Plaidman

[ohsobitter]

I'm sorry to hear of his passing. I know he was a asset to this community and will be greatly missed.

[orcprincess]

In a strange way, I find it comforting that Plaidman's brought everyone together. It's as though it's his legacy, and for that I'm grateful. Time and again I've learned what a wonderful, caring community this is, and I'm so sorry - so sick and sad - that we've lost one.

I am still quite shocked. I've lost 6 close people to suicide, and, well, it just sucks. But losing Plaidman, wow, I don't know how to explain how it feels. I didn't know him, but I read all his posts, and felt closer to him, and was always rooting for him, I felt like I knew him. He would have been a great friend IRL I think.

Add me to the list of those that really care, and freely offer up my ear...message me, find me on facebook, texts, whatever. Even if it's just to say something random, and thats it...I am here. This place is my home, and you guys are all my family, so let's stick together.

[lupo pazzesco]

Since we're throwing out sad but hopeful songs...

Within Temptation - Our Farewell

I've listened to this song a lot each time someone I know passed away. Sometimes it makes me cry, sometimes it brings me hope.

I was in chat the other night, and I mentioned a thought that went through my mind (apologies if someone mentioned it earlier, I've not had a chance to read every page)

In a strange way, I find it comforting that Plaidman's brought everyone together. It's as though it's his legacy, and for that I'm grateful. Time and again I've learned what a wonderful, caring community this is, and I'm so sorry - so sick and sad - that we've lost one.

I would like to also toss myself out there as available as an internet shoulder to cry on. I do work full time, but I'm always available via PM, and I do have unlimited everything. Send me a PM if you wish for contact information. I may not be able to solve problems, or save the world, but I can listen.

[Eisa]

Just clicked on this song today and well...it's a pretty good, hopeful message. Lady Antebellum: "One Day You Will"



Edit: Oh, and the song my friend floods me with if I tell her I'm feeling really down: Josh Groban: "You are Loved (Don't Give Up)"

[Ree]

No one knew the torment,
that you were going through;
We only kept on seeing
What we really wanted to.

We saw the outward smile,
but not your inner pain;
We never really dreamt,
That you would never smile again.

Forgive us if we failed to see,
What we could do to aid;
Or if we failed to comprehend,
How much you were afraid.

We pray your mental anguish,
Will now forever cease;
And that your deep anxieties,
Will be replaced by peace.

We know your pain invaded,
Every single thought you had;
It made you cry internally,
And deeply, deeply sad.

But we in turn remember,
The good times, not the bad;
We remember when you smiled at us,
And not when you were sad.

So when we think about your life,
We won't dwell upon its close;
We'll remember all the good times,
And forget about life's blows.

We'll remember all the happiness,
The joy and not the tears;
The assurance and the confidence,
And not irrational fears.

Our lives have all been better,
Because you have been there;
So now we leave your memory,
In God's all-loving care.

(c) 2008 Dick Underwood
remembrance-book.com

[Eireann]

"If I knew the way, I would take you home."

[JoitheArtist]

Eventually, everything that you have said, becomes everything you will ever say.

Quoted for truth. And memorized.

[Eireann]

Now it's time for me to post in greater length.

First of all, I would like to suggest that this song also be played:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVdTQ3OPtGY

It's not up to me, of course; just my suggestion. I don't even know if Plaidman liked the Grateful Dead. He must have been around their music quite a bit, coming from Portland and all.

Last year, when my whole universe shattered, Plaidman sent me a message (heading: "Meow!") to tell me that he didn't know what he would do if something happened to his own mother. He said he was a real mommy's boy. I could see the love he felt for her in that short post.

Later, when I was feeling suicidal, he sent me another message. This one said "Please don't do anything." He included his cell number in case I wanted to talk. I didn't call him; I was low on funds.

I know that he often felt unloved and unwanted. I saw that video clip he posted, in which he was interviewed. He looked different, yes. Monstrous? HELL NO. He told me that when I was in Portland, he'd like to meet up with me. I knew he had a bad hip, so I had it all planned out - sitting in the International Rose Test Garden if the weather was good, going to a cafe if it was bad. And Powell's Books, of course. That's always a must. I was going to sit him down and let him have it, gently. I was going to tell him that he looked fine to me, he didn't have to beg anyone for a kind word, and that he deserved to live a full, rich life.

I never did. I never got the chance. Eventually, everything that you have said, becomes everything you will ever say. I hardly messaged him at all. I simply expected that, when I went to Portland, he would be there. As if he were just waiting for my visit.

Last year was desperate for many of us. I came so close to suicide that I still think about it. I remember looking at my cats and thinking how traumatized they would be if I were gone and they were taken to a new, strange place. I looked around my apartment and wondered who would empty it. I wondered how long it would take my landlord or landlady to find me. I wondered how I could do it with the least amount of mess and cleanup.

Eventually, things did turn around. My head began to clear. It's still clearing. I'm making changes in my life - some massive, some tiny, but it all adds up to a new life. I couldn't have done it without the support of the people here, as well as my friends offline. Jester told me, bluntly, that he would never speak to me again if I killed myself. We just happened to be online at the same time (which doesn't happen often), and I told him what I was thinking of doing. Coincidence? No, I don't think so.

All the time Plaidman was lending support to us, he was going through so much. I hope that we kept him going. I hope we gave him a reason to continue. I hope he found solace when he came here, at least for a while.

My hat is off to John, who joined the site to let us know the news, when most people wouldn't even have thought of doing so.

I still have the plan to travel around the States in honor of my mom. Now it can be in honor of Plaidman, too.

None of this is right. None of it.

[telecom_goddess]

Me too, I posted Chicago's "Wishing You Were Here" which was dedicated to Terry Kath after he passed. Seemed fitting.

Good choice...

[Lindsey]

I've never had the time to be a more active member of this community, and because of that, I feel like I know Plaidman more than I actually did. I've read his posts and seen his interactions with others on this forum, but I didn't actually talk to him more than a couple of times.

But I'm still sad to hear about his passing, and like always, I'm a little disturbed and even more saddened to find out that it was suicide. And I'm sad that so many members are replying and saying they know, in some form, what he went through. So did I. I didn't have the physical pain he had because of his NF, but I was isolated and depressed for most of my childhood and I never really recovered until I went to college and found a support system. I'm having a bad summer and feeling some of the old feelings again. I know what it's like to want to die. I hate knowing that someone else felt this pain, and that he felt like he couldn't push through it anymore.

Rest in peace man, a lot of people are going to miss you. I hope you found what you were looking for.

[draggar]

I just influenced the music being played at the memorial...I posted the lyrics to and the video for a song called My Stunning Mystery Companion by Jackson Browne and his mom said she is probably going to play that at the service.

Me too, I posted Chicago's "Wishing You Were Here" which was dedicated to Terry Kath after he passed. Seemed fitting.

[telecom_goddess]

I just influenced the music being played at the memorial...I posted the lyrics to and the video for a song called My Stunning Mystery Companion by Jackson Browne and his mom said she is probably going to play that at the service.

[Rapscallion]

It wasn't me directly arranging that part, but a member of the moderating team. I will be donating, though.

Rapscallion

[blas]

Thank you Raps and Mod team.

[JoitheArtist]

thanks, mods! Glad the CS community will be present at the memorial service in that way. Made my own donation to CTF this morning.