Get out the 2x4s...(major issues, possibly nsfw)

[Sapphire Silk]

Update?

I agree with the advice to get Al off your bank account, and quick. Before you move out, or he will empty it. Make sure you have all your checks.

Sneak out when no one is home. Don't explain. Don't argue. Just leave. The situation you are in is toxic and you need to GTFO. Don't concern yourself with what it will do to Al. Put yourself first and move on.

You can bounce back from this. Lots of people make relationship mistakes. It's part of life, and we all get over it. I would urge you not to get into another relationship until you get your own life in order, and when you do BE PICKY.

Don't settle for second best. You deserve better.

[Tama]

Everything to go has remained a struggle. Being contacted by the YWCA, they included an application, and there was mention of an interview...which I'm not sure I can do. I mean, how on earth will/would I get out to do it? I could explain via email the situation, but I am uncertain if it'd help, or if they'd do the interview by phone. If that latter one is the case I could always take a short walk while doing it.

Still saving my change for bus fare. (A miracle in and of itself, because I usually have zero willpower and spend it on candy or a soda or something)

I have no checks anyway, nothing to worry about there, and the only money going in or out anyway is his money. His name isn't even really on my account per se, he just has my card and uses it for various bills. My piddly survey site money usually goes to Amazon. If I picked a day when there was little if anything in there, then...

Things have actually sort of shaped up a bit here (the sister is on meds but the dosage is borked, she's hyper out the ass but mostly taking it out on her stalker and the mother), but as always, the improvement is minor and...well...he just doesn't have the motivation. Same old, no time for college, or he's afraid work wouldn't work around college, or he doesn't want to apply for a new job unless he's assured of getting it. His sister tells me (I take it with a grain of salt but am inclined to believe her on this) that she's always had to persuade him into jobs because he wouldn't apply otherwise.

I'm going to try food service jobs if possible, hopefully as near the YWCA as possible. I've never ridden the bus alone but the map, once I figured it out, wasn't that hard.


I've never actually been alone. I went straight from home to here. The idea of actually being on my own is terrifying, because as you can probably tell...my judgment ain't the best in the world. It is far too easy for me to look at this and go, "What's the point, I'll probably fuck it up."

Once again you have lit a more serious fire under my ass. It's a little painful but thank you. I'm the sort of weak-willed nutter who would do well in military school, I prefer having my ass figuratively kicked.

[Tama]

Funny thing happened today. We were trying to deposit his payroll check and that totally borked up. (Which we're fixing thanks to a nice guy at the bank)

Long story short, he was able to open his own account! Funny how things happen...

[houdini]

Keep at it - you're doing fine. The fact that you're planning and thinking shows that you can do it. And ignore the little voice that tells you that you can't do it - I imagine hitting mine with a large chunk of wood. That usually shuts it up...

[wolfie]

I have no checks anyway, nothing to worry about there, and the only money going in or out anyway is his money. His name isn't even really on my account per se, he just has my card and uses it for various bills. My piddly survey site money usually goes to Amazon. If I picked a day when there was little if anything in there, then...

Danger, Will Robinson, Danger! That's WORSE than him having some of your cheques, because it's against your agreement with the bank to give anyone else your PIN. If he takes anything out (even if there's nothing there, he could deposit an empty envelope at an ATM and withdraw based on that deposit), so far as the bank is concerned, YOU authorized it. Retrieve your card and change the PIN. If he doesn't give it back, report it stolen!

[Caffienated_Caramel]

Agreed, get your card back. ASAP. Never let anyone have your pin, let alone your card.

[Tama]

Now he has his own, I have mine back, no issue. So there're no worries there now. I can start saving now via OpinionOutpost (the only survey site I use with a Paypal/bank option).

[Seshat]

Change your PIN. Even better, ask the bank for a new card with a new number.

[Der Cute]

Agreed on bank issues.
Remove him from account immediately.
OR get new account.
OR change debit card and pin.
But do not let him go to the bank and withdraw money. So he has to get off the account somehow.
(change it and have your own only account? Save the bus money there? Up to you)

I want you to go to the Y on your own. "I will be back in a couple hours" "Where you going?" "Have to run an errand, bye" If they badger you when you get home, "It's a favor for someone. Yeah, they asked. I needed to send something" Repeat as necessary.

Ok.
Do you have your Social Security card? Your birth certificate? Any other forms of ID? You will need those if you go to a place to rent an apartment. Warning: having those in a dorm/open area may be stolen. Figure out how to store them safely away from Al.

Open a PO Box mail account. If anything you need goes to the house, you probably won't get it.
Do you have a backpack? Yeah silly question but think what if you need to bail?

Do you have a throw away cell phone?

This might be overkill, I'm not sure. I just am thinking of this as a domestic violence (it may not be) but how to escape and hide from people. And I mean HIDE. Because I have a feeling if you're contacted by him or his family, you'll fold and go back. This means a clear snap break ain't happening again kind of thing.

Be honest and upfront @ the Y. They have so many resources it's nucking futs.

and I want you to know I'm totally behind you with this, I've had to leave quickly before You can do this. "I love myself. I am doing better for myself" repeat ^101945034850

[Gizmo]

Get him out of that account hun. What I think I need to do next in my life would be so much easier with that level of separation and privacy.

[Bardmaiden]

Get him out of that account hun. What I think I need to do next in my life would be so much easier with that level of separation and privacy.

I grew up with domestic violence (the abuser used emotional abuse with me and my sister but physical with my mother as well) and she brought me up with the fact I should always have my own account, if they hit you say goodbye and Never look back (I know easier said than done) but I have made it clear to everyone I've gone out with that I know abuse and all its forms and I will not stand for it.

When I get married to my fiance I will be keeping a separate account and we will come to arrangements on bills and such (i.e you pay the electric, I'll pay the gas...) If we do a joint account my wages will go into my account and an amount will be transferred into that account.

[Tama]

He is already out of my account. I have my card back, so no worries there.

Hitting me has not happened, though when other things piss him off he's a tendency to knock things over.

[Der Cute]

I didn't say it was DV, I'm just treating it as such - the break away, plan ahead, what you need kind of stuff.
But you saying he knocks stuff over..hey. I don't like that. At all. That's just more prodding from me to get yoru ass OUT OF THERE. "oh I can't they'll be angry" Fuck that. "Oh I don't want them to find out" Jump and fly with faith, we're here. "I'm scared" ok, but we're working with that, and so is the Y, and you.

But: It is a form of DV.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/dome...es_effects.htm
http://crime.about.com/od/v_domviole...buse_types.htm

Like I said, he'll try and bring you back. Like I said, clean break snap no more. This keeps smelling worse and worse. But even if it DOES smell bad, we will pull you up, dust you off and keep you going. And call those phone numbers/hotlines, please.

[Tama]

I am...well...shocked, after reading those. Guilt was the last thing he used the last time we had a tiff, and that was early last year when I mentioned that first years at "X" College were usually required to stay in the dorms, and he went on like "that makes it sound like you don't want to be here."

The knocking things over was more recent, and the slamming of (fridge) doors, neither of which has happened THAT recently, but I still haven't forgotten this (actually, I sort of did, but seeing the articles and such reminded me) He doesn't do all the warning signs, but enough to make me go....

"Wait ... he does that."

Admittedly, I've isolated myself. I rather had to when I came here. I had to quit my job when the car buggered up (long story, but not Al's fault.) My last semijob ended as detailed in the link in the OP. I really don't have any friends that aren't online, etc. That's why I express fear at being found out, I don't go anywhere that they don't take me. I do have an idea about hiding the interview, though. Who says I can't say it's a job interview? I can get dropped off for an hour or two, easy enough for that.

But several of the other things he fits. When we have arguments, he usually ends them by being silent. It seems my complaints about the sister (until recently when she's been on an extended streak of being relatively nice) go with "well we can't do anything. Don't make waves..." that sort of thing. And one or two other things, some of which have gone away as he's found other outlets. (Imvu for one)

I'm on my phone, so I have to wrap this up. But I thank you for yet another of my "holy crap, this is unhealthy" moments.

[Tama]

And to answer you, I have ID and SS card, but no birth certificate. That I'd have to order. No backpack but I do have a duffelish luggage case, and a luggage case with the extendable handle and wheels. No throwaway cell, I have only the smartphone that's on their family plan. Since I don't have a job yet I'm not sure about the PO Box thing, doesn't that cost money? Probably not much, I can look it up.

EDIT: It's $19 for 3 months, but that requires automatic renewal. Still, better than I thought.