A balloon and a bottom fall in love. (Little language)

[ackmeow]

An interesting couple of days. Nothing too spectacular, but a good one here and there.


Pop goes the weasel!

In an effort to cure his enormous hemorrhoids, Jimbob thought it prudent to sit on a balloon, only to realize that tightly stretched latex was no match for belt spikes.

*DINGDINGDING!!!* Round 1 goes to floor!

Condoms?

"Do you sell really big condoms?"

No, However we do sell elbow-length rubber gloves. Will that work?

Got your nose! Got your nose!

Bandages? Oh. You've got a nosebleed. Your girlfriend bit you? On the nose? Wow. Why do I get the feeling her personal stock of edible boogers ran dry and she was over eager in consuming yours? Couldn't she have sucked them out instead of trying to chew to the cherry center?

Vendetta against sandles (Or fingers)

So someone puts a dirty, filthy, bug covered mousetrap between our newspapers as a prank, in the hopes that whoever grabs the next one will get a surprise. Did you know we could get sued if something like that happens?

We never saw who did it but we found it. Nobody was hurt. A quote from my assistant manager:

"I hope he gets his pecker caught in one, whoever that prick is."

Me too, only I wanna record it and win $10,000 from World's Funniest home Videos.

Condoms part 2

"Do you sell really small condoms?"

Are your hamsters trying to practice safe sex? Try pen lids. They work well.

Duwuuuh?

"Moooooommm!! I want a F**ksickle!"

Poor kid. I hope his linguistically inclined parent goes to a hell where the food is made of soap.

Dust bunnies!

Ok, lady. I know you have an irrational fear of bugs and insects but that poor little dust bunny didn't deserve your 10 ton handbag of wrath and hatred. Think of it's family! Or of your paper which you smashed it into. The premier of Ontario now has a new goatee, thanks to high velocity purse application.

Perception check!

I'd worry less about how poorly the security guards do their job and more on the fact that one is right behind you, hasn't had his coffee and overheard your rather obnoxious opinion. On the plus side, you're about to become the newest graduate in the gaping holes academy. See you at your graduation! I'll bring the painkillers.

[TheSHAD0W]

"Do you sell really big condoms?"

No, However we do sell elbow-length rubber gloves. Will that work?

Perfect! The multiple receptacle tips come in handy.

[BrenDAnn]

1) What...Preparation H failed him?
2 and 5) So you only sell "normal" condoms then? At C-Store, we sell none. Try explaining that to a guy that desperately needs them when most other stores in town are closed.
3) The visial here just...Wow...Oh, no big deal, someone just bit my nose, that's all...dude...no.
4) I agree with your manager. May Karma hit that asshole hard and painfully.
6) F**ksickle made me laugh SO hard. I vote that it becomes a new word to use for swearing in general and as a nickname for annoying people, sort of like douchenozzle! Poor kid though, really.
7) That poor dust bunny! Did you have a moment of silence for it?
8) Well, at least security got to do their job, regardless of what numbnuts there thought. Good for security!

[Mr Hero]

1) What...Preparation H failed him?

Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, ladies and entlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam, which we shall call... Preparation H.

[fireheart]

Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, ladies and entlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam, which we shall call... Preparation H.

Oh my god, I think I love you.

As for the condom questions, I have seen gag condoms being sold in shops for both really big and really small peckers. The really "small" peckers" are no bigger than the end of a pencil.

Also I 'd at the "fucksickle" thing.

[Kristev]

Condoms, Rose! Condoms, condoms, condoms!

No, that isn't something I would ever say myself. But it's a great reference.

[Ben_Who]

Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, ladies and entlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam, which we shall call... Preparation H.

On the whole, I think Preparation H feels good...

[XCashier]

"Do you sell really small condoms?"

Are your hamsters trying to practice safe sex? Try pen lids. They work well.

Or finger cots.

[Pixilated]

Or finger cots.

My first thought on seeing "finger cots" was those rubberized fingertip thingies (with the slightly knobby ends) that office workers used to use when working with large stacks of paper.

Thanks for the image ....

[MoonCat]

My first thought on seeing "finger cots" was those rubberized fingertip thingies (with the slightly knobby ends) that office workers used to use when working with large stacks of paper.

Thanks for the image ....

Rubber fingers. I think I still have one of those somewhere, along with a few other archaic artifacts from the pre-internet days...

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Or finger cots.

FINGER CONDOM FINGER CONDOM FINGER CONDOM.

[dalesys]

FINGER CONDOM FINGER CONDOM FINGER CONDOM.

*Age restricted item.

*Not to be sold within 500 yards of elementary or secondary schools.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Preparations A through G were a complete failure.

Not so. Preparation G was very useful in Freddy Pharkas, Frontier Pharmacist.

Next, Smithy will hobble in complaining about his butt. He wants Preparation G. You'll find a purple tube of Preparation G on the top of the left set of shelves in your main store. Pick it up. Finally, just give the tube to Smithy. He'll tell you he's leaving town, and pays his pharmacy tab of $4.87 (a windfall!).

[RealUnimportant]

My first thought on seeing "finger cots" was those rubberized fingertip thingies (with the slightly knobby ends) that office workers used to use when working with large stacks of paper.

Ribbed, for her pleasure...