so apparently because I'm weirded out by this, I'm a cynical paranoid bitch

[lupo pazzesco]

I came home from school today to find an envelope taped to my door. I think it's something from my apartment complex because it has my apartment number written on it, and that's generally how they send out notices.

Instead...it's a card. with the following written on it:

Hey how are you doing? this might sound a little strainge to you. My name is "TERRY" I moved into this apartment complex 4 months ago on the same block with u. the first day I saw you I was speechless because you took my breath away, but I tried to say "Hello" too u but I was speechless. If beauty were time you'd be eternity. Girl all I want to tell you is that you look "Gorgeous" and can we be "FRIENDS" This my cell# 111-111-1111

Everything that is quoted and capitalized is exactly how it appears on the card. Now, I shared this with my mother and two of my closest friends. Of the 3, only 1 said, "wow, that's creepy" It wasn't my mom.

Instead, I hear from the other two how cute it is, how sweet, and ohmygod when am I gonna call him!?!?!

Um, never?

See, what they fail to realize is this guy has apparently been watching me for months. 4 months. He knows where I LIVE. And, in that 4 months, he never once worked up the courage to say hello? I'm polite to my neighbors around here. They say hi, I respond and ask how they're doing, etc, etc.

My mom and one friend said maybe he's shy! How can I NOT give him the benefit of the doubt?

Because the tone of the card is the same as all the other raging assholes who catcall at me while I'm at the bus stop, on the bus, or walking down the street. "Yo girl, you so fine!" "Let's hook up!" "Gimme your number!" "You so gorgeous!" "I gotta hit that!"

I guess it's hard to impart that via written word or without actually seeing the card.

But what really gets me is I'm trying to explain how this makes me uncomfortable, because it isn't the first time a random guy I've never met has found out where I live. This one showed up at my door, telling me I'm so gorgeous, am I married, can he come in, can he have my number, etc, etc.

And rather than getting understanding from people who KNOW me, I get told that it's sad I'm so cold.

Cold?

I'm so hard hearted because I'm not willing to give a complete stranger a chance who has been watching me for 4 months, knows where I live, and can't even give me the same information? Just a name in quotes and a random cell #? I'm not going to call it because then he'll have my number, and I dont' want him knowing anything else about me!!

So, am I wrong to be creeped out by this? Am I overreacting? Am I really that much of a cold, hard-hearted bitch monster? I didn't think so, but apparently I might be. The very thought is actually making me tear up right now, and that only serves to piss me off a little because I don't think I'm cold. I know I have a lot of issues when it comes to men, and I'm in no way ready for any kind of relationship, but that doesn't make me cold, does it? I would have thought that means I know about myself. I'm painfully shy when it comes to the opposite sex.

And to make matters worse, I'm getting told that I'm 25, soon to be 26, and still a virgin, so obviously there's something wrong with me. What the hell??

I don't know what to think or do, and I'm already stressed about school starting, I so didn't need this on top of it.

and when I try to explain this to my mom and my friend, I get shrugs and told that I'm just too paranoid about everything so of course I'm automatically going to react negatively over something like this.

Thanks, guys.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I am creeped out on your behalf. Totally on your side. Especially since he lives in your complex and you don't even know who this guy is. Frankly, you should probably just drop the subject with the people who aren't. Hopefully he'll take the hint when you don't call. Don't walk around all paranoid, but if he does manage to gather the courage to introduce himself in person and still seems like a creep, trust your gut and tell him you're not interested (or available...boyfriend or not, it's still true).

And to make matters worse, I'm getting told that I'm 25, soon to be 26, and still a virgin, so obviously there's something wrong with me. What the hell??

I was 26, if it makes you feel any better. Nothing wrong with you.

[Bright_Star]

What he did is just a step away from being a stalker. Your instincts are SCREAMING at you that this isn't something to take lightly. ALWAYS listen to your instincts.
My instincts tell me that this guy is someone that the cops need to take notice of NOW.

[Barracuda]

Are you overreacting? Two words: Hell no. There is a saying that unfortunately never gets any credit anymore: "Faint heart ne'er won fair lady." Fact is, this guy may be shy, but that's no excuse to stalk you and then leave a note to introduce himself. I have always been shy, but I managed to let girls who I was truly interested in know I existed and that I was interested. Yes, most of them turned me down, but I tried. And some of them didn't, and some of them, even though we never dated, became good friends. Fact is, there are two things in a relationship which should never be handled other than in person--Introducing yourself, and breaking up. Far too many people break these rules in today's society, but does that mean they're irrelevant? Again, hell no. You don't know this guy from Adam, he's acting creepy as hell, and he knows where you live? TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS in this case, they are DEAD on. As for still being a virgin, GOOD FOR YOU! I am 28 and still haven't "done it", and looking around, I KNOW I have avoided a lot of drama and heartache. There's enough of that crap in this world without asking for more. That is your life, so you live it how you feel comfortable and you SPIT IN THE EYE of anyone who DARES fault you for what decision you make when it comes to whether or not YOU are ready. Good luck!

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Yeah, you need to take this seriously and avoid this. This is damn creepy.

Not to mention the guy mentioned your looks three times in three sentences. Shallow much? Stalker much? Ick.

Two ways you could consider this:

1. He's too clueless to realize just how creepy and threatening that might come across. Nobody needs a guy that clueless. And creepy.

2. He knows exactly how creepy and threatening that might come across.

And yes, ALWAYS trust the little reptile voice inside your head. ALWAYS.

I think about 27, by the way.

[Jester]

I'm 39 and I'm still a vir--aw, who am I kidding?

But seriously, what you do with your life is only one's person business: yours. If other people don't like it, feel free to tell them where they can stick it. Hell, give them clearly diagrammed instructions.

As for your "fan," I can see three possibilities.

1. Dude's a stalker, and you don't need to bother with him.
2. Dude's painfully shy, and this is his best approach. In other words, a coward, and you don't need to bother with him.
3. Dude's in junior high. After all, for a kid that age, this behavior would make sense. But despite his fantasies, you're out of his age range, and you don't need to bother with him.

There are two ways to deal with this, no matter which of the three above scenarios it is. First is to ignore it. Second is to call the number listed, either from a pay phone or from your phone using caller id block, and listen to the dude, either to politely decline his lovely invitation or to vehemently tell him to leave you alone if he doesn't want to have his testicles removed with rusty grapefruit knife and shoved down his throat for breakfast.

If he is in junior high, I would recommend the gentler approach.

[ArcticChicken]

Oh, fuck, no, you are NOT wrong to think that's creepy as hell.

*shudder*

[Ratha]

You're not wrong, that is BEYOND creepy. Your mom and one friend, I hate to say, are either completely naive or living in a fantasy world. Or both.

[Cat]

I will also cast my vote for being creepy...I would sure as hell be freaked out

[Broomjockey]

On first thought: creepy

On deeper introspection, I thought: well, maybe, if you just, well, he could be... nah, fuck it. Creepy. Not the "he knows where you live" bit. If he's a neighbour, of course he would. The whole "watching and thinking a note like that is appropriate and doesn't leave anything beyond a cell" part is creepy.

[RayvenQ]

2. Dude's painfully shy, and this is his best approach. In other words, a coward, and you don't need to bother with him.

I have to disagree with this, being shy and cowardace are not related, depending on how shy you are, it can be fairly damned difficult to actually bring yourself to talk to a person, especially if you are attracted to them, not always a matter of courage.

Me for example, there was a girl who I liked at school, but i could only express to her how i really felt on paper, because anytime I'd try to say something to her, the words just wouldn't come out. at all. It wasn't a case of courage and/or bravery.

But still, creepy, could have been wored better really, especially the "FRIENDS" part, plus he's also trying to hard to pull you with the whole "if beauty was time" thing.

[Talon]

Another vote for stalker.

I second all of Jester's points, except the confrontation one. If he is a stalker, he craves attention of any kind. I'd keep the note handy for say, the next 4 months, but do not attempt to contact him. Period. Sorry your family isn't being more supportive.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Another vote for stalker.

I second all of Jester's points, except the confrontation one. If he is a stalker, he craves attention of any kind. I'd keep the note handy for say, the next 4 months, but do not attempt to contact him. Period. Sorry your family isn't being more supportive.

I agree, don't call him. Just ignore it, but I'd hold onto the note just in case. In the worst case you'll want it for evidence. Odds are it won't come to that but you never know.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

This is the kind of person I like to say "has a special place in his basement for you." I'd give him more credit if he just came up to you the first time he saw you and said "Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go ." At least then he's a garden variety creep instead of a plotter and schemer.

I wouldn't give this creepazoid the time of day.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Chalk me up for the "no response" response. If he IS a stalker, even telling him to get lost is contact and attention, and will be perceived as positive.

I cannot stand guys who bang on like that about appearance. It's the only thing that matters to them, and they assume it's the only thing that matters to you, too. "I'll just go on ad nauseum about how good looking she is. She won't be able to resist that." It's yucky. I've broken up with guys over that.

I'm not getting shy from the wording of the note. Shy would be "Hey, I'm your neighbor at blah blah address, and I've seen you around a bit. I'd love to meet you, would you like to meet for coffee at blah blah public place?"

Not "Hey, baby, you're so hot. You're so hot. You're so hot. Call me."