so apparently because I'm weirded out by this, I'm a cynical paranoid bitch

[Soulstealer]

25

(and getting closer to becoming a virgin again... 7 years, isn't it??)

I'm afraid there is no do over no matter what certain religious people would claim. It doesn't matter one way or the other anyway (unless you're a porn star but they're all lying anyway)

[Eireann]

PLEASE KEEP THE NOTE.

Even if this guy is harmless, and simply a social klutz, it's better to have it. I, for one, would never go out with someone who thought that leaving a note on my door was an acceptable way to approach me, no matter what the reasons were. It's always best to have this reminder around, just in case. It doesn't mean you have to obsess over it, or that you will obsess over it.

And, in my opinion, thinking that a note on the door is "sweet" or "romantic" from someone you have never met and don't know, is sadly outdated, even if there weren't the risk of this person attempting something else with you. You don't have to look over your shoulder all the time, or jump whenever someone comes to your door. Having a healthy awareness of the fact that someone has approached you, unasked and unwanted, in an attempt to (ostensibly) get to know you better, is important. Yes, it's true that he may be shy, but that doesn't mean that you have to laugh off the fact that he watched you often enough to know where you live, so that he could leave a note on your door. I, for one, find that very personal and intrusive.

The note says this guy has been living there for four months and has been watching you all that time, and that isn't at all worrying? Where might he have been before? You don't know anything about him, beyond the fact that he has a very different approach when it comes to women. I stand by my previous advice: Talk to the police. If nothing more comes of it, then that will be the best thing that could happen. If something more does come of it, they will be informed and can act accordingly. Far better to feel slightly embarrassed than to have a police officer asking, "Why didn't you come to us before?"

EDITED TO ADD:

This guy must have some familiarity with your schedule, because he taped the note to your door when you weren't at home. I don't like this at all.

[Boozy]

If I received a note like that, I'd have a chuckle, toss it in the garbage, and forget about it.

He might be shy, but when a guy says something like "If beauty were time you'd be eternity" to a total stranger, he's either a man-whore or trying to become one.

But the odds of him being a stalker are incredibly low. There's no indication that he's obsessed with you or otherwise behaving irrationally. He has been able to look at you occasionally over the last 4 months because you live in the same apartment complex. He isn't driving across town and parking across the street to stare at you as you come and go. There's no reason to believe that he is any more a threat to you than any other neighbour who sees you around on a daily basis.

Sometimes when men ask women out, they do so ineptly. Many of them have never been taught the proper way to approach a woman, so they make mistakes. Sometimes these clumsy mistakes have the unintended effect of creeping the woman out. But in 99% of cases, these men are harmless.

If you are as beautiful as this man believes you to be, you'll be asked out many times in the future. If you let every clumsy come-on freak you out to this extent, you're apt to become a very stressed-out person. Hyper-vigilance also makes you unable to differentiate between harmless pick-up artists and potentially dangerous men -- many of who are far too smooth and experienced to do or say anything that may creep women out early on in the relationship.

Toss the note in the trash and move on.

[sportsmom]

What he did is just a step away from being a stalker. Your instincts are SCREAMING at you that this isn't something to take lightly. ALWAYS listen to your instincts.
My instincts tell me that this guy is someone that the cops need to take notice of NOW.

That's not a step away from, that's a giant step right into the middle of being a stalker. Lupo, you need to follow your gut. If it doesn't feel right, it isn't right.

[Slytovhand]

You know, mr. Creepshow sounds a little like this guy:

http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the...gle-very-funny



Well maybe not quite, unlike the voicemail loser Creepy didn't go on about how great he is in his little stalker manifesto. But joking aside, I'm not sure if that little non-self-gushing detail should make me more or less worried.

OMFG!!!! Yes, you can guess why he's single, and the last relationship was long distance...

[Slytovhand]

I'll side a bit with Ree...

Mostly cos I'm a bit like that person (but only a bit...).

While at first as I read this, I was thinking over-reaction, reading the other posts afterwards was helping to see a little clearer.

So... firstly - always trust your gut... but always make sure it's your gut, and not just your head making excuses!

Secondly, while he may not be the creep everyone is expecting, he still hasn't adequately identified himself. Now, while I may be the letter leaving type (cos I'm from prior to the net/chat days), I will at least let you know who I am (eg, "long haired guy who lives upstairs and says 'Hi' to you when you're walking out the door"). So, while shy, not stupid...

"Terry" in quotes... hopefully he failed English... not hopefully it's weird!


He left you his number.. why not ring it and invite him over or out somewhere?? That way, when you invite him into the basement and have your mates with the baseball bats.... oh, sorry... just getting carried away...

Nah, don't bother!

If, later, he chooses to show himself in person, then see how your instincts fit...


25

(and getting closer to becoming a virgin again... 7 years, isn't it??)

[saint]

Go with your gut.
Just my 2 cents

[Lil Bunny]

I just wanted to add some hugs here. Go with your gut, you know if it's creepy or not.

I'm trying to find a good thread for ya to read regarding being "pushed" into relationship/relationship choices. You know that whole "Oh just one date, it won't kill you, I'm a nice guy" type thing? Might help ya with your mom and friend.

Oh and 17. That honestly surprised my current friends. I said oh thanks, I wasn't always evil you freaks.

[lupo pazzesco]

I can see that, Ree. My mom pointed out the same things, but, it's also difficult to convey exactly what the note entailed without actually seeing it. At the same time, I'm not running off to report to all and sundry I have a stalker. I'm going to go with the tact of saying and doing nothing, and only taking it to someone higher up if he persists.

I think part of the reaction came from various sources, one of which being, despite being written, it is the same kind of things that are slurred out to me drunkenly at a bus stop, except only put in written word. At least that's the vibe I got from it. Another contributing factor is my being attacked recently and getting groped by a random stranger. And yet another is having yet another random stranger show up at my door, to tell me I'm gorgeous, I'm beautiful, I'm not married right? and won't I invite him in so we can be friends? And finally, being told that I'm too cold, too hard-hearted, and too paranoid because I was creeped out by this by some of those closest to me really hurt. I was simply trying to give my perspective on it, and got told I'm blowing it completely out of proportion. Possibly true, but still...

Is this guy harmless? Perhaps. Is he a crazy creepazoid watching me from the shadows? Also perhaps. I'm hoping to never find out either way, because, just personally, I don't think it's a good way to go about getting my attention to send me an anonymous note asking to be "FRIENDS", complete with quoty quotes, after rambling about how "Gorgeous" I am several times. Just my take on it.

I do appreciate the input though, and accept that sometimes there are leveler heads than mine, especially in light of recent experiences. I fully admit, I'm more prone to jumping at shadows, and my anxiety has gotten far worse in recent months than usual.

Not sure what point I'm trying to make here, so I think I shall end this babbling and seek my bed. Thanks for the input from everyone, and for Ree, putting it into a different perspective. I think that may have been what my mom and friend were trying to say at one point, but it may not have been coming across given that it immediately followed receiving said note and I was trying to explain my reaction, and there may have been some failed lines of communication.

Night for now, all.

[Ree]

Honestly?
Yeah, it's a bit creepy, but I seriously think there is a lot of overreaction going on in this thread.

I know that's probably not going to be a popular opinion, but that's how I see it.

I really don't think he's some sick pervert watching you from the shadows.

He's just an odd and slightly weird guy who made a very poor choice in the way he decided to express his feelings.

I think he's some dude who was too "shy" to speak up in person, and he decided to send the note instead.
I think he probably mistakenly thought it would come off as romantic and mysterious.

Sometimes, nothing ventured, nothing gained, but in this case, he probably should have tried a different tactic.

[Jester]

It's not the talking to them that's the problem...but landing them. I seem to do better chatting online for some reason.

Probably because chatting online is easier and carries less pressure, emotionally and socially. That is true whether you are talking about painfully shy wallflowers or vivacious social butterflies.

[Bradester]

They thought it was cute? Lemme guess, as a kid they thought boys who called you names or pulled your hair only did it 'because they like you.' Hell to the no.

If the guy's not a stalker but genuinely clueless, I think he should step back and think of his actions in terms of a 'how we met' story down the road. Can you imagine your wife telling your children "Oh, he was so shy, so he kept tabs on me for four months before taping a juvenile, unsettling love letter to my front door! It was so romantic!"

Don't sweat the virginity. I'm 24- haven't been kissed, haven't held hands, haven't been on a date that wasn't set up by my yenta mother or sister-in-law.

[AccountingDrone]

I

Everything that is quoted and capitalized is exactly how it appears on the card. Now, I shared this with my mother and two of my closest friends. Of the 3, only 1 said, "wow, that's creepy" It wasn't my mom.

Instead, I hear from the other two how cute it is, how sweet, and ohmygod when am I gonna call him!?!?!

Um, never?

that is seriously skeevy ... I think if he puts another card on your door you get police or security to go tell the guy to back off ...

[kibbles]

1. I don't think it's creepy, more that he is not smooth at all or knows how to talk to women or approach them; but, 2. I also don't think it's bitchy not to call back.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

WOW.