Very Complicated Situation.

[Seshat]

we've been looking at property and it is so expensive to even rent

I don't suppose his brother or mother have space for him, even for 'until you and he are ready to live together'?

[Sapphire Silk]

Great advince here. I don't have a lot to add, and the assessments of the situation are pretty much spot on.

Fiance can't do much about this situation. It is what it is. Force Dad to make a choice, and he will likely choose the bitch. She has his balls in a vice, and until Dad pries them loose, she's calling the shots.

I would add that fiance should take extensive photographs on the condition of the house. The Bitch is likely to either accuse Mom of damaging it at some point, or damage it herself, affecting the final sales price of the home. Fiance should cover himself and Mom.

Is there anyway, Miss Stress, that you and Fiance can move in together prior to your getting married? That would probably be a better financial solution than him trying to move to another house with Dad and the Bitch.

[Miss_Stress]

* And, of course, your fiancee needs to move out. He's going to be pushed out anyway.

Thanks Seshat we've been looking at property and it is so expensive to even rent we think his mum has all the legal documents she needs but my fiance will text her to make sure.

[Seshat]

Everyone's given good emotional advice. I don't have anything to add there.

Practical advice:

* Grab everything which belongs to his mother, especially anything of emotional value. Give it to his mother, or your fiance and your brother keep it. But get it out of that house.

* Grab anything of emotional value that his mother inherited from her family. Expect that it will otherwise be 'lost'.

* Have his mother speak to her divorce lawyer about what paperwork she'll need that might be in the house. Grab it, and if it's something that both parties will need, get it copied and the copy recorded as a valid-and-correct copy. (The lawyer will be able to tell you how to do it.)

* Get things that are staying in the house valued. (Again, talk to his mother's lawyer. Maybe take multiple photographs of each room, and ask his advice on what to get formally valued.)

* Hm. DO get dated and clear photographs of each room - multiple photographs, showing as much as possible of the rooms. Record make and model numbers of appliances that are shared-ownership. Store copies of these photographs with his mother's lawyer.

* You can probably do a lot of this when they next go away for a weekend. Or just at times when they're away. I know it's a lot, but it'll help his mother.

* And, of course, your fiancee needs to move out. He's going to be pushed out anyway.

[Dilorenzo]

There are a couple of possibilities I see here. One is to let things go on as they are. Things will either fix or they won't - your fiances father will either push himself out of the life of his existing family, his children, or he won't.

Or there's the "Dad, until you grow up, you're not part of my life anymore" way, which, I'll admit, is a lot more drastic, risky, but might make the father see exactly how much pain he's causing. It requires your fiance to tell him exactly everything that he's done, and how he (your fiance) feels about it.

There's really no initially good way of dealing with it, unfortunately.

[Greenday]

My dad was like that and still kind of is. For years, my stepmom controlled my dad. And even to today, he still kinda has to do stuff behind her back. It took years for him to finally stand up to her. Honestly, when your dad is being completely whipped by another woman, you are basically fucked. And the sooner you realize that and drop all expectations from him, the sooner it stops hurting. Once I stopped expecting anything of my father, I know longer became disappointed in things he did which I know were things my stepmom made him do. There's nothing you can do about it either.

My dad lost all his friends, I didn't talk to him for years and made it clear I outrightly hated the bitch he married. They got married about 11 years ago. It wasn't until the past couple years that he finally has stood up for himself.

Honestly, if there is anything that could be done, I don't know what it is. I certainly didn't see it when it was happening and I still don't see even now. I kinda doubt there is anything. But yea, the sooner you give up hope, the sooner it stops hurting.

[Miss_Stress]

Thanks Patiokitty

[Miss_Stress]

As some may know, my fiance's parents split up almost a year ago now, and his dad has a new partner. What is more confusing is his mother's new partner is his dad's new partner's ex. I hope that makes sense!

Anyway, my fiance really does not like his dad's new partner. She is controlling of his dad to the point where his dad must ask permission to visit his other son - my fiance's brother. She has also stripped the house my fiance and his dad live in of all traces of my fiance's mother - photographs, possessions, everything. What makes things worse is, when we mentioned this to my fiance's mother, she told us that this woman had done the same to her previous partner, except that the possessions she threw out were his dead wife's things. She did this without her previous partner's consent, and she did not get his daughters' consent either.

My fiance's father is also starting to lie to him, and we suspect it is her doing. His father and this new partner have been on two day trips in the last month, and both times his father refused to tell my fiance where they were going, as he "would only want to tag along." When my fiance spoke to his grandmother, it transpired that everyone else in the family knew the destination of the trip, and that it was this partner's idea not to tell my fiance. Another instance is where his father promised to spend some time with my fiance, and at the last minute said he had to work. This turned out to also be a lie as my fiance phoned his father's place of work to speak to him and they said he wasn't working but he was there having drinks with his new partner. A further example is when his father told him that they were broke about a month ago, and yet in the next two weeks him and his new partner are going on a 3 day break and then spending a week in Spain.

My fiance is also starting to feel massively pushed out, as she is monopolising all his father's free time. Regularly, she will invite her two daughters, her grandson, and her daughters' partners for Sunday lunch (without checking with his father, of course!) and when this occurs, my fiance is made to feel like a spare wheel as nobody says a single word to him or even acknowledges his presence. In fact, as recently as last week, when me and my fiance came back from my house, we returned to find her family and my fiance's father sat in the living room. Me and my fiance greeted them, and we both got nothing but dirty looks. Not one person in the room said "hello" to us. My fiance has since mentioned this to both his mother and his grandmother, and was subsequently informed that his father's partner drove her previous ex-partner's daughters from their home, and promptly moved her daughters in. Now my fiance is worried that the same will happen to him.

Because his parents are divorcing, the house my fiance and his father are currently living in is to be sold. In spite of this, his father's new partner is still insisting on moving in to the house, along with her daughter, meaning that his father now has to find a house for 4 people, as opposed to 2. She has also pressured his father into an engagement, despite the fact they have known each other for less than a year and his father is yet to divorce his mother.

This new partner has also threatened to kill my fiance's mother if she sets foot near the house, the house that my fiance's mother currently still owns half of. She has said that my fiance's mother cannot see her own son, something which has upset my fiance greatly as not only is he an adult, but he misses his mother very much and finds it very galling that some woman is trying to stop his mother visiting him at home.

My fiance is feeling very upset about the situation, as he feels he is no longer welcome in his own home. He has tried to speak to his father, who has not yet listened to anyone about it. He won't listen to other members of the family, and my fiance fears that it won't be long before he is driven out too, as well as his relationship with his father breaking down completely. My fiance has also been forced to seek the help of a counsellor as a result of all this.

Does anyone have any advice? Apologies for the length of this post but I am at a loss as to what to do to help.