A canonical list of SCs

[MadMike]

Forgot my favorite one, the Psycho Screaming Spouse. This is the loud, obnoxious spouse of the person calling. Meek and/or passive aggressive spouse passes the phone off to them when they don't get the answer they want. Can often be heard in the background threatening lawsuit and raging about lack of special treatment to repair situations that are THEIR OWN fault.

Had something like that once. This woman went off on me because we ran out of a sale item, screaming at me about "bait and switch tactics", and all that other bullshit. Meanwhile, her husband is standing there silently, just rolling his eyes, obviously embarrassed by her behavior.

[Azalea]

Forgot my favorite one, the Psycho Screaming Spouse. This is the loud, obnoxious spouse of the person calling. Meek and/or passive aggressive spouse passes the phone off to them when they don't get the answer they want. Can often be heard in the background threatening lawsuit and raging about lack of special treatment to repair situations that are THEIR OWN fault.

[opscaddy]

Mr./Ms. "But I treat it like it's my baby!" - Often have either very small, or very expensive, items, that look like they have been drop kicked into a washing machine and then dried out in the oven. Refused to believe that maybe, just maybe, they caused the fault. Will pretend not to see obvious damage when pointed out, or claim it 'just happened' ("Well, it must have overheated or something." "There's an inch-deep gouge in the side of your computer! I can tell you what color table you have by the remnents of the wood in the dent!" "So you're calling me a liar?").

There are more, of course, but not at the forefront of my tired brain.

[Azalea]

Just the one

I think this one is mostly for phone csrs, but I could be wrong.

Mr./Ms. Non-Sequiter

These are the SC's who answer yes or no questions with a lengthy story that has little if anything to do with what their issue is, then get mad when you can't help them just by using your psychic powers. They will volunteer everything down to their underwear size EXCEPT what you actually asked them for.

[bl76km81]

Gift Card presents



The person who gets store gift card,buys an inexpensive item and tells me that she hates shopping at our store. Then gets irate because we don't give cash back, only the card.

This next one, is usually around the holidays: people who haven't seen each other since last year. Visiting, and giving in detail every thing that has happened since the last time they saw each other, standing in my way,blocking the aisle. These are usually elderly people. You want to tell them, "hey idiot, we have a snack bar, go there and talk.

The 3rd, one is non-parenting parenting.
When I am on checkouts, the kids are grabbing, playing with the credit card machine, grabbing candy, which went like this;
Child: Can I have candy
Mom; No, put that down.
Child: I want candy
Mom; How many times do I have to tell you no.
Child; Please
Mom: Okay but don't ask for anything else.
This isn't a quiet conversation, these are people yelling and kids screaming.

It never failed if there was screaming kid, or a crying baby, they were going through my line.

The 4th Non-parenting parent:
In a aisle in H&B, there was wall of headbands, barettes, etc. all of this on pegs.
A kid was grabbing on them and using them like a climbing wall. I said to him, please don't do that you can hurt yourself, the mother turned around, and told me to stop trying to disipline my son. Thank God, my supervisor, was in the next aisle, and listening, the guest accused me of being billegerent, and a bitch, and wanted to file a complaint, fortunatly they let her file it, and then disposed of it, in the circular file cabinet.

Don't bring your kids, to a store, if they can't behave, or your not ready to disipline them.

[dragonflygrrl]

The VIP - This SC will attempt to impress you with his alleged celebrity. Refusal of his idiotic demands will result in his playing his trump card: "Do you know who I am?" This is easily quashed by replying in the negative and a reiteration of company policy.

The Owner's BFF - Related to the VIP by his inflated sense of his own importance, this SC will attempt to use any relation to or acquaintance with the store's owner to get discounts, free stuff, or policies broken advantageously. Combat this sucky behaviour by pretending not to realize the alleged relationship is being exploited for customer's gain. Simply say, "Yes, [owner] is a great guy, isn't he. I'll tell him you were in," then continue following policy.

Bag Lady - Not to be confused with an actual bag lady, this spoiled, entitled, and pampered b*tch will try to impress you with her expensive handbag by turning it strategically so the Prada/Gucci/Coach/etc emblem is pointed directly at you. IN the face of overwhelming evidence that retail workers don't care what you pulled your credit card out of as long as it is clean and doesn't decline, it is as yet unclear what this SC is hoping to gain. This is easily dealt with by steadfastly ignoring the bag in question.

Large Mouth Bass - This SC will answer any and all questions directed at them with an openmouthed gape. See also Star-Gazer.

Star-Gazer - This SC will answer any and all questions directed at them by staring at the ceiling in the hopes that the solution might be found there. See also Large Mouth Bass.

[KhirasHY]

Best ones I could come up with:

The Zealot - When confronted, will respond angrily about discriminations against his/her religion. Will attempt to do so as loud as possible, even if they know they are incorrect.

The Problem - A hotel occurance, being a guest who will complain about everything and anything until they are given something free. Free items include, but are not limited to, upgraded rooms, comped meals, alcohol from the bar, free stays, and so on. The Problem will also continually stay at the same chain of hotels, complaining every time, until the company simply starts giving them items to shut them up.

The Daycarer - Seen most often in arcades and video game stores, the Daycarer will leave their children unattended for long periods of time, expecting store employees to watch over them. Fun bonus! By law, the police can be contacted to charge excessive Daycarers with Child Abandonment

The Cat - Or specifically, what killed it. The Cat will enter a store and touch everything. No item will go untouched, even items that clearly have posted signs instructing customers not to do so. This should not be confused with...

The Beaver - Similar to The Cat, the Beaver not only touches items in the store, but moves them in an apparent attempt to build a new home somewhere. Extermination recommended.

The Maleficent - Customers who will immediately verbally attack the first employee to come in vocal range for no reason. The Maleficent will often have no problematic experiences before this point, and is known to attack without provocation. Related to The Idiot.

The Idiot - Customer type unable to comprehend simple information. Primary examples can be seen in malls after closing or before opening, specifically customers who see lights on inside the store, but continually pull on the locked doors while unable to comprehend what they mean. Related to the Maleficent.

The Rabbit(s) - Customers who seem to be unable to repress sexual desire. Will kiss, grope, and moan in public without taking heed to their surroundings repeatedly. Not to be confused with...

The Dickhead - Customer who is unable to repress sexual desire for employees. The Dickhead will repeatedly intrude with heavy sexual overtones and innuendo, all of which will be rejected by the intended recipients. Rarely attractive, however being attractive never helps.

The Toilet - Customer who, when having moments of near intelligence, quickly flushes it, avoiding all contact.

[Jade Pheonix]

I have a few.

The Hater/Shopper: Complains constantly about the store/employees, often says they hate the store/ employees, but shops there despite all that hatred and nearby stores that sell the same thing you do.

The Baby Line Cutter: Cuts in checkout line, often pushing in front of other customers just as they reach the register, all while claiming it's because they have a baby. Said baby is asleep and/or in no need to leave the store immeditatly. Grouped with "Can't Wait" people, only with a poor excuse.

Not SC, but annoying:

The Finger-trap: They ask a question, get and answer, but then start a conversation. Called "Finger Trap" because once you're in, you can't get out, no matter how hard to try to pull away.

The Play-me-a-sad-song : Starts out like a finger trap but instead of talking to you, they tell you their entire sad life story, comes with crocodile tears and expectance of sympathy.

[Pezzle]

I didn't read the whole thread, i came in late! >.< but...

Mr. or Mrs. You-Work-Here-So-You-Know-Everything-About-Every-Product-In-Every-Department.

Well you can fix a computer, so which one of these subwoofers would fit in my honda civic!? or, well, ANYTHING involving HD Plasma TVs. I know how to hook one up to a computer and that's about it. There's a reason why I work on the opposite side of the store.

[Spankmonkey]

My favorites are the dimwits that have no friggin clue about what type of connection, or even anything about clicking outside of a 3 or 4 things. When one of those things gets interrupted, then it's up to you to try to lead them back to their simple little world.

I hate tech support, hate it with a passion, I would rather burn all of my pubes off with a magnifying glass on a sunny day than have to deal with people who are unwilling to learn about things that they don't have, and refuse to cooperate because they are under the assumption that we have the capability to see everything they're doing. If I could do remote viewing, I wouldn't need the customer to be on the phone now would I?

The second part of this is managment, It seems like the highter someone climbs to the top of the corporate ladder the less oxygen gets to their brain. Our business is looking to acquire a new support contract.. Translation, we're getting pimped out.. Same money goes in my pocket each week, however the list of tasks keep piling on. Needless to say because of these corporate fudgepackers, and the political door knobs, all that there is available for me to move into is stupid technical support or Customer Service.

I try to go to something else like a management position at Taco Bell, or Pizza Hut, and they always say "We're going to start you off as a driver, then after a few months. Or there's a better position in the company and I don't get it because the department is understaffed or they hire from the outside. Though they give you this crap at all the meetings "We believe in promoting from within!"

Um.. what a load of crap. I think for Christmas, I'm going to eat alot of Taco Bell, and Burger King, then anything that comes out of my rear end I'm going to wrap up in a ziplock bag and give it to them as a way to say, thank you for all that you've given me. Then just walk out.

[shoegirl]

It takes all kinds, so the saying goes. I've seen a lot of "kinds", and here are some of my personal favorites.

Mr./ Ms. Popularity: No one else asks for my ID when I write a check. Everybody knows who I am! ( Well I don't, nor do I care!)

Special Bank Card Person: Oh, my debit card doesn't need a pin number. (Oh yeah, well in this store it does!)

Coupon Nut Case: I don't know why you won't take my coupons. You took them last week! (Like, they're expired this week!)

Mr./Ms. Punctuality: Wow, this is a great time to shop... there's hardly anybody in the store! (We closed half an hour ago, moron!)

[Jester]

Mr. You're Not Male, You Don't Know Anything......

Ms. You're Not Male.....

Being male, these people also amuse me. Now, I am in food service, so I only ever get to see these yahoos in action when I am off of work, but it is still funny. Especially in relation to me personally. See, when it comes to automotive stuff, my stepsister pretty much knows her way around vehicles better than most guys. Myself, I can change my tires and I can change my oil and I can change the station on my radio. And that is about it. I am almost to the point where I wouldn't know the difference between a ball joint and a ball bearing. (I actually do know what a ball bearing looks like, however.) But because I am a guy and she is a fairly attractive female, people just assume. Dopey, dopey, dopey.

By the way, those who missed me....Fantasy Fest in Key West tends to distract one from their normal routine. Between working my ass off and partying my ass off, I did not have time to even check my email for the last two weeks or so. But hopefully I will be here a little more regularly once again. And, for those who didn't miss me.... how ya doin'?

[HawaiianShirts]

Mr. You're Not Male, You Don't Know Anything The guy that thinks because you're female, you don't know anything about electronic devices and proceeds to walk past you and bug a male associate who is busy with others of this category.

Ms. You're Not Male..... Usually accompanies the Mr. above but thinks you aren't capable of assiting them because they wouldn't be capable of assiting customers if they were you.

These people entertain me. Being male, they often approach me with the technological questions. Now, if you want to know about computers, laptops in particular, then I can definitely help. In fact I'll probably give you more information than you want. You ask me about plasma TVs, I'm can go only so far as to tell you where they are and which ones we have in stock. You ask about car audio stuff, I can only go so far as to tell you that my car has a CD-changer in the trunk. I love referring those people to one of my FEMALE co-workers in the other departments and informing them that SHE knows far more about those questions than I do.

The Doppleganger A customer who insists they visited the store a few hours earlier and were promised a good deal by an associate who they can't describe physically but insist is employed at the store.

I had a guy try to pull that the other day. He called up to ask if I had a certain laptop in stock, which I did. Of course, I used my name when answering the phone, and he remembered that. What he didn't remember was to look at my name tag when talking to me. When he showed up, he told me what he wanted and...
SC: I called a few minutes ago to see if you had these. You still have them right?
Me: Yes, I do. Would you like me to get one for you?
SC: Well, when I called I talked to a HawaiianShirts, and he said he'd give me a discount if I bought two.
Me: I'm afraid that's not possible, sir.
SC: But he said...
Me: No, I didn't, sir. I am HawaiianShirts. I remember talking to you. I never offered you a discount.
SC: Oh... I'll just get the one, then.
His face flushed, and he barely said another word to me (except a "yes" to the service plan and a "no" to the security software) the rest of the transaction. I heard he later tried to complain to the cashiers that I was rude, but I know they don't care enough to listen.

And I have another to add. The Wanna-Be Haggler:
This customer has read that it is often possible to get discounts for stuff if one asks the right person in the right way. But he or she has not yet figured out who that person is or what is the right way. They're the ones who ask questions like:
"Can't you go any lower?"
"What is the lowest price you can give me?"
"Don't you have any coupons or something?"
"What about a senior/military/student/blue-pants-wearing discount?"
These are usually accompanied by a pleading, puppy-dog-eyes look and often followed with: "Aw, come on," or "Are you sure?" They have yet to learn that haggling, even where it is appropriate, is a give-and-take exchange of offer and counter-offer until both parties find something satisfactory.

[DesignFox]

Thought of a couple more for the list:

Mr/Ms. Marinade- bathes in perfume or cologne to the point that everyone in your store is gasping for clean air. (thanks to Lace Neil Singer's post for reminding me of this one)

The Hoverer- hovers over your register while you are helping another guest. Shoulders their way up your other guest's butt in an attempt to make you ring faster so you can help them with their oh-so-important purchase or question. Oftentimes interrupts you or the guest you are helping and refuses to back off even when told, "Excuse me, but I am helping another guest, I'll be with you in a moment!"

[DesignFox]

What a great list...I think I have some that weren't posted already-

Mr./Ms. Expert Photographer- thinks s/he knows everything there is to know about photography. Uses photography jargon like "exposure" or "aperture" to sound like a big shot, even though s/he has no clue what those terms mean. When you explain what those terms actually mean, they argue with you, even though you went to school for photography and work as a photographer!!! But gee, what do we REAL professionals know!

Mr./Ms. Thisishowtodoyourjob- Always seems to know how to do your job better than you.

Coupon Whore- Always wants to use multiple coupons even though coupon clearly states that they may only use one. Will ask for coupons if they aren't in possession of one. Rarely wants to pay for anything/won't make a purchase without one.

I know I have more, but that's all I can think of for now!