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  • Dear Throat,

    What the heck? I wake up and you're SORE?! WHY???

    ....this isn't because I mixed bleach and Ammonia, is it?


    Dear new DragonBallZ game commercial,



    Dear Girls Gone Wild Commercials,

    You're funny and all, but I really rather like your brother-commercial for Guys Gone Wild a lot better. Something about that one guy in the hardhat without a shirt. If he had the REST of the young Village People I'd be really really happy.

    Lots of love and laughter,

    Dear Sick Customer,

    ...I know it sucks to have a Summer cold, I've had one, but if YOU'RE the reason I have a sore throat, I'm hunting you down and giving you an enema without lube.

    No love and lots of eyerolls,

    Dear AM S,

    ....I TOLD YOU to take a break from the open-to-closes and what happens? YOU GET SICK. And this was the week that SM C was supposed to go on Vacay, you had 40 hours this week! I pity ya, I really do, but I TOLD YOU to take better care of yourself. I've watched you suffer from sugar-crashes for the past month, I KNOW what it's doing to you. How the hell do you think I got sick in the first place?

    Aggravated but working to keep you well,
    Your Cashier
    Now a member of that alien race called Management.

    Yeah, you see that right. Pink. Harness.


    • One more thing

      Dear Peppermint herbal tea,

      I LOVES YOUS. Whoever came up with you should be given a sainthood.

      Muchly appreciated,
      (The one who buys out the entire stock at Ingles at every opportunity)
      Now a member of that alien race called Management.

      Yeah, you see that right. Pink. Harness.


      • Dear EQ -

        Thank you for the Foreigner song! It made me laugh until I choked and coughed and then I laughed some more.

        Double visioned,

        Dear Flyinghi,

        Thank you for liking my avatar. I'm a huge geek and I found it amusing when I came across it ages ago. Are you a Star Trek fan and if so, who's your favorite captain?

        Mine is Kirk,


        • Dear Ears,

          If you are going to pop the whole way to Maddison and not be team players then maybe next road trip you just won't be invited to come along.


          Dear Self,

          Maybe next time you go on a week vacation, you should take more than two books, since you finished those two days into said vacation. It's a good thing I can stop by a bookstore. I'm on book 7 of Dresden...I may finish book 10 by the end of vacation
          "Man, having a conversation with you is like walking through a salvador dali painting." - Mac Hall


          • Dear idrinkarum

            Yes I am indeed a Star Trek geek!! I'm also Canadian so its a double whammy re: your avatar

            I am firmly in the Picard camp in regards to best captain- I love his galantly philosophical style as well as deeply conflicted inner battle in some episodes and most notably in First Contact also, he's french and so am I so Im somewhat biaised lol

            Benjermin Siscko would be my second choice ( DS9 was such an underated series)

            Have you read Wil Wheaton's analyses of early TNG episodes? its seldom updated but they are absolutly HILARIOUS!! and very imformative

            yours in Trek


            • Dear Work

              Please let this week be the last one that I'm travelling for a while. Like a month maybe? This is now the 3rd week in a row where I bugger off to the other office, and the 6th week over the past two months. I'd really LOVE to stay at the place where I, you know, LIVE. AND PAY RENT AT.
              If I have to come again next week, you'll have to sweeten the deal somehow, or I will "mysteriously" develop an ailment that prevents me from travelling, but is not life threatening.

              The report button - not just for decoration


              • Dear Body,

                What do you mean I have strep throat??? And an ear infection!? GAH!!! I hope the medication I was given works quickly - I hate being sick.


                Dear flyinghi,

                At least you didn't say your favorite Captain was Pike (like my husband did a week ago). Grrrr ... what can you say about Captain Pike? 2 episodes and the second one, he was crippled and deformed but yet he got to go to that one planet where he was handsome and vital and young again and he got the girl!



                • Dear flyinghi and idrinkarum,



                  Wanna travel through the Delta Quadrant,
                  Now a member of that alien race called Management.

                  Yeah, you see that right. Pink. Harness.


                  • Dear allergies,

                    STOP ALREADY! You are driving me nuts! Plus, having you makes my coworkers stupid, so they have to ask EVERY FRIGGEN DAY if I have a cold and I have to explain once again I have allergies.

                    Dear BossMan,

                    Thank you for finally fixing my computer, but you didn't pick up on my hints for a new keyboard till I came right out and asked for one. My hands hurt from haing to slam the keys on the old one to get them to work. It's partially my fault for just not coming out and asking in the first place.

                    Also, please stop threating me that if I get you sick you are going to kill me. I told you I HAVE ALLERGIES! YOU DON'T CATCH ALLERGIES! GRRRRRRRR!!!!! I'm going to kill you if you don't stop going on and on about it.

                    Dear weird coworker on the end,

                    Stop staring at me and my friend with that "I'm going to eat your liver" smile on your face! If you were a man that would be strange, but you have to make it even more strange by being another woman. I swear if I turn around one more time and you are staring at me I'm going to beat you over the head with my computer.

                    Oh, and only my friends can tell me how very weird I am when I have one of my weird outbursts. You make me look normal, because I don't stare at people for no reason.

                    Dear friend,

                    I don't know how on earth you put up with my ADD. Yes, I see that look you give me when I do my weird outbursts, the look one that says "why you are not in a straight jacket"? but you still humor me.

                    You're the greatest!

                    Dear maintance,

                    I made the doorbell stop working for a reason. STOP FIXING IT! Fix my fridge instead.
                    Do not annoy the woman with the flamethrower!

                    If you don't like it, I believe you can go to hell! ~Trinity from The Matrix

                    Yes, MadMike does live under my couch.


                    • Dear,

                      I missed you.

                      Back for more,



                      Dear PSE&G,

                      You rock.


                      a customer


                      Dear AT&T and/or Verizon,

                      You suck.

                      Long and hard.

                      Not in a good way.

                      Fuck you,

                      a customer


                      Dear MOTH,

                      Please take me out to get a new cell phone. It's annoying to me AND everyone I try to talk to when no one can hear me.

                      I'll pay for the damn thing myself. Just take me to a T-Mobile store.

                      Thanks in advance,

                      Unseen but seeing
                      oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                      There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                      3rd shift needs love, too
                      RIP, mo bhrionglóid


                      • Dear dentist,

                        Thank you. I am glad that you took the time to figure out what was wrong with me. I like that you were gentile and are taking the steps needed to make me feel better. and yeah I hurt a heck of a lot less.

                        You rock.

                        Dear ear and tooth, get better now or i will personally rip you both off. It hurts and shouldnt!

                        pissy monolayth
                        My sanity has been dripping out of me my whole life, today they turned on the faucet.....


                        • Dear Misanthropical,

                          You have allergies AND ADD?? I think I *heart* you now.

                          A fellow sufferer of both.
                          ~~ Every politician that opens their mouth on birth control only proves that we need more of it. ~~


                          • Dear Amethyst Hunter

                            Yes, I have both. We should start a gang!

                            Dear dentist from yesterday,

                            Why did you have to get all Stabby McStabby with the Novocain? I was not fighting you or acting like a loon, so what gives? You are no longer allowed near my mouth, mmkay?

                            Dear Insomnia,

                            You suck more than my allergies. I was suppose to get lots of sleep last night, so I could go to work tonight, what gives?

                            Dear Maintance guy,

                            I'm sorry I had to get a bit rude to get you out to fix my fridge yesterday, but the milk was warm and stuff was defrosting in the freezer. Thanks for fixing it, though.

                            Dear Daughter,

                            I love you more than the world and would gladly take a bullet for you, but if you are late coming in one more time and cause me to worry about you when I'm at work I will be forced to kick your behind.


                            Dear sons,

                            Is it really necessary to yell at each other when you are sitting 5 feet apart? Do you think the other one is deaf? I know it's not because you are mad at each other, so what is it? Is this yet another plot to drive your mother insane?

                            Knock it off!

                            Dear Big Guy,

                            Could you cut me a break and warn me in advance that you are going to be eating something that will gross me, so that I don't walk in the kitchen and see it?

                            Thanks so much!

                            Dear Little Guy,

                            It's not necessary to tell BossMan that you will kick his behind if he is mean to your mommy every time you see him. I will let you know if BossMan is being mean, mmkay?

                            Dear Ree,

                            Did your email go down? Did you break your fingers? Don't make me have to come up there!
                            Do not annoy the woman with the flamethrower!

                            If you don't like it, I believe you can go to hell! ~Trinity from The Matrix

                            Yes, MadMike does live under my couch.


                            • Dear C

                              I wish I had taken the time to get to know you when I had the chance. Thank you for everything.

                              Dear J

                              Please be ok
                              "Man, having a conversation with you is like walking through a salvador dali painting." - Mac Hall


                              • Dear Sears and your Installer,

                                I really hope everything goes well today. I want my television! If it doesn't I'll be returning it all. Also, please call me back to verify I'm still on the schedule for today. I'd greatly appreciate it.