A canonical list of SCs

[Scottya21]

The Terrorist: Calls corporate or one of your superiors with a complaint about you personally. This occurs either when you are unable to resolve one of their issues or when you refuse to accomodate one of their demands (and they are always demands). They often leave unsatisfied and then come back after they have made their report and expect that because they "got you in trouble" that you will now be more willing to cooperate with them (read: give them whatever they want). Often can be defeated by simply refusing again, especially if your superiors backed you up on the first occasion. Other times, the suits can't quite get their heads out of their a**es so tell you to bow to the customer's wishes.

The most annoying part is when, in fact, your management decides to bow to their wishes, and then the customer has the impression that they caught YOU in a lie/misdeed/whatever. If low-level peon cashiers had the authority to make changes in policies or different decisions, we wouldn't need managers! Morons.

Unless of course the cashier was, in fact, lying or whatever. But we're not that kind of people around here ;-)

[MMATM]

The Liar: Insist that [item] "came that way" or that the damage to it "just happened." Will resort to shouting "are you calling me a liar?!" whenver you point out the inconsistencies in their story. Can turn into the Sueper Trooper, especially if you respond with "yes."

The Sueper Trooper: Will go to court at the drop of a hat... almost literally. Even when following every law and company policy, they will threaten to sue if they are not getting what they want. Sometimes becomes - but more often is the next stage of - the Lawmaker.

The Lawmaker: Very simple. They insist that you have to do whatever they want because, after all, "it's the law!" May be evolved from or may evolve into the Sueper Trooper.

The Customer Who's Always Wrong: Makes demands or argues with you about something, then recites (all together now) "the customer is always right." This is expected to tear a hole in the fabric of the universe and cause whatever was previously impossible or non-negotiable to suddenly become the only imaginable course of action.

Etiquette Nazi: Proclaims that they "don't like your attitude" whenever you express any emotion other than pure delight at the privelige of their presence. Will complain to whomever they can (passing employees, other shoppers, cashiers, people on the street, PFB or M3C, etc.) in an effort to make your life miserable. Similar to the Terrorist.

The Terrorist: Calls corporate or one of your superiors with a complaint about you personally. This occurs either when you are unable to resolve one of their issues or when you refuse to accomodate one of their demands (and they are always demands). They often leave unsatisfied and then come back after they have made their report and expect that because they "got you in trouble" that you will now be more willing to cooperate with them (read: give them whatever they want). Often can be defeated by simply refusing again, especially if your superiors backed you up on the first occasion. Other times, the suits can't quite get their heads out of their a**es so tell you to bow to the customer's wishes.

Duck, Duck, Goose: Walks around the store looking for the employee that appears easiest to intimidate (the "goose"). Once selected, will attempt to negotiate solely with this employee in the hopes that they will get a discount or freebie.

The Loyal Customer: Demands freebies or discounts, claiming that they are a "loyal customer" or that they "spend a whole lot of money in your store" though you have rarely, if ever, seen them before.

[Scottya21]

I forgot one

The Store-Layout-Challenged (okay, a better label would be good):

Stands on the otherside of the counter, 10 feet away from the POS/register equipment, and expects to complete their transaction from there. Bonus points if you're busy, more bonus points if they expect to be waited on before other customers.

[ElementalAngel]

dont know if this has been done before...

The Penny Pincher- Customer that will hand you every coupon that they can possibly get their hands on and then try and give them to you even when they dont have the specific item on the bill.. (yes they expect you to take the money off). "Oh it says you can buy Jiff and I bought Jiff so I should get the money back" ummm no wrong size bottle.. read the fine print.. if you can.

The Grabber- self explanitory if you are a cashier.. the change will dissappear from your hand so fast you would swear smoke is curling from your fingers.

The Sneezer- yes this actually happened to me... this person doesnt know what kleenex is or how to cover their mouths when they sneeze and you usually end up wearing it

[decisivemoment]

The second opinioner(my made up word)-The person who doesn't like your answer and walks around the store asking every other employee who either says the same thing, or referrs them to you

The wander and dropper-The person who wanders around a store, picks up something and carries it for awhile, decides they don't want it and leaves it wherever. Bonus points if it's perishable

The TMI-The person who insists on telling you exactly why they are buying preparation H and how they got the problem to begin with.

The WAAAAY TMI-er-The person who tells you why they are buying 16 bottles of KY jelly and 3 packages of rubber gloves and then describes in detail how they are going to use them

The desperate for a date-The greasy guy who comes into stores and attempts to use them as thier personal dating service, using the cashiers as thier captive audience. So desperate that they will hit on pregnant women, teenage girls etc

I have an example of the last one..
Me= "Sales Associate" at a camera and photofinishing store.

Our two POS's (I call them registers, primarily to avoid the ever corny joke about what POS actually means) are right next to each other. A guy, maybe around 30 years old, walks up to pay for his pictures and finds himself standing next to another customer - a women who he finds fairly attractive. They exchange small talk as they are both rung up, but I casually observe their interaction - they looks at me then rolls her eyes and smiles a little bit.

Immediately after she leaves, he asks if we still have her receipt. I reply "Yes" then give him a non-verbal, "Why would you want that?" His question is more blunt: Could I get her phone number?

I laugh, tell him, sorry, no.

[Scottya21]

a few additions

My couple additions:

Messenger Assassin : a supercategory of many other SC's, these people think the low level peon/cashier/etc is personally responsible for setting policies/prices/etc. To quote from a dilbert cartoon: "I don't make the rules, I just apply them with a hopeless and defeated manner". See next

Mr. Incredulous : assumes that we have some product or service, and cannot believe it when this is not the case. Ex.: "WHAT!? No milk for the coffee?" "WHAT!?? No windshield washing implements!?(at the pumps at a gas station)" "WHAT!?? You don't exchange American for Canadian Dollars!?!?!?", "WHAT!?? No cash back on debit purchases!??",etc.

Another in the selective language use category:

<no idea for a label> : Despite giving evidence that they speak some language other than cashier's native, don't comprehend when cashier responds in kind in an attempt to communicate.
ex: (background: at my gas station, you have to pay before hand with cash for gas, or use a card outside)
<confused french canadian people attempt to pump gas, fail, come inside store>
SC: For the Gas!
Me(primarily english speaking american): payez avant si vous plait.
SC: ??

Granted, sometimes my other languages are highly fragmented and non-natural, but they should get a vague idea at least...bah.

Finally,
Mr. Offended by Customer Service: Is offended by typical customer service techniques such as repeating to make sure things were understood, asking clarifying questions, etc. Applies particularly to people with ridiculous accents. Ex:
SC: thu-tee do-llahs ahn pahmp soo-ee. *hands $40 cash*
Me: So that's *overenunciates* thirty on pump 3?
SC: OF COURSE IT IS YOU SILLY AMERICAN PIG DOG !!!*stereotypical french person snort-laugh here*
I may have exaggerated that last part.

[anode_probe]

The "computers never break" lady insists that the company makes a supirior product, and as such should be able to provide free service for life.

The "This is my first computer" guy wants you to walk them through everything (yes everything) to do with "whatever it is you tech guys do"

the "just make it work" chick doesn't want to find out an underlying issue, just wants "the damned thing to work." See post in "Unsupportable" entitled "Call from Hell" for an extreme example.

The Cranial-Rectal Inversion Man The guy who I started on a secure erase which will take at least a week (he deserved it, go 8 way random rewrite!)

Giggle girl (this one applies to women and gay men exclusively) Flirts constantly with you, plays the dumb card (that they think is a helpless card), and generally keeps you on the phone because "you have a nice voice," *shudders*

Jake Gyllenthall Nope I didn't talk to him, but my friend who sat beside me when on front line did, I could be heard in the backgound, letting it be known that Mrs Gyllenthall has some competition.

Artistic genius I hate these people. They have an over entitlement complex. They also get rather upset when their knowledge of classical music/modern art is matched and/or surpassed by my own.

[anode_probe]

Damaged Discount Seekers - these customers want discounts on what they call damaged. Some I've even caught damaging the goods in order to try to get a discount. They would always get angry when I tell them I don't discount damages - as I can send them back to the warehouse/publishers and get FULL price for them (AND as I have another couple hundred of said item that is not damaged to sell). Inevitably, the "but it's a gift" retort will come out of their mouths...to which I would say endless variations of: "So you're giving a gift that's DAMAGED, but it's okay as long as it's cheap and damaged?"

As an antique dealer working for my ex's parents, I used to get these people all the time. "It's broken, I should get if for cheaper!" Hey, guess what, you ass! It's broken, because to repair said item would deminish the value. Another part of the business was when the person wanted to buy an original finish (say Quebec or eastern Ontario painted, particularly hideous, or "acquired taste" as dear old Babs used to put it) piece of furniture, then ask for free refinishing because it was a insideously ugly shade of jarring orange.

[CRXPanda]

[no handle for this one]. - A lonely person who insist on hanging in the store and engaging you in conversation about his weird obsession.

Creepy Guy #1, 2, etc.

Women are not creepy-guys, they are Slug#1, 2, etc

We had Creepy Guy #12, a/k/a IceCream Man, at WalMart in 1999, he would buy nutty-cones and walk around talking to you all night as you stocked, always licking on the cone. Quite disturbing, he was in his 60's or so, grey haired, seemed nice, never talked about anything gross or strange, just many different subjects. Even though there was no unsafe-evidence, we still had that feeling like he was just gonna "Michael Myers" us in the parking lot.

If any of you watched "The Practice" TV show, in the US, he reminded me of the character George Vogelman...

[Ackee]

Crazy

I can't think of a name, they are mental, escaped fom an instituition.
Criers
Me : do you have ID?
They: No but i have, and pull out an array of other things which have no address.
Then they cry when you say you can't accept it
Annoyed
Me : do you have ID?
They: What? What do you mean , proof of address, I want to read books. What is the point of all that rubbish. You don't even know how to do your job properly. Go and FETCH me a manager.
flaterer
Me : do you have ID?
They: mad search through bag , comes up empty .Wow, you have an amazing accent, where are you from?

[hipster818]

Life Story

Life Story CS - This is the person who will come in and talk for 5 minutes about there life, cats, kids, neighbor, ect before finally getting to the reason why they are there in the first place - at which time you have to pay attention again.

[Delacroix]

Captain More-than-obvious: Walks into a game store and will ask if you sell videogames. O_O; REALLY? THEY DO THAT NOW? I didn't know.
They'll do the same thing with clothing stores and ask if they have clothes, and music stores, asking if they have CDs.

Mister your-maturity-level-is-in-the-negatives: Calls the store/tech support/customer service/Suicide hotline with a really retarded soundboard.
THEN, they expect you not to know it's a soundboard.

Totally Bipolar: Will approach you, ask you a question politely, then angirly tell you how to do your job if they're not satisfied with your answer.

[AmericanZero8503]

Sorry to hijack this board but I thought of another one...

Thinks Mail Is Magical- will come in to a grocery store thinking we have wide array of postage stamps for sale in customer service. Will be come enraged because we're forcing them to send off their Visa bill with a stamp that features Navajo Indian Rugs...oh the horror. Seems to have never heard of a post office and the wide array of stamps availble there.

[AmericanZero8503]

Had something like that once. This woman went off on me because we ran out of a sale item, screaming at me about "bait and switch tactics", and all that other bullshit. Meanwhile, her husband is standing there silently, just rolling his eyes, obviously embarrassed by her behavior.

It's interesting how they accuse us of bait and switch considering, at least in my store, that all sale ads are determined by coporate. My friend is taking a business class and told me a business can print whatever they want in an ad, but they don't have to honor it. Explains alot of business practices at a place I will call Crest Cry...sorry to anyone who works there.

We too have the loud abusive spouse. He comes in and yells at his wife down at the other end of the store. He's been kicked out for shoplifting twice. But usually manages to sneak in anyway.

[AmericanZero8503]

Mr/Mrs. Pennypincher- watches each item being rung up, willing to hold a line up for 20 minutes to get a price check that proves them wrong. Fails to see a difference between generic/name brand. Will not accept the fact that some people abandon stuff in the wrong place, so the price is not right. Willing to argue over a 10 cent price difference. Most of the time they are either elderly or white trash, bonus points if they are both.

Morse Code Transmitter- will tap on the counter thinking it will make me do my job faster. What it actually does is make me go slower.

Dumb Kids- run up wanting applications, thinking we give jobs to 14 year olds. Act very rude to the person who will ultimately take their application. (Which will result in the application finding its way to the pass box...the trash can)

Last minute marathon runner- will walk in to the store with in one minute of closing time, proceeds to fill up a cart. Then tries to pay with a bad check, cancelled credit card, or Foodstamp card with not enough money on it. Meaning you have to spend 20 more minutes of your time returning stuff to the shelf.

Crack Family Robinson- parents who show up at 11:30 PM on a school night with their kids. And walk around wondering why the entire staff is looking strangely at them.

Old Bastards- Thinks that with age comes respect and wisdom. They have neither. Will hold up a line for 30 minutes so that they can buy 100 lottery tickets.

Confused Alcoholic- Will come in and attempt to buy as much alcohol that will fit in to a cart without realizing we can't sell that much in accordance to state law.

The Last Time Guy- "Well they did it last time"

Name Thrower- Thinks they earn special status because they can read a receipt with the managers name on it. "Oh me and phil go way back, so you should just give me money out of your drawer."

Scammers- have a new scam of the month. If its letting meat rot in the sun so that they can get a 200% refund for freshness, or printing fake payroll checks. They will then become enraged that we're not as retarded as we think they are. That we should be bending over backwards because they are a customer...think again trash.

....more to come later.