Dear....

[Jester]

A friend of mine in CT changed his middle name about a year ago now. At least I think it was a year ago now... he said it was pretty easy and didn't cost much to do. Just time, mostly.

Fair enough....but that doesn't change the other reasons I haven't changed my reviled middle name. Just saying.


Dear My Hangover,

Go away. I know I invited you in with my shenanigans last night, but really....just leave. Begone, foul reminder of spirits! Don't MAKE me break out the Advil and Gatorade, damnit!

Next Day Jester



Dear Drunk and Crazy Spring Break Girls at My Bar Yesterday,

Thank you for the entertainment. It was....interesting, to say the least. There are days I love my job....yesterday was one of them.

Amused Jester

[crazylegs]

Dear Jester.

I am most suitabley jealous.

Yours

Crazylegs

[Misanthropical]

Dear tooth,

Thank you so much for not having any pain today. I'm glad you finally saw it my way and realized that not eating because of the pain was not fun.

Love,
The stomach


Dear boss,

Yes, you are a great boss, but sometimes I have to wonder how your mind works.
I told you my tooth and jaw still hurt last night and you said pain is all in the mind. No, it was in my mouth and jaw!

Besides, if you were correct I wouldn't have to see a pain specialist for my back. I would just have to wish the pain away. You haven't been in the pain I have had and prayed to any god that would listen to take it away or kill me, so I wouldn't be in such horrible pain.

I'm glad you are not a doctor, because you would suck at it. Don't worry, I'm still glad that you are my boss, since you rock at it, but don't ever go to med. school.

I really didn't mean to look at you like you just sprouted another head, really I didn't. I couldn't help it.

Still glad your my boss,
Me

[Becks]

Dear ears,

First, please don't let my lastest piercings get infected a week before I can take the starter studs out. I know you did it the first two times I got my ears pierced, but can you take pity on me this time? I'd appreciate it.

Also, first piercings. Why the hell don't you like the earrings I'm trying to wear? They're pretty. They're new, I know, but you never give me problems with any other pair. This is the second day I've tried to put them in. I really don't want to get the man of the household to do it, what with his shaky hands. That might not be pleasant.

Second piercings, your turn. Except for when you got infected the week before I could take my starters out, you've been well behaved. Thank you for that.

The body you're attached to

[blas]

Dear heartburn:

Why must you always flare up when I'm on a date? Here I am trying to look great, act cool, and have a great time with a guy I'm starting to really really like, and then you kick in....and make me miserable and make an idiot out of me.

Thankfully he was an understanding guy and he gave me some Tums to hold me over until we got back to my place and I could get some Zantac.

Honestly, I go out to eat with my family and girlfriends, and I can eat whatever, and you never show up. The SECOND you see I'm on a date with a guy, you flare up. I swear I could be out for ice cream and you'd do it if you could.

(not so much) Love,

Blas

Dear Pimples:

Thank you for cooling down and hiding yourselves for a day. I really appreciated how non-existent you all looked yesterday. You look even better today! Maybe it's cuz I'm not at work.

Dear Zyporex:

Thank you for telling those pimples to shut up.

[Slytovhand]

Dear money.

What? Please, just tell me - What? What is it about me that makes you stay away from me? Do I smell? Do I annoy you?? Why don't you ever invite your friends to stay? I'm sure together, we could all get along wonderfully. Please just give me a chance. My wallet feels empty without you - I think it's depressed and not eating any more - it's looking all gaunt and sad and lonely.

I can appreciate that maybe with my personality, you can't stand to be in my presence for too long - but that's ok. I don't have a problem with you having other friends. I'm even quite willing to drive you to them, and even hand you over into their care.

But please - just stay with me a bit longer, and let me get to know your friends.

Missing you,
Outofhand...


Dear debts.

I have a confession to make - I don't really like you. I would seriously rather that you just up and left me alone, and never EVER contacted me again! I know - you and money don't get along - or is it that you do?? You 2 have been having an isidious relationship behind my back, haven't you??? You've been cheating on my wallet all this time! You BITCH! Get the hell out of my life, and stop trying to backstab me to money!

Pissed and indebted - Slyt.

__________________________________________________ ____

Dear Hairline,

I'm starting to think that you're ashamed of my face. Is it my eyes? My nose? Yes - I have noticed that you've been avoiding me lately. I notice that you don't get involved with us any more - that you've been trying to sneak away from them lately. Whatever it is, it's not good enough that you just up and away without even an explanation. What sort of a friend are you?? Get back here and get to wehre you're supposed to be - NOW!

Not happy,
Slytovhair

__________________________________________________ _______

Dear Bed & Pillow.

I love you! :X

Sleepyhead

[Saydrah]

Dear Alarm Clock,

Please actually wake me at the time I set you for! Also if you could grow legs and run when I try to hit snooze, that would be helpful.

-Overslept.


Dear Houseguest-to-Be,

I'm sorry the house will be such a mess for your visit I just moved last weekend and haven't finished putting things away yet. I hope you still enjoy staying with me!

-Hostest With the Mostest (Boxes)

[Jester]

Dear Teenaged Nieces,

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

Uncle Jester



Dear Boys Dating My Teenaged Nieces,

GGGGRRRRRRR!!!!!

Your Lord and Master

[crazylegs]

Dear Saydrah,

you may find this useful. http://www.firebox.com/product/1681

Yours helpfully

Crazylegs

[Kusanagi]

Dear ex roommate:

You better hope I never see you again, after you fucked me and my current roommate out of nearly a thousand dollars in late fees and bounced checks. You're failing tests in the Navy, lied to get in to the program you so desperately want out of, and the like.

And no, the stuff you left in the apartment when you moved is mine. You had three months to move the stereo to your moms, you had three months to sell the sofas. You want them back, pay me and R the thousand dollars that we desperately need.

Go fuck yourself, I hope you get shipped off to Guam and spend six years scraping bird shit off a runway.

[Trayol]

Dear Drunken College non-peers,

What the hell is wrong with all of you. Do you not see the epic stupidity to be found on partying on a Thursday night, knowing full well you have an important class to go to the next day. And yet you're the ones complaining about failing because the teacher is "unfair" or the tests "too hard."

Grow up you whiny shits. Life will never hand you anything unless luck happens to take a dump on your head, like that random person did last night, in that place, with those people. I'm going to take great pleasure in watching you fail miserably and flop around like a dying fish on land.

A now feeling better,
Trayol

[blas]

Dear Tommy Lee (the guy downstairs):

Put a shirt on! Ribcages are only popular on America's Next Top Model. You are not the real Tommy Lee.......if half of the 20 year old girls you oddly attract knew that you actually cannot play guitar, they'd leave you in a New York minute. If it weren't for your amazing skills at male prostitution and drug dealing, no one would want you.

You're gross. Go get updated on all of your shots before you infect the entire city.

Your not amused upstairs neighbor,

Blas

[draggar]

Dear clients;

I AM ON VACATION NOW.

Don't call me until a week from Monday.

[Saydrah]

Dear You Know Who You Are,


WHY WHY WHY WHY???!

I don't understand... you seem so intelligent.


....


Damnit, I really kinda wanted to fuck you, too.

-Me.

[Jester]

Damnit, I really kinda wanted to fuck you, too.

Now THERE is a backstory I really DO want to hear!