Why I *still* hate weddings

[Andara Bledin]

Bride is closer to broth than bridle, which is related to braid. It seems that all variants of groom actually come from the same route, however, all of them referring to a young man or boy.

^-.-^

[skeptic53]

A few summers ago I was riding my bike through one of my city's poshest neighborhoods. Before the crash the cheapest home would start at $1.5 million or so. Someone had had their yard dressed with chicken manure. It was August and you could smell it very, very strongly for blocks. How the people with the fertilized yard and their immediate neighbors could stand it was a mystery to me.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Hmm...a string quartet and the smell of fresh, hot manure everywhere (plus flies)...what a great memory for all involved. (Don't get me wrong, the string quartet might have been the only reason I personally would have stayed!)

[dalesys]

... yard dressed with chicken manure.

That's just the chickenshit option!

For real grossness: My BFF had a neighbor when we were kids who worked at a slaughterhouse... and dumped a couple of 55 gallon barrels of blood on his lawn every year.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Don't assume that the bad smell of fertilizer comes from manure. One of my neighbors likes to have leaf mulch delivered every spring for her garden. That stuff stinks as bad as any manure based fertilizer I have smelled.

[Frantic Freddie]

Horse shit doesn't smell bad to someone like me that's been around horses most of their life,cow,pig & dog is much worse.

That said,who the hell plans a wedding in the middle of a pasture fulla shit of any kind? I've played a lot of weddings: like the one where the backyard was a hill & they expected us to set up there,not a flat spot anywhere except the patio & a small area where the weeding took place. After we explained how a band with a drummer can't set up on a hill they let us use the patio. There was also some discussion along the lines of how contracting a band implies having a place for us to play & how the courts view this

Living here in the southwest the most fun weddings are the Spanish ones,great food,lots of booze,friendly people....every one I've played we're part of the party,not just hired hands who aren't allowed to mingle with the guests. I've played a few of those snooty affairs too,good money but frankly I don't care to do those anymore.Fuck 'em.

[Opalin]

That's just the chickenshit option!

For real grossness: My BFF had a neighbor when we were kids who worked at a slaughterhouse... and dumped a couple of 55 gallon barrels of blood on his lawn every year.

I have to ask.... did that work??

[fireheart]

Uh-oh ... friend of a friend is planning a Western-themed wedding ... they are going to hold it, of course, in the wide open spaces ... and bride and attendants are going to ride (sidesaddle, which to me is just a really fast road to a broken neck) horsies up to the altar setup ...

Can't remember what time of year this is, but if it's anytime between spring and first frost, I will warn friend to carry a pomander with her.

They could always cheat and use a fake leg

[Nayeli_Sabia]

Horse shit doesn't smell bad to someone like me that's been around horses most of their life,cow,pig & dog is much worse.

This. Horse and Cow dung doesn't smell bad to me, but pig, dog, poultry... foul.

[wagegoth]

Uh-oh ... friend of a friend is planning a Western-themed wedding ... they are going to hold it, of course, in the wide open spaces ... and bride and attendants are going to ride (sidesaddle, which to me is just a really fast road to a broken neck) horsies up to the altar setup ...

Can't remember what time of year this is, but if it's anytime between spring and first frost, I will warn friend to carry a pomander with her.

One site posted a bunch of horses at weddings related mishaps. Horses do not handle strange situations well.

[dalesys]

... pig, dog, poultry... foul.

Omni, carni, fowl...

Try getting sent to the Falslev's chicken/pig ranch to get eggs after two weeks in the city...

The sensation of a nose transforming into a navel...

Priceless!

[Pixilated]

They could always cheat and use a fake leg

One site posted a bunch of horses at weddings related mishaps. Horses do not handle strange situations well.

Oh crap ...
I'll also suggest that she sit near some large trees she can duck behind in an emergency ...

As an apartment dweller I'm no expert on gardens, but as far as I know, manure (possibly aside from chicken poop) shouldn't smell bad if it's been properly composted first. My grandfather dumped hefty quantities of "well-rotted" manure on his backyard garden every fall. He lived in a standard city neighbourhood and never had a complaint. (There was one year, though, when he failed to spread the manure around before winter set in. It sat in the one place all winter. The following summer he was getting all kinds of questions and comments about his seven-foot-tall tomato plants ...)

[fireheart]

They could always cheat and use a fake leg

I'm such a dork for this, but given my little sister and I went and watched Princess Diaries 2, we giggled at the scene where Anne Hathaway's character is meant to ride "sidesaddle" but because she can't, she uses a fake leg