I need a hug....

[Dave1982]

...because I'm so anxious and uncertain that I want to cry...

I made a promise to myself that for 2010 I would get myself a girl. I'm not the least bit happy about this, but at age 27, I've never had a girlfriend, or even had what I'd consider a real date. If I don't say or do something that weirds them out, then it's always been the case that they already have a steady boyfriend or would rather be "just friends." It's been so discouraging that - until recently - it'd been a few years since I even felt that way about any girl.

So, right now, I've got a girl that, despite having thought otherwise for a while, I've realized I like A LOT. So much so that I've been going far out of my way to be nice to her and help her out with things. I do know that - at the very least - she likes me as a GOOD friend. But I'd been afraid to risk destroying that by taking things to the next level.

Still, I've decided I really need to follow my heart on this one, and at the urging of colleagues and friends, I went ahead and asked her out for a drink. And she said yes, but not until she's feeling better (she's legitimately sick right now, and so is in no shape to go out drinking, plus she said she doesn't want me to catch whatever she has). We even picked out the place we're going to go to. Actually, I hinted at a place I know she likes and let her pick it.

So at least right now, things are looking up in that department, but since I've had no luck thus far, this is all new, unexplored territory, and I'm so anxious about that right now I feel like I'm gonna break down and cry because I'm terrified of being hurt again.

I was chatting online about this a little while ago with a mutual friend, and it actually had her getting upset too, because she's knows I'm a good guy and she really wants things to work out. She seems to think it will, but while I've taken the first step already, until I get to the first corner, I won't know how things will turn out, and it's getting me worked up.

I don't really mean to burden anyone with this, but just laying it all out here has made me feel a tiny bit better.

Thanks for listening.....

[AdminAssistant]

Dave, you will never know until you try. Just relax and see where the evening takes you!

[Jester]

I have counseled more than a few people on this subject, many of them on this site. Oftentimes I have verbally smacked someone for "woe is me"ing because they hadn't or couldn't get a girl, etc., etc.

So, let's look at your situation.

Got a girl you're interested in? Check.
Girl is not repulsed by you? Check.
You are not stalking girl? Check.
You took the plunge and Asked Her Out? Check.
She said yes? Check.
You are putting what has happened in your past behind you and focusing on the present, on what is happening with you and this girl now? Che--ah, shit.

First bit of advice, Dave.....breathe. No, seriously.....fucking breathe. Don't get so worked up about what has happened with other girls in the past and allow it to ruin what may and could happen with this girl now. To put it in movie terms, I shall quote Lloyd Dobler from Say Anything:"You...Must...Chill!"

Relax, and just see where it goes. There are basically two possibilities: she's open to trying a romantic relationship with you, or she's not. If she is, great. If she's not, better to find out sooner than later, and you can move on. But stressing about it will not help you at all, and can potentially hurt you in this romantic quest of yours.

And don't be afraid to broach this with her. She has accepted your invitation, and if you made it clear that it was a date (you didn't really say either way), that is a great sign that she is willing to take it to a new level. Don't come this far and then back down from fear of what might happen. Remember, it is always better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven't done.

Go forth, young man, and prosper where thou hast not prospered before. Otherwise, I shall have to verbally smack you.

[Greenday]

Jester knows what he's talking about...or seems to anyway.

Just go with the flow. As I was just explaining to a friend last night, nothing will ever happen if you don't try. You've got this. Find a girl that's interested in you is the hard part. The rest is gravy.

[Dave1982]

She has accepted your invitation, and if you made it clear that it was a date (you didn't really say either way), that is a great sign that she is willing to take it to a new level.

I didn't use the word "date," but I did specifically say "take you out for a drink."


I think part of what's happening right now is I'm tired, and I'm coming down from the emotional high I had earlier today where I was pumped because she said yes, and between the two it's letting my jaded pessimism come through. I think once I get some sleep I'll be fine. I just hope she feels better soon, because I don't want this to turn into a long waiting game.

[AnqeiicDemise]

I didn't use the word "date," but I did specifically say "take you out for a drink."


I think part of what's happening right now is I'm tired, and I'm coming down from the emotional high I had earlier today where I was pumped because she said yes, and between the two it's letting my jaded pessimism come through. I think once I get some sleep I'll be fine. I just hope she feels better soon, because I don't want this to turn into a long waiting game.

And even then, my friend, sometimes its the non-date dates that lead to wonderful, long lasting relationships. So don't sweat it and be yourself. ^.^

[Jester]

Jester knows what he's talking about...or seems to anyway.

I vote for "seems to." Personally I think that Jester dude is a big phony.

Seriously, thanks for the compliment....I think.

I didn't use the word "date," but I did specifically say "take you out for a drink."

Yeah, I kind of got that feeling from your original post. Remember, it may be more a date in your head than in yours. That, added to this

I think part of what's happening right now is I'm tired, and I'm coming down from the emotional high I had earlier today where I was pumped because she said yes, and between the two it's letting my jaded pessimism come through.

tells me that you should be neither jadedly pessimistic nor overly optimistic. Don't get too low OR too high about it. I think calm, cautious optimism is called for here.

I just hope she feels better soon, because I don't want this to turn into a long waiting game.

Even if she bounds out of bed tomorrow, it could still be a "long waiting game." Be patient, young padawan. Some things really ARE worth waiting for.

[Dave1982]

Even if she bounds out of bed tomorrow, it could still be a "long waiting game."

You're right of course, but I meant I don't want to be waiting forever for this first date/non-date/whatever you want to call it.

And, now that I have gotten a decent night's sleep, I do feel much more calm about the whole thing.

[Evil Queen]

You've never had a girlfriend and you're 27?

Meh, I have a girlfriend that trumps that.

I don't know why the hell not; you're smart, cute, have great taste in cars. Hell, if it wasn't for the 2,270-something miles I'd go out with ya.

*hugs anyways*

[Soulstealer]

Listen to Jester on the subject. I will stress that you shouldn't put too much pressure on yourself or your expectations. Things happen when they happen.

[Dave1982]

You've never had a girlfriend and you're 27?

I don't know why the hell not;

Trust me, it wasn't for lack of trying.

you're smart, cute, have great taste in cars. Hell, if it wasn't for the 2,270-something miles I'd go out with ya.

*hugs anyways*

Thanks EQ!

[Evil Queen]

You're welcome dear.

[Rapscallion]

You've never had a girlfriend and you're 27?

I've managed forty years. Whoopee doo.

It's not the end of the world. It's not the only success criteria around.

Rapscallion

[Flying Grype]

If you were already good friends, just don't be pushy. Ask her if she wants to actually be a couple. If she says yes, then for a while just don't even do anything different. Eventually you'll end up holding hands or cuddling or something, but going too fast is the biggest turnoff -- I dated a guy once who I felt wanted to go faster than I did, and it seemed like if I gave an inch he'd take a mile. Continue to treat her the way you would treat a friend.

I've been in a relationship with a guy who started out as a good friend for almost six years. I think it's a good way to go.

Oh, and I didn't date until I was 21, and that lasted a year, and then I wasn't interested in anyone else until I was 26.

[Plaidman]

Your great man. Don't stress. Yeah, it sucks not having girls intrested in you, and once you do have one ya lose it so fast because she found a better match. But hey, your doing far better then I ever could. Be happy. It'll work out.