Dear....

[crazylegs]

Dear Application Form

I know it's not your fault you're so infuriating but C'MON give me a morsel of a break at least!

Yours, annoyed

Crazylegs.

[Sheldonrs]

Dear Sisters,


I love you both very much. And yes, I know I'm the "baby" of the family. But let's get real. I'm getting close to 50 years old!!! If you ask me what my plans are for the weekend and I say I'm going shopping for some clothes, that does not mean you should go into panic mode and ship me multiple pairs of pants and several shirts! I know I don't make a lot of money but I'm not living on the streets.
If I say I need to go grocery shopping, that does not mean I am starving. Please do NOT send me 3 frickin' crates of food from Omaha Steaks!!! I have ONE freezer and it's not industrial size.
And if I tell you a friend of mine wants me to go to Vegas with her and I tell her I can't afford it this week, that does not mean I am penniless and you need to send me "just a coulpe hundred dollars in case of emergencies".

I know I'll never have much savings and I'll never be able to afford to retire but let's face it, nobody in our family lives past 62 anyway and I'm happy. Plus I smoke. Dying young IS my retirement plan!

Like I said, I love you guys. Now start spending your money on yourselves!


(yeah, I know this seems like a silly thing to complain about but it sure gets on my nerves!)

[crazylegs]

Dear Bloues.

Thank you so much, the next stage I was going to go through would have involved me throwing the computer out of the window.

*giant squishy hugs*

P

[protege]

Dear Baxter and Sally...

Was it really necessary to trash my office? I mean, I'm sure those house plants were tasty and all, but did you really have to throw all of the potting soil all over the floor? Oh, and I think the entire roll of TP you decided to shred was a bit over the top.

--Pro

[Aramika]

Dear Ankle,

Stop hurting, I mean it.

In pain,
Me

[Bella_Vixen]

Dear left hip--

Please stop hurting/spasming. If I knew what I was doing to cause you to do that, I'd stop.

--Me



************************************************** **************

Dear Mom--

You sure know how to take the surprise out of things.

--Me



************************************************** **************

Dear feet--

Why are my toes so ugly? Because of you, I canNOT find any decent sandals.

You suck.

--Me



************************************************** ***************

Dear Co-Worker A:

Damn you, I am now addicted to Charlie the Unicorn.

:giggle:

--Your fave AM



************************************************** *************

Dear every store in creation:

Why can't you sell sandals that will cover my ugly toes?? I assure you, I am NOT the only person who wants to cover her toes. I've seen uglier toes then mine.

Please help to cover the ugly toes of the world.

Pleadingly--

--Me

[iradney]

Dear Bloues.

Thank you so much, the next stage I was going to go through would have involved me throwing the computer out of the window.

*giant squishy hugs*

P

Dear Pooks

You're welcome. The bill's in the mail

Later
B

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Bella_Vixen,

Have you tried Birkenstocks? Or even Crocs? I know Birkenstock make covering-the-toes type sandal as my MIL has the same ugly toes syndrome as you.

Hope you find some sandals soon,
IDaR

[hawkchick11]

Dear Father of my Son,


I was happy for you when you told me that you found a job before graduating college. I even got over the fact that you told me you were going to have to travel 1-2 weeks every month. But what doesn't make me happy is when you hand me your travel schedule for the next 8 months and you're gone 5 times, for a minimum of 5 weeks each time.

1-2 weeks every month, eh? How am I suppose to work, take care of our son and finish college with you not around? My family is too far away to help out. And you wanted joint custody, and 50/50 visitation, and didn't want to pay child support? I'm still laughing at that one.


From
Your baby mama

[Becks]

Dear Lizziebeff,

If your toes are anything like mine, they're not bad. A LOT better than some people's that I can name *coughfutureMILcoughcoughcoworkerscough* and biscuit help us, they were sandals with no shame.

Somewhat helpfully...maybe,

Becks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear fingernails,

Please stop peeling and breaking.

I don't know why you're doing this.

Perplexed,

me

[crazylegs]

Dear Pooks

You're welcome. The bill's in the mail

Later
B

Dear Bloues,

I can pay in pretty pictures...?

P

[blas]

Dear Men's Razor,

Wow, 3 blades really are better than two! Thanks for getting rid of all that nasty hair that girls' razors just can't do.......instead of wasting 15 minutes shaving twice, I only had to do it once with one directional strokes.

Never buying women's razors again,

Blas

[MystyGlyttyr]

Dear Emotional,

It's been a year ago that for some reason, you pulled a trick you hadn't done since you were 14 and just swallowed your feelings about the entire thing. And now, a year almost to the day later, your issues are flying back to the surface and you're breaking down at highly inappropriate times, like, oh, in the middle of work. And even though you have the most compassionate, understanding coworkers on earth, people you would cheerfully kill for, you're refusing to talk to them about it and just upsetting everyone else along with yourself.

You remember how bad you almost fucked yourself up as a kid with this whole "lone wolf" mentality about dealing with things? You got away with it back then because you were ALONE. Remember being alone like that because you dealt with problems by indiscriminately bashing their faces in? Kinda made it hard for anyone to notice that you were human and had emotions but it wasn't worth the crushing loneliness. Now people actually give a shit about you and pay attention to you and you can't hide stuff like this anymore but you're trying to pretend like you're okay when you're obviously not. DUMBASS.

Knock it off, bite the bullet, and talk to these people before they call your mother, for God's sakes. And let go. It's been a year. You've absorbed the shock, trust me. It's time to mourn properly and move past this. They'd tell you themselves that it wasn't worth it.

Sincerely,
Logical

[Misanthropical]

Dear daughter,

I'm sorry I didn't mean to look at you with a shocked look on my face when you told me you had started your first period. I knew it was coming, but I still think of you as my little girl.

However, I almost fell off my chair laughing at the look your father had on his face, since you didn't whisper to me, but told me in front of him! Damn, that's funny stuff right there!


Dear lady I talked to tonight,

I really am grateful at how patient you were with me when I was researching your acct. I felt bad when you kept telling me that you didn't mind and were just grateful I was trying to help.

You rock out loud and don't let anyone tell you different.


Dear coworkers,

What the hell is up with getting all nasty with people about what chair you think is yours? I can not wrap my head around being so possessive of a freaking chair!

Grow up and stop trying to engrave your names on certain chairs. I'm sure our company would not be happy to see their property being damaged like that. I will laugh if you guys get fired for that shit.


Dear Wendy's,

WTF is up with you guys giving me a regular Coke when I ask for a diet? You guys seem to do it every other time, which means my friend has to pull over so I can go in and get what I ordered! I see it on the board when I order as a diet, so what is going on?

It's starting to piss me off, so knock it off!

Also, is there a napkin and a ketchup shortage? When we ask for extra napkins and ketchup, it does not mean 2 of each.

If you guys keep doing this shit we will go else where for our snack before work, got it?


Dear perfume bath coworker,

You know I don't like you and all that perfume you wear makes me gag, so stop trying to talk to me! Go the hell away! Don't ask about my family, don't ask what I'm working on, it's none of your business, so take your smelly self as far away as possible from me.

I will turn a fire hose on you! I mean it!


Dear other office on the other side of the country,

Are you people mentally challenged or what? Trying to read your notes is like trying to figure out what a monkey typed out. Don't they do drug testing in that call center?

Seriously, notes is not the place to put your AOL speak into. If you guys don't start typing in a way that normal person could understand I will travel out there just to bash you in the had with your keyboards!

Oh, and stop pissing off our customers. I don't appreciate being yelled at for your dumbass mistakes.

Also, don't type rude notes to us. According to our stats, we get more results than you, so watch and learn.


Dear BossMan,

I'm sorry I have been so scattered this week. I don't why I have been so scattered, but it's starting to annoy me. Thanks for all the help, though.

[RetailWorkhorse]

Dear Wisdom Teeth,

Considering you're called WISDOM teeth, I assume that should only mean that you grant wisdom. It's not WISDOM if you make the REST of my mouth HURT LIKE HELL. If you don't straighten up and fly right, I'm going to the Dentist-Vet to get you PULLED!

%(@&E!!!

-RW

Dear Co-Worker A:

Damn you, I am now addicted to Charlie the Unicorn.

:giggle:

--Your fave AM

Dear Bella,

It's a Bridge, CHARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLIE!

-RW

Dear fingernails,

Please stop peeling and breaking.

I don't know why you're doing this.

Perplexed,

me

Dear Sunny Shiny of The Becky Persuasion,

Protein is your friend. Along with Jello. Seriously.

-RW