Should I snitch?

[FuzzyKitten99]

My boyfriend's 12yo son is CONSTANTLY on the Wii, playing this violent first-person shooting game. A game that is rated higher than his age level of course.

BF doesn't see a problem with this. Now that school has started (granted it's only the 2nd day), he won't be on it for 18+ hours a day like in summer. I am NOT exaggerating. He would play it for that long. We don't have cable or watch tv, and very few movies, and there is only the one tv. However I get very sick of the rapid-fire gunshots that make it sound like I am in a warzone instead of a nice suburban executive home on a professional golf course in Minnesota.

The kids aren't here over nights now, only after school and on some weekends. However the game is getting irritating. Not to mention I do not like his playing it when my boys (ages 3 & 6) are around, which is every other weekend and some weeknights. I do not like their exposure to that kind of thing at their age. BF has a 5yo as well, however he doesn't seem to think the violent game has any impact on the kid. I believe otherwise.

Anyway, The Ex (BF's ex-wife) doesn't allow video games at all at her house and when BF bought the Wii, he said she would throw a fit if she knew he did and if she knew the kinds of games the 12yo plays on them. I used to share a Wii with my ex-hubby, but now I don't for reasons to lengthy to detail here. BF told her that I was borrowing my ex's for a while. He told me this after he told her. I kind of went along with it at the time, but because BF is not regulating how long his 12yo is on the thing or what kinds of games are played, it is driving me nuts to the point I want to snitch to The Ex just so I can get some peace from the rapid-fire of an AK-47 blowing some guy's head off. If she knew about this, believe me, she would give BF a huge chew out session. Normally I side with him on most things she complains or worries about (because they are usually things that are mundane and hardly worth a nod, let alone worrying about) to him, but this one I totally agree on.

Anyway, if I were to tell The Ex, I would tell her that BF doesn't know I am telling her and to just say one of the kids let it slip, like the 5yo, which is totally plausible. She would go for that, because BF is directly defying her wishes for the video games to be at a minimum. The Ex and I get along very well and we have to because there are kids involved and we just want the best for them. So I know she would appreciate the honesty and the intervention, however I am wary about doing it because she really can upset BF with the way she can be when she's upset with him about something.

I have tried to tell BF that I do not want him to play the game every waking minute he is here. He needs to find something else to do. Especially when my kids are around. He kind of brushes it off like it's no big deal that the video games are on every second that his 12yo is here.

So, as an unoffical poll... should I snitch on BF to The Ex about the video game obsession?

[Parrothead]

(I'm single, no kids, so take this as you will.)

Would you want to be told if your ex was doing something with your kids that you forbade?

I say, tell BF's ex. She should know what her kids are being exposed to.

[JuniorMintz]

I say snitch away! Video games are fine, but not 24-7, especially when they're as violent as the one he's been playing. Plus, you say you get along well with the ex, but how long do you think that would continue if she thought you were hiding things from her (especially when they're regarding her child?).

[RayvenQ]

does your BF knows his ex would chew him out? if so, tel lhim that you'll snitch unless he sorts ti out and if he doesn't, snitch on him

While I'm against depriving 12 year olds of videogame entertainment (as long as they can distinguish reality from the game) they shouldn't be playing it at that sort of length.

For instance: I was well balanced enough as a 11 yera old to play GTA and not go off on a rampage and where videogames were usually your mates coming round and playing a game of football on the console with you.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Do you think it would do any good to sit him down and tell him that if he doesn't do something about the game you will have to discuss it with his mother? I totally get where you are coming from, and I would feel the same way if I were you, but if you can avoid going behind the BF's back it might save you some grief....

[Calvin St.Hobbes]

I'd say no...What the father allows under his roof is his bussiness and what the mother allows in her house is hers....

[Jester]

Here's my take on the whole thing.

First of all, this is not your child, so what his parents allow or do not allow is, in the end, their business, unless they want to hear your opinion on it.

It IS, however, your house, if I am not mistaken from your house. And the crux of the problem from what you wrote seems to be not that it is unhealthy for junior, but that is driving you fucking nuts.

Now, going behind your boyfriend's back to tell his ex something he clearly doesn't want her to know can only cause you grief with him. Don't be so sneaky. Be right upfront. "Honey, we need to talk. Actually, I need to talk and you need to listen. I need you to do something about the amount Junior is playing Kill 'Em All. And here is why:
1. I don't think it is healthy for him to play such a violent game so much.
2. I don't think it is healthy for his younger brother to see him play such a violent game so much.
3. I don't think it is healthy for my kids to see him play such a violent game so much.
But more importantly....
4. The constant sound of gunfire is driving me fucking nuts!
5. If you don't do something about it so I can stop going fucking nuts, you are going to force me to tell his mother about this, so I can get some damn peace around here."

Make it about what he needs to do to make you happy and preserve your happy home, not about what he needs to do to properly raise his child. Make it clear you will do what you need to do to make this happen if he doesn't take action. And if he doesn't take action, follow through on your threat/promise/gauntlet throwing.

But just to go behind his back to his ex? Bad idea, if you ask me.

[Greenday]

But just to go behind his back to his ex? Bad idea, if you ask me.

Exactly. Going behind his back would just be messed up. Especially if you haven't sat him down and talked to him.

What game is it anyway?

[Mr. Rager!]

Is it wrong that I think that you should put the tv by a giant window in the house, overlooking the golf course and just play Wii Golf?

I don't know what to do about the kids playing the Wii nonstop. Maybe the first thing would be to talk to your boyfriend. If that doesn't work, maybe take control of the TV or be the adult. I know it's not your kid, but you do live there and can set house rules. And if that doesn't work, talk to the ex.

So, when Tiger Woods makes it to Minnesota for a tournament and it's at your course, how opposed are you to visitors? (Sorry, I absolutely love golf and am jealous of you right now.)

[MaggieTheCat]

I agree 100% with everything Jester said. One of the most hurtful things anyone can do to their partner in a relationship is going behind their partner's back when they are upset. For instance, if your boyfriend were upset with you for something, would you want him to go tell his mates or his ex or your ex about it before talking with you about it? I understand you've already voiced your concerns, but obviously he doesn't realize the severity of the issue, so he needs to be told again, sternly. And after that, if he still doesn't get it, then you should take the next step and hit him in the head with a frying pan tell his ex, or whatever seems to be appropriate.

[tropicsgoddess]

Count me in on the do not snitch camp. It's understandable that the 12yo is playing a violent game for excessive periods of time and all. But the bottom line is he's your BF's and his Ex-wife's child, so it's best to leave that sort of thing to them to handle.

[Seshat]

1. Your house, your rules.

2. Don't make this into an issue between you, your ex, and your boyfriend. It's an issue primarily between you and the boy, and by extension with the boy's parents.

Talk to your boyfriend. Tell him that for your sake, and your children's sake, you're putting limits on the video gaming - especially on wargames. If you like, tell him that you're concerned about how healthy it is for his children.

Then - whether your boyfriend approves or not - implement the new rules. Be fair with the kids, give them time and help to adapt to the new rules, but implement them and be firm about them.

After all, you and your kids live in the house too. Not just your boyfriend and his kids.

[JLG]

I would try to talk to your boyfriend about it again. But I would not snitch about it. It might create another set of problems.

[Sliceanddice]

I'd say no...What the father allows under his roof is his bussiness and what the mother allows in her house is hers....

but you forgot it isnt just HIS ROOF its THEIR ROOF and she want its out/cut back and he doesnt.

[Calvin St.Hobbes]

But what we'd have to know in that case is he moved in with her or vice versa or if they moved into a new place together and starte from square one.
If she moved in with him,it's his roof
If he moved in with her then it's her roof
And if they moved into a new place together then it becomes a "our" situation...

Was that info disclosed in the original post? If it was then I'll keep my hat in hand and say I am wrong....
*Now I gotta go back and reread... *