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  • Dear Policeman in Bismarck, who called me today.

    I hate you. You were rude. You also did not listen to me. And yes I need the location to send out a tow truck. And no just telling me she is in a parking lot near front road does not work.

    And for the last time people, NO I dont know how long it is going to take when I don't even know what state your in. I know your in a hurry, but CHILL. And don't get mad at me that it will take 20 mins to get to you. The last place I called told me an hour. Also I am not the one who locked the keys in the car.

    Much annoyance,

    The person trying to help you.
    My sanity has been dripping out of me my whole life, today they turned on the faucet.....


    • Dear soon to be aunt (in-law?),

      I know that we are young, but we aren't getting married for another 2 maybe even 3 years. At that point, I'll be 24-25 ish. I'll more than likely have a full time job and it won't be a huge issue.

      Please stop trying to lecture us over things we are fully aware of. I don't appreciate it when you do this with other situations that you have no frame of reference.

      No love.


      Remember that time you told my fiance's mom that I was worthless and a mooch? Where were you getting that idea from? Just so you know, his mom wasn't telling you that I was cleaning her house everyday and trying to organize stuff for her so she'd find her bills. Did she tell you that her power and cable got shut off on an almost monthly basis because she would come home from work and sit on her ass and read romance novels for 6 hours before going to bed? I bet not.


      • Dear D,
        You are a lying cheating good for nothing. You may love your son, but that is the only good thing about you. You enjoy making people feel like they can't do anything right, when, in fact, you are the one who continues to fuck up. You say you're not the one who wanted a divorce? Than why the fuck did you cheat again after I told you I'd leave you if you did? And why did you lie about it when you knew that would only make things worse for you?

        You had better have my son to me in July, or I will cut your penis off in tiny little slivers.

        Quit making my life hell, and then claiming I'm doing that to you.


        Dear Mini-D
        Mommy loves you and is doing everything she can to make a better life for you. I miss you with all my heart, every single second of every single minute of every single hour of every single day. You are my world, my little prince. I hope you know I love you, and please don't think I abandoned you.

        I will see you in July.
        Love forever alway and a day


        • Dear RedHeadPhoneGirl,

          ... I hope everything turns out okay for you. That sounds like a really tough situation to be in.


          • Dear the_std

            Thank you, it is, but I know that things will turn out the way they're meant to, at least I can only hope they will.


            • Dear CS,

              Waugh! Life just got ridiculously busy! I haven't been here for a while, but I'm (sorta) back. Do want to let y'all know that I still get PM notifications in my email, so even if you don't see me around, if you need to get in touch, feel free.

              My CEO just thought up a new program off the top of his head and it blew up huge-- as in, good blew up, not like explosives blow up. So work has been silly, as has life with travel plans for a trip involving over 30 hours of driving for me changing a bazillion times (damned unreliable people) and my rat Mage ripped open his neuter incision and it is abscessed now... YUCKO.... poor baby! And I hurt my hip... and I am NOT telling you how, it's embarrassing. No, not that way. It involves macaroni, and get your minds out of the gutter! But I couldn't walk for a few days (whimper)....

              Anyway, yeah, I'm sorta back.

              My basic dog food advice - send a pm if you need more.

              Saydrah's leaving the nest advice + packing list live here.


              • Dear Totally Rockin' Video Game Commercials,

                Please stop. I can't afford an XBox360 and a PS3 for another year minimum. Please stop showing me games I'd orgasm for. It's not fair.

                I'm lookin at YOU, Haze!


                Dear Upper Management,


                Thank you~!
                Now a member of that alien race called Management.

                Yeah, you see that right. Pink. Harness.


                • Dear Saydrah,

                  I'm gonna guess you dropped the macaroni and slipped. I once fainted in front of an entire waiting room full of people and landed square on my hip. That was quite a nice bruise. On the up side I was in a doctors office so there were plenty of medical professionals around. But it was rather embarrassing. Oh, yeah, plus they had to call my mommy and daddy to come get me because they didn't want me to drive. I was like 23.

                  Hope your hip feels better and you are fully back soon.



                  Dear Teeth,

                  Thank you for not having any cavities. Just don't let that crack in that one filling get any bigger. As long as you don't join in the pain brigade, we'll be all good.



                  Dear Left Wrist,

                  I don't know what I did to you but please stop hurting. Did the right shoulder put you up to this? I'm trying to get a workout routine going and all these little pains are not helping.

                  I don't go in for ancient wisdom
                  I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
                  It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"


                  • Dear Friday aka Wedding Date aka the reason for my stress/freakouts.

                    Seriously, you can get here at any time now. I'm half tempted to smother my future husband, scrape off my face due to break outs and am ready to cry at the drop of a hat. This is really not fun.

                    However as I've found out, this could be the real reason we moved it up. I might have turned into a bridezilla other wise. Stress just about kills me.

                    Today was going to be just one of those know, full of zombies.


                    • Dear MOTH,

                      You know what would be GREAT right now?

                      Strawberry cheesecake ice cream.

                      Too bad you ate it all last night while I was asleep.

                      I hope it made you sick.




                      Dear nephew,

                      I'm pround of you.


                      your favorite auntie
                      Unseen but seeing
                      oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                      There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                      3rd shift needs love, too
                      RIP, mo bhrionglóid


                      • Dear C

                        I think its fantastic that as a lady of your advanced years you feel comfortable getting changed infront of your collegues that include a 20yo/21yo+25yo male, however you are leaving yourself open to harrassment complaints, knock it off for your own sake.



                        Dear T

                        Really, cut it out, she's a lovely girl and she deserves to be more than an 'emergency/comfort shag'. Act in a decent way and actually date her rather than use her.



                        Dear A

                        I actually quite like you, maybe a bit more than that but I really don't want to make a fool out of myself at work, this could be tricky as I don't even know if you're attached right now.

                        Yours musingly



                        Dear Idiot Boy,

                        If you're going to try and embarrass me at work, at least go for a story that

                        A) I've not already told everyone
                        B) Isn't really something that was in my control
                        C) Doesn't make you sound like a petty tw*t.

                        Yours advisingly

                        A PSA, if I may, as well as another.


                        • Dear R
                          Thank you for giving J such a great report on me today! You're my hero and I can't wait to start working with you!
                          Yours Gratefully

                          Dear J
                          Thank you for taking a chance on me. I promise I won't let you down! I'll be a great asset to the company! You rock and I hope to follow your example of making manager in 90 days )



                          • Dear Fave Ex®--

                            I've spent all day trying to figure this out, and I'm still not sure how I feel about you giving my number out to some "really nice" guy you know.

                            I know you did it because you care, and God knows I have enough jerks in my life, but honestly. I think I'm a little too old to be set up with someone.

                            Then again, if he's anything like you, it'll take him 9 months to get up the nerve to call me.

                            Still confused--


                            P.S. Does he know about the little ring you promised me in the not so distant future?

                            P.P.S. I never once whined about the various jerk(s) I know. I only tell you about them because you ask about my latest "boyfriend," and I know you will be amused by the stories. Between you and Cheating Manwhore aka Physco Ex, not to mention various stalkers, I don't think I can deal with anyone right now. But I do appreciate the thought.
                            I'm bringing disdain back...with a vengeance.

                            Oh, and your tool box got out again.


                            • Dear Management

                              *rips hair out*

                              Stomach-ulceringly yours
                              The report button - not just for decoration


                              • Dear iradney,
                                Deep breaths now. *Inhale* *Exhale*
                                "But I don't want to be among mad people."
                                You can't help that. We're all mad here. Every fucking one of us.