Dear....

[Jester]

Who said anything about 'from afar'?

I kid, I kid.

I rest my case.

[Kusanagi]

Dear Vicoden -

Thank you so much for existing.

~Kusanagi

[Andara Bledin]

I have more important things I can be doing than listening to that, like looking at pictures of Matt Hardy's naked butt.

Dear Mysty,

I do believe you have your priorities in the right place.

So where does one find said pics?

One of your fans,
^-.-^

[MystyGlyttyr]

Dear Mysty,

I do believe you have your priorities in the right place.

So where does one find said pics?

The "Fantasy Lake" episode of The Hardy Show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9TqTKN2Rm8

It's censored in the YouTube preview. However, on the actual Hardy Show ep, I have been told it are not.

AKA will be buying that DVD...

[CaroPhoenix]

My dearest, sweetest punkinest pie ever,

Please put on some clothing! Why are you running around the house nekkid as the day you were born? You're not getting your bubble bath until after Dora the Explorer.

Clothing is not optional in the house. You have to wear something every day (unless you're in the bath, then no clothing).

Mother of a free-spirited nekkid child,
IDaR

----------------------------------------------------------

My dear child,

You will get your lollipop after you eat your goldfish. You must learn that no matter how much you yell in Mommy's ears, you will not get what you want. What you will get is a deaf Mommy who can hear out of her ears because of your yelling.

Love,
Always & Forever,
Mommy

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Idea Nuova,

Why can I not find a website/complaints e-mail for you? And in which world is it acceptable to put a flat sheet that is 39"x75" in a package, not once but at least twice that I know of, when the package reads the flat sheet should actually be 54"x75"???

I hate you, you company. Now I have to e-mail Wal-Mart (where I bought and then exchanged the darn things 'cos I lost my darn receipt! ).

No love,
IDaR

------------------------------------------------

Dear Pot,

You're still black.

Just because I took a nap, doesn't mean you should take one too. I accidentally made myself sick by not taking my blood pressure medication until almost 3 PM in the afternoon. Plus, I had a really bad headache by being left in our small SUV and a screaming child.

Your still suffering
Kettle

[Bella_Vixen]

Dear new peircing in my left ear--

Why are you bleeding?

Actually you aren't REALLY bleeding, so why am I getting a slight smear when I clean you every morning for the last week?

I'm keeping you clean and safe, so why are you making me worry about you?

Please stop this nonsense.

Worrying--

Me

************************************************** *******

Dear JC Penney--

You, as a whole, no longer need to suck it, either long and/or hard, but your website does. If the earrings you have advertised are ONLY available in-store, you really should say so.

Grudgingly--

Me

[Evil Queen]

Dear Bella,

I had the same problem, too, when I was 14. Turns out I was allergic to metal. Being 21 now, I still can't wear earrings.

I hope that you heal properly and don't wind up having an allergy.

-EQ

----------

Dear X,
Baby I love you but we have to clean the house tomorrow. No, I'm not going to allow you to do anything that involves avoiding the dishes. If I have to Mop, then you have to do dishes. When we're finished we cna go out for ice cream.
No you're not fat but if you loose your tubby tummy I'm going to cry so you get the full fat ice cream.
The chubby chaser of your dreams,
-EQ

----------

Dear Bank,
My tax refund came in today and it made me happy. Thank you for being a good bank and for giving me a nice surprise today. I'll be forwarding the excess moolah into the savings account. Loves you!
-EQ

[Evil Queen]

To: Other lovely CS Forumites
From: Evil Queen
Re: XXDarrienX's "A Situation is Brewing"



Dear Friends,

I had lunch with XXDarrienX last week and talked about his craptacular girlfriend and the situation he was in. The two will be separating shortly as he needs to find a place to house the dogs before he leaves. The girlfriend (Hereon our known as The Witch because she gets mad at him for talking to ANYONE OTHER THEN HER) is currently out of town this week (left yesterday) and will be gone for several days. I can't remember why but it doesn't matter right now. The point is he's temporarily free of her and this taste of freedom should give him the incentive he needs to move out more quickly.
He and I (along with my bf X, who likes XXDarrienX because they can talk about computer games together) will be seeing each other again in the next couple of days as we both have time off from work at the same time so we'll be teaching XXDarrienX the wonderfulness that is "Monty Python's Flying Circus."

I will gladly update you guys as necessary.
-EQ

Dear Mods,

If you feel this post is in error, you have my full permission and support to remove it. Have a good evening!

-EQ

[Bella_Vixen]

Dear Bella,

I had the same problem, too, when I was 14. Turns out I was allergic to metal. Being 21 now, I still can't wear earrings.

I hope that you heal properly and don't wind up having an allergy.

-EQ

I know allergies can and do show up without warning, even if you've done the same thing/used the same product before, but...

I don't want to be allgeric to metal! I love my real gold! (I'm such a snob!)

[Evil Queen]

I know allergies can and do show up without warning, even if you've done the same thing/used the same product before, but...

I don't want to be allgeric to metal! I love my real gold! (I'm such a snob!)

Sucks hardcore. Thankfully, I can still wear my gold ring but necklaces and earrings are outta the question. Lets just hope it's a temp. hormone imbalance.

Which makes me really really sad because my brother bought me a beautiful pair of earrings shortly before I got the allergy and I miss wearing them!

[Shangri-laschild]

Dear sister,

You're kidding right? I didn't flip or tell you you were an idiot when you announced you were engaged (not much anyway). I figured you'd realize you were an idiot before anything actually happened.

This guy you are engaged to is the same guy who almost got you arrested for a felony. The fact that he's hanging out with people who pull guns when confronted by cops doesn't really help his case any at all.

So I get home today to find that you've set a date. It's a month from now. Apparently my hope that you've discovered that you're an idiot hasn't set in yet. You admit that he's damaged goods. You admitted this after he slept with his ex last month. This strangely hasn't detracted you any.

I got a bit of a laugh when I found out that you're looking at apartments in the upscale apartment complex. Unless your guy is stealing cars again, I'm guessing you two can't afford that. Especially since he sucks at stealing cars! Oh he's going to be a telemarketer? Yeah I've heard about all the times he's blown up at mom over nothing. He's totally going to work out as a telemarketer.

Mom and Dad have lost just about all sympathy for you at this point considering you know he's a loser. I'm trying really hard to be nice about it. I'm failing.

Skeptically,
Me


Mom,

Thank you so much for telling me before she did. While I'm not exactly trying to be supportive, I am trying to be nice about it. Me bursting out laughing in her face would have been a bit of a problem and since that was my first reaction, along with a "nuh uh, you're kidding right," I can see how that would have been counter-productive.

Love,
Me

[Becks]

Dear new glasses,

You rock.

For the most part.

I picked you up just before work yesterday and you were fine.

Then you decided that the ear pieces were too tight after the place closed. (Which is just as well, since I was stuck at work, anyway.) Of course, now I have to wait until at least tomorrow.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,

Becky

[blas]

Dear girl at the bar,

Wear a skirt that fits. I do not want to see your asscheeks. And contrary to what you believe, bending over seductively will not get you Prince Charming.

Thank goodness I have a strong stomach and don't puke easily. Blech.

Blas

[TruthHurts]

Dear Roommate,

We don't like your ex. She is rude, loud, and shows absolutely no regard for the feelings of the other people who live here. Whenever she leaves a message you make a big deal out of saying how you can't stand her and want to avoid her.

But as soon as she finally manages to get a hold of you, you are all smiles and "Hey come on over." We don't like her, you know we don't like her, you don't like her half the time, so why invite her over?

Your woken up abruptly on her only day off due to her unnecessary yelling roomie
TH

[Sylvia727]

Dear Medical Insurance Company,

I know that having wisdom teeth pulled is usually a luxury and thus is not typically covered under the definition of "absolute bare necessities" however, won't you admit that teeth are not supposed to come in at 90 degree angles? And that having open sores in one's mouth that are infected and bleeding is not healthy at all?

Fuck you very much,
Sylvia

-----

Dear Orajel,

I love you.

In numbing relief,
Sylvia

-----

Dear Cousin Sugar,

You're not going to school. You're not raising a child. You're not donating time or energy to any charities or activist groups. So don't come whining to me when your 30 hours a week at a minimum wage doesn't pay the rent. Get more hours. Or get another job. It wouldn't kill you to work 60 hours a week like most lower class folk. Stop asking your father for money. He was broke before he decided to sign for $20k of your tuition debt, which you promptly failed all the classes for. Stop asking your grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and distant relatives for money. They have better investments than your loser ass.

If you really do want out of debt, you could try some combination of the following: (1) Working more hours (2) Applying for a better job or working for a promotion (3) Stop bailing your druggie mother out of debt (4) Stop buying expensive toys (5) Stop eating out, and switch to store-brand groceries.

Stop lecturing me on responsible money management. Yes, I bought a book. An $8 book, which I fugging earned by scrimping on groceries and subsisting on ramen noodles and PBJ for a week. How much was that new cell phone of yours? When the old one worked perfectly fine?

I know that John loves you very much. So much that he decided to share a gift with you, that you had to have treated at an anonymous clinic. I'm sure his pregnant, live-in girlfriend is a bitch for calling you up and warning you to stay away from her man. I'm sure John is only staying with her for the baby's sake, and lying to her about breaking up with you in order to keep her "crazy pregnancy hormones" in check. But now that John, his girlfriend, and his baby son moved halfway across the country, why don't you consider seeing someone new? I know John still calls you and plots to move you to his new city, but unless you plan to get pregnant, his "bitch" girlfriend is still one up on you. Two up, actually, since he lives with her and not you.

Please don't get pregnant yet. You need to get your head on straight first. You need money first. I heard a rumor that babies like to eat. And wear clothes, and play with toys.

Please, Sugar, do yourself a favor and stop fucking your life up.

Love,
Your Cousin Sylvia