Confessions of a Wayward Cook.

[Squeaksmyalias]

Baking is a science, but cooking is an art. 'Nuff said!

Actually baking is when I do the most experimenting, I just make sure I have enough eggs and flour in the house should something go boom. Then again I come from a family of bakers, so making desserts and baking is something I do when I'm bored. All around though in my experimenting I shock the hell out of my family, I was such a picky eater up until high school.

I would be so tempted to get you that torch for your birthday, just to mess with your family!

Hehe that would be hilarious.

Why not just buy a knife steel and sharpen your knives?

Before I started cooking Mom threw out the lovely kitchen knives since she never used them (blasted bakers!), I've no interest in trying to sharpen old steak knives, we have ONE paring knife and a peeler those are kept as sacred objects and are hidden away so that they are kept unharmed.

[tollbaby]

I have had garlic ice cream, but have not been to a garlic festival.

Yet.

If you ever feel like visiting Canada, I live in the centre of one of the biggest garlic-growing areas in the country. At one point in the summertime, I can go to a garlic festival three or four weekends in a row in small outlying towns

I have never used puff pastry (yet!)

I have never cooked duck or lamb (both of which I love... but my aunties do all the time, so I'm spoiled).

I have never made crème brûlée, but my brother the chef does, so I'm spoiled there too

I have never barbecued. Nope, not ever. I've never lived with a man willing to let me LOL (and I don't own a bbq anymore... I let the ex have it).

I have never made sushi either, but it's so plentiful around here, I'm too lazy.

I have never made grilled cheese, but that's because I hate them.

I can't think of too many other things I haven't done. I cook, I bake, I can, I pickle, I make jam, bread, candy and just about anything else you can think of (including soap and candles, but they're not food).

This is what I did last night when I realized I had a large open bottle of extra-spicy Clamato that I wouldn't have time to drink before it went off.... I poured it into a pot to make soup and just threw in everything I had lying around.

SPICY FISH CHOWDER

1 bottle extra-spicy Clamato or generic alternative (do NOT use plain tomato juice)
1 19-oz can green lentils, drained and rinsed
1 can peaches and cream corn
2 cans green chilies (those little 4-oz cans you get near the mexican food)
1 bunch green onions, sliced
1/4 to 1/2 cup fresh cilantro, chopped up
1.5 lbs tilapia, haddock or other white fish fillets, diced (raw)

I tossed everything except the fish into the pot and brought it to a boil, reduced the heat to medium, then threw in the fish and let it simmer 15-20 minutes. Then I reduced the heat to low and stirred in a cup of heavy cream.

OMG was this tasty. Now, I was cooking for my KIDS, so it's not THAT spicy, but I garnished my own serving with some crushed red chilies, a dollop of sour cream, and a few slices of my homemade pickled jalapenos. YUM.

[42_42_42]

You seem to have confused "I've never done" with "I don't know how to do."

There is not one thing on that list that even gives me pause, and several of them I could do in my sleep....just haven't gotten around to actually doing them yet.

I've said it before and I'll say it again...give me a cutting board, a knife, and a skillet, and I can make just about anything!

As for the bleu cheese dressing, mine will not be so simple. I have some....ideas. It won't be typical bleu cheese dressing, that's for sure!

Sorry, didn't mean to offend. I know you have MAD cooking skills, the "easy" was for the benefit of anyone else reading this thread who doesn't. Also, just taking the oppurtunity to share w/ a fellow foodie.

PS - I wouldn't use a crockpot for chilli, either, although, sadly, I know plenty of people who do. Heck, I know people who use the crockpot to make "pork barbecue", although being from the South, I personally wouldn't call anything barbecue that hasn't been sitting in a smoker for a good 12 hours.

[Jester]

At one point in the summertime, I can go to a garlic festival three or four weekends in a row in small outlying towns.

I hate you so much right now.

Sorry, didn't mean to offend.

I was making a point, but that point was not that I was offended. It takes so much to offend me, I don't know if anyone on this board has ever done it, and only a few have come close. You are not only not in the same neighborhood, you are not even on the right continent!

I know you have MAD cooking skills...

Debatable, but I'll go with it for now.

the "easy" was for the benefit of anyone else reading this thread who doesn't. Also, just taking the oppurtunity to share w/ a fellow foodie.

Both points noted. And fair enough.

I wouldn't use a crockpot for chilli, either, although, sadly, I know plenty of people who do.

I am sure with the right recipe crock pot chili would work. It just wouldn't work with MY chili.

Which, sadly, I still don't have a killer name for, unlike my super hot chili, which is The Devil's Ass.

[BamaBabe]

To my utter dismay, I have never attempted to create my own recipe of anything.

I will drink a wine I like even if it's not supposed to "complement" the dish I'm eating.

I have crap-all cooking utensils. Aging non-stick pans that have been scarred by using metal utensils, baking sheets that have uneven cooking surfaces, and knives that are mediocre at best. Don't even get me started on my electric stove!! I hate that thing. The burners do not sit firmly in their places and therefore the pans lean one way or the other.

I have poor time-management skills. I will allow what I think is appropriate time for all dishes to cook, and invariably, something will require a longer cooking time, and something ends up being served cold or overcooked.

Otherwise, I love to cook.

[tollbaby]

I hate you so much right now.

You're welcome to visit any time. I'd recommend summer though, since it gets DAMN cold here in winter.

[Jester]

To my utter dismay, I have never attempted to create my own recipe of anything.

Hey, some people do this, some don't. I didn't create my own recipe, my very own (i.e., an original recipe, rather than theft and modification) until a few years ago when I came up with Jester's Famous German Stew, one of my signature dishes that (sadly) takes two days worth of commitment to make.

I will drink a wine I like even if it's not supposed to "complement" the dish I'm eating.

As far as the purists go, fuck 'em. In the end, it comes down to whatever you like.

I have crap-all cooking utensils. Aging non-stick pans that have been scarred by using metal utensils, baking sheets that have uneven cooking surfaces, and knives that are mediocre at best.

Been there, done that. Taken me years to get decent utensils, and my baking sheets are still as you described yours.

Don't even get me started on my electric stove!! I hate that thing. The burners do not sit firmly in their places and therefore the pans lean one way or the other.

I don't hate my stove, but the rings are pretty much like yours. Makes cooking interesting, as I try to adjust this way or that.

You're welcome to visit any time. I'd recommend summer though, since it gets DAMN cold here in winter.

If I did visit, it would be summer, as there is no chance of my going to Canada in the winter, as I HATE cold.

[MadMike]

If by "shameful", you mean "embarrasing", I have an incident that happened just a few months ago. I don't do a whole lot of cooking, but when I do, I think I do OK for being a guy. I kind of had to once I became a single dad. Couldn't exactly take the kid to McDonald's every day. That would not be good for the kid, myself, or my wallet. So I kind of had to learn. And I can follow a recipe without a problem, unlike my one friend who even managed to screw up Hamburger Helper. As long as I have a recipe to follow, I could probably make just about anything. Since my wife came to live with me, I've gotten kind of lazy when it comes to cooking, since she usually does it.

However, I recently came to realize there is some terminology I still don't understand. Every so often, I'll see a recipe in the newspaper that looks good, and I'll clip it so that she can make it sometime, or I can when I feel like cooking. I had off for Christmas break, while my wife did not, so I decided I'd make dinner one day, trying out one of the recipes I had clipped.

It turned out pretty good -- she and I both thought so -- but I almost screwed it up royally. It called for two cloves of garlic, and I thought the whole thing was called a "clove." So I'm chopping up each little tiny piece that I saw when I removed the outer layers, and spending the better part of an hour on it. I was just about to dump it in with the rest of the stuff, when it suddenly occurred to me, "This is a lot of garlic! Maybe I should check what a 'clove' is." So I got on the internet and googled it, and as I'm sure most of you know, the "tiny pieces" are the "cloves." I felt like such an idiot. I wasted all that time chopping up all that garlic for nothing, and I almost ruined the recipe.

[Solumina]

I have never made a soufflé, even though I love them.

Also I cannot make cookies from a mix, from scratch is fine but when a mix is involved something always goes tragically wrong.

[Kittish]

I wasted all that time chopping up all that garlic for nothing, and I almost ruined the recipe.

Now, see, I wouldn't call that 'wasted', especially if you put the extra galic in a small container or baggie and put it in the fridge for use over the next night or two of cooking. Or even into the freezer if you thought it would be a week or so before you'd need chopped garlic again.

Which leads me to a word of advice for all you folks that love to use fresh garlic in your cooking- invest in a GOOD garlic press!!! It'll save you sooooo much time and effort dealing with your garlic. I've got a beautiful heavy cast some-sort-of-metal (aluminum I think, but could be wrong) garlic press that is quite likely older than I am. I confess that I stole it from my grandmother's kitchen stuff when she passed away, along with several cast iron skillets. It takes a lot less effort to process garlic thru it and clean it up than it would for me to dice garlic cloves.

Garlic ice cream... I've heard of it, but that's one that I just can't seem to wrap my mind around. Garlic and sweet are NOT tastes that combine joyously, at least not in my head.

[tollbaby]

I have never made a soufflé, even though I love them.

Also I cannot make cookies from a mix, from scratch is fine but when a mix is involved something always goes are tragically wrong.

Fixed that for you

My favorite garlic press is this heavy-duty ceramic thing that has a bunch of little spikes that when you flip it back over (after pressing the garlic), it'll poke the stuff out of the holes. Goes in the dishwasher, doesn't rust, it's awesome

[42_42_42]

[COLOR=#333333]Also I cannot make cookies from a mix, from scratch is fine but when a mix is involved something always goes tragically wrong.

Why would you want to when scratch cookies are so much yummier and really not more time consuming?

[AdminAssistant]

Whenever I make cookies*, I make them from the refrigerated dough in the tube, and people always swear that they're homemade. My kitchen is tiny, and I rarely bake, so I can't justify keeping baking ingredients on hand.

*Unless I'm making my famous no-bake cookies, which are awesome. But sometimes you want chocolate chip, y'know?

[Jester]

Which leads me to a word of advice for all you folks that love to use fresh garlic in your cooking- invest in a GOOD garlic press!!! It'll save you sooooo much time and effort dealing with your garlic.

Another alternative, one I use, is a hand chopper. Put your cloves under it and pound away. The more you pound it, the finer the garlic will be, from chopped to diced to minced! I don't have a Slap Chop, but mine is basically the same thing, cost me far less, and works just as well.

Garlic ice cream... I've heard of it, but that's one that I just can't seem to wrap my mind around. Garlic and sweet are NOT tastes that combine joyously, at least not in my head.

Ah, but when you roast garlic, it becomes sweet. And roasted garlic is what they use in garlic ice cream.

Frankly, the one time I had garlic ice cream, I was disappointed. It tasted good, but to me it just wasn't garlicky enough. But to each their own.

[Eireann]

Not all of these are confessions, but here goes.

I know how to make pie crust (I learned it from my mom).

I made my first loaf of yeast bread when I was eleven.

Once, we had a dinner where everything went wrong. My sister got salt in her milk, and we never figured out how that happened. I made a pumpkin pie, and it was bitter - again, we don't know how, but I suspect it was the pumpkin. Yes, I put sugar in it. The only thing we had that was any good was the bread, and we bought it.

Once, a neighbor was kind enough to give us some broccoli from his garden. Mom set the cooked product on the dinner table, and only then did we see the worms in it.

I used to think you had to put bacon grease in the pan before frying bacon. Mom set me straight on that one.

I know quite a few kitchen substitutes - putting lemon juice or vinegar in regular milk to curdle it if you don't have buttermilk; using cocoa powder and butter in place of cooking chocolate; things like that.

I've never made (or had) a souffle.

There are certain things I just won't eat, so I won't cook them, either. These include, but are not limited to, shellfish, organ meats, snails, and anything with tentacles.