Questions you NEVER want to be asked in a bar!

[RecoveringKinkoid]

First incident, this old drunkard starts talking shit because I "look like a girl" due to my long hair..

I have always spit from great height on people who like to pretend that they can't tell the genders of creatures of their own species.

Really? Hair length is the only secondary sexual feature of humans that they can recognize? Wow.

I would be embarassed to admit that I had trouble figuring that out and routinely mistook long haired males for females.

I once actually said, to my own grandmother no less, "Really, Nanna, you thought that two hundred pound, six foot three, bearded man in a suit was a lady? You really thought that?"

Just ludicrous. They need to just say "I don't like long hair on men" and sack up and own it.

[Lady J'ssem]

My fiance has long hair... reeeally pretty long hair (he's quite vain about it and I let him be ). My parents complain about it, and I just laugh cause I know what my da' would do with his hair if he had the ability and the lack of job to do so. Sadly, many times when I show off his pica, people ask "Is that a girl???" Yes, I am secretly a lesbian who hides by claiming her girlfriend is actually a guy, then is dumb enough to show picas of her girlfriend.

People....

[RecoveringKinkoid]

"Is that a girl?"

Dumbasses.

My parent's used to complain about my husband's hair when we first got together and it used to really annoy the hell out of me. "Don't you think J needs a haircut?"

is that if it ain't a really, really cowardly way to complain about his hair without actually having to say something to his face? I used to say straight up "If you have some opinion about J's hair you are burning to say, how about say it him? How about ask J if he thinks he needs a haircut?"

I said that a few times and never had to say it again. Since I was banging the guy harder than a serving machine every chance I got, I would say I didn't think he needed a haircut.

Man. Can you tell how much this pisses me off?

[ArcticChicken]

Really? Hair length is the only secondary sexual feature of humans that they can recognize? Wow.

The only time I base my estimate of someone's gender on their hair is when they are pretty much androgynous in all other ways, and even then I usually use cut or style instead of length. Of course, my Ex has hair longer than mine, wears a kilt pretty much constantly, and has a girl's name, so.......

[RecoveringKinkoid]

A kilt is a man's garment. If I saw a long haired person in a kilt, I would pretty much know he was a man. A man in a kilt...well....a man in a kilt does not look like a chick.

I asked the people at Utilikilt if they had an female customers ever. They said they did, and they called them cross dressers.

[ArcticChicken]

A kilt is a man's garment. If I saw a long haired person in a kilt, I would pretty much know he was a man. A man in a kilt...well....a man in a kilt does not look like a chick.

Ahh, yes, but to the uninitiated there is little no difference between a kilt and a skirt.

People frequently ask him why he's wearing a skirt, and I enjoy the confusion on their faces when he simply says "I'm not."

[teh_blumchenkinder]

^your signature makes me think you have a little button on a boat that shoots marines. like theyre all locked in a cargo bay waiting to be shot out at whoever is getting shot at.

Any true Marine would enjoy and approve of such. Except for maybe being trapped in a box.

Not so much a pick-up line but just funny, especially at the time.
(snip)
"Wait! if you're over there, then who's fucking me?!"
Word for word quote.

I whole-heartedly agree about the kilt thing. Skirts and kilts are different. (Go me for figuring that one out... my mom used to dress me in cutesy ones when I was in first and second grade.)

[Magpie]

IReally? Hair length is the only secondary sexual feature of humans that they can recognize? Wow.

Ah, but when you're ten, and the grade eights are giving you a hard time (I got called "little boy", it was an excuse) you can never think of stuff like that.

The only time I base my estimate of someone's gender on their hair is when they are pretty much androgynous in all other ways, and even then I usually use cut or style instead of length. Of course, my Ex has hair longer than mine, wears a kilt pretty much constantly, and has a girl's name, so.......

Look for five-o'clock shadow. My mom has had to do this with some of her Asian students. And there are "kilts" designed for women to wear, but they look really different.

[Jester]

Supposed to be better than Bacardi 8 ... but that seems a bit difficult.

Not difficult at all. Bacardi 8 is a good rum, and of the Bacardis I have tasted, definitely my preferred sipping rum, but in the grand scheme of all things rum, not really all that exceptional.

I know it sounds like heresy, but I will occasionally mix Bat 8 with Cane Cola

Not heresy at all. It is, as I said, a good rum. Not a great rum. And there are a lot of rums that fall into that category of rums that you can mix or sip on their own, and either way they're fine.

I am of the opinion that you can mix 'uber booze' as long as you use the best ingredients - fresh limes, or lemons, fresh mint, sugar or honey, the best you can find. If it is done properly, you get something that heterodynes up to the highest level.

Okay, let's get one thing straight--Bacardi 8 is NOT uber booze. It is not one of the "ultra premium" high end rums that you pay top dollar for. It just isn't.

That being said, I agree that excellent rums (and other liquors) can be used in mixed drinks. I use an excellent anejo tequila in my signature margarita, for example, and people love it. I use Ron Zacapa Centenario 23 year old rum to make the best mojito you are ever going to have. I get $10 for the margie and $14 for the mojito, and not one person who has ever tasted either has ever bitched about the price. Hell, I one my first bartending contest ever by using Pyrat XO Reserve Rum in a fantastic cocktail....and to me, that rum is far superior to Bacardi 8. And by "far superior" I mean it's like comparing a Ferrari to a Camaro.

And some magnificent dumbshit hit on her at her husband's funeral.

There is no bottom limit, apparently.

No. No there isn't.

Question: Did he KNOW it was her husband's funeral? If he didn't know, that is just an embarrassing faux pas. If he DID know, then he is a world class dumb ass douchebag fucktard.

Wow. Now I feel like a jerk for making KD+Coke my preferred drink...

What is KD?

I've yet to find non-diet caffeine free Dr. Pepper or Coke.

Caffeine-free Coca Cola Classic exists and is readily available in most major supermarkets--at least in the U.S....I can't comment on other countries.

Caffeine-free Dr. Pepper does exist, but the last time I checked, it was only available in 17 of the 50 U.S. States, and even then, very hard to find. I myself have not found it yet, though I will keep looking. Sadly, it is not available in Florida, where I currently reside.

I was at a gay bar in Los Angeles that also had a darkened corner section where things took place that don't usually happen at bars.

Depends what bars you hang out in. I have been in quite a few where such things do, in fact, happen.

"Wait! if you're over there, then who's fucking me?!"

Classic!

The only time I base my estimate of someone's gender on their hair is when they are pretty much androgynous in all other ways...

When I was younger I had long hair, and had some amusing situations because of it. One classic was when this young kid, about 10, walked up behind me and said, "Excuse me ma'am....?" I turned around, faced the kid right in the eye, and in my deepest voice (and my normal voice is pretty deep), said "YES?!?" Scared the crap out of the guy!

A kilt is a man's garment.

I asked the people at Utilikilt if they had an female customers ever. They said they did, and they called them cross dressers.

I have seen a few women in kilts, and actually know a married company that work (or worked...not sure of their current status) for Utilikilt. And she definitely wears kilts!

[ZedOmega]

What is KD?

Kentucky Deluxe. Cheap whiskey.

[Taboo]

"Are you lost? / Do you need help finding your parents?"

I've been asked this in bars, malls, etc. I may be short, but otherwise I look 20s-ish. Also, do you really think that the bartender is enough of a dumbass to risk serving me without checking my ID? If so, you need to stop going to shady bars.

This question just makes me bitey.

[Jester]

I've been asked this in bars, malls, etc. I may be short, but otherwise I look 20s-ish. Also, do you really think that the bartender is enough of a dumbass to risk serving me without checking my ID? If so, you need to stop going to shady bars.

Not all bartenders check IDs as thoroughly as they should, even in some of the nicer establishments. Hell, especially in some of the nicer establishments, as sometimes they have the philosophy of "let's not piss off our clientele."

Related to your experiences, we have a semi-regular who is about 24 but looks about 14. Every bartender there probably carded him 2 or 3 times before they started to recognize him. And we often get comments from other customers who don't know him: "Hey, did you know that there's a kid over there drinking beer?" It's become a running joke, but I do appreciate the fact that so many people are looking out for us as bartenders, "reporting" this guy to us.