need advice and need to rant

[fireheart]

I'm pretty much in a similar basket. My boyfriend has even told me "treat my mum like your mum" .
I can talk to her about a lot more than I can with my mum, END. OF. STORY

[Seshat]

But they treat Maria like their own, much to Maria displeasure and my mirth(when she got dragged shopping, she pleaded with me to stop them). I've spent my entire life trying to say 'no' to them, hasn't worked so far.

I can so picture that.

Paint, Maria:

My father's family ... let's just say 'abusive' and end it there.
My maternal grandmother is an angel. She's dead now, but if anyone human deserves to be raised to the rank of one of the Celestial Choir, it's Nan.

Nan took my father in, seeing that he'd never had the proper love of a parent, nor the proper care. She gradually 'civilised' him - as in, he'd never learned civil behaviour, his grooming was poor, he'd not learned ... oh, all sorts of things the rest of us consider to be the basics of life.

She became his true mother. Technically, mother-in-law. In his heart, 'Mum'.


Maria, much as you may be unused to your aunts-in-laws' quirks and habits, please understand that when Paint says they mean something to be loving - they do. It will take them time to get used to the kinds of expressions of love that you prefer. It will take you time to get used to the kinds of expressions of love that they prefer.
Eventually, you and they will come to a compromise that makes you all happy.

I hope that 'eventually' comes soon. But for now .. well. You're being loved. That is happy-making, and a Good Thing.

[Fudgethatkay]

Holy hell those parents. I'm sorry Maria. :< I really am :<

[Pixilated]

They were 'escorted' downtown by VLIO(Very Large Indian Officer, found out his name is Bashir-but everybody calls him Bob). And told..in very clear language what is going to happen. I can't go into details, but I think(HOPE) we won't hear from them in awhile.
*snip*

Sounds like it's going to be quite the eye-opening experience for them. One way or another, I think you are right: you won't be hearing much from them, at least for a while.

[Jester]

Maria is correct that one must not hog a bartender. But she is incorrect in assuming this would be the case here, or that I would be acting in my capacity as a bartender. I would, in fact, be acting in a far more dangerous capacity...that of uncle. Ask my nieces' dates how fun I can be in that role.

[paintballworker]

They were 'escorted' downtown by VLIO(Very Large Indian Officer, found out his name is Bashir-but everybody calls him Bob). And told..in very clear language what is going to happen. I can't go into details, but I think(HOPE) we won't hear from them in awhile.

Also, Jester. Maria says she would only sic you 'only in an emergency, one mustn't hog a bartender'

[Pixilated]

Methinks her parents have been watching way too much cheesy TV ...what on earth made them think that would help??

I would've loved to be a fly on the wall when the cops were explaining to them how much trouble they were in. (I'm going to be blatantly nosy and ask what the outcome was ... they weren't actually hauled off to the slammer, were they?) I'm sure it took quite a while to sink in.

[paintballworker]

We're usually on the same page, sometimes I'm a few behind but I catch up.

My aunts were disappointed that I didn't marry a nice Scottish man(but I'm not gay and I've got enough Scots in my family to last). But they treat Maria like their own, much to Maria displeasure and my mirth(when she got dragged shopping, she pleaded with me to stop them). I've spent my entire life trying to say 'no' to them, hasn't worked so far.

The other thing that makes me believe maria has turned out like her grandma, is I found a picture of her grandma back in '45, and maria is a spitting image of her...except for the lack of a sniper rifle and a Red Army uniform. Both braid their hair the same, keep it the same length, and both don't take no crap from anybody.

[Victory Sabre]

You all asked for an update, and your going to get one..

Guess who showed up..at our..at 1 in the morning....first two guesses are wrong.

Holy Cow!

My mom's mom was very unhappy about my mom marring my dad. He wasn't a good German Catholic boy that she wanted my mom to marry.

At least she had the common sense to get over that, and she was stubborn as hell.

Congratulations on getting married, and may you two have a long and happy life together.

[Jester]

You've done pretty much what I would have advised. They demanded this and that for the wedding, but they forgot the key detail that it wasn't THEIR wedding, but YOURS. Ditto with any demands they make about religions, children, etc. "Oh, you want a Jewish wedding? Great. Go have one. We, on the other hand, are going to have OUR wedding OUR way." Etc., etc.

As long as you and Maria are in agreement on how you want to do something, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Not her parents, not her family, not your friends, not me, not Monty Hall. There are exactly two people and two people only who should be making decisions about Maria's and your life together: Maria and you. Period, end of story, drive safely, go the fuck home. Assuming both of you are legal, consenting adults, everyone else can kiss your asses.

And if anyone has a problem with that, feel free to give them MY number so that I can explain it to them in my own unfettered way. Because, ya know, I'm very diplomatic and shit.

If you want to know how your wife will turn out in 20 years, look at her mother.

Sometime yes, sometimes no. You can't really make this blanket statement about everyone, because not everyone is the same, nor is every situation identical to yours, n matter how much it may seem so to you.

[Ophbalance]

Wow. How do folks ever think that will work?

[paintballworker]

You all asked for an update, and your going to get one..

Guess who showed up..at our..at 1 in the morning....first two guesses are wrong.

Yup. The 'rents.

They spend half a hour banging on our door, demanding to be let in so "we can talk some sense into you, and get you away from that terrible man"....the police showed up, called by the parents cause I was kidnapping and threatened them and their daughter.

After spending AN HOUR explaining everything to the cops, and getting the death glare from 'mom', I got to watch one of the cops(large Indian man with a deep Morgan Freeman-like voice) explain to both of them that they were both in a lot of trouble, I didn't see the aftermath since I had to be up early to run a tournament but I gave the cops my cell #.

And Maria is (her exact words) fucking done with those people, if they want war...they will get war. My response was 'sure babe.....zzzzzzzzz'(WHAT? I was tired, I needed sleep). What comes out of this, I will update you.

Also Maria and I thank you and offer you treats and ice cream.

[Rock Lobster]

You can't live other people's lives for them. You have to do what you need to in order to survive. Ignore them or move away. Just because they are miserable and grumpy doesn't you need to get mired down in their garbage.

[MoonCat]

We're all the products of many things: Upbringing, DNA, childhood influences, schooling, friends, enemies, lovers, joy, sorrow, etc. And each of us is unique. We can choose whether to allow these things to dictate every action, good or bad; sometimes we succeed, sometimes we fail. The important thing is trying to be the best we can be.

IMHO.

[Pixilated]

And then call the taxidermist so they can be set up in the parlor.

Or on the front porch at Halloween ...