Dear....

[RetailWorkhorse]

Dear Fuzzy Slobbering Dog in the Sky,

It's 3 am, it's raining, and I'm sitting in my underwear wrapped up in a blanket waiting for Flea-Bit to wake up so I can ask him a question before he goes to work.

It's the 6th day of the New Year and I'm pretty thankful for the good days. The Weather's okay, if a bit damp, and I'm not freezing my ass off. These are good things.

But my hours at work have been cut in half. Mom's hours are slashed as well. I know I don't have any bills save for my Warehouse and gasoline, but I really don't want to be stretched thin before my Inheritance check goes through.

And you can bet your feathery whiskers I'll have that sucker cashed before I leave this idiotic state.

Dad is going to have me work the Gem show with him this year as a Go-fer and Resupply Train. Please let that weekend be warm and dry. I'd like to have a whole lotta fun there before I leave. I've never been to a Dealer's Show before and I'd really like the opportunity to do so.

By the by, have I ever thanked you for my skills in art? No? Well, thank you, Dog. It whiles away the time perfectly.

-Your Devoted.

[smileyeagle1021]

Dear Apollo,
stop trying to steal my glasses... especially while I'm wearing them

sincerely,
your cat whisperer

[PhotoChick]

Dear childen,
what smiley said. And stop being sick and cranky, I'm tired of the pushing and the crushing fingers and the busted chin. STOP. NOW.

Your tired mother

P.S. Stop acting like ravenous beasts at dinner, your grandma must think I don't feed you.

[lastofthesummerwine]

(or anyone who may want to move to Idaho)

I sincerely wish I could help. I have long wanted to move out that way but it's just not in my poverty-stricken cards. I will keep good thoughts in mind; maybe that'll be worth something within this grand cosmos we inhabit.

[iradney]

Dear TBS

Yay, you're back from leave. I'm glad to see you're taking looking for your OWN place as seriously as I am. Now, if you could just get your OWN goddam postbox - you moved out of our place over a year ago, and haven't changed your address with your mobile provider and bank. I just throw it away, since we used to keep it for you, ask you to pick it up and you never did.

I'll give you till end of February this year. Then, I'm just going to start returning to senders your mail. I mean, hell, I know for a FACT you can change your address with the mobile people over the internet. Honestly.

Love
Rads

[smileyeagle1021]

Dear Apollo,
Does my hair taste good? You seem to be licking it a lot. You really shouldn't get too addicted to the taste of hair... mother doesn't have any and I don't visit that often. Have I mentioned that you are a little demon cat, because you are. What have I gotten myself into volunteering to be your cat whisperer?

sincerely,
smiley

[worddork]

Dear politicians in the state legislature ,

Please get your act together. The lot of you were elected to make sure we would have a balanced budget on time. You have failed. I repete, you have FAILED. It is now 6 months late. Brav-fucking-o. You have surpassed the old record for a late budget set in 2002, which was, ironicly, set by your predecessors.

Thanks to your inability to work with members of the opposing party, I'm sitting on my duff waiting for work. Since the schools won't be seeing any more money until you work out a budget, they aren't have any staff development meetings, which means they don't need any subs to cover for the teachers at the meetings. Which means I am not working.

You claim that you don't want to make any cuts to education or health care. All well and good so let's look else where. How about all that money going to island in the middle of every street, do we really need them. Hell NO! They force drivers to make un-needed u-turns to reach their destinations. Some of the places to make these u-turns are unsafe, while the area where they used to make left truns into whatever street it is they needed, where much safer.

I know let's take a look at the money set aside for your paid. Sicne you haven't done your job in the last 6 months we should be paid for those 6 months. I know if If and anyone else on this board were to not work for 6 months we sure as hell wouldn't be getting a pay check. So there's a shit load of money that can go into the budget.

So, do the State a favor and grow the fuck up. Stop acting like a 5 year old who hasn't gotten their way and takes their toy home so the other kids can't play with it. Wait I take that back, it was unfair to 5 year olds everywhere, they at least make up the next day on don't hold grudges.

So, kindly get your shit together, get a budget signed, so I can get some subbing jobs lined up, cause looking at an empty calendar is just depressing.

Sincerely,
Worddork

P.S. get to work, ya fuckers

[gunsage]

Dear thief,

Hi! You may not know me, but your days are numbered. You see, I've worked here for almost two years and before that LOTS of security. You might have assumed that it was a brilliant idea to steal my food from the freezer. You were wrong. In fact, you were so wrong that you couldn't even make it look like an accident as my food was the ONLY food by the particular brand in there. I have an $8 Chinese food bill here with your name on it.

Nevermind that I've barely been eating so I can keep up with my resolution of losing weight, YOU felt it was a good idea to sap one of the VERY FEW food sources I still chose: a goddamn'd health food frozen dinner. Nice. I'm sure it wasn't tasty and if it was, I hope you were allergic and die soon. Painfully. And slowly.

Yours hungrily,



Gun Sage

P.S. You'd better HOPE painfully and slowly, because you don't want to know what will happen if I find you.

[Lady Legira]

Dear Cyst

Thank you for not being what I thought you might be but not thank you for being the size of a cricket ball and a Dermoid cyst instead. Ick. Still not sure how I feel about you or the fact my sister might have one for being my twin.

Oh and thank you very much for adding to the ever growing collection of scars that trace my body from various ops and procedures done.

Yours without love

Your host

[Becks]

Dear head,

Stop hurting.

Please?

Miserable,

me

[the_std]

Dear Face,

I don't know why you think it's acceptable to contract impetigo, but it's not! A mass of open, pus-y sores is not conducive to a productive lifestyle. Oh, and on top of all of that, you're really farking contagious, so I've been quarantined! Three days off of my next paycheque already. You're not making any friends here.

Grr,
Me

[Evil Queen]

Dear World,

Be nice to my friend Lupo or I go Psycho on the world's collective asses.

Slightly Irked,
-EQ

[Misanthropical]

Dear Whiner,

Stop annoying the hell out of me before I beat the stupid out of you! I am sick of your shit. SHUT UP AND DO YOUR DAMN JOB! GRRR!


Dear Redneck,

If you don't stop yelling and whining about how everyone is so stupid and don't know how to do their job, I swear I will duct tape your entire head! Don't test me!


Dear BossMan,

Yes, I do have to have minor surgery done for chronic acute pain. It's not funny to tell me to "man up" Trust me, you have no idea the pain I get. Just let me have the time off without the not funny remarks, mmkay? You could not handle what I would say is minor pain, let alone the horrendous pain I get.

[SorryIsGoodEnough]

Dear George Strait,

I love you. You make me happy. How can you be so handsome!? It's painful almost. You are the perfect specimen.

Fan-tastically yours,
Me.

Dear Garth Brooks,

Do that eyebrow thing you do in the video for Standing Outside the Fire. It's hot.

You're hot.

Lovingly,
Me.


Dear Me,
What's up with the country kick lately? : /

-Me.

[draftermatt]

Dear Hands,

I washed you, why do you still smell like that rubberband I just had to use.

Dear World,

When will we ever come up with some non-latex based bands? The smell makes my head feel funny at times.

Dear L,

What the hell are you doing back here? You quit, you made it out! I'm so dissapointed.