Dear....

[draftermatt]

Dear Mrs. Drafter,

Sorry I forgot to put something in your lunch today. I don't know what I was thinking last night when I put it together.

Love you,

Me

Dear Cody,

See why you're not supposed to lick at it? Now I have to take you to the vets to make sure you didn't hurt anything. I hope you're ok.

Dear memory,

Why do I keep forgetting things lately?

[protege]

Dear idiot in the HHR that flew past me last night,

What the hell were you thinking? Heavy traffic + construction zone? Are you effing kidding me? Even though you are an idiot, I hope you didn't hurt yourself too badly when you later shot across 2 lanes of 70mph+ traffic on I-79 last night...only to miss the exit ramp, and plow into the wall. Oh, and thanks for giving the rest of us plenty of time to avoid your vehicle sticking out of said wall at a 90-degree angle.

--Pro

[Bella_Vixen]

Dear Becks and Mike--

Thanks for taking care of Rooks for me. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it.



--Me


************************************************** *************

Dear D--

Indiana is a lot closer...but you still aren't here.



************************************************** *************

Dear Miss E--

There is no way that you are that old.

Love ya.

[Amethyst Hunter]

Dear State of Illinois and all its bureaucratic nonsense,

YOU SUCK AND YOU FAIL AT DRIVER'S LICENSING!

Beginning to regret ever having moved back (not that I had much choice), Me

[protege]

Dear Amethyst Hunter,

Pennsylvania's licensing department sucks too. I can't get my MG's title transferred since it's not in mint condition. That is, no rust on the bumpers, no stickers of any kind on the windows. Never mind that the car's 40 years old, and is bound to have some rust somewhere. Oh, and the photos have to be perfectly straight-on. It annoys the hell out of me, mainly because the car was in similar condition when we bought it nearly 30 years ago, and they had no problem changing the title!

--Pro

[Amethyst Hunter]

Dear Protege,

Let us gang up on these DL bureaus of doom. Sounds like Penn State's been taking lessons from IL...

[MouseToy]

Dear Guy who sits next to me in my programming class,

You seem really nice and have pretty eyes. I hope before the end of the semester, you either ask me out for coffee or I get up my nerve to. Every time I try to talk to you, the things that come out of mouth, never sound a witty as they did in my head, and I know I usually look worn out during class, but I work nights and this is a 2pm class! If you aren't interested, at least give me some sort of sigh, so I can quit having pervy thoughts in class!

kthaxbai

Mouse

[Becks]

Dear Lizziebeff,

You're welcome, and we're honored that you're letting us take care of Rookie for you.

Too bad she's busy hiding behind the kitchen sink.

Love,

me

[Elspeth]

Dear Co Workers

Please for the love of gord, if you are sick STAY THE HELL HOME!!!! I don't want your stupid cold. I would like to do something this weekend besides take it easy. Also I would really prefer not be to be sick next week when the hubby and I get to go to Portland and see the Mythbusters with our friends. Ok is that too much to ask. This place is worse then grade school right now!

Els

PS don't make me hit you people with the bleach hose!

[Mighty Girl]

Dear N,

Yes, in fact, you are a bad mother, and a bad person and generally stupid. We only tolerate your presence because it's against the rules to drop kick you to the curb where you belong. We're supposed to have sympathy for your pathetic existence and try and understand that people like you- people that can't attain friends without joining a club and pretty much forcing yourself into people's lives- need this support group more than those of us who aren't totally fucked in the head.

Our kids don't want to play with your daughter or your son because they're incredibly aggressive and you sit there staring at the sky/ceiling/cell phone, whatever. That's why when you held that playdate at your house, only 3 moms showed up- out of pity. The rest don't want your evil spawn contaminating their kids. You have actually ADMITTED that you can't get them to listen to you and your husband has gathered up all their toys and put them in the basement so they can earn them back one at a time any (VERY VERY RARE) time they're behaving themselves. And speaking of that darling hubs of yours....so not impressed. Do you think he could refrain from showing off his bodily noises at future family events? While you may consider it a form of foreplay, belching and farting in the presence of others is anything BUT entertainment for those of us above a 3rd grade reading level.

And how dare I! I actually told you when you needed to correct your brats because I wasn't going to skip playdates because of you, and I wasn't going to sit there and let your kids treat the others like dirt. You were so insulted So instead of approaching me and talking to me one on one about your sociopath brat heaps, you waited until your redneck illiterate mother and grandmother came to town and then had the audacity to try and ambush me in a public park?

You really thought that I'd be intimidated by two retired crack whores likely supplementing their moonshine business by making meth in their basements? Think again bitch. You'll notice that I didn't run off, I never failed to make direct eye contact with you or them, and everyone I've discussed your behavior with (that would be international and the other officers) is appalled at your immaturity and lack of a spine. (I especially loved your response that you're "never going to talk to anyone ever again"---- know what I said? "Promise?")

I would consider it a blessing if I never had to deal with the burden of your presence again.


(wow---that was downright cathartic! sorry for being so long)

[AdminAssistant]

Dear Intro Students,

The back row of the lecture hall is for GTA's. You are not a GTA. You are a student. So get over the fact that "OMG can't sit on the back row!!" Deal with it. And stop texting/talking to friends/listening to IPods/playing on the computer during class. It's pissing us off. You know what we do on that back row? Watch YOU. And if you're a nuisance, your GTA will be pulling you aside, talking to you, and docking points. If you're going to be a pain in the ass - Just stay home. Or drop the class. We really don't care.

~ Mean GTA

[iradney]

Dear Financial Manager

There is nothing wrong with your laptop, but you want one with a bigger screen. My laptop is a piece of shit, and I desperately need a new one.
However, the Powers That Be decided that YOU get the new laptop, and I get your sloppy seconds.

You have had OVER SIX MONTHS to get a laptop and you haven't. WHY?? What the hell are you waiting for?? If it was ME that was getting the new laptop, I'd be working on it for the past 5 months.

Also, you want to know the reason WHY you never have time to do your work? BECAUSE YOU FAFF AROUND AND WASTE TIME. If you were to actually work, instead of complaining about how you have TOO LITTLE TIME TO WORK ZOMG, you would get everything done.

I'm going to talk to you tomorrow about why you haven't chosen a new laptop yet, and let you know that you are holding MY department back because you are being an assmunch of note. I have to spend 3 weeks away from home due to work, and I was hoping to have a decent laptop to work with and play with after hours. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, you have to be a fuckmonkey and waste everyone's time.

I swear to Deity, I will personally go to the RGM (when he gets back from leave) and put forward the following motion:

a) You don't NEED a new laptop - yours is working fine
b) Mine is a piece of crap that is 4/5 years old and isn't even in production anymore
c) you were given the option to get a new laptop and you've been FAFFING for SIX MONTHS
d) I should get the new laptop and you can go to hell

NO LOVE
rads

[CaroPhoenix]

Dear Body,

If you're going to have a reaction, just get it over with! The itchiness without the rash/hives is just driving me insane as I don't know if I'm just insane or I'm actually having a reaction.

AARRGGHH!!!
IDaR

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Dear" Husband,

When you're out and about carousing with adult people, you darn well had better turn your cell phone on or you're getting one of these: and then being thrown into this: . I might even throw in this: for free.

Now turn on that phone! Maybe this is why I'm having dreams of getting rid of you.

Your itchy, hot, miserable Wife IDaR

[Shangri-laschild]

Dear self,

Good job on actually finishing your computer case mod instead of just 'meaning to' indefinitely. Actually get around to the rest of the stuff you've been meaning to do now!


Dear mom,

Thank you for agreeing to time Thanksgiving dinner just right so that if we have certain guests (my sister's husband and his mom) I can use work as an excuse to leave early. I can only play nice for so long.


Dear W,

I am thrilled that you are pretending that I didn't basically tell you I think you're an ass. It makes things a bit easier since you and J hang out, and you're roomates with D. Thing is though, we both know I don't like you. J and D both know I really don't like you. You are a condesending ass to me and any girl you don't want to sleep with. Hell you're like that to most of you're guy friends too.

I was a bit perplexed and irritated about you contacting me today about the entertainment center that D offered me. Seeing as how you can't even answer the simple question of when I should come get it, I'm a bit confused as to why you even bothered asking instead of just having D ask when he got home.

[RetailWorkhorse]

Dear Deity that Stole My Littermate,

If I said "FUCK YOU" then it wouldn't do me a lick of good, would it? There's no use in yelling at Something that may or may not exist just because I am in pain.

I just want you to know that I didn't appreciate it, nor will I be doing anything to attempt to get on your "good side" just so I can get my hands on a furbaby that needs a home that can stand a pycho like me.

I know you took her before this shit-tastical year even began, but for some very odd reason it just keeps hitting me harder and harder. Already I have wept more in the past 8 days than I had all of last year combined, and believe me, Deity, that is a lot of tears.

I am reminded of a story such a long time ago that explained why the Mother Sea is so salty. A young girl had lost her Beloved in a war and when she cried she filled the dessert full of her salt-laden tears. In a way I can certainly understand how she felt, for she had lost someone so very dear to her.

I know that my Littermate was considered "just a dog" by some people and others would question why I felt so close to a animal that clearly didn't have the ability to speak with me. But she could Speak with me. We Spoke all the time, just in a different way, on a differing wavelength than most humans can understand.

I can only imagine the stress placed upon my blood-littermate, as she was over a thousand miles away when our baby fur-sister took her last breath, so I know that some days she feels even worse than me. Our Mother was able to hold her hand when she left and our Father comforted her in her pain. They have each other, and my Sister has her boyfriend. Sometimes it feels as though I have no onee, but I know that's not true. I have my parents in close proximity but sometimes that's just not close enough.

I am not asking for Pity, Deity, nor am I asking for understanding. I already Understand why you had to take my Littermate and please forgive the fact that I will heartily dislike you for a very long time. But it's something I cannot help, you see, as I am prone to hold onto grudges for as long as it takes to correct them.

I will not beg for her back, for that would be against the rules, but please help me in my grieving, as I don't think I can take this for much longer. I Felt, rather than Heard, that my future Littermate was born into this world, and I know that she as a child will suffer hardships before she is delivered to me, but please keep her safe until then. I will do everything in my power to protect her from then on.

With Pained Understanding and Hope for a Better Tomorrow,
Melonius of Bladian Clan, Lesser Shinsuke Branch.


Dear Seratonins within my Brain,

SHAPE UP NOW OR ELSE!
-RW