Official CS blanket fort

[Maria]

After half a decade, it's over. Mom passed away this afternoon, while Dad was out taking a short drive. I feel like I should react, whine, or ... but I got nothing. If you're into praying, or whatever, feel free to pray for my dad. He's really not ok. My parents are only in their 50s, not really the age you start being ready for this. At least, they hadn't gotten to that part of life mentally, yet, anyway. (Sorry if this makes no sense. Posting from phone, dad turned of the net when mom quit using it. And I'm not in my right mind anyway.)

[Food Lady]

Hugs to you, maria. ;(

[Pixilated]

Maria, that is a tough situation for you to be in (I'm assuming you're not a nurse ... and even if you were, it's drastically different when you're dealing with a family member). It doesn't sound horrible. You are doing a wonderful thing for your mom.

[Maria]

My mom quit with the cancer treatments and hospice moved her home last night. No more dialysis or iv food or anything, she decided. They said maybe 7-14 days, but that was 3 days ago already. She seemed alert and stable last nnight. Today, not so much. The whole day has been fixing pillows, and giving morphine in the 20m segments she's awake between naps. And I'm scared about what if she dies while it's just me home with her. It must sound just horrible, and I'm sure I'm feel different later, but I'm so not okay with having to do this stuff.

[Kanalah]

Hubs was thinking that we would just use mom's car while she was still in the hospital. I reminded him what happened last time, namely "My car only goes to grocery store one block away and back, nothing else!" And he agreed to rent a car for us. (Plus he wants to go to awesome local train shop)

We also found out that even if she does want to move into this assisted living place - it'll still be a few weeks until she can move in. Basically you pick a layout that you like, and then sit on a waiting list. She's already been at the top of the list a couple of times and has now decided that she wants to move in. She still has to do some kind of interview and get her things all packed up.

She does stuff like this every time we say we're going to visit. As the date of our visit gets closer, she'll tell us all the stuff she needs done since we're coming to help her out. So then, we cancel all our other plans to help her out and it turns out to be something quick and then when we try to do something, she flips her shit.

Last time we visited - she had to have clothes altered (10 minutes, tops) she needed to call someone about window treatments for her new addition she put onto the house (maybe a day for her to talk to the install guy who came over) and then we decided to meet a friend for lunch and she decided that sis was taking her to the mall and we need to stay home. *grr*

But anyway - right now I am doing my best to make sure daughter does not have another epic airplane meltdown. Last time we tried to fly with her (she's autistic) it was a 4 hour screaming, hitting, kicking, spitting fun fest. I knew 2 planefulls of people wanted us dead.

[Pixilated]

Welp, not to be rude (again), but IMNSHO, unless hubs is going to deal with daughter's sheets, and since HE has arbitrarily decided how much all of you can bring in terms of luggage, and since MIL has said you can use her laundry facilities ... hubs gets no say in where you do the laundry.

Also, since you guys will have the use of a car, why is it not possible to take a break from cleaning/packing/moving and go to one or two of those museums?

Hang onto the thought that at least your MIL is accepting of assisted living accommodations. My mother wasn't ... and went straight from hospital to nursing home. Would it have been different if she'd been willing to go to assisted living? We'll never know.

[Kanalah]

Whelp, good news and bad news.

Good news is: hubs was planning on renting a car while we where there. He said it would cost to much, but we would need it if we wanted to go anywhere.

And then yesterday he called MIL to see how she is doing. She said she is still in the hospital, and that we were welcome to stay in her house/use her car while we are there. So now hubs will not be renting a car. Talking to the sibs-in-law we found out that she did decide and pay for an assisted living condo and will be moving in while we are there. So now we are on the hook to help her clean out her house and move. Looks like no museums for us.

And finally the one thing that has me stressed: Mom lets us use her washer/dryer as long as we follow her rules with them (basically after we use the washer we have to run it empty with hot water and bleach) Well hubs doesn't want to pay the airline $25 for each checked bag, so he wants me to pack 4 small carry-ons. Which means I will be doing laundry at mom's house - no big deal. Hubs forgets that because daughter still wets the bed every night, I do laundry daily. He told me there's "no way" mom will let me use her machines every day, so I will need to either find a laundromat to visit daily or handwash and dry jammies and blankets. We are bringing a plastic sheet to protect mom's mattress but I think it's nuts that I have mom's permission to use her machines and now hubs says I can't. At least I know how to handwash clothes - just not looking forward to it.

[Pixilated]

My sympathies, NorthernZel. It does seem like just when you're getting ahead, you get hit on the head, doesn't it? I was thinking things were just looking up a little when my car was hit (not my fault but I may still be on the hook for the $500 deductible). Hope things start looking up for you soon!

[NorthernZel]

And yet another "once you feel up, you get knocked down a notch moment":

Just as we thought we could afford to replace our hand-me-down tube telly with a reasonably priced flatscreen AND actually be able to do some fun activities this summer... we have some water damage that requires us to replace our shower cabinet at once. Yippie-kay-friggin-yay.

[Pixilated]

Hugs Mytical and Kanalah. Mytical, sending you my nice dragon to look after you for a while.

I'm sorry to hear things are crappy, Mytical. I can send the spirit of our former wolf/German shepherd cross to say hello to you.

[Pixilated]

She's 88 and this is the 4th time her cancer has come back since she was diagnosed 5 years ago. She's had surgeries to remove it, radiation and chemo. She told hubs that she's "tired and doesn't want to fight anymore." Dad-in-law died 23 years ago from cancer. She's quit her part time job that she's had forever and doesn't do anything but sit in her house and watch the religion channel.

*snip*

As for hubs - when she starts in on me he just sits there and agrees with her, which pisses me off the most. He used to defend me, and now he agrees with her. She says I'm fat (My BMI says I am actually on the thin side) I'm lazy (Chasing around after the kids trying to keep her stuff from being broken) and that I'm such a bad mom that I 'caused' her namesake to get autism!

*snip*

When we are at her house and I mention that since we're in the DC area we'd like to take the kids around to some of the museums and things, MIL flips her shit. She yells that "you came up here to visit me, not that other crap!" And that if we want to go anywhere we have to rent a car or pay for a taxi - which she knows we can't afford. We also can't afford a hotel either and none of the other siblings will take us in. So we're stuck in her house with literally nothing to do. The kids either watch the religion channel with her or play with the few toys we pack. Hubs disappears all day to watch netflix on the ipad. And I'm stuck either cleaning or keeping an eye on the kids. If I even get on the computer to check me email I get yelled at.

I guess I should be grateful that it's only a week instead of 3 weeks like last time

Crap ... I can see why you're looking forward to this like a root canal without anesthesia. Would be nice if your husband would back you up on stuff, including the outings while you're there ("Mom, we ARE visiting you ... we'll be back in two to three hours.") And not to be rude, but why are you cleaning, especially if your husband is doing nothing particularly helpful at all? Sounds to me as if you've got your hands full with the kids.

All I can offer at this point is hugs and chocolate chip cookies.

[Elspeth]

ok we all need a group hug!!!

[Gizmo]

Hugs Mytical and Kanalah. Mytical, sending you my nice dragon to look after you for a while.

[Marmalady]

I just hope the poison that is running through my life leaves one of the few good things in my life alone (Marmalady).

*comes in, sits quietly down next to Mytical and hugs him protectively*

[Kanalah]

She's 88 and this is the 4th time her cancer has come back since she was diagnosed 5 years ago. She's had surgeries to remove it, radiation and chemo. She told hubs that she's "tired and doesn't want to fight anymore." Dad-in-law died 23 years ago from cancer. She's quit her part time job that she's had forever and doesn't do anything but sit in her house and watch the religion channel.

She has no hobbies except cleaning. I'm not kidding, she cleans her entire house daily - even though she doesn't even use half the rooms. We wash the dishes by hand, dry them and then wash them in the dishwasher with more soap. Between every load of laundry she runs her washer empty with soap and bleach in it. She even bleaches her carpets.

From what I have heard recently - she's in a rehab facility and looking into moving into assisted living. All the siblings-in-law seem to think that she's heading downhill fast.

As for hubs - when she starts in on me he just sits there and agrees with her, which pisses me off the most. He used to defend me, and now he agrees with her. She says I'm fat (My BMI says I am actually on the thin side) I'm lazy (Chasing around after the kids trying to keep her stuff from being broken) and that I'm such a bad mom that I 'caused' her namesake to get autism!

We don't have a lot of money - we barely managed to scrape together enough for the plane tickets, so when we do visit we stay in her house. We were actually planning to take a quick weekend vacation in the town north of us, but we had to cancel.

When we are at her house and I mention that since we're in the DC area we'd like to take the kids around to some of the museums and things, MIL flips her shit. She yells that "you came up here to visit me, not that other crap!" And that if we want to go anywhere we have to rent a car or pay for a taxi - which she knows we can't afford. We also can't afford a hotel either and none of the other siblings will take us in. So we're stuck in her house with literally nothing to do. The kids either watch the religion channel with her or play with the few toys we pack. Hubs disappears all day to watch netflix on the ipad. And I'm stuck either cleaning or keeping an eye on the kids. If I even get on the computer to check me email I get yelled at.

I guess I should be grateful that it's only a week instead of 3 weeks like last time