A canonical list of SCs

[WishfulSpirit]

The Ambusher

Recognizes you from your job when you are not on the clock, and not even in your place of employment. Demands you tell them if your store has any new discounts. Bonus points if this occurs when you are out with someone who is obviously disabled and obviously needs your attention (like my wheelchair-using husband). The only good thing is that as you are not at work, you can (if you feel like it) tell them exactly what you think of them.

[WishfulSpirit]

Fun fact: 44% of all US presidents have been left-handed, including Barack Obama. 33% of world leaders are left handed. Only 10% of the world population is left handed. This percentage is also seen in most species of primates and has stayed consistant since prehistoric times. It is not known was causes left-handedness. Probably Satan, though.

Is it sucky to mention it, then say I like lefties because that my dad is also left-handed?

[Kit-Ginevra]

Have you
...been nicking your inspiration for that
...from here perhaps?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

The Wanna-Be Revolutionary: This one wanders in at all hours of the workday almost every single day and has to just randomly walk up to employees who are trying to work or customers who are trying to shop and share his opinions on whatever hot button topic is going on at the moment. May show back up several times during the business day and do the same thing.

While he may make purchases and wants to brag about how much he's in here and spends with us, he makes people think he's looking to start another uprising about some such and, as a result, many complaints to management have been brought forth.

(Our management finally dropped the banhammer on one such customer after it got to the point where this dude actually put his hands on another customer. And the peasants rejoiced.)

[WishfulSpirit]

Related to the Money Tosser (possibly a subgroup of The Toucher) is people who hold out a handful of loose change and expect you to pick through it. Not only does this actually take longer, during flu season there are obvious reasons why I don't want to touch an SC's bare hand.

That's why I have a mini bottle of hand sanitizer and a hotel bottle of lotion in my work apron / pockets / under my drawer (whichever hellish retail job you prefer). It helps.

[Monterey Jack]

Mr. & Mrs. YOU!!! CANNOT!!!!! PASS!!!!!!!! - The man or woman who enters through the automatic doors of an establishment...and stops dead immediately inside, despite other customers (or myself ) walking immediately behind them. Also applies to a group of people walking side-by-side taking up the entire sidewalk, while you're stuck behind them for a block or longer attempting to buttonhook around them. How can you NOT notice that someone else is right behind you? And it's not just "you shouldn't be right up my ass!", some people just naturally have a longer stride than others, and the first people through the door or on the sidewalk should be courteous towards other pedestrians trying to get by.

[WishfulSpirit]

The not-so-handicapped person-The customers who are perfectly healthy but must ride in wheel-chairs/electric carts and be treated as though something really is wrong with them.

The Self-Appointed Judge

SCs (and some workers) who have decided invisible disabilities such as brain injuries, severe back injuries, and seizure fall risks no longer exist and proceed to berate a "healthy looking" person for using a mart cart or wheelchair without any knowledge of their health condition.

[wolfie]

We have a guy that comes in our store that chirps like a bird and it drives me nuts.

I have an ironclad way for you do that. Sir, I'm sorry, but we've had complaints from other customers about the chirping."

Sir, there's a customer who frequently meows like a cat - but last time you were in, he was completely silent, and appeared to be trying to sneak up on you.

[Monterey Jack]

Glasses Asses - People who complain about coupons not working, or about something not coming up the right sale price in the flyer, and when the fine print is pointed out to them (usually indicating that they're wrong), retort, "But I left my reading glasses at home!" Is your vanity really that important?

[Monterey Jack]

The impatient stalker - One who hates waiting in line. If you're anywhere near a register they'll immediately ask you 'Are you about to open up?'. They're also usually the one who is at the back of the line and will dash to try and beat everyone else to an opening register even though you purposely said 'I can help the NEXT PERSON IN LINE!'

Related (mild) SC, but...

-The Magnanimous Gentleman (Or Woman) - the people in line who, when "NEXT PERSON IN LINE!" is called out as a new register opens up, make a big deal about letting other people go in front of them, when their apparent kindness only ends up taking more time. Just GO, already.

[Ironclad Alibi]

We have a guy that comes in our store that chirps like a bird and it drives me nuts.

There was this guy that liked to chirp. But his chirping brought him to a bad end.

[WishfulSpirit]

We have a guy that comes in our store that chirps like a bird and it drives me nuts. I find it incredibly annoying - like the cricket that is stuck in the wall or something.

I am so tempted to tell him to shut the f up.

I have an ironclad way for you do that. Sir, I'm sorry, but we've had complaints from other customers about the chirping."

[WishfulSpirit]

The Mother of the Year.

This woman is either A: obese and dressed in a tank top and shorty shorts three sizes too small (in summer) or stained sweatpants and a ripped sweatshirt (in the winter). She will either smack her kids around to the point you consider calling CPS or ignore their bad behavior to the point that you also consider calling CPS.

Also, for the "just ignore them" type, it's only a minor inconvenience if her kids get caught shoplifting, and she's mainly upset about how long the cop takes to write out the citations (btw we're talking about teenagers doing the stealing, not little ones too young to know better).

[drjonah]

The impatient stalker - One who hates waiting in line. If you're anywhere near a register they'll immediately ask you 'Are you about to open up?'. They're also usually the one who is at the back of the line and will dash to try and beat everyone else to an opening register even though you purposely said 'I can help the NEXT PERSON IN LINE!'

[Jay 2K Winger]

The Decoy Customer:

Shows up at your cash register holding a couple things in their hand asking if you can check them out. When you say yes, they come through with the overflowing cart they hid from your view.

Bonus points if this happens right before your break or the end of your shift.

....ALL OF MY HATE