The Excuse Game

[taurinejunkie]

I'm sorry, I just Ni'd the Shrubber in the face. (Hoping I got the reference right)

With the day I've had, I'm going to need a bottle of liquor and a pretty girl. Please?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Sorry *burp* all the liquor's gone and so are all the pretty girls.

How about going to work for me all next week?

[Andrew B.]

Sadly, I've been very sick.

Could you get me some 7-up and some saltines?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Sorry. I used up all the 7-up to make Slow Gin Fizzes . . . and the saltines we needed afterwards to help with the queasies.

How would you like a day of fun and adventure at my store helping to work down a pallet and a half of health/beauty aids/specialty merchandise?

[Munkie]

Sorry, I have a bad back and can't lift more than 5lbs.

Would you possibly be willing to help me move my cast-iron furniture tomorrow?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Sorry, no can do. Three doctors, two MRI's, two bone spurs in my neck and a slipped cervical disc all say NO.

How about cleaning up the kitchen for me so I don't have to do it tonight?

[Sarlon]

sorry have a furchild that is taking up my entire lap, and being to cute to make me want to move him.

come make some chicken soup for me so I can feel better?

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Sorry. I fried up all the chicken last night and had it for dinner. It was pretty good, too.

How about making me a pot of coffee?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Nah, I don't like coffee.

Take my cold away, please.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Can't. I'm already constipated and don't need to be stopped up at both ends.

How about cleaning out the big building for me tomorrow afternoon? I've got 3 vintage stereos, 2 pairs of speakers, an old handmade cabinet and a old refrigerator to set out on the side of the road that I don't need anymore.

[ZedOmega]

I can't, but I can think of an easy solution for you in the meantime... *leans his head out the window* Hey! Free stuff at the big building! Door's wide open!

Speaking of easy solutions, anyone out there got a quick one for hydrochloric acid? The neighbor got on my nerves again and he could use a missing finger.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I can't, but I can think of an easy solution for you in the meantime... *leans his head out the window* Hey! Free stuff at the big building! Door's wide open!

All that stuff made it out to the side of the road and was all cleared out by nightfall. That's one thing I can always count on my neighbors for.

Speaking of easy solutions, anyone out there got a quick one for hydrochloric acid? The neighbor got on my nerves again and he could use a missing finger.

Sorry . . . I've heard it's been stockpiled just in case our store manager makes it back from vacation tomorrow. . .

And if for some reason he "disappears", I know nothing.

How about hauling out some furniture from the office for me? I need to store the tv, a vintage stereo system and 4 speakers out in the building as well as a box of books. Everything else can go to the side of the road on the little hill for the neighbors to help themselves to.

[Daemonmonkey]

No can do, the termites are in winter hibernation.

Speaking of winter, anybody willing to help me get rid of all the snow on the sidewalks?

[JustaCashier]

Hell no!

Why should I do that when I already wrecked my back shoveling the snow from the street to the sidewalk?


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Anybody got a couple of Doan's Backache Pills they can spare?

I'm fresh out and my back's killin' me!

[Daemonmonkey]

Sorry, I used all mine as some [] shoveled a lot of snow into my sidewalk!


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Can somebody be Santa for all kids in my town?