need advice and need to rant

[kpzra]

I was married for a week before anyone in our families knew, but we also lived thousands of miles away. Elope/go to city hall on your own and get married. If they want a big shindig they can pay for a reception somewhere after you tell them you two are already married.

[fireheart]

Elope. Simple.

[paintballworker]

First off, she is and always will be first in my mind(followed by Loki & Horus). And even squinting it doesn't work, Maria was pretty much raised by her grandmother (who sadly passed away just after we announced our engagement). Even Maria can't stand her mother sometimes.

As for paying, they flat out told Maria that she has to pay(while her sister gets a new house).

Kid-wise: Maria and I are both nonreligious, and any kids we have will be raised like that until they are old enough to choose. (Which was the cause of tonights Krakatoa-like blowout).

I've already mentioned eloping, Maria "is considering it". Once I calm down, Maria told me I can 'touch' the sister issue.

[Sapphire Silk]

Stick to your guns.

You could try telling Maria's dad that if he wants a big fancy Jewish wedding he can have it . . . if he pays all the bills. Traditionally, the father of the bride IS supposed to pay for the wedding (my parents paid for mine).

The downside of that is MIL will probably use that as an excuse to be very controlling and manipulative.

So . . . stick to your guns. Just say no. To MIL, FIL, and both BIL.

Be rude if necessary. It's YOUR wedding. If you cave, the PIL will probably push you to raise the kids Jewish . . . which is fine if that's what you want, but not fine if you don't want to emphasize religion.

Of course, eloping is always an option.

[MoonCat]

Well, first, another deep breath, and keep Maria first & foremost in your mind. Congrats on the wedding!

I think you need to use that famous phrase "I'm sorry, that won't be possible" when it comes to outrageous things like weddings you can't afford or people moving in with you. The best thing I can suggest is to put as much distance as possible between you (meaning you & fiancee) and her family. Stick to your guns, don't let them wear you down.

One last thought. There's gotta be SOME good points about them, after all they managed to produce the woman you love. You might have to squint really hard to see it but try to find something good about them (from a distance).

Congrats again!

[paintballworker]

First off, I'd like to apologize for any errors and ramblings in this post. I'm on my phone.

Some background: I am getting married in November, to the greatest woman(in my opinion). She smart, attractive, funny and can snark with the best of them. She also loves Dr. Who. I am committed to spending the rest of my life with her......her family on the other hand, drive me to drink(I don't drink, my family is half-Scottish/half-Irish 100% alcoholic).

Due to Maria's and I financial situation, we are having a simple and small wedding(going to City Hall), and spending what $$ we do have on rings and a honeymoon (my uncle has offered to pay).



Her mother has demanded she invite her cousins, and her uncles and her Rabbi(Maria is Jewish, but doesn't practice--and that's all I'm saying). Maria said no, we don't have the money.

Her father has demanded we have a Jewish ceremony, and have a big, fancy wedding. Maria said no to both, we don't have the money.

Her older brother is.....*deep breath and a shot of whiskey * a drug-abusing waste of skin...he wants to move in with us. Maria said no, we don't have the space(and our two cats HATE his guts)(ex.Loki and Horus are lap-whores, they see a open lap, they leap up and catch a quick catnap, they will hiss and swipe at him).

Her younger brother...oh FSM, give me strength to survive... Constantly moans about his school, his work, his underage girlfriends...yes, plural. On numerous occasions his tried to get me to cover his boney ass when he tries to juggle multiple woman(I'm sorry, I have enough 'trouble' with one).

Her sister....yeah, not touching that with a 30.5 foot pole, and the ability to dodge multiple times a round.

I'm at wits end with these people, even Maria is as well. My family, when I told them about the wedding, all they asked for were photos! *deep breath* how do I deal with these people without resorting to strategic thermonuclear weapons.