Should I snitch?

[Sliceanddice]

But what we'd have to know in that case is he moved in with her or vice versa or if they moved into a new place together and starte from square one.
If she moved in with him,it's his roof
If he moved in with her then it's her roof
And if they moved into a new place together then it becomes a "our" situation...

wow how long have you been single

[Aethian]

wow how long have you been single

That was uncalled for, I see it as a valid point. If she moved in with him then she should be aware that he and his kids already have set boundries and vice versa. However if they moved in with each-other into a new place altogether then they should set the boundaries together not just let one set all the rules and expect the other to follow without a peep.

From my understanding, he has gone over her boundaries and either A. doesn't realize it or B. realizes but doesn't care. Either way I second (or third?) Jester's post completely.

[Calvin St.Hobbes]

wow how long have you been single

Wow...what a crappy thing to say to someone who has a valid point and one that is expressed civilly and with the door left open to admit I might be wrong....

And I'm not single btw...And my wife and I decide together what's what under our roof. But when we were single there were things that I didn't let fly in my house and things she didn't like in her house. And neither of us tried to change the other. When we started together we spoke until we hashed out the issues...That's what grown up relationships try and do.

I've already learned my lesson a few years ago about directly fussing with other people on this particular board.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Right now, snitch only if you're okay with possibly ruining your relationship with your BF. Talk to him directly about his son's video game habit first.

As mentioned before, it is very hurtful to take stuff behind your partner's back to your partner's ex, who your partner may or may not get along with well. You did mention his ex wouldn't be happy if she knew her son had a Wii and was splaying those kinds of games on it, so on that point they would most likely be at odds.

If being direct with him doesn't work, then it may time to go behind his back. Frankly I think any parent who'd let his/her kid play shoot 'em up games for 18 hours a day is pretty much a goofball. That would mean the kid is sleeping 6 hours a night at most, and I kinda think that isn't enough for a child that age. Plus not getting much in the way of exercise.

[jedimaster91]

If course you COULD just find the Wii a new home for the time being (like the back of a closet) until you and your BF decide on new limits. My mom does that. When Li'l Bro spends too much time on the games and not enough on homework and chores, the cords to the game systems disappear to her Special Secret Hiding Place(TM) for awhile. Might be a good last resort.

[Sliceanddice]

Wow...what a crappy thing to say to someone who has a valid point and one that is expressed civilly and with the door left open to admit I might be wrong....

i said that sarcastically because it was so cynical, you where basically saying if she didn't lived there first or found the place with him she has no rights around the house for rules or practices. especially seeing as her kids are involved she has the right to have a say what happens in her home and seeing as she lives there just because she didn't live there FIRST doesn't mean she has to suck it up and deal.

[Ree]

wow how long have you been single

That was uncalled for

Wow...what a crappy thing to say to someone who has a valid point and one that is expressed civilly and with the door left open to admit I might be wrong....

i said that sarcastically because it was so cynical, you where basically say if she didn't lived there first or found the place with him she has no rights around the house for rules or practices.

We have a report button for a reason, people.

Use it.

Keep the bickering off the boards.

[telecom_goddess]

I'd say no...What the father allows under his roof is his bussiness and what the mother allows in her house is hers....

Ahhh no what the mother wants 24 hours a day, regardless of where they are are, counts. If she doesn't want it in anyone else's house that's her right.

I don't advise snitching behind her back though, be up front with him first.

[Javakat]

If course you COULD just find the Wii a new home for the time being (like the back of a closet) until you and your BF decide on new limits.

Or use the parental controls on the Wii. You can set it so no Mature or Teen rated games can be played on it unless you enter the PIN you set for it. Info here. That way, you can let him play on your terms when your kids aren't home.

Unfortunately the Wii doesn't let you set a play time limit...

[BookstoreEscapee]

If she moved in with him then she should be aware that he and his kids already have set boundries and vice versa.

But if he asked her to move into his house, he needs to be prepared to reconfigure some of the rules. Presumably, they've agreed to share their lives, and regardless of whose house it was to begin with, it's only fair to everyone to work out house rules to be fair to everyone in the house. Which is why it's better to talk to him first before going to the kids mother.

[kibbles]

Honestly I think it would be a rotten and spiteful thing to do. Some kids are able to handle games higher than their age level and not be negatively affected by it at all. It just sounds like you want to snitch because the game is annoying and that doesn't sound fair at all IMO.

[Broomjockey]

Honestly I think it would be a rotten and spiteful thing to do.

<snip>
It just sounds like you want to snitch because the game is annoying and that doesn't sound fair at all IMO.

Okay, while this was absolutely the worst possible way to put it, there's something to it. I'll try to rephrase it in a way that's less abrasive.

You've said the game is annoying, but you've also given a very strong impression that you raise your kids, and he raises his. You're not in a point in the relationship where you're an authority figure to his children, in other words. Now, you don't want your kids exposed to the game. Fine and dandy, that's your right, exercise it. Say that when your kids are over, the game's in the closet. But his kids, his responsibility, and you've no right to get other people to do your dirty work. And that's what telling The Ex would be. You've made it plain you don't think his kid should be doing something he's approved of, and you're looking for approval in enlisting a 3rd party to enforce your way. Either you're an authority figure, and can dictate it, or you're not, and you can't. If you can't, then you need to deal with HIM, not the Ex. Tell him that you're annoyed with the game, tell him what it's doing to YOU, not what you think it's doing to the kids, after all, the kids are his responsibility. Questioning his parenting isn't exactly going to win him over to your side of the cause.

[kibbles]

Okay, while this was absolutely the worst possible way to put it, there's something to it. I'll try to rephrase it in a way that's less abrasive.

I did not mean it to come across as cold and abrasive and I sincerely apologize to FuzzyKitten if she took it as such.

But going behind your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife back to their ex over something because it an annoyance could come across as a spiteful action to one's significant other.

[Calvin St.Hobbes]

Ahhh no what the mother wants 24 hours a day, regardless of where they are are, counts. If she doesn't want it in anyone else's house that's her right.

I don't advise snitching behind her back though, be up front with him first.

I gotta admit that I really don't understand then...
We are all pretty much saying to not snitch,so the end result is the same.
But why does what the mom wants count 24/7?
Why does she get a say in what goes on in other peoples houses?

[Kheldarson]

Because she's still the mom?

Put it this way...instead of this being a broken family, with mom being the ex and all, let's say it was a neighbor's. And kid is over at the neighbor's all the time because he's friends with their kids. Now neighbors don't put limits on their kids' video game playing and don't put it on Kid either, despite mom saying she doesn't want him playing for long periods of time or certain games. Does she not get a say in how her child is raised even though he's at another family's house?