Quoth BookstoreEscapee
View Post
This is the portion of the call I got to hear later on recording:
PP = Miss Polly Polite, one of the sweetest, nicest, most even-tempered people I have ever met. Nothing upsets her, and she's always calm and professional, never swears.
SC = woman calling in after consuming a six-pack of stupid and a fifth of ignorant
PP: Thank you for calling FU-Telephone Repair, this is Polly, how can I help you tonight?
SC: I think my house is on fire.
PP: Ma'am, you need to call 911 immediately and leave the premises.
SC: But I think it started in the wall where the phone wires might be.
PP: We can determine that later. Right now, you need to hang up and call 911. Then make sure all other residents leave the premises with you.
SC: Oh god! I can see the flames <sound of door being slammed shut> Can you get a repairman out here?
PP: Ma'am, I need you to listen to me. You must hang up and call 911.
SC: But I need to stay on the line so I can report this.
At this point, I've just gone on break, and I hear Polly Polite start to raise her voice, which she never does. Then she motions for me to come to her desk and yells out "Bring your headset."
I go over. I plug in to the phone, and I hear:
PP: But ma'am, you need to.....
SC: ... oh, sweet jesus, the smoke's starting to come into the room. What do I do?
PP<screaming like a banshee, thereby alerting literally the entire call center>: Hang up and call 911! Do it now! Nine!! One!! One!!
Then I grab Polly's pen and write down the number, which mercifully has shown up on her caller ID on the desk phone. I go back to my desk and another supervisor, Biff Studly, comes over and I fill him in. He works his magic and finds the number for emergency services in that woman's area code and exchange, and he makes the call
PP: Ma'am, you have to get out of there! <Polly enters the number and opens the account so we can get SC's address, which I write down and take back to Biff. He gives the addy to the 911 operator and says, "Have Polly tell the nutjob that help is on the way, and that she needs to leave the house">
<I relay info to Polly, who is now screaming at the SC>
PP: Lady, don't be a fool! Get out of the house now!
<Polly sees me and I relay the message. Polly presses her mute button and shrieks at me:>
PP (to me): No shit, sherlock? Really? What the <censored> do you think I've been trying to do all this time?? Damn, this has got to be the most <censored> <double-censored> I have ever had to....
<Polly releases the mute button and shrieks
Lady, I don't care! Get your ignorant, wishy-washy carcass out of the house right this damn minute, or you will die!
SC: Oh, I hear the fire engines now. What should I do?
PP: Oh, for christ's sakes, lady -- leave the house.
SC: But the hallway's on fire <cough cough> and the smoke is <cough cough>
PP: Where's your window? What floor are you on?
SC< cough> the one in my bedroom
PP <rolls eyes> Are you on the second story of your house?
SC: What?
PP: Are you upstairs?
SC: There aint' no <cough> upstairs
PP: Then open your window and jump out! Do it now!
<line goes dead>
Polly throws down her headset and shrieks, loudly enough for everyone working to hear:
I can't do this <double-censored> job anymore!
She runs out and locks herself in the women's room, sobbing hysterically.
Biff calmly looks up and says, "Oh, <censored>. That was unexpected."
I went to the ladies' room door and sat outside. Polly emerged 20 minutes later, took one look at me and started crying again.
"I'm so sorry I yelled at you," she gasped between sobs. "I've never used that word before in my life, and...."
"No worries," I say, "my step-mother uses that as a compliment. Are you ok?"
"No," Polly says as she dabs her eyes with toilet paper, "that woman could be dead right now. I should have ..."
"No," I said, "because that woman was an ignorant <censored>. You can't fix stupid. Anyway, what do you say we blow this joint and go get some food? I'm sure they'll let us both go, since you melted down and are, of course, in no shape to drive or continue working, and you will need someone to be with you."
"Sounds good," she said, and she trotted up to the resource management area and told the RA on duty that she and I were leaving, and that we were to be paid because of "job-related stress," and I was going to "babysit" her. The RA hit a few uttons on her computer and said, "You're set. Need a valium? I got some in my purse."
And we left and went to Subway, where Miss Polly started dinner by saying, "That <censored> must've drunk a six-pack of stupid and a fifth of ignorant. What would possess a person to call the <censored> phone company when their house is on fire?"
I shrugged my shoulders and offered her part of my oatmeal raisin cookie while she vented.
So, yeah, Friday -- not a great day. I just figured it was a symptom of having a new job, for me.
And I was going to write this up on Monday, after I found out the aftermath.
Comment