Dear....

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Dear Ken Macha:

Can I interest you in a hunting trip with your doppelganger Dick Cheney?

I mean, it's not like you'll have anything else important to do after July or so.

Irv.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Dear IPF,

The answer is 10 Most Traumatizing Books for Children.

FH

Dear FH,

I think I posted that one a while back. Love You Forever creeps me out.

-be

[Magpie]

Dear swimsuit manufacturers:

Please start making suits that look like the old ones from the 1940's. You know, the ones that will actually cover all the post-baby fat even if they can't hide it.

Thanks,

Ana

Dear swimsuit manufacturers:

Please listen to Ana. I really don't want to have to get a two piece like this

Magpie

[Magpie]

Dear bus driver from last night,

Yes, I was too tired to swing myself around like I did before the bus stopped. That doesn't mean that I did it because I thought you were going to leave me on the bus. I did it for the same reason that I got that tired in the first place - I REFUSE to slow down for these crutches (yes, that's how I got them in the first place). And seriously, have you NEVER had a weekday off? What about before you started driving the bus. Because if you had ridden in rush hour, you'd know that "no one will drive off before you get a chance to leave the bus" isn't a plausible as you think it is.

Magpie

PS Miss? C'mon. I don't look THAT young.

[RootedPhoenix]

Dear allergy headache/migraine/evil thing inside of my head,

Leave. Now.

I already gave you Gatorade and food and meds and ARRGHHH WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!? JUST GO!!!



If you agree to beat it, I'll throw in the....no, no, you get nothing else.

Just leave.
Before I get out the ...or the .

--RP

[AnaKhouri]

Dear Husband:

No, I was not planning on slathering sunscreen into the baby's eyes.

I already checked- twice- when our lease is up, I am not calling the office again.

Putting the baby swing on medium high is not going to give the kid shaken baby syndrome.

Since our realtor recommended that home inspector, I am pretty sure they are not criminals.

It takes a worried man...to drive me crazy.

Love, Ana

[iradney]

Dear swimsuit manufacturers:

Please start making suits that look like the old ones from the 1940's. You know, the ones that will actually cover all the post-baby fat even if they can't hide it.

Thanks,

Ana

Dear Ana

if you find any, please let me know the website! Those suits are AWESOME and let's face it, damn sexy. And great for, you know, curves.

Thanks!
Rads

Dear Work week

HAHHHAHAHAHA, you're only 4 days long for me this week! NYAH NYAH!!

Going on a long weekend,
Rads

[Green_Fairy]

dear AnaKhouri, iradney, Magpie, and anyone else looking for old-school swim suits...

have you looked here? they have a bunch of vintage inspired clothes and swimsuits. a bit pricey...but they're there.

[trailerparkmedic]

Dear New School,

Please stop being annoying spechul snowflakes. Don't say we'll get letters no later than the 15th if you don't even mail them out until the 14th. Don't mail them on the 14th and expect us to mail back a specific part by the 23rd. Don't demand a check, and only a check, not a money order or credit card or cash for payment.

If you hold an event that is recommended for new students to attend, it might be nice to tell us when it is. If I explain I need to know now (and not in July) what week it will be, don't respond by telling me it will be in August. Oh, and don't act like you're doing me a favor when you tell me it's in August when I was given a 2 week window for the event back in February.

Also, why is it so weird to you that a pediatric practice I haven't been to in over 8 years won't sign your special paper saying that I got a specific shot? Shouldn't a shot record from them be good enough? Honestly, I'm amazed they still had my records after 8 years.

--Someone Who Is Almost Regretting Turning Down Her Second Choice School Already

[AnaKhouri]

Dear Green Fairy,

Thanks! Those look really cool but are waaaaaaay out of my price range. I'll just wear my old swimsuit. It's not like I need to impress anyone; I'm already married after all.

Ana

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Self,

I know you love your 2.5 year old niece, E-Rum.

She's cute and bright and chatty and smart as a whip!

So don't go thinking "what if" while trying to imagine Child Rum at her age.

Don't beat yourself up over it.

Child Rum is just as precious and smart and bright and getting to be just as chatty in her own way at 6.5 years of age.

Just enjoy E-Rum as much as possible and continue the "what ifs".

Sternly,
Your Self.

[Magpie]

Dear Rum,

My mother would have loved it if her mom was half as understanding as you are. I can't really comment, as I had the advantage of a spectrum parent myself, but I like that you love Child Rum for who she IS, not who another child might have been.

Magpie

[Jack T. Chance]

Dearest TicketBastardMaster;

PLEASE do NOT sell out of the tickets I'm trying to purchase today before I'm able to secure 2. I have A LOT riding on being able to secure these tickets, so please make sure I can get them!

KTHXBYE!

[Jack T. Chance]

Dear TicketMasterBastard;

I was on your site right at the stroke of 10 AM PDT... before, even! I began my search for tickets right at that time, and you STILL couldn't find any! What did I tell you?

I smell a rat bastard, and you're nominated.

[shankyknitter]

Dear know-it all newbie,

The reason the master to whom I'm apprenticed showed me the piece he's working on is because I'm his apprentice! He wanted someone to look it over, someone who is female, knows his style, and knows the woman he's writing it for. That would be me. Not you. You are a newbie, this does not mean you have the right to look at all the works in progress my laurel writes. This does not entitle you to complain when he won't let you read a very private piece. He doesn't know you, and he doesn't even want most of his friends knowing he's going to propose. Why would he want a complete stranger who can't keep her big trap shut for five seconds to tear his marriage proposal apart? You're a dumb cow.

Kindly go back off of the edge of a cliff before I am forced to demonstrate the 'shanky' part of my name.

Sincerely,

Shankyknitter.