Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[twocents]

I'm not allowed to offer customers special offers like 1 for the price of 2 or a Mentos and Diet Coke combo.

hahahahahahahahaha

[edible_hat]

I'm not allowed to pretend to make signs advertising free range easter eggs.

edit: I'm not allowed to do it for real either.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

• Not allowed to write "Arbeit Macht Frei" above the stockroom doors
• Stop referring to new employees as "new meat"
• Or "plebes"
• Because somebody either misheard or tried to be funny and started calling them "pubes"
• If a new trainee refuses to do what I ask them to, must not get in their face and yell "PLEBE!!!"
• Not allowed to set empty boxes on the ground and attempt to kick field goals into the bailer.
• Not allowed to have other employees set empty boxes on the ground and attempt to kick field goals into the bailer so I can make header shots into the bailer.
• Not allowed to long-snap empty boxes into bailer
• Or shot-put empty boxes into bailer
• Or throw empty boxes into bailer like a discus
• Just flatten the boxes and put them in the bailer, damn it.
• There is no "receiving Olympics", so not allowed to represent store number XXX and compete in any of the above, or pallet jacks races, or the 1500-meter Prod N' Catch on behalf of Tide Detergent or Quilted Northern (Proud sponsors of the receiving Olympics!)
• Therefore no torches of any kind. Fire very bad.
• When another employee tells me they're going to lunch, not allowed to advise them "Practice safe lunch. Use a condiment."
• CBFH doesn't bounce

[Geek King]

I am not allowed to write "My Dixie Wrecked" on a Post-It and leave it in the lunchroom where someone might wander by an say it out loud. Especially when I know coworker will say anything that pops into his head out loud.

[edible_hat]

I'm not aloud to say "idiot" under my breath when dealing with idiots (even though my co-workers backed me up when the customer heard it and complained).

But I can whistle the tune from http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/youare while they walk away.

[Becks]

I am not allowed to start a strip tease in front of the timeclock.

Or give coworkers $20 bills out of my own pocket to give back to me.

Or even tell coworkers about said strip tease.

[draftermatt]

I am not allowed to listen to the radio, despite the fact that I've listened to it every day without fail since my 2nd week here (and I'm closing in on year 7) because it is "unprofessional"

[Shangri-laschild]

I'm not allowed to recommend the officers carry the ARs around campus to "scare the idiot students into submission"

I'm not allowed to throw stuff at people
-unless it's a superior officer who threw it at me first

[Trayol]

I'm not allowed to own a cattle prod to shock the Rec patrons into compliance.

[edible_hat]

I am not allowed to listen to the radio, despite the fact that I've listened to it every day without fail since my 2nd week here (and I'm closing in on year 7) because it is "unprofessional"

I'm allowed to listen to the radio, but I'm not allowed to bring in my own CDs (currently in my car: my own compilation of the best of Weird Al Yankovic, MC Hawking, Emergency Pizza Party and MC Frontalot, volume 2)

[Peppergirl]

I am not allowed to listen to the radio, despite the fact that I've listened to it every day without fail since my 2nd week here (and I'm closing in on year 7) because it is "unprofessional"

Isn't it amazing how it just recently became unprofessional? Yet it wasn't unprofessional for 7 years. Go figure.

Yeah, here's a big for your bosses.

[AdminAssistant]

~ Not allowed to walk around store holding up posterboard signs as a way to communicate with the LP guy.

~ Not allowed to make the closing announcement: "Get the out of here so we can go home!!!!"

~ Not allowed to put someone's phone on vibrate and then up their butt.

~ Not allowed to beat whiny students to death with a 3-ring binder.

~ Or a highlighter.

~ Or a paper clip.

~ Must speak English at all times.

~ Even if French IS a prettier language.

~ And pig latin is just unny-fay.

~ Not allowed to make fun of tenured faculty who can't use a copy machine.

~ Or fax machine.

~ Or telephone.

~Not allowed to sing:
- "The Worker's Song"
- "Everybody's Got the Right"
- "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist"
- Anything from Sweeney Todd
- Or Into the Woods

~ Wearing my Birthday Massacre band shirt is frowned upon in the business office.

~ Skipping down the hall is a no-no.

~ As is watching TV in the faculty lounge.

~ No telling dirty jokes to faculty.

~ Save those for the other admins.

[edible_hat]

I'm not allowed to stack boxes six high. Because the stack fell over and trapped the owner in his office.

[draftermatt]

Isn't it amazing how it just recently became unprofessional? Yet it wasn't unprofessional for 7 years. Go figure.

Yeah, here's a big for your bosses.

What's amazing is we used to have a girl who would listen to the radio so loud it gave me a headache, a guy would listen to the same station as me despite mine being loud enough for both of us, a guy who would use headphones, a guy who would use an Ipod (most of these employees didn't overlap mind you), and I used to listen to stand up comedy (some raunchy stuff too, albeit at a low volume) but now I get "You want to be the boss you have to be professional, and that isn't professional"

[Igorina]

-The ice machine, 200 proof ethanol, a blender, and fruit are to enable us to carry out the experiements not for Happy Hour.