An interesting couple of days. Nothing too spectacular, but a good one here and there.
Pop goes the weasel!
In an effort to cure his enormous hemorrhoids, Jimbob thought it prudent to sit on a balloon, only to realize that tightly stretched latex was no match for belt spikes.
*DINGDINGDING!!!* Round 1 goes to floor!
Condoms?
"Do you sell really big condoms?"
No, However we do sell elbow-length rubber gloves. Will that work?
Got your nose! Got your nose!
Bandages? Oh. You've got a nosebleed. Your girlfriend bit you? On the nose? Wow. Why do I get the feeling her personal stock of edible boogers ran dry and she was over eager in consuming yours? Couldn't she have sucked them out instead of trying to chew to the cherry center?
Vendetta against sandles (Or fingers)
So someone puts a dirty, filthy, bug covered mousetrap between our newspapers as a prank, in the hopes that whoever grabs the next one will get a surprise. Did you know we could get sued if something like that happens?
We never saw who did it but we found it. Nobody was hurt. A quote from my assistant manager:
"I hope he gets his pecker caught in one, whoever that prick is."
Me too, only I wanna record it and win $10,000 from World's Funniest home Videos.
Condoms part 2
"Do you sell really small condoms?"
Are your hamsters trying to practice safe sex? Try pen lids. They work well.
Duwuuuh?
"Moooooommm!! I want a F**ksickle!"
Poor kid. I hope his linguistically inclined parent goes to a hell where the food is made of soap.
Dust bunnies!
Ok, lady. I know you have an irrational fear of bugs and insects but that poor little dust bunny didn't deserve your 10 ton handbag of wrath and hatred. Think of it's family! Or of your paper which you smashed it into. The premier of Ontario now has a new goatee, thanks to high velocity purse application.
Perception check!
I'd worry less about how poorly the security guards do their job and more on the fact that one is right behind you, hasn't had his coffee and overheard your rather obnoxious opinion. On the plus side, you're about to become the newest graduate in the gaping holes academy. See you at your graduation! I'll bring the painkillers.
Pop goes the weasel!
In an effort to cure his enormous hemorrhoids, Jimbob thought it prudent to sit on a balloon, only to realize that tightly stretched latex was no match for belt spikes.
*DINGDINGDING!!!* Round 1 goes to floor!
Condoms?
"Do you sell really big condoms?"
No, However we do sell elbow-length rubber gloves. Will that work?
Got your nose! Got your nose!
Bandages? Oh. You've got a nosebleed. Your girlfriend bit you? On the nose? Wow. Why do I get the feeling her personal stock of edible boogers ran dry and she was over eager in consuming yours? Couldn't she have sucked them out instead of trying to chew to the cherry center?
Vendetta against sandles (Or fingers)
So someone puts a dirty, filthy, bug covered mousetrap between our newspapers as a prank, in the hopes that whoever grabs the next one will get a surprise. Did you know we could get sued if something like that happens?
We never saw who did it but we found it. Nobody was hurt. A quote from my assistant manager:
"I hope he gets his pecker caught in one, whoever that prick is."
Me too, only I wanna record it and win $10,000 from World's Funniest home Videos.
Condoms part 2
"Do you sell really small condoms?"
Are your hamsters trying to practice safe sex? Try pen lids. They work well.
Duwuuuh?
"Moooooommm!! I want a F**ksickle!"
Poor kid. I hope his linguistically inclined parent goes to a hell where the food is made of soap.
Dust bunnies!
Ok, lady. I know you have an irrational fear of bugs and insects but that poor little dust bunny didn't deserve your 10 ton handbag of wrath and hatred. Think of it's family! Or of your paper which you smashed it into. The premier of Ontario now has a new goatee, thanks to high velocity purse application.
Perception check!
I'd worry less about how poorly the security guards do their job and more on the fact that one is right behind you, hasn't had his coffee and overheard your rather obnoxious opinion. On the plus side, you're about to become the newest graduate in the gaping holes academy. See you at your graduation! I'll bring the painkillers.
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