Get out the 2x4s...(major issues, possibly nsfw)

[Aethian]

EDIT: It's $19 for 3 months, but that requires automatic renewal. Still, better than I thought.

If you talk to the clerk and let them know whats going on they might just let you get a bill in your box. BUT you have to keep up with it and not let the box lapse. Our clerks have done this for a few people who were in a transition like this.

[Der Cute]

Wait. Don't fuss about the PO Box thing. Ok? Just get one. That's 3 mon from now, and that will be dealt with in three months. Today, today, today. Today's plans.
You don't have to get the Birth Cert right now, today. It's just good to have it sometimes. So with ID, SS, get the PO Box; and start stuffing your suitcase... The small one. (easier to get away quickly). The throw away phones are pretty cheap to have, but, actually, would you need one after you left? Possibly, so start stashing dollar bills and coins in the suitcase too. The new phone number is NOT TO BE GIVEN TO ANYONE, OK????
Today, it's I got the ID and SS. Looking into PO Box. Stash some clothes gradually. Go chat with the Y again, ok? And/or call the hotlines and you can get more resources than you think. There are ways out.

[Der Cute]

Another thought:
You leave. Yay! You are at the Y. Yay! Ask someone at the Y on how to get restraining order. He will come by and say ooohplease *puppydog eyes* please I love you *insert bullshit*. He's not supposed to know where you're going in the first place BUT cover your ass.

This is scary.
The one I had to bail from was where I was sleeping 18 hours a day, taking my meds, going back to bed, not talking to anyone except for my mother. She kept telling me that I was depressed and he was abusing me. But, well, sleeping for 18 hours a day, get up, go bathroom, eat something, back to bed..yeah lots of time to get stuff done, right?
Somehow I started being more active (I can't remember) and then he pushed me, really hard, I bonked against the corner of the mattress and had a huge bruise on my ass (I laugh now at wow it could get that big?).
Called the cops. He got arrested. That night was night court get restraining order. He spent night in jail, his boss called the next morning and asked "Where's Jimmy?" I told boss, "Bail him out, he's in jail"
Got a friend to help me move stuff, and had my own place after that.

I still like that line "Bail him out, he's in jail!"

If you do use the computer for help, use the Private Browser on IE or Firefox. And dump the cookies.
By the way: you are making progress. LOTS of it. I'm proud of you for realizing this stuff, making effort, doing what you're doing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRkovnss7sg

[Caffienated_Caramel]

As for him knocking stuff over in anger. That's still him being violent. If you stay, it's possible that he can upgrade and start punching walls, then hurting animals and then hurting you...

That's how I see it.

[Tama]

And again, something I "forgot" (the kind where you remember, you just don't REMEMBER that you remember, if that makes sense) comes out, he has actually shoved the cat off the bed and into something, and when asked about the noise from someone in another room "I had to move something." He's also uttered the infamous "I will *never* hit you" phrase. He doesn't display many of the abusive traits (not controlling, not jealous, does not put me down, in fact he seems to compliment me a lot), but when I've looked up lists he's fit at least four of them.

My concern at leaving is only his "falling apart". At this point I am quite tired of propping him up when he has bad days. I keep suggesting things he can do to change things, but all he has is reasons as to why he can't. If you've read Pilgrim's Progress, he's a little like Pliable. The first major obstacle in a journey to get better causes him to quit.

Things have calmed considerably in the past week or two, though, thank goodness, all around.

I tried have a sort of mental wake-up, and it was like my whole brain shook -- I was screaming obscenities at my complacency (IE Drill sergeant style) and it just DID NOT want to move. To make another literary comparison, I'm picturing this going as it did with Eustace when Aslan removed his dragon skin. It's going to hurt to rip it out. A lot. Not for the same reasons, but because I've been too comfortable for too long with it.

Alright, enough chatting by me...time to go check around the YWCA on Google Maps for easily-located jobs again. (IE I could walk to em, or a short bus ride to 'em)

[Tama]

I am only just realizing that myself, and I really feel stupid. I used to get upset with women who enabled like this, and now I'm one of 'em...

[houdini]

You've got a huge support network here and we're all rooting for you. I know I am

I can't find the gif I want...but it's the genie from Aladdin being a cheerleader. "Rick 'em, rack 'em, rock 'em, rake! Stick that sword into that snake!"

Although not literally, as that's cruelty to animals.

[Tama]

But it's Jafar, so not really.

[Tama]

Applying to a McDonalds. My main problem is that if I get a job now (say, at a McDonalds), they'll probably start showing up there after I leave, and I really don't need that. Of course, I could always change my shift later...if management's nice enough. ^^

I'll apply for the general position and then I can talk to them about moving to overnight. Odds are good they wouldn't think I'd do that.

Had a discussion with the Sister today (who seems to be improving until she has to yell at her stalker yet again...still suspicious) about Charlie's temper, and she mentions that his father had a temper like that, and that he's generally a gentle giant, though. Then there was musing about how he needs to open up...etc. I'm not sure why the implication is that I can help him (or why I think that that's what she thinks), but...

There was another small outburst of his this morning where he shoved a rolling chair, but...urgh. The more I think, the...

Anyway....in the time I've taken to post this, the McD's app was put in. Now to hunt for other places to apply...

EDIT: Also a good point!

[KiaKat]

Tama, keep repeating this to yourself:

"I am not responsible for the feelings and actions of these people."

Your life is your own. You did not give birth to any of these people, nor are you married to any of them. Therefore you have no legal obligations to them. Which means, at this point, the only obligations you have towards them are the ones you WANT to have.

If you don't want to have obligations, don't have them. Stand up, say "I am not your mother or your wife," and walk out.

Why do you care if they show up at your place of work? They are not you. Their actions have no bearing on the way your coworkers and bosses see you, as long as you make the distinction between you and them; "oh, that's my ex and his family. There's a reason I left..." and leave it. If your friends and coworkers are going to judge you, they will do so whether these people cause a scene or not.

If there is a danger of physical damage, get a restraining order. No matter what, make sure you inform your place of work about potential stalking issues, so they can be aware and help protect you.

In the meantime, start cutting the threads. Reduce the amount of contact you have with everyone, and try to stop caring about what they do or say. It's difficult as hell, but you can do it. You've gotten out of a worse situation, this one should be, well, not easy, but certainly easier.

[Tama]

There is no damage of physical danger. At least at the present time. He has shouted at me in the past, but as I keep reading (articles and signs of abusers), I'd be the next in that line since he likes to shove/throw things and shout when very angry.

It's not much trouble avoiding Al (He's at work most of the day, if I don't push it we have maybe 2 hours of interaction per day if that. His usual way is to suddenly want to cuddle or hug if I seem to be "ignoring" him, but that's easily dealt with too).

This fear is ridiculous, I know...even filling out the app to McDonalds was shaking me mentally. But I did it.

Minor minor victory.

[KiaKat]

Take every minor victory and own it. Because it's one step closer to independence.

[Tama]

Thanks for the encouragement. (Closest I could get to a blushing smilie)

I think my main concern is that I have never been good at caring for myself. I never really had to cook (I recently learned to cook an egg, yay for me ) and so on, so I kind of doubted my ability to BE alone in that capacity (points too where I doubted my mental health).

But now I'm really starting to see that it's not that hard. I can't see why I thought I couldn't do anything.

[KiaKat]

Cooking is easy.

Get a hotpot or electric kettle.

Get ramen.

Get chili powder, cayenne powder, salt, pepper (buy the grinder, not the pre-ground), and garlic powder.

Get raw veggies. If you have to buy the pre-chopped ones, do it. If you can use a knife, chop them yourself.

Boil the amount of water called for on the ramen package. Usually around a cup.

Add ramen noodles. Leave off the flavour packet.

Add veggies. Make sure you chop them first.

Add the following spice mixture:

pinch each of cayenne, garlic, and chili powders. Adjust for taste.

Grind the pepper three times.

Add anywhere from a pinch to 1/4tsp salt (to taste).

Stir.

Let it sit until the noodles are soft, and the whole thing smells like yummy soup.

Eat.

Then get creative with it. If you have access to a stove, try cooking small pieces of chicken - the smaller they are, the faster they cook, so you can learn about the various textures; when is it raw, when is it perfect, when is it overcooked. Then try adding the veggies to the chicken, and spicing that instead of the water. Then try making a sauce using the spices and some kind of broth.

Build your skills slowly. It's not difficult, if you take it one step at a time.

Sometimes, you just have to look the big scary world in the face and growl at it. Then take the leap of faith. We're all so trained to avoid discomfort, when in reality, that's how we grow and become better people: by taking that discomfort and making it something beautiful.

[Tama]

Which is what I am trying to do now.

I can already make ramen, I like to bake, I just hate touching raw meat or frying things (being popped by grease). But I got over that last one with the egg.

At this point I tend to overcook everything, fear of salmonella and such. But I'm slowly figuring out when it's okay.

Question: Why is pepper better ground up?