Should I snitch?

[poofy_puff]

Indeed it does create a conflict of interest. On one hand, the kid learns to manipulate one parent against the other. On the other hand, the father might be letting the kid play just to show the mother that she can't tell him what he can and can't do. It's time for some parental solidarity. Obviously they broke up and didn't stay together living a lie for the kids' sake. They should follow through on that note - grow up and set a good example, not send conflicting mixed messages that fundamentally undermine what good parenting should be.

[mandaliz8704]

If this has been suggested, I apologize...I skipped the last page.

I have 3 boys. They are 6, 5 and 1. There is my disclaimer.

I'm a little unclear here... the 12yo is playing the violent game all hours of the day, correct? And his father (your boyfriend) is not home at the time, but you are? That would make you the adult in charge at the time.

If you don't like the game, shut the damned thing OFF. Too bad, so sad for the 12yo. If he whines and throws a fit, tell him "sorry, buddy... I live in this house too and I don't think its appropriate for you to play that game, and you won't be playing it while I am in charge anymore." If the boyfriend throws a fit after the kid runs to daddy, tell him the same thing.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I'll go with Jester's plan too. At least that way, you've given the boyf a chance to correct the problem himself; and he only has himself to blame if you're forced to follow thru and tell the kid's mum.

By the way, re the issue "Some kids aren't affected by violent games"; from what I understand from the OP's issue, it's the length of time more than the game itself for the 12 year old, and the fact that her kids are being exposed to said game cuz the 12 year old is on there for 18 hours plus.

My parents never let my brothers or I play our Megadrive console for more than two hours at a time. The fact is, it's not healthy to play computer games for 18 hours straight, or watch TV for that amount of time, end of. This kid is twelve years old and should be playing outside or doing something constructive, for chrissakes.

So I say go with what Jester said.

[MaggieTheCat]

Put it this way...instead of this being a broken family, with mom being the ex and all, let's say it was a neighbor's. And kid is over at the neighbor's all the time because he's friends with their kids. Now neighbors don't put limits on their kids' video game playing and don't put it on Kid either, despite mom saying she doesn't want him playing for long periods of time or certain games. Does she not get a say in how her child is raised even though he's at another family's house?

That's different, though. The neighbors are not related to the child in question. In the OP's cast, the child in question is the SON of her boyfriend. His FATHER should have a right -- an equal right -- to raise his children how he sees fit. Obviously, this differs from what the mother of the child thinks, and may be at least part of the reason why they broke up in the first place. So how does it work? Do the mother's rules trump the father's, or vice versa? Neither, I think. It seems they both have their own rules for their own household, and, IMO, neither one should be able to dictate how the others' household is run.

Put it this way: Say the questionable behavior wasn't video games, but reading a book. The mother doesn't want the child to read a book that is considered controversial, for example, Animal Farm or Nineteen Eighty-Four, because she doesn't want her child exposed to something like that. The father does want the child to read the book, because he considers it great literature and that the child will learn something from it. Should the child not be allowed to read the book in his father's home because his mother doesn't approve?

[Greenday]

i said that sarcastically because it was so cynical, you where basically saying if she didn't lived there first or found the place with him she has no rights around the house for rules or practices. especially seeing as her kids are involved she has the right to have a say what happens in her home and seeing as she lives there just because she didn't live there FIRST doesn't mean she has to suck it up and deal.

I'm with Slideanddice on this point. It's not HIS house anymore. It's THEIR house. They share, thus one person can't make all the rules for the house.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Why does she get a say in what goes on in other peoples houses?

She gets a say because it's still her kid, and she's still the parent. If he were playing video games all day long at a neighbor's or friend's house, mom has every right to say he can't hang out there quite so much if she feels strongly about the games themselves or the frequency of play. But that's a bit different than his being at dad's.

Granted, some issues are more important than others (maybe mom doesn't allow soda but dad does; not that big a deal), but certain things should be consistent between both parents' houses. Frankly, I don't see too much harm in one parent having a more lax video game policy, though this case seems a bit excessive. The bigger issue I see in this case is a blended family that is not in agreement in the rules or how to enforce them for the other partner's kids. That's something Fuzzy and her BF need to sort out.

[gremcint]

Honestly I don't think you should snitch. The boyfriend has just as much right to set rules for his son as his mom does, when the son is in his care that means his rules are the ones to be followed as by him having even partial custody means that either the mom or the courts have said his judgement is good enough to be allowed to have custody of the child.

Now having said that, this is your residence, while your authority over the child is something for debate (it's an awkward thing to get into) there are two things that should happen:

1. sit down with your boyfriend and iron out exactly what authority and judgement you have over the child while he is there, if you think it would help have the mother sit in too (that may create drama though).

2. you get to set rules for your apartment, meaning if you think he has played enough for one day, tell him he has twenty more minutes and that's it for the day (let the guy save his game at least) and then TAKE the power cord for the wii and lock it away until he's allowed to play again, the more of a fuss he makes the longer it takes.

also you mentioned that the noise bugs you, maybe let him play with the volume on mute?

[Calvin St.Hobbes]

I think I just have to admit utter cluelessness on my part then...I'm still having comprehension problems