THEY SAVED HITLER'S BRAIN (and kept the receipt, too)

[Demonoid Phenomenon]

Just curious...
What's the oldest return anyone has ever been confronted with?
Our company allows STUPID returns. Of course, anything over 30 days gets automatic store credit, but they can still return/exchange it with no problem.
I've had returns recently where the sale dated back more than a year ago. And they had the receipt.
I'd be embarrassed to try returning something that old, but then, I have a sense of shame.
My customers don't.

Any stories to share?

[chainedbarista]

one girl brought back a cup with a removable lid; directions for care state 'do not put into dishwasher.' what does this genius do? puts it in the dishwasher, and not just any location, but loose on the bottom rack.

the kicker? she was shocked it fell through and MELTED. we took it back, even though i'm standing next to my boss whispering, 'don't take it; she'll do it again and again...'

he took it back and refunded the dumbass her money.

[April]

Once, at the service desk, A couple tried to return, with a reciept, one of those Christmas projectors that was THREE years old. Apparently they confuse months with years and were very angry that not only did we carry it anymore, we wouldn't take it back

[Craftstoreslave]

When I worked at a different store for the came company, we once had a couple of ladies try to return a about 2 cartfulls of 2-year-old fake flowering bushes we sell. They claimed they came from a wedding that was cancelled 2 YEARS ago.

They didn't get their money back, thankfully.

[Fera Festiva]

Back when I worked at Claire's, a customer tried to return a pair of earrings (which isn't allowed) with no receipt (also not allowed). They were mounted on card with a logo that had been discontinued three years before that (no chance, mate). Funnily enough, I refused to take them back; she got huffy ("I spend a lot of money here, I'm a valued customer, this is ridiculous" etc) and asked for the manager. The manager was pretty cool and had that sort of very friendly but firm, assertive way of talking to SCs that can make them magically STFU. She backed me up 100% and together we watched the customer slink away meekly, tail between legs.

The best part - the customer was one of my old PE teachers. She had hated me because I was crap at running, and had regularly mocked me as I wheezed podgily around the athletics track. Seeing the manager totally PWN her was priceless.

[South Texan]

I once witnessed a guy try to return a shower head that he claimed was "like that when I bought it". It was covered in lime (a mineral in our water that forms almost rock-like crust formations that clog faucets and pipes and the openings in shower heads) and was visibly worn out. He had been wired it back onto the card/platform for a new shower head and stapled the clear plastic cover back over it. There was no way anyone with sight could have mistaken this thing for new when seeing it on the shelf.

The clerk was really good in handling him. She took the shower head, put it in the manager's office, and told him that once he brought in the new head that had come in that package, she would refund the money. He went nuts, but she was really amazing in how she smiled and acted as if he had made an honest mistake and brought in the wrong shower head. When he eventually decided to give up and leave, the rest of us in line had a hard time not cracking up as he walked by us.

[Battyone]

Allright, my personal ultimate return story for sheer age was when someone tried to return something that was purchased in 1992. Yes, 1992. 14 years! It was one of those old Radioshack Tone Dialers, and i can only assume that it became a Phreaking tool, and now that it doesnt work in our area I assume he wanted a refund on it. It was off the deck, so I issued him a "gift card".

[In RS when we have a return like that, and dont want a bad situation we sometimes issue a $5 giftcard, then immediately void the ticket.]

[Ljt09863]

i don't do returns, but they are done by managers at my counter. this particular manager is no longer with the company.

a lady came over to return some hair curlers. i looked at the package, and didn't recognize it. i called a manager over.

the manager who did the return had just started back at that store. he had left five years ago for a diferent store and just returned.

this lady tried to return hair curlers that she bought the first time the manager was there. thatmeans that they were five years old....and yes, she did have the receipt.

[Kiwi]

modelling clay

9 months old (with a reciept) the lady couldnt BELIEVE!!!!! that I wouldnt take it back or give her a credit...

even after I showed her that it was no longer wet clay, it was now a dried out powder.....

some customers dont understand that businesses will usually take things back ONLY if they can resell it without a massive discount (that was the craft stores policy anyway)

[wagegoth]

Not as old as BattyOne's SC

Many, many years ago, I worked for the chain based in Seattle that accepts all returns. ALL RETURNS. The caveats are that we have to have carried the item at one of our stores, we have to have the price for which it was sold, and without a receipt or sales tag you will get the last price recorded for the item (sale or clearance).

A woman came in about a month before Christmas and wanted to return a high-end (Christian Dior brand, probably originally about a $75 gown (this was back in the late 80s)). It had a front yoke and the fabric had totally ripped along the front at the yoke seam. I'm sure you've run into this before: SC needs money and figures to score a few bucks for the holidays.

No receipt, of course.

SC: It was a gift. It's a Christian Dior. It should not have fallen apart.
Me: How long have you had the gown? (I don't recognize it and I've been there a couple of years.)
SC: A year or two. *spidey sense tingle alert*
Me: I'm sorry. I don't recognize the gown. We haven't carried it recently. I will have to check the price with our buyer. She is in the store today, but it will take some time. Please leave it with me.
SC: Okay. It is Christian Dior. It should NOT have fallen apart. *right, because it is indestructible, will last for centuries (like Twinkies and roaches), and will survive any and all abuse you've given it by not following the care instructions*

Back to the buyer's office. I show her the gown, tell her the story. She's been working for the store for years. She didn't recognize the gown. I then spend the next 20 minutes reviewing buyer catalogs trying to locate the gown. The catalogs go back five years. The gown is not in them. At which time, I'm starting to feel a bit better about dealing with the customer. The buyer agrees with what I have decided, and it follows store policy. Yippee!

The SC returns.

SC: How much will I be getting on the return?
Me: $19.95.
SC: What? It's a Christian Dior. It fell apart. I deserve the full price back!
Me: I'm sorry, ma'am, but after researching the gown, the buyer and I were unable to find it in any buyer guides for the last five years. We don't know that we carried the gown, but we are willing to give you what would have been the final clearance price on the gown.
SC: But it's a Dior!
Me: *repeat above*
SC: But it's a Dior!
Me: *again, repeat above*
SC: I am not happy with this and I am going to talk to the store manager.
Me: I'm sorry you're unhappy, ma'am, but that's our only option on this item. You could contact the U.S. company that supplies the gowns to explain your disappointment. I can get that information for you.
SC: Never mind. I thought this would be simple. [your store] accepts returns on everything.
Me: Yes, ma'am, we do, but we can't give you a full refund on a gown that we may never have carried, of which we have no record, and, on which, have no way of obtaining the original price. I'm really sorry. I hope the rest of your day is better.

SC grumbles and leaves. She never comes back.

My secrets: keep smiling winningly, keep a low, steady tone of voice, make close-ended statements, use better grammar, repeat as necessary, and be about 4 inches taller than the average SC.

[Dips]

I have two stories.

One was posted before the last board went down. It starred a guy named Bub [name changed to protect...um...me] who wanted to return year-old software for a refund. Someday I'll repost that, but it's really too long to post in this thread.

The other was my very first post in CS years ago. My landlady wanted to return three shade pulls which she had purchased three years before; they were still in the original packages; she even still had the receipt.

The sucky part was that she made my husband and me return them when we went to the store to pick up the new shades she bought for our apartment. [She bought us the second-cheapest shades instead of the cheapest ones because we were good tenants and she liked us. ]

The store did take them back and give us the refund (a whopping $2.97!). The salesman even remembered dealing with my landlady three years ago. I didn't ask WHY he remembered her, though.

[Actually, she was a pretty good landlady. She never raised the rent for the seven years we lived there and always fixed things right away when they broke. We were genuinely sorry to say goodbye when we moved, even if she was a bit eccentric.]

[Bugg]

the oldest thing I can remember when I did returns was some garden something or other, no receipt of course. So, I look it up in our computer, no current item matches( big surprise) I look in our deleted item list--it was deleted in 1996, which means it would have been in our stock in 1994-5.......it was now 2005!!! By our store policy we were supposed to take back any items we sold, but our management left us some discretion..figuring that anyone returning anything that old is clearly abusing our incrediblt lenient return policy (score one for the managers!) Passing the weathered package back to the customer, I loudly said that it was so old we couldn't find it in our system, and that our system only goes back 5 years( no need to embarrass them! ) sadly enough, it wasn't a strange occurance to have things returned that were years old..even plants, yes, plants.

[Jack T. Chance]

One from my book selling days!

Years ago... about 9 of them... I worked for the now-defunct bookstore chain Crown Books at one of their Super Crown locations (larger, more modern store locations with a larger selection). We had a HUGE sign behind the counter... literally at least 3 feet on a side... with our return policies on it. The most important one was that all returns must be made within 30 days, with a receipt. One day, this lady walks up to my counter with college text books that are visibly old and VERY used! She proceeds to produce a receipt... from 18 MONTHS EARLIER!!! >=(

It is VERY clear to me that she bought the books for a class, used them quite heavily while taking the class, THEN EXPECTED TO RETURN THEM FOR A FULL REFUND!

I of course immediately pointed out that she was well beyond our 30-day return policy, and refused the return. So, naturally, being the SC that she was, she demanded to speak to the manager. Luckily, I was only a full-time sales associate, so I was more than happy to let him handle the retard! ;-)

Unfortunately, our manager was under orders from our District Manager to take any and ALL returns in the name of keeping the customers happy... one of many ill-advised and inneffective strategies Crown tried to keep from losing business to Borders, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.Com. I think we all know how their strategies worked out, now don't we? ;-)

And people wonder why Crown Books went out of business.

Well, that's my 2¢ on this one!

[evilhomer]

One that pops into my head was when I sold a universal remote. We had a "final sale" policy on these and I made a point of letting this dumbass know. This was unacceptable, she wasn't sure if it would work (and of course was too lazy to bring her vcr in to let me test it), so I had to give her a chance to bring it back. Long story short, I caved, but I specifically marked on the invoice "return allowed within 7 days with reciept and all original packaging".

Two months later I get a phone call. She tried the remote the day she bought it and it didn't work, but she's been "very busy" and hasn't had any time but she'll be by this afternoon to bring it back. After a quick check to find out who this shite for brains is, I tell her that it's been more than 7 days, bugger off. Fifteen minutes of arguing later, she tells me "this product is still sellable, I am coming over now, you will give me my money back". I stifle a laugh to the click in my ear. A week later she calls back to see if I've reconsidered, ummm no, it's now been 67 days, 60 days beyond the special favour I granted, piss off. Once again, she's coming right over and I will give her a refund. Later that week I get another phone call, she's actually reasonable and nice this time. She's thrown out the manual and the box and sees that it's unsellable, will I take it back? I want to lay into her that it's been over two months since the return privilege expired and that I've already told her 100 times FUCKING NO BITCH!, but seeing as I've already wasted over an hour of my life shouting at a brick wall, I elect to take advantage of her newfound intelligence and keep it as a simple "sorry no" and wish her a slow and painful death.

[Bugg]

this isn't about an overdue return but still funny...

It's late night,(for us anyway about 8.00p) and up walks this gentleman with a big pkg of toilet paper, with one missing, he looked rather sullen and was kinda staring at his toes the whole time...so I ring it through (no problem, I'm not gonna make a big deal about the missing roll, we still get credit on 1/2 pkg or more, even so, if the person isn't a jerk, I've returned less than that), so just out of curiosity, I asked him what was wrong with it, and he replied..

"It just wasn't what I expected.", in this morose tone, that immediately had me grabbing the counter to avoid bursting with laughter.

It was as if he had gone thru a difficult day with only the thought of his lovely new roll of charmin welcoming him after a long day to keep him going. Like he walked into his bathroom, exhausted, being encouraged by the shiny white roll hanging smartly, winking at him, "Go ahead pal, you earned it!", flapping its end sheets warmly..........only to be let wholly disappointed.

you know what they say,"Never meet your heroes!"


I still get a chuckle out of it when I picture it!