Online Dating.

[Midnight12]

the newest dating site supposedly free, zoosk.com and you can link up with facebook woo (having had several failures on dating sites except okcupid then i suggest warriness with new ones)

[technical.angel]

tis not free.

If you respond to a message, you have to pay to see the first message, and any subsequent messages.

[Midnight12]

ok forget that nevermind

[Mishi]

the newest dating site supposedly free, zoosk.com and you can link up with facebook woo

My mother invited me to Zoosk, I'm hoping it was either an accident or a hack.

Thanks for bringing this up Plaidman, I was just about to ask the same thing. One of my best friends is looking for someone and so far hasn't had much luck. He's 25, works too much, is too polite/shy and his mum asks me every time I see her if I have any single friends that are like me.

[trailerparkmedic]

I met my husband through eHarmony. It's kind of pricey, though.

I dislike free sites, because I usually ended up with a million sleazy messages for every one somewhat interesting one.

[Victory Sabre]

I've tried Eharomny, and was very unimpressed with it. The women I talked to (not date, but talked to online) seemed very stuck up, and seemed to have an attitude that they were better then me. I also indicated that matches within 100 miles were very important to me. Well, I got tons of matches from Arizona, Montana, Washington, Wyoming, Indiana, Ohio and Illinois, but I live in Minnesota. I never got a date from that site, and after my paid 6 months was up, I didn't renew.

Plenty of Fish I've had better luck with. I've gotten 2 dates from that site in the last year. The first one was awesome, but she had a crazier schedule than I do, and we weren't able to make it work. The second one I liked as a person, but had no spark with her. I could see her as a friend, but not as someone in a relationship with. She didn't like that.

So there's my 2 cents on online dating. It can be a useful tool. For me it's very useful, because I live in a college town and there aren't very many single women in my age group here. So I say try it, and see what happens.

[Whiskey]

Saying that by his age you're NEVER going to be able to understand a relationship, though?

Except he didnt say his therapist said that

my therapist recemends trying to get a date, though he did say he doubts I'll be able to understand any kind of relationship at my late age of dating and lack of experence. But that only last for the first few dates of various girls, in order to /catch/ up to sorts to having a normal relationship,

His therapist said at this point, he won't be able to understand any kind of relationship because of his lack of dating/social experience, which is true. Plaidy even followed it up with "But that will only last for a few dates" because as he goes on dates he'll become aware of social cues, behaviors and whatnot.

[Seshat]

Plaid (and others): you've seen the women here talking about getting a lot of sleaze/creep emails when they're on dating sites. I assume you want to know how NOT to send them.

Tip 1: do not send something like this: 'hi u r kute i wan 2 fuk u'.
Use proper English, spellchecked, and with good colloquial grammar. (perfect grammar is okay, but can come across as stuffy)

Tip 2: say something that indicates that you've read THEIR profile.
For example, if they indicate that they love sailboating, you could mention a good sailboating lake near you.

Tip 3: don't ignore any aspect of their profile.
If they want a non-smoker, and you smoke, move on. If you can't tolerate alcohol being in your house and they say they love drinking, move on. Whatever you've ignored WILL come up, probably in one of the first few emails.

Tip 4: know that just by obeying the first 3 tips, you've proven yourself a cut above the rest.
Be a friendly, upbeat version of yourself. Do be true to yourself! Don't lie or exaggerate, but do mention your strong points.

We can probably help you draft a generic version of the 'hello, I'd like to talk to you' email, for you to modify as appropriate for each individual woman.

Oh: for your photographs, I'd recommend a flattering and personality-displaying photo for the main profile photo; and the rest to show your personality and what you really look like.
Go ahead and photoshop them for contrast, colour balance and that sort of thing, and perhaps to anonymise background people. But don't modify your own appearance in the photo: no mole removal, no straightening a crooked nose. Get rid of red-eye, or smooth out a temporary pimple, but leave permanent features as they are. Truth in advertising matters here.

[Whiskey]

Tip 2: say something that indicates that you've read THEIR profile.
For example, if they indicate that they love sailboating, you could mention a good sailboating lake near you.

I have one guy who emails me about every three months. Its the same message every single time, copy and pasted. Its creepy.

Truth in advertising matters here.

People will outright turn around and walk away if you misrepresent how you look. I've had it happen to me, I've done it to people. Also, make a point to have social pictures with other people in them. If all your pictures are of you taking a picture of yourself, the majority will assume you have no friends. I have very few friends, but I still have my picture taken in social places because it looks better. I have a couple pictures of me in a bar, theres a few at the sushi bar, some at relatives house, etc. I could take far more flattering photos by myself, but your personality in photos increases your attractiveness in a non-physical way.

[Taboo]

Except he didnt say his therapist said that



His therapist said at this point, he won't be able to understand any kind of relationship because of his lack of dating/social experience, which is true. Plaidy even followed it up with "But that will only last for a few dates" because as he goes on dates he'll become aware of social cues, behaviors and whatnot.

Alright. I misread then? I thought he was being down on himself and saying it would only last a few dates because it would inevitably fail. I didn't realize those two sentences were related.

However I'm also getting the impression that you have a problem with me, and if you do please take it up with me in PM and not in here, thanks.

[Seshat]

When you meet someone in person, some tips for that:

1. Clean and well groomed. Clothing in good repair, freshly laundered. Body in groomed condition (shaved/trimmed, hair cut recently enough that the cut hasn't grown out, smelling primarily of soap and freshly-washed human, nails trimmed).

2. If you choose to bring a gift, make it something small, not something extravagant. A nice posy of daisies or a bunch of carnations, a small box of chocolates, or even better, something you know she'll like due to your conversations.

3. Be careful about life-plan type conversations at this stage. Yes, you'll need to know if your life plans are compatible, and it's good to share 'some day, I want to go hiking in Tibet'. But it's creepy to start planning your mutual children's names on the first date.
You want to be somewhere closer to the first than the second. (And if she starts planning what you'll wear to the wedding, you probably don't want a second date.)

4. Enjoy yourself. And watch to see if she seems to be enjoying herself. If either/both of you are bored, go ahead and change the plans.

[Whiskey]

When you meet someone in person, some tips for that:

2. If you choose to bring a gift, make it something small, not something extravagant. A nice posy of daisies or a bunch of carnations, a small box of chocolates, or even better, something you know she'll like due to your conversations.

I wouldn't do this on the initial meet up. If you meet up, like each other and set up a date/time to go out again, then bring something like Seshat recommended.

3. Be careful about life-plan type conversations at this stage. Yes, you'll need to know if your life plans are compatible, and it's good to share 'some day, I want to go hiking in Tibet'. But it's creepy to start planning your mutual children's names on the first date.

Be very, very casual about this topic. Stuff like "I plan to go to X college eventually, maybe travel" topics are cool, but like she said, children, marriage, etc is not appropriate.

Also, use the tips you've gotten to help you identify RED FLAGS. Just like there are creepy crawly dudes out there, there are equally creepy crawly chicks.

[protege]

I suggest OKCupid. I do NOT suggest PlentyofFish.

Yep, POF sucks. Very few people message me back...and those that do, I never hear from them again. Complete waste of time, in other words.

[Plaidman]

Wowza. Lots and lots of great tips. Thanks.

I'll have to sign up a few.

As for the whole converstation on how to marry right away, I've never done that on any dates I've had so far. So it's not likely going to happen any time soon. I'm wierd, but I'm not that wierd.

[blas]

I think your therapist is a self-righteous buttfuck.

Some people don't get into serious relationships until their mid to later 20s, some people even older than that. Not everyone is great at understanding signals and communicating with others. His job is to help you, not make rude remarks that can be taken offensively. He could have worded that a hell of a lot better.

You are not weird or a freak by any means, just because you weren't dating as soon as you hit puberty. Everyone has their right "time".