So does anyone else have a twisted view of death?

[One-Fang]

Agree with Dips and Ree. There is no "wrong". Okay, going out and having a mass murder spree because you're upset about it would be a "wrong" way to handle it. But marking it vs treating the day as any other? No contest - each to their own.

You were definitely not "wrong" to handle the day the way you did. Neither were your family. It's very definitely one of life's totally subjective things.

[spark]

I wasn't trying to say anybody was wrong either. *nods* Everybody's different, and I try very hard not to judge. And I really apologize if anybody took what I was saying wrong, I didn't mean to offend.

But I can't help my own reaction. What makes me uncomfortable makes me uncomfortable, I can't magically be okay with it either.

[RootedPhoenix]

I'm very funny about death. I have very specific beliefs about it.
...but that never makes the pain go away.

I remember having an exchange with a friend of mine. She'd said that my beliefs made her feel odd, but that she was happy that it made me feel good. Because that was the most important thing, you know?

There may be many ways of dealing with death. As long as you're healed by it, I think that makes it the best way for you.

I sing a lot of songs. I don't know anyone else who does, but it works for me. To someone else, it would seem like wallowing in it, and it would worry them. To me, it's just like crying, but to music. I can't cry for more than a few seconds, or else I get sick. So I have to find another way to let these things out.

I don't know that it would work for anyone else. I don't even know that it wouldn't hurt someone else. But it works for me.

We all have our own way.

[Midnight12]

By having dealt with death I've come to my own conclusion that everyone deals with it in their own way. The person is dead and gone and what happens after that is among the living, who grieve because that person is gone from the rest of us. At least thats what came to my mind when my granpa on mom's side passed away several years ago.
I suppose that observation is twisted in a way, but then again who am I to say. I still have trouble going to visit their gravesites

[crashhelmet]

Death itself doesn't affect me and that's what bothers me.

I had to learn as a child that one day my dad might not come home from wherever the Marine Corps sent him. From then, I started learning more about death and what it meant. A part of my martial arts training and Christian upbringing was the philosophical views on death and how it's actually a good thing. Something to celebrate, if you will.

Over the years I started losing the random elderly relative here and there. My dad's dad first, then my mom's mom. Then great aunt's and uncles on both sides, etc.

In the summer between my freshman and sophomore year, a bunch of friends and I had gone to Disney World. The car in front, leading the way, clipped a bus and tumbled like 20 times. 4 friends were int hat car. 3 of them died at the scene and the 4th died in the hospital the next day. After that, I just kinda shut myself off more so than I already was. I've lost other friends and family since then, including my mom 5 and a half years ago. Instead of feeling sad or mournful, I feel cold and heartless.

While everyone else is crying, I'm sitting there calm and collected. I know different people feel it in different ways, but i don't like the way I feel. Or rather... I don't like the way I "don't feel."

CH

[protege]

I didn't shed a tear when my great-grandmother died in '88. She was 90, and had spent the previous decade in nursing homes. By then, her mind was already shot, and she couldn't take care of herself. At least she didn't suffer--she went peacefully in her sleep one night. I guess I didn't cry...because I barely knew her. Even though I was 12 then, the only images I had of her were of how she was in the nursing home. I couldn't relate to the stories other people had.

...then about 6 months later, my grandfather (her son) passed away. Of all the grandchildren, I got to know him the best. He died of a heart attack. 20 years on, I still miss the jokes, his ability to mess with people (where do you think I learned it? ), but also how caring and hard-working he was. What sucks, is that he missed out on watching us all grow up. However, had he lived...he probably wouldn't have survived the 1994 auto accident that nearly killed his wife!

Speaking of her, she's had a rough time lately. Within the past 2 years, her mind has gone (fucking Alzheimers), her eyesight is failing, and she had to give up many things she once enjoyed. At 93 years old, she's still in good health though. But, when the time comes for her...I want it to come quickly. I don't want her to suffer--she's put up with enough shit.