Black Friday: Pub Edition

[Becks]

I just give hamsters wrapped up in bows....wearing galoshes....and tiaras....and just a hint of rabies......what? I know the tiara does seem a bit much, but it's sparklie......

...I you!!!!!!!!...

[BlaqueKatt]

...I you!!!!!!!!...

would you like a hamster?

[Jester]

SC: Good. *snaps* Now HURRY UP!! The rest of us are eating and my wife has to wait now!!!111!!blargh!!11

Fuck you, asshole. Next time go talk to your server, rather than being a rude fuckwad to someone who had nothing to do with your meal at all. Fucking rude ass clown. Shut up, sit down, and we'll get you your fucking food when you've learned some fucking manners, douchebag. I said...SIT....DOWN!

There were fries ready, but I insisted the kitchen cook fresh ones, just to make him wait longer.

Nice move!

An attractive, tall, blonde woman walked into the pub. She was wearing very, very little. She was wearing a dress that was so small and so tight that it may have been subtler for her to show up in her underwear.

W: God! I am so fed up with perverts looking at me!

Shut the fuck up, you brazen strumpet! If you don't want guys looking at you, try wearing more than three inches of dental floss. You're showing off, so deal with the consequences, ya damn slut!

SC: This is far too rare for me! And I prefer baked potato, not fries!

It really is a damn shame the bartender didn't ask you how you would like your meal. Oh, wait. They did! Which means YOU'RE the idiot here. Shut up, take your food as it is, since you didn't want to be bothered with the details, and get the fuck out!

SC: It really does not take this long to make a sandwich!

No, it doesn't. It does, however, take this long, and apparently longer, for you to realize that the world does not revolve around you, and that if you don't bring your servants out with you when you are out and about on the town, no one is going to bow and scrape and scamper to your every whim and desire, without actually getting paid.

In other words, sit down, shut up, and shove that cheese sandwich into your Star Trek...you know, the place where No Man Has Been Before.

At least, not with that attitude. About the only advantage I could see in getting this uppity princess her cheese sandwich is it might shut her fucking mouth so no one would have to listen to her spew such condescending garbage out of it.

SC: Get on the phone and call her! She’ll come back and serve me!

No. No, no, no, no, and no. Get the fuck out of here. Really dude? REALLY? Listen, you imbecilic FUCK, she, unlike you, has a fucking life. And she finished her shift and went the fuck home. Which means she is DONE working tonight, DONE serving you, and DONE listening to your goddamn shit. So SHUT it, and deal with whoever we have on staff to serve you. Better yet, forget that. Just get the fuck out and go bother our competition down the street. We don't need assholes like you ruining our reputation.

SC: That poor man is probably going to be in pain tomorrow after being violently pushed to the floor!

That "poor man" was just hauled off by the fucking cops because he was dealing illegal drugs here and attempted to assault one of our staff. So you need to SHUT YOUR FUCKING PIEHOLE and go find a crusade worthy of your righteous indignation, because THIS AIN'T IT, YOU FUCKING PINHEAD. The MOMENT someone attempts to assault staff or try to disfigure them, all bets are off, and they will be treated as the trash that they are. It is a decision THEY made, and if YOU don't like it, please bend over, grab your ankles, look up, and BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS!

[wolfie]

There were fries ready, but I insisted the kitchen cook fresh ones, just to make him wait longer.

Nice move!

Close but no cigar, since that meant the SC got fresh fries. On the other hand, if you had insisted the kitchen cook fresh ones, then waited for them to get stale before bringing out the SC's meal, that would have been perfect.

[Sapphire Silk]

Close but no cigar, since that meant the SC got fresh fries. On the other hand, if you had insisted the kitchen cook fresh ones, then waited for them to get stale before bringing out the SC's meal, that would have been perfect.

Now that would have been a waste of perfectly good fries.

Just throw the old ones back in the oil for a few seconds and reserve them after you've let them cool down a bit. Don't want him to burn his pwecious mouth.

[Becks]

would you like a hamster?

Yes. Yes, I would.

I owe someone a Christmas present.