for their next coffee fix, so things would be twitchier.....

By the way, it does sound more like the track burst into flames, not the train itself. Just saying.....

SC: “What if I say I was waiting for a while on hold to get in?”

This same logic has been tried on me. Usually when I card someone for a drink and they are not 21/don't have their ID with them.

"What if you just say you saw my ID?"

What if I just say I'm not going to jail/losing my job/standing in front of a judge because you're underaged, a forgetful twit, or both, and just call it even?

I am disinclined to acquiesce to you request. Means "no."

SC: “I’m hoping that given with what happened here I’m still in deadline.”

Again, something I can relate to my bar guests. Or more correctly, a small minority of jackass bar guests I have had.

"Jester, these fries are cold. I'm hoping that you can give me my whole meal for free, given what happened here."

And I'm hoping I come home to find Megan Fox naked in my bed. I fear we will both be disappointed.

Generations to come will speak in hushed whispers of the G'dayMonEh shock troops and their daring but politely quiet midnight raids.

Not to mention the monster doobies they had.....

Curious. I believe I asked “What’s the problem with the system” not “Can you weave me a bardic tale of whismy?”.

Great fucking line! And I so want to use that on a bar guest.

Sadly, the vast majority of bar guests that would warrant such a retort are either too drunk, too stupid, or too drunk and stupid to fully appreciate such witty repartee.

But while somewhat drunk, *I* appreciate such witty repartee, and salute you for it, sir!

Older posters have indicated he might be kind of sultry sounding...

Oh, I've heard GK's voice. And let me tell you, he's just dreeaamy.

And if he is, in fact, a diplomat, I feel sorry for the residents of his country.

Hey, I say they deserve him if they elect governmental officials that appoint such retards.

Yes, I fully understand the implicit irony in the above statement. My point exactly.

I really don't know about the voice thing. I don't get hit on in voice chat in online games. But I don't use Operator Voice there either I suppose.

It IS the Operator Voice. I speak from experience.

Years ago, in my only call center job, I was between calls and talking to my supervisor. I was telling her that I could not figure out WHY I kept getting hit on by female callers. She was in the middle of saying she had no idea why, when my headset beeped, indicating an incoming call. I slipped immediately (and quite unconsciously) into my Operator Voice (which happens to be my Radio DJ Voice) and said, "Thank you for calling Chain Hotel, this is Jester speaking, how may I help you?" At which point my supervisor, hearing this, pointed at me and blurted out, "THAT'S why!!!"

I'm not being arrogant here. After years of people telling me I have a great speaking voice, I no longer argue the point. A few of the people on this site have talked to me on the phone. They'll vouch for me.

Sadly, my singing voice is quite imaginative....as in, it doesn't exist in reality.

*listens* Damn. You have an awesome voice, GK.

And it is strangely familiar...

I thought so, too, both this time and the last time he posted his voice online.

But this time I knew why.

GK's voice is eerily similar to that of Steve from Blue's Clues!

I second the podcast/radio idea.

I could do that!

you have a voice that's pleasant to listen to

Me too! I could do that!

sounds like you know what you're talking about

Absolutely I could do that!

but without being condescending about it.

Awww, crap! Nevermind!

Okay, people, you've got to stop giving GK all these ideas about pod casting and radio and audio books. . . If he were to go and take up these other careers, he would escape the CS hell that is his current job.

That would not necessarily mean the end of his posts. They would take on a different form, but his wit would remain intact, and he would still have plenty of material from his job to post about on the site.

Trust me, I know. After all, I listened to enough bitching from my little sister from her time with an audiobook company (back when she still lived in the U.S.) to know that. After all, there are crappy customers/coworkers everywhere you go!

I have no intention of doing this for the rest of my life, you know. >.>

Funny, I said the same thing to myself when I took my first job in a restaurant.

In 1986.

And this is why you have a checklist of possessions that you check before you leave the presence of your "benefactress" and not after.

My friend Popcorn has just such a checklist, which he has recited near me many times.

"Wallet, keys, glasses, testicles." I am sure we could add "phone" to that without too much problem. And if you don't wear glasses, it wouldn't lose any of its lyrical meter: "Wallet, keys, cellphone, testicles." Yep. Works for me!

[EvilEmpryss]

GK's voice is eerily similar to that of Steve from Blue's Clues!

I can hear it.

"Wallet, keys, glasses, testicles." I am sure we could add "phone" to that without too much problem. And if you don't wear glasses, it wouldn't lose any of its lyrical meter: "Wallet, keys, cellphone, testicles." Yep. Works for me!

The "official" version mimics the Catholic crossing of oneself. You have to touch your forehead, groin, left side of chest, right side of chest as you say "spectacles, testicles, wallet, watch."

Though I've not met anyone who wears a watch in their pocket anymore.

[Jester]

"spectacles, testicles, wallet, watch."

THAT'S what it was! (I couldn't remember, so I faked it.)

[Gravekeeper]

I always thought Steve looked horribly trapped. Like he was doing the whole show at gun point. When you look into his eyes you can see he's dead inside. >.>

[Andara Bledin]

I've never seen Blue's Clues, so can't really comment.

However, he does remind me a bit of Stephen Lynch, but that may be as much due to the content of the clip as the voice itself.

^-.-^

[Eisa]

Wait, Stephen Lynch! Maybe that's who GK's voice reminds me of.

Since I've erm...never really seen Blue's Clues...

Also, I agree, he looks dead inside.

[Jester]

I always thought Steve looked horribly trapped. Like he was doing the whole show at gun point. When you look into his eyes you can see he's dead inside. >.>

Which is pretty much where you often say you'll be if you don't get out of this job at some point in the near future.

Maybe that's why their voices sound so similar. How much longer till GK's eyes hold that same look? Hmmmmmmmmmm...........

[EvilEmpryss]

And his only friends will be an imaginary pet and hallucinations of his headset, computer, telephone, note pad, and pencil coming to life to lead him on merry sleuthing adventures in search of pink camo pants.

{I have kids. . . I know way more about the world of children's animation than I ever wanted to. }