*sigh* dating drought

[Shards]

I suppose I didn't explain myself well... Although I'm not really sure where I had been going with it even as I wrote it.

What I think on reflection, I was trying to get across is that you can be both a townie and a college student, though even that begs the question of 'why do we care?'

Also, about the online stuff... I dunno. I couldn't do it. I mean, for one thing, I just don't believe that something as complex, unique and enigmatic as love (yes, love, not compatibility. Yes, I believe.) can be boiled down to ones and zeros. Also, I've been the player of a practical joke (only once, in middle school) wherein I pretended to be someone I wasn't online to mess with the head of a friend of mine, so it takes quite a bit to convince me someone is who they say they are online. Also, I think the most important part of being in a relationship is being able to love the other persons flaws. Being able to live with the things you don't like about them, and that's very rarely going to happen when you meet someone online because your relationship will be based on an idolized version of you and an idolized version of them. Yes, many people try to play it down, but when you talk/write about yourself, you are judgmentally biased by default, and will either create a page of nothing but the things you don't like about yourself (in which case do you really WANT to meet the people who are interested in that?) or you will put an unrealistically good foot forward. To make it make sense to GKs gamer mind, let's call it taking 30 on your 'attract mate' check.

I have seen online relationships work, and I have a great deal of respect for those who can do them, because they are more trusting of the accuracy, fidelity, and honesty of their partner than I am. I can trust you to hang out with your ex while I'm out of town and assume nothing will happen (had to numerous times with M) but I have difficulty trusting in a relationship which came into reality out of the net, as opposed to retreated to the net when the reality became implausible on it's own.

Eh, just kinda rambling at this point. Back to inFamous for me.

[Gravekeeper]

Also, about the online stuff... I dunno. I couldn't do it. I mean, for one thing, I just don't believe that something as complex, unique and enigmatic as love (yes, love, not compatibility. Yes, I believe.) can be boiled down to ones and zeros.

Unfortunately, a largebody of research utterly disagrees with you. Compatibility is a big part of successful relationships as its whats going to keep you together after the whole high of falling in love wears off. If you don't have a strong base the relationship will weaken after the whole "happy just because you're in love" feeling when the relationship still feels new.

Besides, I don't mean boiling it down, I mean that all of us have a little internal list of deal breakers we have for any potential mate. ( Smokes? Drinks? Has kids? Wants kids? Pro choice? Pro life? Christian? Buddhist? Hail Xenu? ) An online profile lets you sort those out without going on a few dates and wasting both your time and possibly hurting feelings only to find out neither of you is what the other is looking for.

Also, some of us don't want to or don't have the time or lifestyle to go out on the town to speak. I know I don't. I also know I wouldn't likely find a female compatible with me at a club or bar for example. Because I don't want to be there, so why ask out someone that *does* want to be there? The chances of us getting along long term are fairly low.

Also, I've been the player of a practical joke (only once, in middle school) wherein I pretended to be someone I wasn't online to mess with the head of a friend of mine, so it takes quite a bit to convince me someone is who they say they are online.

Yes, and everyone you meet in real life is telling you the truth up front too? Yeah someone could mess with your head. They can mess with your head in real life too. Heck, they can do it *better* in real life. Because the online disguise can only been maintained till you meet them offline. In which case, sure, it sucks, but I mean I'm not falling in love with someone's emails so its not like I'm going to suffer emotional damage.

Also, I think the most important part of being in a relationship is being able to love the other persons flaws. Being able to live with the things you don't like about them, and that's very rarely going to happen when you meet someone online because your relationship will be based on an idolized version of you and an idolized version of them.

....what? I'm not even sure what you're talking about now. You seem to be confusing "meeting online" with "long distance virtual relationship where you never meet face to face". People are always, ALWAYS going to try to put their good foot forward to speak REGARDLESS of medium. Hell that's the entire point of a first date. How is that going to be any different just because you met someone online rather than at work or through a friend?

Also, you don't need to "make sense to my gamer mind". I'm not 16, dude. =p

I can trust you to hang out with your ex while I'm out of town and assume nothing will happen (had to numerous times with M) but I have difficulty trusting in a relationship which came into reality out of the net, as opposed to retreated to the net when the reality became implausible on it's own.

Why? No, seriously. Why does it matter how a relationship starts? Are people who own computer's automatically less honest than everyone else? No. Does the computer make it easier to deceive someone? Sure, superficially. Yeah I could tell you I'm some hot ass Calvin Klein underwear model. Would you believe me? and if you did, do you really think I could live up to that in real life? No. I'm a geekly creature. The subterfuge would end the second I introduced myself.

People are people are people regardless of the medium you're using to interact with them.

[artifical sweetner]

honestly the people i've met "IRL" are more crazy than the ones on the Internet

[Shards]

Eh. Personal opinions, all, however, I find it much easier to get a good handle on a person, and to get a chance to notice the flaws, in reality than in the cyberscape.

You are right, a person can still lie to me to my face, but I find it easier to figure out if a person is bullshitting me when I can see them, and hear the way they say what they say, not just what they say.

You are correct in that I am talking more about long distance relationships that start online than about people who live near one another who meet online. I will put my hands up to that one.

[Gravekeeper]

Eh. Personal opinions, all, however, I find it much easier to get a good handle on a person, and to get a chance to notice the flaws, in reality than in the cyberscape.

Well of course, I'm just saying that normally the online meeting would lead to the IRL one.

Virtual long distance is a whole other story and one I don't recommend either. ><

[Shards]

Yeah... Not sure how I got myself into the whole 'cyber-LDR' rant on here, because in retrospect it has very little to do with what was being discussed.

Then again, I'm also sleep deprived.

And GK, about the gamer mind comment, I meant no disrespect, I simply had the analogy pop into my head and wanted to use it. I apologize for any offense that may have carried over. It was not the intent.

[pssorens]

On OKCupid and POF....blech. Most of them were losers. Losers, desperate losers.

Gee, thanks
at least with Okcupid, I don't have a huge number of scammers after me.

[blas]

I was just stating my personal opinion based on my experience with those sites.

[the_std]

I actually really enjoy OKCupid. I've made a lot of friends through there and have had about four romantic relationships develop from meeting people through there. It's all about ignoring the idiots (of which there are many) and taking it upon yourself to message those you're interested in.

[Gravekeeper]

I apologize for any offense that may have carried over. It was not the intent.

No worries, ze text on the screen does not always convey the proper tone. -.-

[blas]

Thank you, GK. You said it better than I could.

Then again, I really have zero tolerance for skeezes and freakshows, so I naturally gave it up and went back to the old fashioned way of meeting people.

And at least in real life, I can scream at or slap a guy who wants to make comments about my titties.

[pssorens]

I was teasing you a little bit. The only reason I'm still on any site at all, is the fear i might miss somebody that could be interesting.

[Jester]

I feel I need to chime in here.

Now, I am not going to comment on the internet relationship thing. That is a whole different ball of wax. However, I will comment on the meeting people through the net thing.

Personally, I don't see a problem with it. Meeting people is meeting people is meeting people. The net is merely another method that people can get together, whether it is through discussion sites like this one or actual "cupid" type sites that set people up, etc. Who cares? It's just a way to meet people. And there is nothing wrong with that. I have met people in every way conceivable, including selling them a dorm refrigerator and hanging out at a clothing optional pool bar in a jester's costume with a hangover. (That was an interesting Sunday.)

Have I ever met anyone that I dated through a dating site? No. I haven't. So what? It hasn't worked for me personally, but that could be as much because of what I am willing to put on a dating site profile as anything inherently flawed in the dating site itself or its clientele.

Now everyone knows I am a bar guy. I like bars, I hang out at bars, I spend much of my time in bars. Anyone want to guess how many girls I have dated that I met at bars? Not counting if I met them at bars because a friend introduced us, i.e., just met them without some connection? Exactly 1. And that was not one of my more serious relationships. Have I gotten some entertaining hookups from bars? Sure. I won't lie. I have. But we are not talking about hooking up, we are talking about dating. Whole different thing.

And when it comes to dating, why should we limit ourselves in how we meet people? I say any ways you can increase your odds for meeting someone worthy of dating is a good thing. So dating sites don't work for you, Shards. Or at least they haven't to date. (You are only 19, so it's not like your sample size is all that large, ya know.) And apparently Blas is not a fan of them either. Does that mean that everyone else should abandon hope in regards to these sites? Hell no! Again, anything that helps you meet someone is a good thing. And different things work for different people. Sure, it would be nice to just "meet" someone randomly in a social situation, rather than online. But it doesn't always work that way. I didn't randomly meet The Brit...I was introduced to her by a mutual friend. I did randomly meet Nurse Betty.....but that was in high school almost 22 years ago!

My point, I guess, is that there are a million ways to meet people. And there is nothing, absolutely nothing at all, wrong with increasing your odds in that department.

[artifical sweetner]

yea meeting guys in bars is a double edged sword - i met this one guy and we dated for a bit and he slipped one time n said "well its not like you go to bars to meet girls you wanna date - you go to meet girls you wanna sleep with"

i just stared like "..." --- mmk bye! lol

[Jester]

Dorky me, I go to bars to meet girls to date. I think I've made clear how well that particular stratagem has worked for me thus far.....