Silly Kid stories

[boringscreenname]

I have a couple good ones from my daughter that I've forgot to share.

My daughter told me she wanted me to have 14 kids. I asked her where all these kids would stay. In a 14 bedroom house of course. So how are we going to pay for this house? "We have 20 of money we'll be fine Mommy!"

We were at the mall and my daughter was begging me for money to ride the little cars.
Me: I don't have any money.
Her: Yes you do!
Me: How do you know if I have money?
Her: You have money in your pocket!
Me: Why do you say that?
Her: Duh Mommy because of the "Popping Tags" (Thrift Store song by Macklemore), you have twenty dollars in your pocket.

I had a bag of M&Ms and we had the following conversation:
Her: "You have to share your M&Ms with us.
Me: "Why?"
Her: "Because the bag tells you to!"
Me: "How do you know what it says?"
Her: "Because I can really read, so share your M&Ms.

Upon it being dinner time:"Mom I will only eat dinner if you buy us pizza, or paint my nails."

Upon choosing her life's goals: "Mommy when I turn 12 I'm going to get a baby in my tummy!"

Upon fighting with her younger brother: "Brother I'm just going to lay here for 20 hours, then we can be friends again.

[AnaKhouri]

Khan has written a rough draft of a story for the KET writing contest. It involves 26 Alphabet monsters who like to steal things and throw humans all the way up to Heaven. A Monster and his friends decide to bust their pal Z Monster out of jail (where he was incarcerated for stealing things) and they run from the cops, but the cops get Fast Cop Juice. As they are catching up to the Alphabet Monsters, the monsters take a vote to decide if they should surrender or keep running (they unanimously decide to stay on the lam). A Monster stamps his foot so hard he causes an earthquake and the Fast Cops disappear into a crack in the ground. The monsters win. The End.

It's a little...anti-establishment.

How likely am I to have CPS called on me if I let him submit this? BTW, he wants to write a story for each monster, so eventually this will be a 26-volume series.

[fireheart]

One from yesterday

The kids cannot seem to get through their heads that the class itself is known as whatever it is, rather than the room. (For instance, a year 2 class taught by mrs smith would be known as 2S) it was kinda funny seeing the look on parents faces when they went to pick up their kid only for him or her to yell out "mum/dad guess what I'm in 2G" only for it to actually be 1/2N

Another one: my boss is six months pregnant (give or take) and she's only just showing through her baggy shirt. She had to tell one of the kids today. When she told him, he looked at her for a moment and then said "really?! But you're not even that big!"

[April]

So I have a nearly 14 year old girl. This 14 year old girl has recently, from her friends, learned about the.....dirtier things in life.

Last night, I told her it was bed time, and she informed me that just because she has to be in bed, doesn't mean she has to sleep. she's going to stay awake and pet her kitty.

she then figured out what she said and nearly died. *I* whose mind didn't immediately jump to adult, nearly choked on my soda.

I then informed her that she was welcome to sleep or not, as she chose, but she needed to be in bed.

[fireheart]

How likely am I to have CPS called on me if I let him submit this? BTW, he wants to write a story for each monster, so eventually this will be a 26-volume series.

Probably not a lot, given that there are more violent and scarier things out there and some of the kiddie literature I've seen has way more nastier things than that. (Not to mention fairy tales...Rumpelstiltskin in particular)

If he'd written about the cops beating him up in a very specific manner that mirrored his own experiences, then they might be concerned, but if the monster is simply swallowing the cops up with the ground, then it might be less harmful.

[Kittish]

Fun with baking tonight! Niece and I made cinnamon rolls, while nephew was all Cranky McCrankypants (pretty sure he's teething again). When I told niece that she was going to be operating the mixer, her eyes got all big and round. I had it sitting on the counter, unplugged, and walked her through basic use a couple of times, then left her to get used to moving the switches and figure out how the bowl comes off ("Hey! If I do this <twist> it comes off!" "Yep. And if you do it the other way it doesn't.").

Then I plugged the mixer in, and had her go through the motions of using it 'live' as it were, just no attachment on it yet. She jumped the first time she turned it on and it actually came ON.

She spent ten minutes staring with rapt fascination at yeast proofing in the mixer bowl (with repeated comments about how good it smelled), not realizing just HOW foamy it was getting until I poked into it with a chopstick. And "can I lick the bowl when we're done?" Punching down the dough came as a revelation.

Turns out she doesn't have the mass yet to really get behind kneading dough, but I'm teaching her the motions. She's growing like a weed, it won't be long before she does.

[wolfie]

Turns out she doesn't have the mass yet to really get behind kneading dough,

And when she's a teenager she'll be needing dough all the time.

[Tama]

Al's niece liked to watch me play SCP Containment Breach. (At 3...? Dafuq?) You'll be happy to hear that 173 is not an SCP, but a "birdy."

[AnaKhouri]

https://twitter.com/shelbyfero/statu...255234/photo/1

Husband sent me this with the comment, "I found a wife for Khan."

Guess which kid he meant.

[fireheart]

A few from the last week and a half. To give some context, the older kids started last week, the kindergarteners started this week. It's spread out over 3 days and they have this little ritual which is so adorkable. (basically front office lady takes the kid in with parents to the cubby and shows them where to put things before taking them up to the teacher)

-According to the mum of one of the new batch (said kindy child has an older brother who attends our service), on his first day, he came racing into the master bedroom at 6am and yelled out "I GET TO GO TO BIG SCHOOL TODAY!"
-Another one (new kindy, older sibling-sister in this case) was SO excited to go to school that as soon as he got to go into the building, he raced over to the cubbies (leaving his parents somewhat bemused) and once he'd put his bag down, he asked "Can I go and meet my teacher now?"
-One of my Year 1's apparently decided he was a snail and kept sliding "up" the slide on the playground going "snail" "snail" over and over while giggling.
-One of my other Year 1's is a sweet kid albeit with a thick NZ accent (NZ born, both parents are NZ). He doesn't come into our before school program much, but the day before he did start coming in semi-regularly (he's an after-school kid), he kept asking me what we had for breakfast. He was happy to hear that we had weetbix, then asked me if we had "Sweet weetbix." Turns out he meant "wholegrain" weetbix. (which we don't get because it costs a fortune)

[NorthernZel]

Some times kid logic (TM) baffles me...

Today Lil'Zel had an appointment at the dentist's for his normal 6-month checkup.
He's white as a sheet as he enters, I have to lift him onto the chair, he clings to me like a baby orangutang until I tell him to grow some and relax...

Well, at last he's relaxed enough (but still very tense) so the dentist can have a look... well whaddyaknow, same procedure as last time - check which are baby teeth and which aren't, the verdict is "no cavities", some advice on flossing/gengivitis prevention, see you after summer break kthxbai.

After which Lil'Zel practically SWAGS out of the clinic, stating: "Well, that was easy..."

[fireheart]

One of the kindies I have is a bit of a motormouth, but absolutely adorable.

The other day I was doing food prep and he was doing an errand for his teacher. He came back down, spotted us, yelled out "HELLO!" followed by "I'M GOING TO CLASS NOW."

[AnaKhouri]

Khan: "Look at my haunted mansion I drew. This is the crap."

Me: 'The what?"

Khan: "The crap. The room where they keep the dead bodies."

Me: "The CRYPT. The T is important."

[paperfiend]

PaperBoy (4 yo) took a shower last night instead of the usual bath. He decided that the best way to get his whole body clean was to do the hokey pokey, complete with song.

"You put one foot in the water, you put one foot out, you put the other foot in, you put the other foot out, you put both feet in, and you stomp around in the water, that's what it's all about!"

[AnaKhouri]

Me: "You look handsome."

Khan: "You look mommyish."